Did I screw this up or am I going in the right direction?

[sangheilios]

Did you escalate in any meaningful way?

Huh? This is some random woman that I was speaking with in a relaxed and more normal environment, this wasn't like a raving nightclub environment. When you meet someone you like and she seems interested you get a number to possibly set up another time to meet up, what we know of as a date. You then meet up on a date and then see what happens, maybe she wants to spend more time and maybe she doesn't.

Some of you posters on here don't make any sense to me at all. It's like, you spoke to a woman for an hour instead of not groping her or invite her over to your place within 10 minutes.....you aren't doing it right.

 

[marmel75]

Huh? This is some random woman that I was speaking with in a relaxed and more normal environment, this wasn't like a raving nightclub environment. When you meet someone you like and she seems interested you get a number to possibly set up another time to meet up, what we know of as a date. You then meet up on a date and then see what happens, maybe she wants to spend more time and maybe she doesn't.

Some of you posters on here don't make any sense to me at all. It's like, you spoke to a woman for an hour instead of not groping her or invite her over to your place within 10 minutes.....you aren't doing it right.

There is your problem...you think there are some "rules" you have to follow.

It makes perfect sense...how the hell do you think people end up having ONS? They go out somewhere, meet someone they are attracted to and like and end up banging. The fact you think this is some crazy idea tells me what I need to know.

You are afraid of taking risks and want to play it "safe". How's that been working out for you? There is no reason you could not have attempted to escalate here, other than you being afraid to.

 

[Trump]

I decided to send her a text earlier this morning, just a quick "hey, this is xyx, we met at abc last night" and I haven't received a reply at all. I realize people are busy but it takes like 10 seconds to respond,

It takes 10 seconds for her to respond if you give her a REASON to respond. Other than you were nice to her and chatted her up for an hour, she has no reason to care about you.

Remember, women live in the moment. They are practical, selfish, and in it for themselves. If there is nothing IN IT for her, she won’t care.

Especially a unmarried childless woman in her mid 30s? Only colour she sees is green.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I've had situations like this happen so many times, where the woman appears super interested and then just disappear. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell it is I'm doing wrong because whatever it might be escapes me.

Also, what I text her and when I do so does not matter at all. A woman who is interested in seeing a guy again isn't going to think "well, he said xyz instead of abc in a certain way so I'm no longer interested". It isn't seen as needy or weak, it's just normal communication.

Trying to help you here, since you are asking for help, admitting you feel you may be doing something wrong, but when people who have moved beyond the types of problems you are having offer you advice and you respond by telling them they are wrong and that you already know all the answers.... where does that leave you? If you already had the answers, you wouldn't need to ask for help.

Never said I was upset by any of this.

You don't have to implicitly state it. But it is bothering you enough that you are making a post about it on an online forum. I am not judging you as to the emotions you are experiencing so there is no need to defend yourself against an attack that isn't being made against you. It's clear though, that you texted a girl and when you didn't get a response within x minutes or hours, you did not like it. My point is, regardless of whether you are mad, furious, confused, hurt, rejected, bewildered, whatever....... whatever the emotion is, what I'm telling you is that you should not be feeling or wondering anything about her response that soon. I aim to not even wonder or think about it until it's been 24 hours without response. Girls have game too.

And I'm sorry but you are just wrong about it not mattering when you text a girl. There are no RULES around this - it is something you develop a feel for over time. But if you are brand new to game, not having a lot of luck with women, and need a starting point on which to build your calibration off of, there are some guidelines you can apply. Not texting a girl the morning after you first met her is one such guideline. You are welcome to disagree but remember that you are the one wondering why you keep getting flaked on.

Lastly, sometimes girls flake regardless of what you do. But again, meeting a girl at night and texting her the very next morning is highly likely to scare a woman away. Would a high-value guy, who is very busy and successful in life, has a lot of friends, has a lot of girls he's talking to, has an important job..... would the first thing he thinks about in the morning over his bowl of breakfast be the girl he just chatted with at a bar last night? Or would this instead be the behavior of a guy who is so unsuccessful with women that a one hour conversation with a woman is so special and rare to him that it's the first thing he thinks about in the morning when he wakes up and he's ready to latch on to the one option he thinks he finally has? Whether that's you or not, that's the signal you send.

 

[sangheilios]

There is your problem...you think there are some "rules" you have to follow.

It makes perfect sense...how the hell do you think people end up having ONS? They go out somewhere, meet someone they are attracted to and like and end up banging. The fact you think this is some crazy idea tells me what I need to know.

You are afraid of taking risks and want to play it "safe". How's that been working out for you? There is no reason you could not have attempted to escalate here, other than you being afraid to.

