Ive been in an exclusive RS for the past month: The grass isnt greener

[Infern0]

So it's been a month.

Before this it had been almost 3 years since my last (With the BPD one)

The relationship is good, my girlfriend is attractive and a very kind and caring person. We have heaps in common.

But already I'm starting to think .."man I wish I could just chill on my own tonight"

It's not that I'm not happy with her or want anyone else, I am and I don't. But I think I'll always be a guy who just likes plenty of his own space.

I'm just saying this because I know there's guys who think just having a good girlfriend will "fix everything" but trust me, there's downsides, and having a share of someone else's emotional wellbeing is pressure.

 

[LiveYourDream]

"So it's been a month."--A month since official BF/GF or since you met??

"But already I'm starting to think .."man I wish I could just chill on my own tonight"--Why don't you then??? Having time apart is healthy!

"But I think I'll always be a guy who just likes plenty of his own space". --Curious, How often are you seeing each other? Is she clingy? What would be your ideal sense of timing/togetherness with your desire for space? What would that look like? I am curious.

 

[Infern0]

"So it's been a month."--A month since official BF/GF or since you met??

"But already I'm starting to think .."man I wish I could just chill on my own tonight"--Why don't you then??? Having time apart is healthy!

"But I think I'll always be a guy who just likes plenty of his own space". --Curious, How often are you seeing each other? Is she clingy? What would be your ideal sense of timing/togetherness with your desire for space? What would that look like? I am curious.

A month since being official, we dated a few months beforehand

She's, not overly clingy, for me maybe seeing her every other day, maybe even two days between sometimes would be good

 

[ChillDude6767]

I have a theory that all relationships go 1 of 2 ways...

1. Arguing a lot
2. Lying you each other (because nobody is happy with one person eternally)

#1 is probably more honest. Relationships are an imaginary concept anyway.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Alone time is huge for me, I need lots of time to reflect and think. Getting women to understand this is hard, it almost never ends well. They contain a creepy possessiveness about relationships that is very off putting to me. The whole idea of a woman cheating because she's not getting attention is ludicrous. I'm not anyone's entertainer or entertainment, I'm solitary by nature and the majority of women do not like that regardless of culture. Most relationships get stale because they were built off of false premises. They hang out so much there is nothing new to talk about, so to fill those voids they argue most of the day and then have lousy make up sex.

 

[LiveYourDream]

How much time are you actually spending together? What's a weekly schedule look like? It sounds like a lot?

 

[LiveYourDream]

My ex taught/trained me that a Man needs cave time, to decompress, be creative, and/or recharge his batteries. I learned that it is best to not disturb him at all when he is in his cave. It's best if I completely leave him alone. No popping in to say hello, bringing him treats, or asking if he wants a drink. Nothing! Let him be alone, for however long he needs. He'll know he's ready to come out when he's ready, not before. That can be hard for a woman!

He really helped me to understand how meaningful it was for him. I began to appreciate how rejuvenating for him it was, to have that time and space alone. I learned that he would come out and find me, when HE was recharged, re-centered and ready to see me. It is pretty amazing, because a recharged man, who's time alone was honored is a VERY happy man. It makes for a great time together after. It's a massive win-win, when honored.

Understand, as a woman, it was super counterintuitive until he really laid it out for me. I had no idea of it's impact, until he did. I thought I was being caring before. I had no idea, how irritating my interruptions to his alone time were. Men, help your women, help you. Explain it in case they don't get it. Then your woman can better understand and know it's not personal. It becomes easier all the way around. She can truly honor you and what you need.

 

[Medina]

Mine is very, very clingy

When a woman is madly in love under your roof it is not a nice experience.

And this is what childbirth is for- the only thing that can satisfy a womans emotions

Nature makes so much sense sometimes

 

[AJ84]

Having your own time is very important. This isn’t limited to men either. I like time to myself and make time for myself, havw always done this.

Being joined at the hip is suffocating in relationships. It’s healthy to have your own things to do without each other and time do just chill on your own. Explain that to her. If she’s as nice as you say she should understand that and encourage her to have their own alone time as well.

It makes you appreciated and look forward to the other person more, when they’re not in your face all the time lol, that’s what I find.

 

[Focal core]

So it's been a month.

Before this it had been almost 3 years since my last (With the BPD one)

The relationship is good, my girlfriend is attractive and a very kind and caring person. We have heaps in common.

But already I'm starting to think .."man I wish I could just chill on my own tonight"

It's not that I'm not happy with her or want anyone else, I am and I don't. But I think I'll always be a guy who just likes plenty of his own space.

I'm just saying this because I know there's guys who think just having a good girlfriend will "fix everything" but trust me, there's downsides, and having a share of someone else's emotional wellbeing is pressure.

Nothing wrong about getting your own space it's healthy.. Mebi the girl you're with need to tolerate it or just ignore her ass..

 

[ChillDude6767]

Having your own time is very important. This isn’t limited to men either. I like time to myself and make time for myself, havw always done this.

Being joined at the hip is suffocating in relationships. It’s healthy to have your own things to do without each other and time do just chill on your own. Explain that to her. If she’s as nice as you say she should understand that and encourage her to have their own alone time as well.

It makes you appreciated and look forward to the other person more, when they’re not in your face all the time lol, that’s what I find.

