How to handle a girl who is trying to slide out?

[JPSD]

Hi,
I am a 22 yr old college student and a couple of months ago I met a girl online and we really hit off. I thought this was someone I would like to know better.
We met a few times, at no point it felt that any of us had to drag the conversation, we were explicit with our liking for each other, there were wisps of physical intimacy as well, I was really into her but believe me I never tried to push it and come off as desperate.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy, with whom things are very complicated as he can't be in relationship because of his ex. She cut contact with him and it was affecting her in a bad way.
Honestly, I was disheartened by this point, we had been talking for a couple months, everyday, not just like "friends". She was leading me on believing something else and she did not care to mention this before.
Still I tried to help with utmost effort to remain unbiased and I did not make it look like it affected me much but I did clear things with her and she let me know about how marvelous of a guy I am for not making it complex and how much she likes me and enjoys my company but she was not ready for something serious.
No way anyone could say that she wanted it to be just casual via the conversations we had before. I actually was seriously pissed with incident and let her know about it and she apologized.

I tried to remain friends but things just changed, she kind off started pulling back her conversations, like she has shrugged her conscience off and she does not need to engage anymore. I remained cool but at one point I erupted and she ended up saying that I am making it too complicated, we had a spat and she deleted my number.
I ended up apologizing after a few days of no contact and post that I tried initiating conversations, but she never did the same apart from a few times which felt very customary. She did not store my number back unless I messaged her.

She again did not message me for a week.

I made a mistake of calling her out on how she used to message me and ask me out when she needed to and now that she is feeling all better she just is basically ghosting me, she again apologized and we ended our conversations.
She hasn't contacted me again and neither have I, this no contact on-off thing has gone on for 3 weeks in total now.

I could have handled it better but I turned naive because I genuinely liked someone after so long but I stand by that she used me to blow away the unavailability of the other guy and I hate her for just tossing me aside now that she does not need me.

Anyway, it's been a week of no-contact, she hasn't messaged me either as before. But now I am tired with being a good guy (as I am generally quick to stop people in their tracks) and am done with putting any efforts in , I have deleted her number now and she would know that because she won't be able to see my profile pic but she still has not deleted mine again because I can still see hers on the chat page (Whatsapp this is).

What should I do now? Let the number be deleted and forget about it or put it back in and then maintain no contact (to come off as busy given that she has not deleted mine)?
Which would put me in a better position?
How to handle this situation further?

I don't think she is gonna message me but there comes a point when you can't be all nice and I know I will be a little disengaged if she ever does message me but if someone has any advice which would work in my favor to salvage this or erase this all together, I am all ears.

Thanks.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Sounds like you need to start reading the DJ Bible. You are making all the most basic mistakes. Also read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

You got yourself friend zoned. You'll never get out of that. Ever. She used you for your nonsexual attention and you let her. Never waste months on a girl who you aren't sleeping with. You can't friend a girl into bed. Get to the point quickly with women, be s*xual, show your intent. If she acts disinterested, move on to someone else who is interested. Do not become online pen pals with women EVER. Use online/texting to set *romantic* dates only.

Stop worrying about what to do about this girl. She will never, I repeat, never get into something romantic with you. At BEST she will get you to beg her to let you be her emotional jizz rag, while she still feels like it, and you'll get to listen to her talk all about the other guys in her life who she's actually sleeping with. Put her behind you, go no contact, not in hopes of her "coming back". If she contacts you, it will be for the reason above, not because she's interested in you romantically.

 

[Robert28]

She likely would have come back out of the blue at some point had you just said “ok good luck” the moment she mentioned feelings for the other guy and when you said that STOP TALKING TO HER. Don’t answer messages, don’t answer calls. She likely would have sought you out in person to find out why you were ignoring her and all you would have had to do was act like nothing had ever happened between you to and that would have thrown her for the biggest loop. You gave her the upper hand like 7 different times and probably ruined that chance. You have to learn how not to fall for women, force yourself to do it. When I feel myself falling for a woman I force myself to pullback before I project those feelings to her. I want her to think I’m on the same level of interest in her as she is in me. One the interest gets out of balance against you, it’s bad news. Only thing you can really do is learn from this and find you another hot 22 yr old, there’s tons of them. She did you a favor by telling you she wanted to date a guy with a girlfriend, she likes drama.

 

[JPSD]

Sounds like you need to start reading the DJ Bible. You are making all the most basic mistakes. Also read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

You got yourself friend zoned. You'll never get out of that. Ever. She used you for your nonsexual attention and you let her. Never waste months on a girl who you aren't sleeping with. You can't friend a girl into bed. Get to the point quickly with women, be s*xual, show your intent. If she acts disinterested, move on to someone else who is interested. Do not become online pen pals with women EVER. Use online/texting to set *romantic* dates only.

