How to let a girl down (easy) / When they catch feeling and you're not

[BJP1991]

Hey Everyone,

About a month ago I met a girl from online dating. At first, she seemed great, but slowly over the course of a month I became less attracted to her, while her interest in me has only gone upwards.

We hooked up on our second date, and have had sex a couple times since then. We have probably been out 5 times total (couple times out and about, couple times just at my place). Last weekend she went on vacation, so I haven't seen her for about 10 days or so now.

Thing is, I just don't feel it anymore and I don't feel right just ghosting her. This is an area of my game I am lacking - the let down, where basically you are dumping a girl or letting her know you don't want anything serious.

She texted me last friday when she got to her hotel abroad, sent me a pic, and wished me a good weekend. I didn't reply (was caught up and also busy, then I just forgot basically). Today, she texts me asking me out for this weekend, over to her house for dinner then going out for a bit after.

I honestly don't know what to say to her in response. To be completely honest with you all, I don't see it going anywhere, even though she is a nice, cute sweet girl. She just isn't my type and I've come to learn that over the time of the last month dating her. NOTE: I have been dating multiple other women as well, so there was never any talk about exclusivity or anything along those lines.

Anyone been here before and have any recommendations on how to proceed? I simply want to date other people and just don't feel any spark there any longer, like I did about a month ago. Meanwhile, I continue to date other women as well.

Thanks,
BJP

 

[AJ84]

Hey Everyone,

About a month ago I met a girl from online dating. At first, she seemed great, but slowly over the course of a month I became less attracted to her, while her interest in me has only gone upwards.

We hooked up on our second date, and have had sex a couple times since then. We have probably been out 5 times total (couple times out and about, couple times just at my place). Last weekend she went on vacation, so I haven't seen her for about 10 days or so now.

Thing is, I just don't feel it anymore and I don't feel right just ghosting her. This is an area of my game I am lacking - the let down, where basically you are dumping a girl or letting her know you don't want anything serious.

She texted me last friday when she got to her hotel abroad, sent me a pic, and wished me a good weekend. I didn't reply (was caught up and also busy, then I just forgot basically). Today, she texts me asking me out for this weekend, over to her house for dinner then going out for a bit after.

I honestly don't know what to say to her in response. To be completely honest with you all, I don't see it going anywhere, even though she is a nice, cute sweet girl. She just isn't my type and I've come to learn that over the time of the last month dating her. NOTE: I have been dating multiple other women as well, so there was never any talk about exclusivity or anything along those lines.

Anyone been here before and have any recommendations on how to proceed? I simply want to date other people and just don't feel any spark there any longer, like I did about a month ago. Meanwhile, I continue to date other women as well.

Thanks,
BJP

Female perspective: just rip the bandaid off and be done with it.
“Listen I have to be honest, you’re a nice girl and I enjoyed the time with you but I’m not feeling a connection/chemistry/spark and I don’t want to waste your time or lead you on. I wish you all the best”.

Something to that effect. You don’t owe her anything but it’s the decent thing to do if you are trying to avoid ghosting.

 

[BJP1991]

Female perspective: just rip the bandaid off and be done with it.
“Listen I have to be honest, you’re a nice girl and I enjoyed the time with you but I’m not feeling a connection/chemistry/spark and I don’t want to waste your time or lead you on. I wish you all the best”.

Something to that effect. You don’t owe her anything but it’s the decent thing to do if you are trying to avoid ghosting.

Thanks for the input - I feel like I have to do this either tonight or tomorrow really. Would you actually text the thing you said? I feel like breaking it off over text isnt always a good idea, but doing nothing and ghosting is worse.

 

[Robert28]

Do what a girl did to me in a similar situation. Cancel two dates, start ceasing contact, don’t return calls and the last thing was she wouldn’t even read my messages on Facebook. Oh and she never gave a real reason what was going on.

 

[BJP1991]

Do what a girl did to me in a similar situation. Cancel two dates, start ceasing contact, don’t return calls and the last thing was she wouldn’t even read my messages on Facebook. Oh and she never gave a real reason what was going on.

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I definitely won't be doing that.

 

[lamath]

Had same problem not too long ago, i just stip initiating txt and keeping my anwser very short until she got the msg.

 

[BJP1991]

Had same problem not too long ago, i just stip initiating txt and keeping my anwser very short until she got the msg.

Yeah, I have done that in the past before too, but for the here and now, she is asking me for a date at her place this coming weekend, so I sort of feel like I have to give a response, without leading her on.

