So I actually had an opportunity with a good looking girl last night

[GrowingPains]

Don't miss the point Dave.

Point: only way to get better is to practice.

 

[spitfire]

Out of curiosity, how many women do you approach in a typical week or month IRL? How many women do you contact for the clear purpose of dating in online dating in a typical week or month?

Friend of a friend - cute Spanish 23 year old. Somewhat close to my type. Only thing being that she is trying to be a cop - women who want to work in male dominated venues is a big turnoff

But anyways, at first she was liking me but i think my desperation kicked in and she was turned off. What is causing my intense desperation? Is it just because I'm trying to force it so hard?

I'm so ****ing strong socially otherwise. I met this group of 3 people last night and they just loved me. They were all begging for my number and kept telling me to call them to hang out. The difference is all in attitude. I don't know how to be myself with zero desperation around beautiful women at the early initial stages

The weird thing is that I only struggle with this at the very early stages. Once a girl shows some strong interest in me, its like my brain calms down and allows me to be myself. Early stages, i want her desperately to like me so I'm forcing the action super hard. I just can't seem to pursue a girl with zero outcome dependance

 

[bigdave17]

This is ridiculous
.

If you are out of shape, you to the gym.

If you suck at tennis, you hit the courts.

If you suck at the piano, you practice the piano.

If you SUCK at talking to girls, you PRACTICE talking to girls.

Since you are TOO TERRIFIED to even consider this option, you will spend ENDLESS time and energy and money looking for solutions where NONE EXIST.

All the while getting more and more depressed, more and more desperate, and older and older.

Take that $7K you've got earmarked for unicorn land and see a therapist.

Tell him you are SCARED to talk to attractive girls.

You want to be NOT SCARED when talking to attractive girls.

Jesus you're annoying.

Did you read the original post?

I didn't fail cause of anxiety- i failed cause of my intense desire to meet someone that developed into desperation

 

[bigdave17]

Out of curiosity, how many women do you approach in a typical week or month IRL? How many women do you contact for the clear purpose of dating in online dating in a typical week or month?

I trained online dating and got zero replies in a month so I gave that up. Incredibly demoralizing

I don't approach much. I rarely see women i like where an approach is easy

Yesterday was one of those opportunities- a rare easy opportunity with a woman who is close to my type (her being friend of a friend) and i failed miserably. Approaching randoms at bars, gyms and stores is retardedly difficult

I also live in a suburb 45 minute from Chicago but a suburb nonetheless. I don't see hot women my age who workout/are in shape anywhere except gyms and bars- 2 places where approaching is ungodly difficult

 

[spitfire]

I trained online dating and got zero replies in a month so I gave that up. Incredibly demoralizing

I don't approach much. I rarely see women i like where an approach is easy

Yesterday was one of those opportunities- a rare easy opportunity with a woman who is close to my type (her being friend of a friend) and i failed miserably. Approaching randoms at bars, gyms and stores is retardedly difficult

I also live in a suburb 45 minute from Chicago but a suburb nonetheless. I don't see hot women who workout/are in shape anywhere except gyms and bars- 2 places where approaching is ungodly difficult

98%+ of men will get zero results unless they initiate in some way shape or form, IRL or online, or both. It sounds like you are completely inactive in approaching. As a result, you will get zero results.

 

[bigdave17]

98%+ of men will get zero results unless they initiate in some way shape or form, IRL or online, or both. It sounds like you are completely inactive in approaching. As a result, you will get zero results.

I tried online and got absolutely nothing so I gave that up. It was immensely demoralizing


In real life, I would like to approach but normal easy opportunities with women who are my type (good looking face, in shape, 20-30, no kids preferably darker skinned) are very rare. Yesterday was one of those and I failed

 

[RickTheToad]

98%+ of men will get zero results unless they initiate in some way shape or form, IRL or online, or both. It sounds like you are completely inactive in approaching. As a result, you will get zero results.

Dude, it comes and goes with me on OLD too, and I do not consider myself ugly. I went to get a sports jacket today in Greenwich, and there was this attractive blond lady there. For fun, I put on the jacket and asked her how it looked. I then asked her to check out some other clothes for me on me; she agreed. I then said, hey you know a lot about men's style (I really have no idea), I'd love to chat more and meet up for a drink sometime. Surprisingly she gave me her number. I put it in my phone and her's rang. Who knows. Maybe something will happen.

