How to approach this problem

[jaymbrs]

My current gf who I have a great relationship with has a habit that I really cannot stand which is smoking cigarettes. As of lately I feel she’s been going overboard and smoking excessively to the point that it’s causing arguments because she’ll leave in the middle of dates just to go outside to smoke. I’ve let it slide at the beginning but I now think she needs to quit or this won’t work out.

I’ve never asked a gf to quit something like this and certainly want to approach this without causing an issue. Any suggestions?

FYI we just got into a huge argument over her smoking because i felt disrespected as she left to go smoke while we were in the middle of watching a movie.

 

[BJP1991]

No one can change a person, but someone can be a reason for that person to change. – Spongebob Squarepants

 

[lamath]

No one can change a person, but someone can be a reason for that person to change. – Spongebob Squarepants

This

So it would probably be best to NEXT right now before you invest more in her.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

My current gf who I have a great relationship with has a habit that I really cannot stand which is smoking cigarettes. As of lately I feel she’s been going overboard and smoking excessively to the point that it’s causing arguments because she’ll leave in the middle of dates just to go outside to smoke. I’ve let it slide at the beginning but I now think she needs to quit or this won’t work out.

I’ve never asked a gf to quit something like this and certainly want to approach this without causing an issue. Any suggestions?

FYI we just got into a huge argument over her smoking because i felt disrespected as she left to go smoke while we were in the middle of watching a movie.

I don't date women who smoke, have kids, are old, weird, feminists, SJWs, don't shave, have a mustache or too much homer Simpson vagina.

Smash & & & next ftw

 

[Tilex]

Smokers can only be with other smokers.
She's not going to quit smoking just for you.
Most people in general have a hard time quitting cigarettes.

Breaking up with her in inevitable. You'll reach a boiling point sooner or later.
I've broken up with a chick because of her awful smoking habits.

 

[backseatjuan]

I’ve never asked a gf to quit something like this and certainly want to approach this without causing an issue. Any suggestions?

I've had two ltrs and quite a few short term relationships with smokers, making them quit is not an option. As it stands now you have two options:

a. Keep her as fck buddies only.​

b. Dump her, letting her know she'd make a bad mother and bad wife.​

​

So your next move right now is finding another girl, before you decide anything with this one.

 

[jaymbrs]

Damn well I guess I need to start re-evaluating my thinking. She called last night to apologize but I think it was mainly to smooth things over; not necessarily to fix the issue. I made it clear that I have a problem with her smoking and that I've been looking the other way for the most part when she does but if she continues to make it a habit of smoking excessively or going to smoke at bad times, I'm ending it. I don't see her changing her habits but I had to give her a fair shot of at least trying to change them.

 

[Glassguy]

It's not my job to judge someone or tell them what they do is wrong or right.

What is my job is finding women who are compatible and I enjoy being around without putting up with something I dont like. I dislike smoking and I wont date a smoker.

The end.

 

[jaymbrs]

It's not my job to judge someone or tell them what they do is wrong or right.

What is my job is finding women who are compatible and I enjoy being around without putting up with something I dont like. I dislike smoking and I wont date a smoker.

The end.

Great advice. Unfortunately she possesses a ton of good qualities. Not everyone is perfect.

 

[marmel75]

My current gf who I have a great relationship with has a habit that I really cannot stand which is smoking cigarettes. As of lately I feel she’s been going overboard and smoking excessively to the point that it’s causing arguments because she’ll leave in the middle of dates just to go outside to smoke. I’ve let it slide at the beginning but I now think she needs to quit or this won’t work out.

I’ve never asked a gf to quit something like this and certainly want to approach this without causing an issue. Any suggestions?

FYI we just got into a huge argument over her smoking because i felt disrespected as she left to go smoke while we were in the middle of watching a movie.

Disrespected? OP, get a hold of yourself and stop being so needy.

 

[shouldbefun]

My current gf who I have a great relationship with has a habit that I really cannot stand which is smoking cigarettes. As of lately I feel she’s been going overboard and smoking excessively to the point that it’s causing arguments because she’ll leave in the middle of dates just to go outside to smoke. I’ve let it slide at the beginning but I now think she needs to quit or this won’t work out.

I’ve never asked a gf to quit something like this and certainly want to approach this without causing an issue. Any suggestions?

FYI we just got into a huge argument over her smoking because i felt disrespected as she left to go smoke while we were in the middle of watching a movie.

Either agree and go with her.
Don’t show that its a problem to you.
Tell her I would rather you not smoke in my house/room. If she wants to smoke, it means she wants the conversation to end? Her attention span to your talk is very little. So if she comes back, change the subject and keep it cool!

Guys if you keep saying “next”, you have **** game! Just accept it!

 

[AJ84]

My current gf who I have a great relationship with has a habit that I really cannot stand which is smoking cigarettes. As of lately I feel she’s been going overboard and smoking excessively to the point that it’s causing arguments because she’ll leave in the middle of dates just to go outside to smoke. I’ve let it slide at the beginning but I now think she needs to quit or this won’t work out.