Stop worrying about what to do about this girl. She will never, I repeat, never get into something romantic with you. At BEST she will get you to beg her to let you be her emotional jizz rag, while she still feels like it, and you'll get to listen to her talk all about the other guys in her life who she's actually sleeping with. Put her behind you, go no contact, not in hopes of her "coming back". If she contacts you, it will be for the reason above, not because she's interested in you romantically.

I agree with you completely, I accept my mistakes. To be clear, I am not hoping for her to come back, I was just a little taken aback by this.
I am disappointed in myself as I have been very good at handling such incidents, exactly the way you have mentioned yet I messed this one up.
Number deleted, no contact it is.
Thanks a lot.

 

[JPSD]

She likely would have come back out of the blue at some point had you just said “ok good luck” the moment she mentioned feelings for the other guy and when you said that STOP TALKING TO HER. Don’t answer messages, don’t answer calls. She likely would have sought you out in person to find out why you were ignoring her and all you would have had to do was act like nothing had ever happened between you to and that would have thrown her for the biggest loop. You gave her the upper hand like 7 different times and probably ruined that chance. You have to learn how not to fall for women, force yourself to do it. When I feel myself falling for a woman I force myself to pullback before I project those feelings to her. I want her to think I’m on the same level of interest in her as she is in me. One the interest gets out of balance against you, it’s bad news. Only thing you can really do is learn from this and find you another hot 22 yr old, there’s tons of them. She did you a favor by telling you she wanted to date a guy with a girlfriend, she likes drama.

I understand what you are saying and I agree.
Don't know what came over me and let her have control, anyway I am gonna follow no-contact and find someone else.
Thanks.

 

[Robert28]

I understand what you are saying and I agree.
Don't know what came over me and let her have control, anyway I am gonna follow no-contact and find someone else.
Thanks.

It’s happened to all of us. Experience is the best teacher. Hell who knows, soon as you meet another girl this one is liable to come back out of nowhere. Happens to me all the damn time.

 

[backseatjuan]

She friend zoned you.

We met a few times..........I never tried to push it

Here you make a mistake by not escalating it with her physically. It's a good idea to hold hands and try to kiss her on date #1. If you two are past that, and things seem to go real good, it's a good idea to invite her over to your place on date #1, perhaps to drink some wine and watch a movie or whatever.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy

Here she already friend zoned you and is talking to you like with her girlfriend. She's basically telling you she is not available anymore to you.


What a girl to do if you the guy don't escalate. Don't sweat it, you can't do anything anymore with her, she does not find you attractive anymore. Find another girl. If you can have 1 new date with 1 new girl every week, shouldn't be a problem meeting them online, and you can practice physical escalation with them, you will be get good.

 

[JPSD]

Okay, guys, I am here to post an update about how I have been dealing with this encounter.

It has been more than a month since no-contact, neither did I msg nor did she msg me.
I have to admit, it has been quite difficult for to come upto the terms of how random she treated me.

Over the past month, I have gone out with different women, although I haven't exactly been successful in making myself motivated to put an effort in but I am getting there and have created a rotation of 3-4 women.

Just one thing, a couple of days ago I had to reset my phone and that led to it pulling contacts from Google and I saw that she (Girl in OP) is still visible to me i.e. she still has my contact.
Now, I have no intention to even going near her anymore, I know I deserve better but does she want to show how modest she is by keeping my number? Like she took the high road?

I actually pity her because to me this doesn't show that she is modest but shows how coward she is to not own up to her actions but still keep my numbers. What a shallow being.

Anyway, I am just curious about what you all think about girls not deleting numbers. Chip in your views if you can.

I have deleted her from Google contacts as well and am on my way to regain my Alpha self.

 

[Alvafe]

Okay, guys, I am here to post an update about how I have been dealing with this encounter.

It has been more than a month since no-contact, neither did I msg nor did she msg me.
I have to admit, it has been quite difficult for to come upto the terms of how random she treated me.

Over the past month, I have gone out with different women, although I haven't exactly been successful in making myself motivated to put an effort in but I am getting there and have created a rotation of 3-4 women.

Just one thing, a couple of days ago I had to reset my phone and that led to it pulling contacts from Google and I saw that she (Girl in OP) is still visible to me i.e. she still has my contact.
Now, I have no intention to even going near her anymore, I know I deserve better but does she want to show how modest she is by keeping my number? Like she took the high road?

I actually pity her because to me this doesn't show that she is modest but shows how coward she is to not own up to her actions but still keep my numbers. What a shallow being.

Anyway, I am just curious about what you all think about girls not deleting numbers. Chip in your views if you can.

I have deleted her from Google contacts as well and am on my way to regain my Alpha self.

over thinking

she just want to know what orbiter are msging her so she can keep you around, most kids love to show how many friends they had on facebook and they celphone how many numbers they have, nothing more nothing less

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Anyway, I am just curious about what you all think about girls not deleting numbers. Chip in your views if you can.