 

[Robert28]

Yeah, I have done that in the past before too, but for the here and now, she is asking me for a date at her place this coming weekend, so I sort of feel like I have to give a response, without leading her on.

Like I said, do what that girl did to me. Make a date and then cancel 2 hours before. Or give her the “I’ll let you know”, she did that too.

 

[shouldbefun]

Do what a girl did to me in a similar situation. Cancel two dates, start ceasing contact, don’t return calls and the last thing was she wouldn’t even read my messages on Facebook. Oh and she never gave a real reason what was going on.

Do not do this! To future suavers. Do not do this!!! Robert, stop being salty, or grudgy about it. This is bad advice

 

[lamath]

Yeah, I have done that in the past before too, but for the here and now, she is asking me for a date at her place this coming weekend, so I sort of feel like I have to give a response, without leading her on.

Ahhhh yeah in not good with that kind of stuff either.
Band aid way might be best. Better in person if possible.

 

[shouldbefun]

Ahhhh yeah in not good with that kind of stuff either.
Band aid way might be best. Better in person if possible.

I had one, just told her Im really busy at the moment. I wrote it in a polite way. And I was busy, she might have been a good person to know if she persisted but she left after that message. For better or for worse.

 

[Robert28]

Do not do this! To future suavers. Do not do this!!! Robert, stop being salty, or grudgy about it. This is bad advice

Lol I am salty about it because it’s bull****. She always ragged about how she was not afraid to speak her mind and yet I was too intimidating to have a face to face convo with after a month and a half.

 

[AJ84]

Thanks for the input - I feel like I have to do this either tonight or tomorrow really. Would you actually text the thing you said? I feel like breaking it off over text isnt always a good idea, but doing nothing and ghosting is worse.

It’s only been a month. I think texting is fine imo. And like you said it’s better than ghosting.

 

[AJ84]

Do what a girl did to me in a similar situation. Cancel two dates, start ceasing contact, don’t return calls and the last thing was she wouldn’t even read my messages on Facebook. Oh and she never gave a real reason what was going on.

Is he dating the same girl you’re referring to?

 

[lamath]

It’s only been a month. I think texting is fine imo. And like you said it’s better than ghosting.

Yeah no ghosting she did nothing wrong, just do it the way you would want someone else to do it to you.

Got to be clear that iys not going to go further no ambiguity

 

[AJ84]

Like I said, do what that girl did to me. Make a date and then cancel 2 hours before. Or give her the “I’ll let you know”, she did that too.

Really? Wow unless the OP’s girl is a bit*h why would he go out of his way to be a complete douchbag lol.

I had a guy treat me bad once, so naturally I will go on and treat all guys exactly how that one guy treated me, because that’s personal growth lol.

 

[shouldbefun]

Lol I am salty about it because it’s bull****. She always ragged about how she was not afraid to speak her mind and yet I was too intimidating to have a face to face convo with after a month and a half.

Or boring. Or too exhausting. Or something. Point is, don’t be bitter. It ain’t helping you. Sure it hurt but it didn’t leave a permanent scar on you, did it? I see no big harm here. Happened to me as well. I don’t seem salty.

 

[BJP1991]

Alright everyone - I crafted a text to send and will fire it off as I submit this post. Thank you all for the input - hopefully this doesn't blow up in my face.

 

[lamath]

Really? Wow unless the OP’s girl is a bit*h why would he go out of his way to be a complete douchbag lol.

I had a guy treat me bad once, so naturally I will go on and treat all guys exactly how that one guy treated me, because that’s personal growth lol.

Its obviously not the way to go about it.
But in dating/relationship some ppl can really **** you up emotionally.

Especially when you are lacking experience.

Imo break up with them the way you would want them to break up with you.
If you dont it will just give you a bad reputation and will.make.dating others even harder

 

[Robert28]

Really? Wow unless the OP’s girl is a bit*h why would he go out of his way to be a complete douchbag lol.

I had a guy treat me bad once, so naturally I will go on and treat all guys exactly how that one guy treated me, because that’s personal growth lol.

Well I didn’t sit home and eat bon-bons and cry into my pillow. I just started doing my own thing, went skydiving without her even though we’d planned on doing it, hit the gym more, ended up re-attracting a girl I went on 2 dates with a couple years ago and she keeps saying “I can’t get over how different you look!” while she can’t keep her hands off me. I just think a simple email would have been fine, maybe a text. I got nothing. But she got mad I deleted her off Facebook lol weird. I’m happy with the 3 plates I have now though, especially one that came back out of nowhere and is totally different than she was 2 years ago.