When they're busy

[GrowingPains]

2 women I've met recently replied that they're busy over the next few weeks when I asked them out.

They gave resonable explanations. 1st one works at a hospital and said she is busy with work over the next few weeks. I remembered one of @Glassguy 's posts on withdrawing the offer and telling her to let you know when she's free. So I did that. She 'liked' my message... iPhone users... Anyway I'm not reaching out right now to give her the chance to reach out. But would you guys reach out again if a month or more had passed? Or not reach out at all because you put the ball in her court?

2nd girl is a basketball player. Invited her to skate but she said since the tournament is coming up we could do it after that. Understandable. Our texts are light and fun - which is ... Different for me because I usually just text for logistics so I don't fvck it up haha Question here is whether I should offer a nonphysical activity/just wait until after the tourney.

I'm cool either way, just need some perspective from da boiz.

 

[SoSuave666]

Busy is a sign of low interest. When a woman is interested in you she will move mountains to see. She will drop all other plans and make sure you are priority number 1.

When you get things like "I'm busy" or "we'll see if I can make it" you retract the offer, and tell them "you sound really busy, why don't you let me know when you are free." If they do not get back to you, well, too bad.

Women do not forget men that make good first impressions. If you were charming, funny, lookin' good, she may not have the highest of interest in you now but she may think of you in the future. She won't delete those message where you showed indifference to the outcome.

Think about it this way. You walk into a grocery store and get a pretty cute chick's number. She then shows super high interest in you by asking YOU out via text. But you've got 4 dates lined up and are really busy with school and work. You tell her as such and she retracts the offer and walks away telling you to hit her up when you get a chance. You then go on all four dates and the b!tches suck and your work slows down. Have you forgotten her?

 

[GrowingPains]

Busy is a sign of low interest. When a woman is interested in you she will move mountains to see. She will drop all other plans and make sure you are priority number 1.

When you get things like "I'm busy" or "we'll see if I can make it" you retract the offer, and tell them "you sound really busy, why don't you let me know when you are free." If they do not get back to you, well, too bad.

Women do not forget men that make good first impressions. If you were charming, funny, lookin' good, she may not have the highest of interest in you now but she may think of you in the future. She won't delete those message where you showed indifference to the outcome.

Think about it this way. You walk into a grocery store and get a pretty cute chick's number. She then shows super high interest in you by asking YOU out via text. But you've got 4 dates lined up and are really busy with school and work. You tell her as such and she retracts the offer and walks away telling you to hit her up when you get a chance. You then go on all four dates and the b!tches suck and your work slows down. Have you forgotten her?

I thought of that and I can see that with the first girl. I am confident that I made a good first impression so I will just leave the ball in her court. I'll just have to fight that voice in the back of my head that's like "She's a girl she won't reach out" because if she's interested... she will.

I'm also confident that I made a good impression with the athlete. Although I think this one is a little more tricky/situational (call me out on it if I'm wrong and just trying to protect my ego). Since I offered skating I am assuming that she's trying to avoid injury. She did say that 'after [the tourney it] could be fun' so I think the move now is to think of what I'll respond with. I'm not going to press the situation though, she seems interested so we'll see how it plays out.

 

[SoSuave666]

I thought of that and I can see that with the first girl. I am confident that I made a good first impression so I will just leave the ball in her court. I'll just have to fight that voice in the back of my head that's like "She's a girl she won't reach out" because if she's interested... she will.

I'm also confident that I made a good impression with the athlete. Although I think this one is a little more tricky/situational (call me out on it if I'm wrong and just trying to protect my ego). Since I offered skating I am assuming that she's trying to avoid injury. She did say that 'after [the tourney it] could be fun' so I think the move now is to think of what I'll respond with. I'm not going to press the situation though, she seems interested so we'll see how it plays out.

I think I misunderstood. You could potentially reach out to them both in a few weeks and I think that's fine. But only once more. In the initial stages of dating the man usually needs to initiate for about the first 3-4 dates, and if your game is on point then it's always the woman initiating contact. Let them go for a bit then reach out again in a couple weeks, no biggie

 

[Robert28]

Just don’t do like I did. Had a girl tell me “I’ll definitely let you know” and I relied “ok”. Stupid stupid stupid and I wasnt thinking at the time. Should have retracted the offer but haven’t talked to her since I sent “ok” so maybe she got the message.lol

 

[GrowingPains]

I think I misunderstood. You could potentially reach out to them both in a few weeks and I think that's fine. But only once more. In the initial stages of dating the man usually needs to initiate for about the first 3-4 dates, and if your game is on point then it's always the woman initiating contact. Let them go for a bit then reach out again in a couple weeks, no biggie

So my current dilemma is what I respond. I admit this is an area where I typically over think things; what to respond to a text.