Point being, OLD has made so many men down on themselves they don't think they can approach, because they feel that they must be ugly or not worth a lady's time because of their OLD results. OLD has knocked down more men than anything else in the 21st century; aside from porn.

Dave is correct on his assumptions on OLD. He's not ugly, but his ego is as big as Leonardo Di Caprio.

 

[bigdave17]

Dude, it comes and goes with me on OLD too, and I do not consider myself ugly. I went to get a sports jacket today in Greenwich, and there was this attractive blond lady there. For fun, I put on the jacket and asked her how it looked. I then asked her to check out some other clothes for me on me; she agreed. I then said, hey you know a lot about men's style (I really have no idea), I'd love to chat more and meet up for a drink sometime. Surprisingly she gave me her number. I put it in my phone and her's rang. Who knows. Maybe something will happen.

Point being, OLD has made so many men down on themselves they don't think they can approach, because they feel that they must be ugly or not worth a lady's time because of their OLD results. OLD has knocked down more men than anything else in the 21st century; aside from porn.

Dave is correct on his assumptions on OLD. He's not ugly, but his ego is as big as Leonardo Di Caprio.

you guys say that, same nonsense as when you all said I'm only going for 9/10s... then I posted pics of the last 3 or 4 women I pursued online and Guru1000 rated them as a 6, 4, 6.


but yes, OLD is absolutely ungodly in terms of how 1 sided it is. A 4/10 woman has more value than a 7/10 male on a dating site. Men are basically worthless unless they are top 0.1 percentile of men...assuming you're going for women who are in shape, no kids and 20-30. Once you start talking single moms, chubbies and women over 34, obviously it's a lot easier


I tried online dating like 8 years ago and I remember asking a question about it on city data. Multiple of the women on there all said I would definitely get some dates because "I was plenty cute". I tried it for a few months and got zero replies, much less any dates


On a dating site, a 6 to 7/10 woman with a nice body is treated like gold. As a man, a 6-7/10 with a nice body is still worthless

 

[spitfire]

I trained online dating and got zero replies in a month so I gave that up. Incredibly demoralizing

I don't approach much. I rarely see women i like where an approach is easy

Yesterday was one of those opportunities- a rare easy opportunity with a woman who is close to my type (her being friend of a friend) and i failed miserably. Approaching randoms at bars, gyms and stores is retardedly difficult

I also live in a suburb 45 minute from Chicago but a suburb nonetheless. I don't see hot women my age who workout/are in shape anywhere except gyms and bars- 2 places where approaching is ungodly difficult

You've been on the site since October 2017, a year and a half now. Have you looked at the free self help materials available to you?

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com

Here's the first paragraph from weapons of mass seduction. it describes your situation to a "t":

Take off those rosy sunglasses and you will see that, for the majority of us, the natural process of seduction has become a battlefield of the mind. Seriously, take a good look around you and witness a new generation of introverted cowards who shyt their pants at the mere thought of approaching an attractive woman. Watching some of these guys in action, you'd swear that they were facing heavy enemy fire while running across a field of landmines, rather than talking to a soft, harmless girl! Yes my people, Generation Chump is in full effect!

If you can (sober) approach even one woman a day, you can easily distance yourself from 95% of all men.

you guys say that, same nonsense as when you all said I'm only going for 9/10s... then I posted pics of the last 3 or 4 women I pursued online and Guru1000 rated them as a 6, 4, 6.


but yes, OLD is absolutely ungodly in terms of how 1 sided it is. A 4/10 woman has more value than a 7/10 male on a dating site. Men are basically worthless unless they are top 0.1 percentile of men...assuming you're going for women who are in shape, no kids and 20-30. Once you start talking single moms, chubbies and women over 34, obviously it's a lot easier


I tried online dating like 8 years ago and I remember asking a question about it on city data. Multiple of the women on there all said I would definitely get some dates because "I was plenty cute". I tried it for a few months and got zero replies, much less any dates


On a dating site, a 6 to 7/10 woman with a nice body is treated like gold. As a man, a 6-7/10 with a nice body is still worthless

So ignore it. Approach in real life.