I'm not inviting some woman that I met at a bar, who I barely even know, over to my house. I know a guy who does this all the time with women he meets and talks to and hardly any of them actually are down for that, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

Who said anything about pursuing a ONS? I by chance happened to come across a female that I actually liked talking to and she was decently attractive.

 

[sangheilios]

Trying to help you here, since you are asking for help, admitting you feel you may be doing something wrong, but when people who have moved beyond the types of problems you are having offer you advice and you respond by telling them they are wrong and that you already know all the answers.... where does that leave you? If you already had the answers, you wouldn't need to ask for help.



You don't have to implicitly state it. But it is bothering you enough that you are making a post about it on an online forum. I am not judging you as to the emotions you are experiencing so there is no need to defend yourself against an attack that isn't being made against you. It's clear though, that you texted a girl and when you didn't get a response within x minutes or hours, you did not like it. My point is, regardless of whether you are mad, furious, confused, hurt, rejected, bewildered, whatever....... whatever the emotion is, what I'm telling you is that you should not be feeling or wondering anything about her response that soon. I aim to not even wonder or think about it until it's been 24 hours without response. Girls have game too.

And I'm sorry but you are just wrong about it not mattering when you text a girl. There are no RULES around this - it is something you develop a feel for over time. But if you are brand new to game, not having a lot of luck with women, and need a starting point on which to build your calibration off of, there are some guidelines you can apply. Not texting a girl the morning after you first met her is one such guideline. You are welcome to disagree but remember that you are the one wondering why you keep getting flaked on.

Lastly, sometimes girls flake regardless of what you do. But again, meeting a girl at night and texting her the very next morning is highly likely to scare a woman away. Would a high-value guy, who is very busy and successful in life, has a lot of friends, has a lot of girls he's talking to, has an important job..... would the first thing he thinks about in the morning over his bowl of breakfast be the girl he just chatted with at a bar last night? Or would this instead be the behavior of a guy who is so unsuccessful with women that a one hour conversation with a woman is so special and rare to him that it's the first thing he thinks about in the morning when he wakes up and he's ready to latch on to the one option he thinks he finally has? Whether that's you or not, that's the signal you send.

Texting is not going to make or break anything, I know I'm repeating myself but that isn't the issue at all. The way I personally see it, if a woman dissects a simple text message in regards to it's timing and other such nonsense then she is clearly bat **** crazy and I'm better off without such a person in my life. I'm not saying this is the case, but can you imagine dating a woman that behaves in such a manner? The feeling of walking on egg shells all the time, being hyper vigilant about every little thing.....doesn't sound at all enjoyable to me. I can't say if they are all like this, as there are literally hundreds of thousands of women out there around my age.

None of this makes any sense to me. I'm a young and single white guy with no kids, I'm 6'4", I'm naturally broad shouldered and very fit. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I'm educated and going to PT school in the fall. If that isn't good enough then nothing ever will be lol, most guys are not like that.

Seriously, I have people assume I'm gay because I'm chronically single. Women constantly look for **** to reject me over, only logical thing that makes any sense to me is that they are insecure.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Texting is not going to make or break anything, I know I'm repeating myself but that isn't the issue at all. The way I personally see it, if a woman dissects a simple text message in regards to it's timing and other such nonsense then she is clearly bat **** crazy and I'm better off without such a person in my life. I'm not saying this is the case, but can you imagine dating a woman that behaves in such a manner? The feeling of walking on egg shells all the time, being hyper vigilant about every little thing.....doesn't sound at all enjoyable to me. I can't say if they are all like this, as there are literally hundreds of thousands of women out there around my age.

None of this makes any sense to me. I'm a young and single white guy with no kids, I'm 6'4", I'm naturally broad shouldered and very fit. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I'm educated and going to PT school in the fall. If that isn't good enough then nothing ever will be lol, most guys are not like that.

Seriously, I have people assume I'm gay because I'm chronically single. Women constantly look for **** to reject me over, only logical thing that makes any sense to me is that they are insecure.

So those layers sound fine. Hows your social and game layer built out?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

None of this makes any sense to me. I'm a young and single white guy with no kids, I'm 6'4", I'm naturally broad shouldered and very fit. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I'm educated and going to PT school in the fall. If that isn't good enough then nothing ever will be lol, most guys are not like that.

Those things are something to be proud of, or feel fortunate for, for sure. They do not entitle you to success with women, however. With the exception of your height and muscles, women honestly don't care about the rest. I'm tall and in shape, do well financially, have a few awesome cars, awesome house, dress great with lots of nice clothes, have a boat. All that is nice too, but it did zilch to get me women when I had no game. Women care most about how you make them feel. Outside of your height and muscles, your game is the only other thing that matters in how you make women feel.