In this case, is the 'retract the offer' route appropriate? She said she could go skating after the tournament. Is saying 'Cool, let's see about it then' or something along those lines a bad idea? That could be a few weeks, would that be coming off as too available?

 

[SoSuave666]

So my current dilemma is what I respond. I admit this is an area where I typically over think things; what to respond to a text.

In this case, is the 'retract the offer' route appropriate? She said she could go skating after the tournament. Is saying 'Cool, let's see about it then' or something along those lines a bad idea? That could be a few weeks, would that be coming off as too available?

Just say "Cool I'll check back in with you in a few weeks." In this instance she isn't a plate and you haven't had enough time to probably build high enough attraction to get her to reach out to you when the tournament is over. Give her a good luck too and just test the waters again in the future.

 

[Glassguy]

Just don’t do like I did. Had a girl tell me “I’ll definitely let you know” and I relied “ok”. Stupid stupid stupid and I wasnt thinking at the time. Should have retracted the offer but haven’t talked to her since I sent “ok” so maybe she got the message.lol

Honestly you could have said "ok", "GREAT!", "you sound busy blah blah blah" or sent her a pic of your hairy @ss.

It wouldnt have mattered. Its low interest all the way around and there are no magic texts that raise her interest level.

I dont retract date offers on a "I will let you know" anymore. I just dont even send back an "ok". I dont send back anything.

What is there to respond back to? She made a wishy washy statement. Oh well.

You take a shot, you miss. You get ready for your next shot. Thats the game. Do not spend time pondering about what the magic words or magic texts messages are.......they dont exist.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Honestly you could have said "ok", "GREAT!", "you sound busy blah blah blah" or sent her a pic of your hairy @ss.

It wouldnt have mattered. Its low interest all the way around and there are no magic texts that raise her interest level.

I dont retract date offers on a "I will let you know" anymore. I just dont even send back an "ok". I dont send back anything.

What is there to respond back to? She made a wishy washy statement. Oh well.

You take a shot, you miss. You get ready for your next shot. Thats the game. Do not spend time pondering about what the magic words or magic texts messages are.......they dont exist.

Magic interest exists though as stirred up by the GAME.

 

[Glassguy]

Magic interest exists though as stirred up by the GAME.

That is true.....

But you have to get a woman to slightly be emotionally invested in you before you can shake up her emotions and game her. OP is talking about 2 brand new chicks that I am sure he has never went out with. So there is no emotional investment on their part, thus no emotions for him stir up. He doesnt control any of those emotions yet.

I think it takes AT LEAST 4-5 dates before you have any type of emotional control over a woman. Thats the least amount of time. It used to be that after you fvck them they would be somewhat emotionally invested in you. That could be date 1 or date 4. Now sex is such a cheap commodity, even from a woman's perspective, it literally has more of an effect to have a great date experience then disappear. Set up next date, have a great date experience, disappear. Wash rinse repeat.

So 4-5 dates should equal 3-4 weeks. Then you have somewhat of an emotional hook in her mouth.

One can only miss something that they have already experienced, is not abundant and not easily within reach. And not always available. That takes a little time to build up through her having a great time with you and then you disappearing again for a few days.

Date-give space-date-give space etc etc.

 

[Glassguy]

@mrgoodstuff

define "game" for me as you see it.

 

[sosousage]

women do nothing except going out with friends and working or studying some useless degree.

'im busy' means 'im not interested'

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@mrgoodstuff

define "game" for me as you see it.

The physical structure of the game. The groups, the gossip the environment. The game is aware of you, your position and your confidence level.

 

[TBG]

Three weeks consists of 504 hours.

Do you really think chick 1 hasn't got an hour free to spend with you?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

My experience with this kind of thing is that it is low interest often combined with legitimately, and intentionally busy schedule. I've had some experience recently with these kinds of girls. As you probably know, and as another poster recently mentioned in a thread they created, a lot of women these days are really busy and not overly interested in dating. I've met an increasing number of women who have a schedule planned out to the second. They get into certain professional organizations that involve meeting one night a week, book clubs, trivia nights, sports, yoga, etc, so that they never have to be alone and always have something going on. These kinds of women are very inhibited, closed-off, and often inflexible. If you do eventually get a date with them, their other activities will always come first and you'll constantly work around their schedule or you won't see them. You can try holding frame on setting dates and times but if you do, they will just drop. Bottom line: It's likely not worth it.