I’ve never asked a gf to quit something like this and certainly want to approach this without causing an issue. Any suggestions?

FYI we just got into a huge argument over her smoking because i felt disrespected as she left to go smoke while we were in the middle of watching a movie.

So is the issue the fact that she has a nasty habit, or the fact that she engages in the habit when she should be paying attention to you?

Would you prefer she smoke right next to you? It’s an addiction which you must of known before you decided to have a relationship with her. When you choose to make her your gf, you presumably chose to accept the fact that she smokes.

 

[Sunnypoo]

You know what they say about women who smoke, don't you?

It's a red flag because it's an addictive problem. Be cautious of women with addictive problems.

 

[jaymbrs]

Disrespected? OP, get a hold of yourself and stop being so needy.

So is the issue the fact that she has a nasty habit, or the fact that she engages in the habit when she should be paying attention to you?

Would you prefer she smoke right next to you? It’s an addiction which you must of known before you decided to have a relationship with her. When you choose to make her your gf, you presumably chose to accept the fact that she smokes.

My issue with her is she'll go smoke at the most inopportune times. I dont mind all that much that she smokes here and there. It's the timing. Like why do you need to smoke right this minute? Can't you wait til the movie/date/discussion ends? I've already addressed this with her but she continues to do it. So I guess at this point I would either need her to quit, I would need to accept it, or I could next her.

 

[marmel75]

My issue with her is she'll go smoke at the most inopportune times. I dont mind all that much that she smokes here and there. It's the timing. Like why do you need to smoke right this minute? Can't you wait til the movie/date/discussion ends? I've already addressed this with her but she continues to do it. So I guess at this point I would either need her to quit, I would need to accept it, or I could next her.

Whats next? Going to get upset with her if she has to use the bathroom during these times too?

OP lighten up...you are so tight you could stick a lump of coal up your @ss and make diamonds.

 

[jaymbrs]

Whats next? Going to get upset with her if she has to use the bathroom during these times too?

OP lighten up...you are so tight you could stick a lump of coal up your @ss and make diamonds.

You're obviously taking this personally. Sorry to have offended you.

 

[marmel75]

You're obviously taking this personally. Sorry to have offended you.

Not taking it personally at all, I just see you as the problem in the situation far more than her.

 

[AJ84]

My issue with her is she'll go smoke at the most inopportune times. I dont mind all that much that she smokes here and there. It's the timing. Like why do you need to smoke right this minute? Can't you wait til the movie/date/discussion ends? I've already addressed this with her but she continues to do it. So I guess at this point I would either need her to quit, I would need to accept it, or I could next her.

Everyone I know who smokes does that. Mid conversation, right after a meal, during movies etc. It’s annoying but nicotine is the most addictive substance out there and she’s addicted to it.
One thing you can do if if you are watching a movie and she wants you to pause it while she goes for a smoke is say she can either have that smoke and miss some of the movie or she can see if she can wait until the movie ends, so at least you don’t have to be inconvenienced by having to pause the movie.
If she steps out during dinner continue eating and if you’re onto dessert while she’s still on dinner that’s not your problem lol. Why should the smoking slow your dinner or movie down?

I guess what I’m saying is if you do decide to accept this, then make sure it’s not disrupting what you are already doing at those times when she goes out for a smoke. That way it is at least less annoying lol.

But all the annoyances aside, and despite her being a nice person, smoking is so bad for one’s health. It’s hard to see someone you care about basically give themselves cancer. If you looking at long term and possible family with her consider that.

 

[GrowingPains]

No one can change a person, but someone can be a reason for that person to change. – Spongebob Squarepants

THAT'S FIRE CUZ!

SPONGEBOB IS TOO HEAVY.

 

[jaymbrs]

Everyone I know who smokes does that. Mid conversation, right after a meal, during movies etc. It’s annoying but nicotine is the most addictive substance out there and she’s addicted to it.
One thing you can do if if you are watching a movie and she wants you to pause it while she goes for a smoke is say she can either have that smoke and miss some of the movie or she can see if she can wait until the movie ends, so at least you don’t have to be inconvenienced by having to pause the movie.
If she steps out during dinner continue eating and if you’re onto dessert while she’s still on dinner that’s not your problem lol. Why should the smoking slow your dinner or movie down?

I guess what I’m saying is if you do decide to accept this, then make sure it’s not disrupting what you are already doing at those times when she goes out for a smoke. That way it is at least less annoying lol.

But all the annoyances aside, and despite her being a nice person, smoking is so bad for one’s health. It’s hard to see someone you care about basically give themselves cancer. If you looking at long term and possible family with her consider that.

Good stuff. Her and I had a discussion yesterday after a workout. I'm what you would call a gym rat and she has told me how great of an athlete she used to be, running marathons, etc. So I'm trying to get her to commit to working out. But she did bring up how the smoking really has slowed her down and how she's considering making some changes. I hope she does but not going to hold my breath (pun intended).