You're over-thinking it. No need to delete someone's number. Always good to know their number in case they text or call you one day.... you don't need to respond if you don't want to, but you'll at least know who it is so you have the information you need to make that decision.

Think about if you were talking to 3-5 girls. Things were going fine with all of them. One of them you thought was ok but just sort of lost interest in a bit because she wasn't "your type". Would you really go out of your way to decide to delete her number, and then actually go in and delete it, if you were busy with life and dating 3-4 other girls? No, you would just leave it alone and continue enjoying your busy life.

If you are trying to analyze something as mundane as this (seeing a google contact and noting that she hasn't deleted you yet), then it's a red flag that you are prone to over analyzing things. Usually over analyzing comes from a lack of options with women. Also, having feelings this intense for a girl after such a short time is an additional sign of lack of options with women, and also of a knack for catching oneitis. If you truly had 3 girls in your rotation and a busy, happy social life, you wouldn't have the time or desire to cyber-stalk and over-analyze like this. Recognize that you have the issue and work toward avoiding it in the future.

 

[JPSD]

You're over-thinking it. No need to delete someone's number. Always good to know their number in case they text or call you one day.... you don't need to respond if you don't want to, but you'll at least know who it is so you have the information you need to make that decision.

Think about if you were talking to 3-5 girls. Things were going fine with all of them. One of them you thought was ok but just sort of lost interest in a bit because she wasn't "your type". Would you really go out of your way to decide to delete her number, and then actually go in and delete it, if you were busy with life and dating 3-4 other girls? No, you would just leave it alone and continue enjoying your busy life.

If you are trying to analyze something as mundane as this (seeing a google contact and noting that she hasn't deleted you yet), then it's a red flag that you are prone to over analyzing things. Usually over analyzing comes from a lack of options with women. Also, having feelings this intense for a girl after such a short time is an additional sign of lack of options with women, and also of a knack for catching oneitis. If you truly had 3 girls in your rotation and a busy, happy social life, you wouldn't have the time or desire to cyber-stalk and over-analyze like this. Recognize that you have the issue and work toward avoiding it in the future.

I have recently just started engaging actively with my rotation because earlier I didn't feel like it.
And I do accept that it's a problem because honestly, I hate seeing myself this way as I have always been the chill one.
Thanks for your input, I will make sure that this state meets its end now.

 

[JPSD]

over thinking

she just want to know what orbiter are msging her so she can keep you around, most kids love to show how many friends they had on facebook and they celphone how many numbers they have, nothing more nothing less

Well, time for me to cut this orbit completely now. Thanks.

 

[greatsnake]

Show her the door and get yourself to start spinning plates. You won’t have this issue with multiple women, because you will only have them for fun and under your conditions.

 

[RangerMIke]

Nothing you can do at this point with this one. Just forget about her and move on. She didn't go along with your plan... and your expectations were not met and the result was negative emotions that manifested in behavior you now regret. If she reaches out again, try to make a date... if she won't meet you and gives you a LJBF speech, tell her that isn't what you want but if she ever changes her mind... to let you know.

Then you are done... most important STOP THINKING ABOUT HER. Too much thinking leads to obsession and will distract you from your life and cause you to miss out on opportunities with chicks you have a shot with. Just get busy with other things that are more important to your personal development, or other women and you will be fine.

 

[deaderinred]

The funniest thing is that this broad has already completely forgotten who OP is, and hes still here wasting mental energy on her.
She has been rawdogged by a few different guys by now and since the beginning never even views OP as a sexual possibility. He was just a generic nice guy too scared to make a move, then begging and arguing and thorwing tantrums. Lots to learn still.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hi,
I am a 22 yr old college student and a couple of months ago I met a girl online and we really hit off. I thought this was someone I would like to know better.
We met a few times, at no point it felt that any of us had to drag the conversation, we were explicit with our liking for each other, there were wisps of physical intimacy as well, I was really into her but believe me I never tried to push it and come off as desperate.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy, with whom things are very complicated as he can't be in relationship because of his ex. She cut contact with him and it was affecting her in a bad way.
Honestly, I was disheartened by this point, we had been talking for a couple months, everyday, not just like "friends". She was leading me on believing something else and she did not care to mention this before.
Still I tried to help with utmost effort to remain unbiased and I did not make it look like it affected me much but I did clear things with her and she let me know about how marvelous of a guy I am for not making it complex and how much she likes me and enjoys my company but she was not ready for something serious.
No way anyone could say that she wanted it to be just casual via the conversations we had before. I actually was seriously pissed with incident and let her know about it and she apologized.