It's possible these women would act totally different with a guy they have immediate high interest in. But it's also possible that they are happy with their busy lives and are more focused on that than dating. These women will just keep doing their thing until they meet a guy they think is a 10, and who really ignites something in them that causes enough of an interest that they are willing to skip one night of yoga(!!!!!!) to go out with them.

TL;DR: You can reach back out in a month and try again if you really want to but don't be surprised if the answer is still no, or you do get a date, only to deal with the same sh*t when you try setting a second, unless your game is so strong that you really affected her on that first date.

 

[SoSuave666]

My experience with this kind of thing is that it is low interest often combined with legitimately, and intentionally busy schedule. I've had some experience recently with these kinds of girls. As you probably know, and as another poster recently mentioned in a thread they created, a lot of women these days are really busy and not overly interested in dating. I've met an increasing number of women who have a schedule planned out to the second. They get into certain professional organizations that involve meeting one night a week, book clubs, trivia nights, sports, yoga, etc, so that they never have to be alone and always have something going on. These kinds of women are very inhibited, closed-off, and often inflexible. If you do eventually get a date with them, their other activities will always come first and you'll constantly work around their schedule or you won't see them. You can try holding frame on setting dates and times but if you do, they will just drop. Bottom line: It's likely not worth it.

It's possible these women would act totally different with a guy they have immediate high interest in. But it's also possible that they are happy with their busy lives and are more focused on that than dating. These women will just keep doing their thing until they meet a guy they think is a 10, and who really ignites something in them that causes enough of an interest that they are willing to skip one night of yoga(!!!!!!) to go out with them.

TL;DR: You can reach back out in a month and try again if you really want to but don't be surprised if the answer is still no, or you do get a date, only to deal with the same sh*t when you try setting a second, unless your game is so strong that you really affected her on that first date.

You have described every 25-29 YO working professional in an urban environment. They are all so petrified of being alone for one single night during the week that they have to join CrossFit or social clubs simply to have something to do with other people. During working hours they have to act masculine AF to compete with men. When they do get some time for a date, they will meet you and be totally in their masculine frame for at least 30 minutes. They've been in that frame all day demanding things and working/interacting with men. 30 minutes to an hour of good seduction will get them to become feminine, but it's tough if you don't know what you're doing.

If you get an epiphany phase woman that fits the working professional mode, watch out. These are the toughest women IMO to deal with. They are b!tchy and bratty, mixed with masculine energy. They are all feminists and won't put up with your toxic masculinity.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You have described every 25-29 YO working professional in an urban environment. They are all so petrified of being alone for one single night during the week that they have to join CrossFit or social clubs simply to have something to do with other people. During working hours they have to act masculine AF to compete with men. When they do get some time for a date, they will meet you and be totally in their masculine frame for at least 30 minutes. They've been in that frame all day demanding things and working/interacting with men. 30 minutes to an hour of good seduction will get them to become feminine, but it's tough if you don't know what you're doing.

If you get an epiphany phase woman that fits the working professional mode, watch out. These are the toughest women IMO to deal with. They are b!tchy and bratty, mixed with masculine energy. They are all feminists and won't put up with your toxic masculinity.

So they will try to reduce your energy and degrade you.

Oh, so toxic masculinity just means they dont like men to have power or be in leadership positions.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You have described every 25-29 YO working professional in an urban environment.

Except it now goes well beyond 29. All the women I experienced what I described above were over 30.

RE your comments about them being masculine and your having to work hard to put them in their feminine, I would partially agree. I agree that's totally true for the ones who are masculine, but I've run into a woman like this who was very, very feminine too. However, in her case, I think she was really damaged by her childhood and her ex husband and planning her schedule to the second was more about ensuring she never had to be alone to face her thoughts.

 

[GrowingPains]

You take a shot, you miss. You get ready for your next shot. Thats the game. Do not spend time pondering about what the magic words or magic texts messages are.......they dont exist.

This is something I need to internalize. There's this dialogue that plays in my mind after/before I text a chick that's like "Oh you should say this so she thinks you're interesting" "Relax my G it doesn't matter what you say just don't be corny" then I think a lot and end up saying something corny haha.