The way I personally see it, if a woman dissects a simple text message in regards to it's timing and other such nonsense then she is clearly bat **** crazy and I'm better off without such a person in my life

All women are crazy. Not really but they think differently than we do and it makes them seem crazy to us. You can either accept that and continue striving to increase your game, or you can go into victim mentality.

One of the biggest things a woman tests you on is your level of thirst. If she gets even a WHIFF of it, she is GONE. You don't have to walk on egg-shells but early-on in dating a woman, she will be hyper aware. If she detects any weirdness, insecurity, thirst, or feels like you are a guy who is just going to get weird on her, she wants out immediately, before she gets put in a really awkward situation with you. She doesn't want a weird stalker that shows up at her doorstep at 4am after she doesn't return your 500 texts. I know you would never do this, but she is looking for behaviors that match the pattern of a guy who would.

What do you have to lose by trying my advice, and the next time you get a girl's number, you wait 2-5 days to text her back, you do it in the afternoon or early evening before 7pm, and you just say, "hey, it's John, how are you?"

 

[sangheilios]

So those layers sound fine. Hows your social and game layer built out?

I'm not completely sure what you are asking, but I have a good group of guys friends, most of whom are very sociable/extroverted, successful, educated, etc. I'm actually a good guy and most people that speak to me genuinely enjoy my company, the only exception is very uneducated people and/or people that are immature.

 

[marmel75]

I'm not inviting some woman that I met at a bar, who I barely even know, over to my house. I know a guy who does this all the time with women he meets and talks to and hardly any of them actually are down for that, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

Who said anything about pursuing a ONS? I by chance happened to come across a female that I actually liked talking to and she was decently attractive.

Ok...thats fine. Again, why didn't you attempt to escalate?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm not completely sure what you are asking, but I have a good group of guys friends, most of whom are very sociable/extroverted, successful, educated, etc. I'm actually a good guy and most people that speak to me genuinely enjoy my company, the only exception is very uneducated people and/or people that are immature.

Many of the dating coaches say for socialization that and engineer mindset or a intellectual mindset is a fail with the masses. Another layer of game can be built to interface the rest. Also theres enough doctors, lawyers,upper level management and business owners to talk to

 

[sangheilios]

Those things are something to be proud of, or feel fortunate for, for sure. They do not entitle you to success with women, however. With the exception of your height and muscles, women honestly don't care about the rest. I'm tall and in shape, do well financially, have a few awesome cars, awesome house, dress great with lots of nice clothes, have a boat. All that is nice too, but it did zilch to get me women when I had no game. Women care most about how you make them feel. Outside of your height and muscles, your game is the only other thing that matters in how you make women feel.



All women are crazy. Not really but they think differently than we do and it makes them seem crazy to us. You can either accept that and continue striving to increase your game, or you can go into victim mentality.

One of the biggest things a woman tests you on is your level of thirst. If she gets even a WHIFF of it, she is GONE. You don't have to walk on egg-shells but early-on in dating a woman, she will be hyper aware. If she detects any weirdness, insecurity, thirst, or feels like you are a guy who is just going to get weird on her, she wants out immediately, before she gets put in a really awkward situation with you. She doesn't want a weird stalker that shows up at her doorstep at 4am after she doesn't return your 500 texts. I know you would never do this, but she is looking for behaviors that match the pattern of a guy who would.

What do you have to lose by trying my advice, and the next time you get a girl's number, you wait 2-5 days to text her back, you do it in the afternoon or early evening before 7pm, and you just say, "hey, it's John, how are you?"

I realize that, but I've even tried OLD and tinder and literally would get no matches or responses on there with women who were legitimately below my league, so it wasn't like I was going for model types lol. What I'm saying is that if a woman isn't interested in at least going on a date or two with a guy like that she is going to be alone for a very, very long time. A woman should recognize an attractive, high quality and genuine man for what it is and go out on a date to see if she likes him on a more personal level. I'm saying this in a general sense and not for each individual woman out there.

As an example, I'm looking for a woman who is attractive, I don't have a specific type so it is pretty broad, who is also fit/likes to workout and be active, is educated, no issues with alcohol smoking or drugs and who is also just a decent person to talk to and doesn't have children. I might meet a girl like that, get her number and go on a date, but then realize there isn't much there in terms of personal compatibility. I'm selective with what I'm ultimately looking for but I also have a more open approach when it comes to going out on dates, which doesn't really happen all that often.