If a girl is going to ask monogamy of you, then she has no right to ask for her little "special space," unless she wants you to go start banging hookers.

 

[AJ84]

If a girl is going to ask monogamy of you, then she has no right to ask for her little "special space," unless she wants you to go start banging hookers.

If what you are looking for is a girl to be stuck to your side 24/7 then that would make sense for you I guess. I can tell you it would get annoying because if you don’t want her to have her special space away from you, that means she’s always with you no? Like how would you have your own space away from her if you expect her to not have her own space? Or maybe you don’t need your own space I don’t know.

But many couples have things they do outside of each other, usually because they had those things before they even met each other, like an actual life with family, hobbies and friends, their alone time etc. We are individuals, not appendages of someone else. It’s unhealthy for anyone to give up alone time that they enjoyed just because someone expects that and I would see that as a red flag if a guy expected that of me. I don’t get it. To me that’s the ulimate form of insecurity and neediness.

 

[sazc]

@Infern0 true compatibility is important.

It's okay to tell her you need more alone time. In the long run you aren't going to be happy in your relationship if you feel stifled, and that will lead to it's demise. Take the we time NOW to explain that you are feeling that you guys went from casually seeing each other, to intense, really quickly and you like to reserve the right to have "me" time a few nights a week (or whatever it is)

Otherwise you could end up bitter and resentful, and that will not have a good outcome.

Heathy and happy relationships are truly based on honestly. Don't be afraid to show her who you really are.

 

[sazc]

If a girl is going to ask monogamy of you, then she has no right to ask for her little "special space," unless she wants you to go start banging hookers.

I can't have my special space to do a spa day, and end that spa day with a solo bottle of wine and a pizza?

Or is it the "special space" that includes going out to a bar, club, etc with my girlfriend's that feels threatening and uncomfortable to you?

 

[sazc]

You want to catch that early. Make it clear that you've got a lot of different interests, that you aren"t on your phone all that much, and all the rest.

Starting off in each others company a lot can be very passionate, but then after maybe 2 or 3 months you'll pull back and she'll think you're cheating on her or whatever.

Definately start as you mean to go on imo.

Here in lies the problem if u don't deal with this immediately. You're going to feel stifled and eventually demand me time and she's going to think you're doing it in order to look to branch swing

 

[ChillDude6767]

I can't have my special space to do a spa day, and end that spa day with a solo bottle of wine and a pizza?

Or is it the "special space" that includes going out to a bar, club, etc with my girlfriend's that feels threatening and uncomfortable to you?

I guess it depends on if the girl is a stuck up b1tch or not. I haven't been in a relationship in years so Idk. But I have talked to girls that we haven't called each other "bf/gf" and we pretty much talk every day just cause we wanted to. Nothing forced about it.

 

[sazc]

I guess it depends on if the girl is a stuck up b1tch or not. I haven't been in a relationship in years so Idk. But I have talked to girls that we haven't called each other "bf/gf" and we pretty much talk every day just cause we wanted to. Nothing forced about it.

Right. When there is unspoken agreement on the amount of time you spend together, it's easy.

In my experience, when people hold back what their needs are, eventually they feel as if they are the ones making large sacrifices for their partner, and not getting the same in return, and they end up feeling resentful and taking it out on the relationship.

Always be who you are and communicate your needs. It's the only way to really find your person

 

[ChillDude6767]

Right. When there is unspoken agreement on the amount of time you spend together, it's easy.

In my experience, when people hold back what their needs are, eventually they feel as if they are the ones making large sacrifices for their partner, and not getting the same in return, and they end up feeling resentful and taking it out on the relationship.

Always be who you are and communicate your needs. It's the only way to really find your person

If a girl is out at the bars flirting with other guys, that's just ridiculous.

 

[sazc]

If a girl is out at the bars flirting with other guys, that's just ridiculous.

Agreed

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So it's been a month.

Before this it had been almost 3 years since my last (With the BPD one)

The relationship is good, my girlfriend is attractive and a very kind and caring person. We have heaps in common.

But already I'm starting to think .."man I wish I could just chill on my own tonight"

It's not that I'm not happy with her or want anyone else, I am and I don't. But I think I'll always be a guy who just likes plenty of his own space.

I'm just saying this because I know there's guys who think just having a good girlfriend will "fix everything" but trust me, there's downsides, and having a share of someone else's emotional wellbeing is pressure.

For your post to emphasise on her being great, i am pickin up on something else.

Great maybe compared to the cesspool dating market but women are a mess and they have been affected by the culture. There's no two ways about it.

I thrive in solitude. I enjoy lifting alone or few friends in a garage or home gym preferably then a large commercial gym. I meditate. I do yoga sometimes in group full of women.

Its incumbent on a men to maintain his routine, whatever it maybe whether he has a girl or plates. For me, I find sanity in it. It offers a lot of value to me. A level of progress is the essence of the inspiration of red pill and mgtow, a pushback on the lack of male spaces and reproductive rights.

Put your foot down. If she's great, she will get it or get out.

My suspension is that she's telling you her problems and uts annoying you. Bring authenticity in its full form. Brutal honesty. I wont sacrifice a lot of stuff i gain value from. Modt men ate spineless and a girl means nuking their family friends and entire life. No kidding thry want the old nellar treatment after the end hits.