Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
It occurs to me that the one huge vulnerability that keeps men stuck in Blue Pill Land is Idealization.
When all is said and done, and the relationship is a flaming wreckage, the dynamics can be reverse-engineered to show that the man was in love with the woman whom he wanted her to be, not whom she actually was.
When we are in a relationship, we are dealing with two entities. One is the actual woman, and the other is the idealized woman. Since men are the true hopeless romantics, they will usually allow the idealized version to eclipse the real version. When the real version acts up, in contrast to the idealized template he carries in his head and heart, a cognitive dissonance occurs that he is not fully aware of, and literal madness creeps in. He will doubt his sanity more and more until his own reactive behavior causes her to leave. He is left bewildered and broken. He is literally in shell shock, on top of the “drug” withdrawal he must now face. He does not understand that she checked out of the relationship months before and did her mourning while still with him. That is why women tend to bounce back so quickly after the breakup. They have already mourned.
The most important thing a man can do is to train himself in avoiding idealization. He must understand in his core that her actions supersede her words, and that her words are largely meaningless.
We men are experts at fixing, adjusting, and configuring. Naturally, when we sense the disparity between the real version and the idealized version, we regard this cognitive dissonance as an aberration that can be adjusted. It will be as simple as rotating a lens to the right spot in order to converge the two versions into one clear image. All we need to do is figure out how to turn the lens. It takes usually years to discover that the disparity between the real and the imagined never had a chance of being resolved.
Idealization kills and drives a man to madness. The greatest thing that a man can teach himself, when it comes to women, is how to avoid idealizing them.
As I see it, there is a distinction between pedestalizing women and idealizing them. Pedestalizing is placing them above you in worth and character. Idealizing is seeing them in an imagined, faultless state. When you idealize, you go mad because you feel there “must” be something wrong with you.
Learn to let go of idealizing. This begins with a shift in attitude. You need to judge every woman for her words and actions, and hold her responsible for both. I mean every single woman you come in contact with. Mothers, sisters, friends, acquaintences, girlfriends. Let them see that you are judging them. This is counterintuitive. Instead of repelling women, you will be attracting them.
Judging women and holding their feet to the fire has the odd but very useful side-effect of eliminating idealization. I don’t know precisely why that is yet, but it has gained me freedom, security and confidence.
There’s a lot of nuance in this judging, which we can further discuss here if you like. There is a way to judge while still being friendly, open, and gentlemanly. Dealing with women successfully always involves doing the counterintuitive thing.
When all is said and done, and the relationship is a flaming wreckage, the dynamics can be reverse-engineered to show that the man was in love with the woman whom he wanted her to be, not whom she actually was.
When we are in a relationship, we are dealing with two entities. One is the actual woman, and the other is the idealized woman. Since men are the true hopeless romantics, they will usually allow the idealized version to eclipse the real version. When the real version acts up, in contrast to the idealized template he carries in his head and heart, a cognitive dissonance occurs that he is not fully aware of, and literal madness creeps in. He will doubt his sanity more and more until his own reactive behavior causes her to leave. He is left bewildered and broken. He is literally in shell shock, on top of the “drug” withdrawal he must now face. He does not understand that she checked out of the relationship months before and did her mourning while still with him. That is why women tend to bounce back so quickly after the breakup. They have already mourned.
The most important thing a man can do is to train himself in avoiding idealization. He must understand in his core that her actions supersede her words, and that her words are largely meaningless.
We men are experts at fixing, adjusting, and configuring. Naturally, when we sense the disparity between the real version and the idealized version, we regard this cognitive dissonance as an aberration that can be adjusted. It will be as simple as rotating a lens to the right spot in order to converge the two versions into one clear image. All we need to do is figure out how to turn the lens. It takes usually years to discover that the disparity between the real and the imagined never had a chance of being resolved.
Idealization kills and drives a man to madness. The greatest thing that a man can teach himself, when it comes to women, is how to avoid idealizing them.
As I see it, there is a distinction between pedestalizing women and idealizing them. Pedestalizing is placing them above you in worth and character. Idealizing is seeing them in an imagined, faultless state. When you idealize, you go mad because you feel there “must” be something wrong with you.
Learn to let go of idealizing. This begins with a shift in attitude. You need to judge every woman for her words and actions, and hold her responsible for both. I mean every single woman you come in contact with. Mothers, sisters, friends, acquaintences, girlfriends. Let them see that you are judging them. This is counterintuitive. Instead of repelling women, you will be attracting them.
Judging women and holding their feet to the fire has the odd but very useful side-effect of eliminating idealization. I don’t know precisely why that is yet, but it has gained me freedom, security and confidence.
There’s a lot of nuance in this judging, which we can further discuss here if you like. There is a way to judge while still being friendly, open, and gentlemanly. Dealing with women successfully always involves doing the counterintuitive thing.