As for the texts, I get that but none of that applies to me as I'm not sending countless text messages or calling her at all hours of the day. I honestly do not feel that is what my issue is but I can keep all of this in mind. As I mentioned earlier, the women I have gone out on dates with texting them later that evening or the next day was never an issue. What always worked was "hey this is xyx we met at abc" or "hey, this is xyz from abc", that would literally be all I'd say and then I'd get a response like "hey, how are you?" and all that, then after a couple exchanges I'd ask what they like to do and then present some date ideas (bowling, mini golf, play pool, etc.).

 

[sangheilios]

Many of the dating coaches say for socialization that and engineer mindset or a intellectual mindset is a fail with the masses. Another layer of game can be built to interface the rest. Also theres enough doctors, lawyers,upper level management and business owners to talk to

That's because most people are stupid af lol. I'm not willing to put on a false facade to try to connect with people that I know I'm on a different level than. People associate and date with those who are roughly on par with them (IQ, education, financial status, etc.).

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's because most people are stupid af lol. I'm not willing to put on a false facade to try to connect with people that I know I'm on a different level than. People associate and date with those who are roughly on par with them (IQ, education, financial status, etc.).

Leaving a ton of puzzy on the table. However the higher minded women often complain about not being able to find a suitable man.

Also a lower minded women will not value you. They neg you for your mindset to build themselves up over you.

 

[sangheilios]

Leaving a ton of puzzy on the table. However the higher minded women often complain about not being able to find a suitable man.

Also a lower minded women will not value you. They neg you for your mindset to build themselves up over you.

I was saying that as a general statement about people as a whole and not specifically women.

I agree though, I think women of lower value overall know that and out of insecurity or a host of other internal issues of their own they bring the guy down to make themselves feel better. When I've posted on here about women looking for flaws in me, being hyper critical and just plain weird I think that is exactly what is going on. I've seen these same women happily invest themselves into men who aren't on the same level as I am, and I'm not saying that to put those other guys down but just pointing out an observation I have made.

The only women that I actually seem to do well with, where they are confident and open with me, are those who are already in relationships. Being a decent guy, I don't pursue anything like that, as one I don't want drama in my life and also because I just wouldn't want to be in the position of the other guy if I was in a relationship. I've actually had them ask me out, approach me, etc.

 

[sangheilios]

Ok...thats fine. Again, why didn't you attempt to escalate?

I didn't even know that woman that well, if I had tried to do anything that would result in a slap, getting a drink thrown in my face or having the police called on me. I really don't understand what you are trying to get at, women don't do stuff like that with some guy they've been talking to at a bar, especially when there are tons of people around and when she is sober.

Again, I have a friend that does this type of stuff when he goes out to bars and all that, I've seen it many times, and almost none of the women are remotely comfortable with it. They almost always get up and leave whenever he starts talking about having them come over to his place, others will just refuse outright but maybe give a phone number, which doesn't really mean anything.

 

[Igetit!]

Ok...thats fine. Again, why didn't you attempt to escalate?

I kinda have a question about this......

The OP said he met some chick in a bar,talked for an hour...she called his cell so they'd have each other's number,then gave him a hug before he left.

I'm trying to understand why you asked him why he didn't attempt to escalate in response to his original question,being,""Did I screw this up,or am I going in the right direction?"

Are you saying that him not escalating is likely the cause of any problem or issue there might be currently going on? If you could explain this better,then cool.....cause I don't see how him not trying to escalate would cause her to lose interest,or make her change her mind all of the sudden.

If she were drunk,or a little tipsy,kinda hanging all over him and then he didn't escalate,then I'm with you....I'd agree. But the way I understand you asking him about escalation...it kinda comes off as if you think that each time a man and woman meet,he should escalate to the point of trying to get a one-night stand. That doesn't seem realistic.


To me,the environment AND signals/behavior from the girl determine whether or not you should escalate,not the mere fact that a man and woman are meeting for the first time. They met at a bar. Say they met at a supermarket instead.....should he also try to escalate there? Or what if they met at her job....his job....or in a department store? Would the advice be the same?


Again....if she was tipsy and hanging all over him,then I'd agree he should have escalated.

The only way to know for sure would be to know what it was they talked about and discussed that hour they spent speaking to each other.

 

[mikey2012]

Next the bish. Not your worth time and effort . The more times you been through this, the more desensitized you become and the less you will care.

 

[Murk]

You said you don’t drink, but you chilled with this girl at a bar for an hour, doing what drinking water?

Anyway sounds like she displayed interest and you didn’t make a move, then did the thirsty 8am text next day.

I’d cut your losses and run and use this as experience on what not to do next time.

 

[DreamAgain]

Should have tried to escalate while you were there, don't worry man on to the next one.

Girls in the bar want you to escalate. They are not looking for a mild-mannered gentleman with a PhD that does neurosurgery as a hobby.