Did I screw this up or am I going in the right direction?

[sangheilios]

Last night one of my friends called me up and said he wanted to go to the downtown area of our city, lots of bars, etc. It was early evening, so it wasn't like we were out very late with all the drunks, it was decently busy but with a good atmosphere that I felt comfortable in. Anyway, at the last bar we were at, around 9 or so, I ended up talking to this hispanic woman for almost an hour. She appeared to be a bit older than me, maybe early to mid 30s, but she was decently attractive and I genuinely had a good time whilst speaking with her. Before I left she gave me her number by calling my cell phone, so we both had each other's numbers, and she hugged me and said she wanted to see me again.

I decided to send her a text earlier this morning, just a quick "hey, this is xyx, we met at abc last night" and I haven't received a reply at all. I realize people are busy but it takes like 10 seconds to respond, and women are constantly on their phones, hell she even spent time showing me her photos on instagram with her phone when we were talking.

I've had situations like this happen so many times, where the woman appears super interested and then just disappear. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell it is I'm doing wrong because whatever it might be escapes me.

 

[RickTheToad]

It is what it is. Don't chase and don't double text. Let it be and see if she contacts you back. Could be low interest. Could be that she was drunk and doesn't remember you. Doesn't matter, chasing her will just do the opposite.

 

[sangheilios]

It is what it is. Don't chase and don't double text. Let it be and see if she contacts you back. Could be low interest. Could be that she was drunk and doesn't remember you. Doesn't matter, chasing her will just do the opposite.

She wasn't drunk at all, but yeah I agree with not double texting.

 

[sangheilios]

Don't sweat it. If she replies, she replies.

Let me tell you something - she may not be replying on purpose. This allows her to do several things:

1)See how needy you are , if you will reach out again. DO NOT. Right now, she is judging how high value you are . If you don't reach out again, you come across as indifferent, a man with options. If you reach out again, she knows you are thirsty, a man with few options.
2) by her NOT replying, it gives her a chance to see how you respond to that - do you have a temper, lose your schitt? Get needy?
3) She is trying to set the frame, and establish control of the situation.
4) I KNOW women do this, because my own daughter tells me her and all her friends do this, for the reasons stated above.

You have done your part, do no more. IF she responds, make sure you DELAY your response an equal amount of time. If she takes 12 hours to respond, you take AT LEAST 12 hours to respond. You are demonstrating YOUR high value!

I get all that but if a woman was interested in going out she wouldn't really be playing these games, this type of stuff is more normal for teenagers and girls barely old enough to drink, where as she is 30 something.

I'm not going to double text, as I realize that is never a good idea, I'm just wondering if I did something wrong with this situation so that I don't repeat the same mistakes again in the future.

 

[RickTheToad]

Don't sweat it. If she replies, she replies.

Let me tell you something - she may not be replying on purpose. This allows her to do several things:

1)See how needy you are , if you will reach out again. DO NOT. Right now, she is judging how high value you are . If you don't reach out again, you come across as indifferent, a man with options. If you reach out again, she knows you are thirsty, a man with few options.
2) by her NOT replying, it gives her a chance to see how you respond to that - do you have a temper, lose your schitt? Get needy?
3) She is trying to set the frame, and establish control of the situation.
4) I KNOW women do this, because my own daughter tells me her and all her friends do this, for the reasons stated above.

You have done your part, do no more. IF she responds, make sure you DELAY your response an equal amount of time. If she takes 12 hours to respond, you take AT LEAST 12 hours to respond. You are demonstrating YOUR high value!

Agreed. I know it sounds childish, but if a lady that I started talking to takes time to respond, I double that time. If she replies at night after 9 or 10, I reply in the morning nice and early. It's just part of the game.

 

[sangheilios]

Agreed. I know it sounds childish, but if a lady that I started talking to takes time to respond, I double that time. If she replies at night after 9 or 10, I reply in the morning nice and early. It's just part of the game.

I think some women do **** like this just to weed out guys who are looking to get laid really easily, I could be wrong but I could see the logic in that.

 

[RickTheToad]

I think some women do **** like this just to weed out guys who are looking to get laid really easily, I could be wrong but I could see the logic in that.

Very possible. I just think they do not want to look to interested in needy, and in return, they do not want a man who's too needy and has no other options. It's a double edged sword.

 

[sangheilios]

See my bold in your post above. I don't think you did. Be patient, and indifferent to outcome. Don't wait around on her or hang all your hopes on her.