I tried to remain friends but things just changed, she kind off started pulling back her conversations, like she has shrugged her conscience off and she does not need to engage anymore. I remained cool but at one point I erupted and she ended up saying that I am making it too complicated, we had a spat and she deleted my number.
I ended up apologizing after a few days of no contact and post that I tried initiating conversations, but she never did the same apart from a few times which felt very customary. She did not store my number back unless I messaged her.

She again did not message me for a week.

I made a mistake of calling her out on how she used to message me and ask me out when she needed to and now that she is feeling all better she just is basically ghosting me, she again apologized and we ended our conversations.
She hasn't contacted me again and neither have I, this no contact on-off thing has gone on for 3 weeks in total now.

I could have handled it better but I turned naive because I genuinely liked someone after so long but I stand by that she used me to blow away the unavailability of the other guy and I hate her for just tossing me aside now that she does not need me.

Anyway, it's been a week of no-contact, she hasn't messaged me either as before. But now I am tired with being a good guy (as I am generally quick to stop people in their tracks) and am done with putting any efforts in , I have deleted her number now and she would know that because she won't be able to see my profile pic but she still has not deleted mine again because I can still see hers on the chat page (Whatsapp this is).

What should I do now? Let the number be deleted and forget about it or put it back in and then maintain no contact (to come off as busy given that she has not deleted mine)?
Which would put me in a better position?
How to handle this situation further?

I don't think she is gonna message me but there comes a point when you can't be all nice and I know I will be a little disengaged if she ever does message me but if someone has any advice which would work in my favor to salvage this or erase this all together, I am all ears.

Thanks.

She's a classic "alpha widow."

You got the water works and become her emotional tampon. He got to stretch her ******* and ***** out during her best years.

Pickup the rational male book ASAP.

Smash or next.

I don't have chats or be her friend.

Either she's swallowing and digesting my proteins or some other girl is.

Hotter girls are turning 18 19 20 21 every day.

Step your game up kuz. I am 30. This girl would have got banged out from Go or disregarded.

Girls a couple yrs older than you are beginning to slip from peak SMV.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

The funniest thing is that this broad has already completely forgotten who OP is, and hes still here wasting mental energy on her.
She has been rawdogged by a few different guys by now and since the beginning never even views OP as a sexual possibility. He was just a generic nice guy too scared to make a move, then begging and arguing and thorwing tantrums. Lots to learn still.

Agreed but mate, we've all been there. Young blood are thrown out to the wolves.

We live in a feminine primacy gynocentric society.

Its Rey from star wars or captain marvel gifted power randomly. No struggle just girl power. Nothing self-deprecating or challenging. Meanwhile it took Luke Skywalker 3 ****in movies to hold the ****in light saber. Rey is GOAT because she's a girl. Its mental retardation like the ghostbuster horror story.

Op has his work cut out but clearly blue pilled to the max.

He must unplug and be forged on the fire. Otherwise, he awaits divorce rape mot in the mood, a archive of his wife's gang bangs with Tyrone, and cucked as the state extracts his resources for cratered SMV.

 

[JPSD]

Agreed but mate, we've all been there. Young blood are thrown out to the wolves.

We live in a feminine primacy gynocentric society.

Its Rey from star wars or captain marvel gifted power randomly. No struggle just girl power. Nothing self-deprecating or challenging. Meanwhile it took Luke Skywalker 3 ****in movies to hold the ****in light saber. Rey is GOAT because she's a girl. Its mental retardation like the ghostbuster horror story.

Op has his work cut out but clearly blue pilled to the max.

He must unplug and be forged on the fire. Otherwise, he awaits divorce rape mot in the mood, a archive of his wife's gang bangs with Tyrone, and cucked as the state extracts his resources for cratered SMV.

Haha, I see what you are saying and that's exactly what I am gonna do.
Such things happen and sometimes are out of control, but I don't have any excuse for it.
I am gonna fix this.

 

[JPSD]

Nothing you can do at this point with this one. Just forget about her and move on. She didn't go along with your plan... and your expectations were not met and the result was negative emotions that manifested in behavior you now regret. If she reaches out again, try to make a date... if she won't meet you and gives you a LJBF speech, tell her that isn't what you want but if she ever changes her mind... to let you know.

Then you are done... most important STOP THINKING ABOUT HER. Too much thinking leads to obsession and will distract you from your life and cause you to miss out on opportunities with chicks you have a shot with. Just get busy with other things that are more important to your personal development, or other women and you will be fine.

Understood, won't happen again.

 

[JPSD]

The funniest thing is that this broad has already completely forgotten who OP is, and hes still here wasting mental energy on her.
She has been rawdogged by a few different guys by now and since the beginning never even views OP as a sexual possibility. He was just a generic nice guy too scared to make a move, then begging and arguing and thorwing tantrums. Lots to learn still.

Come on, there always comes a woman who makes you weak, I am sure many have gone through this but I see your point and yes, I have learned and gonna do better next time.