 

[bigdave17]

You've been on the site since October 2017, a year and a half now. Have you looked at the free self help materials available to you?

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com

Here's the first paragraph from weapons of mass seduction. it describes your situation to a "t":

Take off those rosy sunglasses and you will see that, for the majority of us, the natural process of seduction has become a battlefield of the mind. Seriously, take a good look around you and witness a new generation of introverted cowards who shyt their pants at the mere thought of approaching an attractive woman. Watching some of these guys in action, you'd swear that they were facing heavy enemy fire while running across a field of landmines, rather than talking to a soft, harmless girl! Yes my people, Generation Chump is in full effect!

If you can (sober) approach even one woman a day, you can easily distance yourself from 95% of all men.

I live in the suburbs, I don't see dateable (again, 20-30, cute face, nice fit body, no kids) women outside of mostly gyms, bars and maybe malls


3 places where approaching is ungodly difficult. What the hell do you do at a gym when every woman there is wearing headphones? how about bars when they all come in giant groups and her friends are ultra protective even at you just being nice?


there is like 2 decent avenues to meet women - through friends and when they approach you first. I had a woman approach me on Saturday - but she was chubby and then also met a woman through friends but she didn't like me.

 

[spitfire]

you guys say that, same nonsense as when you all said I'm only going for 9/10s... then I posted pics of the last 3 or 4 women I pursued online and Guru1000 rated them as a 6, 4, 6.


but yes, OLD is absolutely ungodly in terms of how 1 sided it is. A 4/10 woman has more value than a 7/10 male on a dating site. Men are basically worthless unless they are top 0.1 percentile of men...assuming you're going for women who are in shape, no kids and 20-30. Once you start talking single moms, chubbies and women over 34, obviously it's a lot easier


I tried online dating like 8 years ago and I remember asking a question about it on city data. Multiple of the women on there all said I would definitely get some dates because "I was plenty cute". I tried it for a few months and got zero replies, much less any dates


On a dating site, a 6 to 7/10 woman with a nice body is treated like gold. As a man, a 6-7/10 with a nice body is still worthless

I live in the suburbs, I don't see dateable (again, 20-30, cute face, nice fit body, no kids) women outside of mostly gyms, bars and maybe malls


3 places where approaching is ungodly difficult. What the hell do you do at a gym when every woman there is wearing headphones? how about bars when they all come in giant groups and her friends are ultra protective even at you just being nice?

Good luck buddy. You're out of options. Enjoy life as an incel.

 

[bigdave17]

Good luck buddy. You're out of options. Enjoy life as an incel.

I don't think I'm really an incel, I get lots of female attention - just never from anybody dateable (go back to previous comments on what I consider dateable

most incel guys would cut off an arm to have the women who have approached me over the years. Incel guys have no standards at all

 

[zekko]

Seriously, take a good look around you and witness a new generation of introverted cowards who shyt their pants at the mere thought of approaching an attractive woman. Watching some of these guys in action, you'd swear that they were facing heavy enemy fire while running across a field of landmines, rather than talking to a soft, harmless girl! Yes my people, Generation Chump is in full effect!

I'm 58 and this is the same bullsh!t they said to us when I was growing up. "Beautiful women aren't approached because men are intimidated by them". Wasn't true then and it isn't true now. Beautiful women have guys crawling all over them, more now than ever before since there are so many electronic means that make it easier.

I agree that this is Dave's problem, however.

 

[bigdave17]

I'm 58 and this is the same bullsh!t they said to us when I was growing up. "Beautiful women aren't approached because men are intimidated by them". Wasn't true then and it isn't true now. Beautiful women have guys crawling all over them, more now than ever before since there are so many electronic means that make it easier.