I do want to meet other women, obviously, but I wanted to go out on a date with this woman. I had a really good time with her when we first met and I'd rather go out on a date then just sit around the house, regardless of whether or not anything more comes from it. Also, when I am dating women I find meeting others comes much more easily.

 

[Vivacity]

I do want to meet other women, obviously, but I wanted to go out on a date with this woman. I had a really good time with her when we first met and I'd rather go out on a date then just sit around the house, regardless of whether or not anything more comes from it. Also, when I am dating women I find meeting others comes much more easily.

Go blow up her phone with your calls and texts.

 

[sangheilios]

Go blow up her phone with your calls and texts.

Never said I was going to do that.

 

[Robert28]

I’d wait exactly a week and try again. You might get a “who’s this?” response but at least you got a response.
As for your bad luck lately don’t sweat it. Hell I had 4 women ghost me for who knows why but yet 3 hotter girls all showed major interest in me at once. Now I’m trying to find the time to keep them all happy because I can’t pick just one. I couldn’t even tell you the names of the 4 women that ghosted on me now.lol

 

[sangheilios]

I’d wait exactly a week and try again. You might get a “who’s this?” response but at least you got a response.

Right now I was going to just wait and see if I get a reply, though I feel that would have happened by now. If I really want to try again I can later, like a week as you mentioned, but I'd rather just go out to see if I can meet other women. I did have a really good time with her but it wasn't like I was blown away. I've met women that I highly had interest in seeing again, so 9/10 in terms of excitement.....I'd give this one a 6-7/10.

 

[Robert28]

Right now I was going to just wait and see if I get a reply, though I feel that would have happened by now. If I really want to try again I can later, like a week as you mentioned, but I'd rather just go out to see if I can meet other women. I did have a really good time with her but it wasn't like I was blown away. I've met women I was highly interested in seeing again, so 9/10 in terms of excitement.....I'd give this one a 6-7/10.

Man the game is constantly changing every day it seems. This girl I thought would contact me in a day waited 2 days to contact me after I did the silent treatment on her. I had a response ready to break it off but her text was all apologetic and she promised she’d make it up to me anyway I wanted. I totally misread how that situation was going to play out! You just never know with females today, you just have to be ready all the time.
This woman is liable to text you out of the blue to come over and drink wine and give her some sex when you’re out on a date with another chick. You just never know.

 

[sangheilios]

Man the game is constantly changing every day it seems. This girl I thought would contact me in a day waited 2 days to contact me after I did the silent treatment on her. I had a response ready to break it off but her text was all apologetic and she promised she’d make it up to me anyway I wanted. I totally misread how that situation was going to play out! You just never know with females today, you just have to be ready all the time.

Well I don't really know this particular woman that well but I get what you mean. From my personal experience, as is often repeated on this forum, is that when a woman is interested she will very quickly respond to your text messages and want to set up a date. Some women do in fact play games, but we all need to accept that it is better to not want to bring a woman like that into your life, no adult should behave in that manner or tolerate it.

 

[Mike32ct]

I don’t think you did anything wrong. What you did was spot on. Rather than trying to work the whole room or open some large set of 8 girls, you found one chick you “clicked” with and had an in-depth conversation that led to a number close. Perfect “introvert game” as we discussed in earlier posts.

Moving on...

That night, even if she wasn’t drunk, she was in a fun, upbeat mood. The next day, (when she goes back to her regular life, work stress, etc.) she could have easily gotten cold feet and changed her mind. It happens a lot. It’s not personal.

Even guys will do this sometimes. They’ll hit it off with a chick, get her number and be really excited about it THAT NIGHT. A day or two later, they can get cold feet too and think, “Shyte, I really don’t feel like texting her” lol.

 

[backseatjuan]

I ended up talking to this hispanic woman for almost an hour............Before I left she gave me her number by calling my cell phone

So you entertained a lonely woman at a bar for an hour by talking to her, you must have find out about her a lot. Why was she at the bar in the first place?

Do you think she was a prostitute? Women at the bar are either prostitutes or they are whres trying to get laid or they went there with their date, it was to be out of 3 of these. So if there is no guy in sight, that means she's either a prostitute or a whre looking for a hookup. Women never go to a bar just to get drunk, it's always for a purpose.

In any case, this girl spend an hour of her time talking to you, and you left without inviting her to your place for some more drinks. You should have done that.

I decided to send her a text earlier this morning...............I've had situations like this happen so many times, where the woman appears super interested and then just disappear.

Why would you message her the morning after you met her? Did you sign it at the end, it's me that desperate guy from the bar who didn't fck you last night? Imagine what's going through her head when she read it, geez, I thought he had a woman to go to that night, but he is texting me in the morning, did he go home alone and jerk off, aw, weirdo.

Message or call them a week after you get their number, this way you don't fck up.

 

[Robert28]

Well I don't really know this particular woman that well but I get what you mean. From my personal experience, as is often repeated on this forum, is that when a woman is interested she will very quickly respond to your text messages and want to set up a date. Some women do in fact play games, but we all need to accept that it is better to not want to bring a woman like that into your life, no adult should behave in that manner or tolerate it.

The classic signals of interest don’t always apply anymore. It used to be sort of a guide but in my personal experience, interested women in me are doing less and less of them. Hell non-interested women seem to fake interest better than the women that show genuine interest.

 

[marmel75]

Last night one of my friends called me up and said he wanted to go to the downtown area of our city, lots of bars, etc. It was early evening, so it wasn't like we were out very late with all the drunks, it was decently busy but with a good atmosphere that I felt comfortable in. Anyway, at the last bar we were at, around 9 or so, I ended up talking to this hispanic woman for almost an hour. She appeared to be a bit older than me, maybe early to mid 30s, but she was decently attractive and I genuinely had a good time whilst speaking with her. Before I left she gave me her number by calling my cell phone, so we both had each other's numbers, and she hugged me and said she wanted to see me again.

I decided to send her a text earlier this morning, just a quick "hey, this is xyx, we met at abc last night" and I haven't received a reply at all. I realize people are busy but it takes like 10 seconds to respond, and women are constantly on their phones, hell she even spent time showing me her photos on instagram with her phone when we were talking.

I've had situations like this happen so many times, where the woman appears super interested and then just disappear. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell it is I'm doing wrong because whatever it might be escapes me.

Did you escalate in any meaningful way?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Rules are meant to be broken, but when you are starting out, these guidelines will help you:

1. Never text the day after you meet a girl. It is super needy. Wait between 2 and 5 days. If this girl doesn't end up getting back with you, I can almost guarantee it's because you texted the very next morning after you met her.
2. Never text in the morning, ever. Text after lunch only.
3. Stop obsessing over response times. Girls are aware of game. They play it too. They may take hours or a day to reply back, even if they are checking their phone every second. It isn't personal. If you are upset over this, you are in the wrong frame and are going to have a really bad time. You can't be in an IDGAF frame if you are worried about how fast she is responding to you. 4.
4. When you first text a girl, never say "we met ______ last night" etc. You say "Hey this is John" or something along those lines. Your frame must be "Of course she is going to know who this is - she's been thinking about me non-stop since we met, hoping I'll call." If she doesn't remember you and/or asks "who?" you say, "oh, sorry, must have the wrong number" and hard-next. Her interest level is low.

 

[sangheilios]

Rules are meant to be broken, but when you are starting out, these guidelines will help you:

1. Never text the day after you meet a girl. It is super needy. Wait between 2 and 5 days. If this girl doesn't end up getting back with you, I can almost guarantee it's because you texted the very next morning after you met her.
2. Never text in the morning, ever. Text after lunch only.
3. Stop obsessing over response times. Girls are aware of game. They play it too. They may take hours or a day to reply back, even if they are checking their phone every second. It isn't personal. If you are upset over this, you are in the wrong frame and are going to have a really bad time. You can't be in an IDGAF frame if you are worried about how fast she is responding to you. 4.
4. When you first text a girl, never say "we met ______ last night" etc. You say "Hey this is John" or something along those lines. Your frame must be "Of course she is going to know who this is - she's been thinking about me non-stop since we met, hoping I'll call." If she doesn't remember you and/or asks "who?" you say, "oh, sorry, must have the wrong number" and hard-next. Her interest level is low.

Never said I was upset by any of this. Also, what I text her and when I do so does not matter at all. A woman who is interested in seeing a guy again isn't going to think "well, he said xyz instead of abc in a certain way so I'm no longer interested". It isn't seen as needy or weak, it's just normal communication. Now, if I started sending her dozens of text messages and asking why she isn't replying that would be a different story, which isn't even the case for me in this given situation. A woman isn't going to wait literally days before texting again lol. Women that I have actually gone out with on dates always responded very quickly and we ended up going out within a couple days of first meeting.

I know you mean well but this stuff on here about texting games I find annoying, it really is super trivial.