I agree that this is Dave's problem, however.

to them it doesn't matter, just like the woman who approached me on Saturday or all the other female attention I get doesn't matter to me.


the big difference is that the women in this discussion are wanting 6'4 male models while I'm just asking for somebody who is about roughly my league (a 6 or 7 my age with a nice body and no kids)


Women who say they can't find anybody are generally shooting 4-6 points above their league. Men mostly just want somebody in their league

 

[RickTheToad]

to them it doesn't matter, just like the woman who approached me on Saturday or all the other female attention I get doesn't matter to me.


the big difference is that the women in this discussion are wanting 6'4 male models while I'm just asking for somebody who is about roughly my league (a 6 or 7 my age with a nice body and no kids)


Women who say they can't find anybody are generally shooting 4-6 points above their league. Men mostly just want somebody in their league

Have you tried Momo? If you can find her, she "might" date you.. This is a big might dude.

 

[zekko]

the big difference is that the women in this discussion are wanting 6'4 male models while I'm just asking for somebody who is about roughly my league (a 6 or 7 my age with a nice body and no kids)

Doesn't matter if they're an HB9 or an HB2. The point is you freeze up around women you're attracted to. I used to have the same problem. Only way get over it is to force yourself to talk to them so you get desensitized. The more risk you take, the quicker you get used to it.

That's why some PUA gurus tell you to act completely stupid and ridiculous around them, you get used to exposing your vulnerable side, and normal interactions seem easy in comparison. Think the TV show Impractical Jokers.

 

[bigdave17]

Doesn't matter if they're an HB9 or an HB2. The point is you freeze up around women you're attracted to. I used to have the same problem. Only way get over it is to force yourself to talk to them so you get desensitized. The more risk you take, the quicker you get used to it.

That's why some PUA gurus tell you to act completely stupid and ridiculous around them, you get used to exposing your vulnerable side, and normal interactions seem easy in comparison. Think the TV show Impractical Jokers.

I don't have any issues with anything below HB6 in terms of anxiety

But again, i failed Saturday because of desperation not anxiety

 

[Mike32ct]

Did something change in your body language/vibe when you heard she was going to be a cop? You said that’s a turn off. Did she maybe pick up on a “sigh” or air of “disappointment” that you may have had? And possibly felt like you looked down on her for that.

What was the “turning point” where things began to “slip away?” Did you do fine initially and then you had some negative thoughts and she sensed you went from “ok” to “off?”

Don’t necessarily have to answer, but it’s food for thought.

I’m the farthest thing from an “inner game” believer, but interactions with women you just met CAN slip away (ie go south) quickly if negative thinking takes over and it leaks out as awkward body language/vibe/non-verbals.

 

[bigdave17]

Did something change in your body language/vibe when you heard she was going to be a cop? You said that’s a turn off. Did she maybe pick up on a “sigh” or air of “disappointment” that you may have had? And possibly felt like you looked down on her for that.

What was the “turning point” where things began to “slip away?” Did you do fine initially and then you had some negative thoughts and she sensed you went from “ok” to “off?”

Don’t necessarily have to answer, but it’s food for thought.

I’m the farthest thing from an “inner game” believer, but interactions with women you just met CAN slip away (ie go south) quickly if negative thinking takes over and it leaks out as awkward body language/vibe/non-verbals.

Yea thats a great point

My biggest issue, in my opinion at least, is I want it to happen so badly that i think women sense it. Genuine interest is a great think but you have to not want or need anything. Its a fine line but a huge difference

 

[Von]

I'm 58 and this is the same bullsh!t they said to us when I was growing up. "Beautiful women aren't approached because men are intimidated by them". Wasn't true then and it isn't true now. Beautiful women have guys crawling all over them, more now than ever before since there are so many electronic means that make it easier.

I agree that this is Dave's problem, however.

What!!! It was a lie?!

I thought beautiful women were easier....

Wait.. They are lol.

I've seen the beauty that do intimate guys.. They usually the first one who are happy when you approach/talk to them.

Are they easier? Yep, cause they open to the game.

Why they open ? Because they arent jaded by it or seek more conversation then a " stare from a creep dude"

How ? If you approach and start conversation.. You already 95% better than every other guys.

When ? You approach as soon you see her or hear "wow she's way too hot for me" ... that's the signal of a hot approachable girl. Lol

In the End: you approach, you have a IDGAF attitude, you aim to close (number/date/lay).. And move on.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be help. They complain all the time, like OP.