Is she slowing things down or just busy with her sister while out of state?

[jnMissouri]

She texts me, "Hey, it's your cute blond", calls me her boyfriend, tells me I'm hers and she is mine, talks about me with her family (I've talked with her mother and sister). Wants me to come down and meet them. Texts me daily, including good night texts every night.

She is now visiting her family out of state and right around that time (which she has repeatedly told me she wants me to fly down there to hang out with her and them), especially after a "fight" things changed. I joked about her moving in with me eventually and she was like, uuuuhhhhh, I'm not moving in with you sweety. I health issues and prefer to live alone, etc. Super long flurry of texts every 10 minutes explaining it for an hour but when I told her I was cool with it, we don't need to live together, she didn't respond.

Then the next morning she texted me (usually only texts me at night) asking if I was mad at her. I brought up the topic of last night and told her I wasn't mad but that I'm confused, based on how she usually talks to me about her being mine and me being hers, etc. I thought we were a couple, etc. She didn't respond for an hour or so and I told her oh-oh, she must be getting ready to say something bad....

She texts me an hour after that and says when she is not responding it's usually because she is busy, included a picture of her and her sister getting their nails done at the spa. Then she sends me these texts:

Note: the emphasis with the asterisks is mine to point out specific texts that seem to indicate things are fine.



*You need to stop worrying so much.*

I'm not going to fall off the face of the earth dear.

And you owe me no explanation.

*I get where you're coming from. I didn't pull away.*

I learned that too much too fast is not a good thing and it leaves people with nothing to grow or show for...
I'm looking for growth when it comes to being close or having any form of relationship.

Even if it's few I surround myself with people who challenge me I guess is a good way to put it. I don't chose to be overzealous, I just want calm. Even in distance. I'm weird.

*From there, where we go or grow...well time will tell.*



I told her based on her response it sounds to me like this is still a relationship like I thought, etc. and that I can't believe she got her nails painted yellow, lol.

She responded that it's a specific shade of yellow with laughter.

Other information: she used to text me every night. We still text daily currently but not every night like before all this happened. I'm not sure what to make of it. Am I losing her? Is she trying to slow things down or just busy with her sister like she said?

 

[backseatjuan]

How long ago did these events transpired?

 

[jnMissouri]

How long ago did these events transpired?

Last day or so.

 

[jnMissouri]

Yes she's on her way out. None of her words from before had meaning, all women say that stuff and the sooner she said it the faker it was.

She seemed pretty eager that same night repeatedly asking me to come down and visit her and that I could stay with her and her sister (her sister is married). I think I messed up with the move in together eventually joke. But still. She says she didn't pull away. She's always been sincere with me to date, never any games. Her texts don't sound like pulling away so much as slowing things down. Honestly this doesn't sound like her at all, I think her sister is coaching her all of a sudden.

I guess I will stop texting her and see what she does. In the past when we had fights she would text me, I'd ignore her for a couple weeks, she'd text me again repeatedly and I'd eventually respond and we'd hook up again.

Things seemed to slow down once she started hanging out with her sister the day before this I noticed as well. Things are not the same, that's for sure.

 

[jnMissouri]

It seems to me she is purposely introducing some doubt into the relationship; he's gaming me. I think in a couple days I may text her (I suspect I will hear from her before then but we'll see) and take her up on the offer of visiting her at her sisters.

Her texts don't sound like a break up but they sound like just enough assurance to keep me in the game but just enough doubt to keep me interested in her (this works REALLY well on me....).

 

[SoSuave666]

Dude you have made like 4 threads on this girl. Every one of them asks the same question and the answer is always the same.

You are too needy, too into her, and too obvious. Things with women are never easy and stable and fun and lighthearted. And if they are she's in the power position.

You want her to move in with you after 4 months? You keep asking her if it's a relationship? Grab your ****ing balls and start acting like a man.

 

[backseatjuan]

It's called attention wh0re man. Do not feed the attention wh0re. You are correct, her sister is coaching her, they are sitting together and entertaining themselves.

Why would you care if she is slowing down or pulling away? Why would you give a damn? She's just a plate, she's not your woman, you are not her man, she is next in line for your dck, and you are next in line for her vagina.

 

[BeExcellent]

What do you want with this woman?

That is question #1.

If you want a live in girlfriend be honest with yourself that’s what you want. But you want her to desire the same thing in that case. So rather than being so solicitous of her (which does come across needy) discuss it casually in an offhanded indirect way. Ask her if she likes this apartment or that house or that kitchen or bedroom etc & get her talking. Makes it easier to gauge her interest & then you aren’t asking & asking.

You are over thinking things. Let her hang with the married sister. Text or call occasionally and ask her about her visit. Quit talking about the relationship. Distance and separation can be hard. Try not to freak out. Relax. Things are fine.

Keep yourself occupied so you have things to do and interesting stuff to chat about when you guys communicate.

 

[Chi Town]

Are you even fvcking this girl? Be honest

 

[lamath]

Tl/dr

She is slowing things down, just from the tittle this is the most probable

 

[lamath]

Funny how guys invent conspiracy theories when really she's just on new d1ck lol

Yep i only read the tittle and i knew what was happening. No detail needed

 

[highSpeed]

It seems to me she is purposely introducing some doubt into the relationship; he's gaming me. I think in a couple days I may text her (I suspect I will hear from her before then but we'll see) and take her up on the offer of visiting her at her sisters.

Her texts don't sound like a break up but they sound like just enough assurance to keep me in the game but just enough doubt to keep me interested in her (this works REALLY well on me....).

I hope you don't believe this. Look, she's either interested or she isn't. If you want a serious relationship and she wants something else, well, it seems as if you've gotten your answer. Look at this way, if she wanted a serious commitment out of you, you wouldn't be posting this thread because she'd be moving heaven and earth to get to you.

 

[Mazer]

Don’t ever mention anything about moving in again. You have completely lost frame and this woman is playing with you. Set some boundaries immediately and I would even go low contact on her. You are the woman in this relationship. Get it together. The old saying, Woman who like you, won’t confuse you.

 

[Chi Town]

She's not into you, She s just toying with you, you're delusional

 

[Cckybold]

Spin the plates you won't have problems..

 

[Glassguy]

OP has been around since 2014 and all of these threads made by him are not only far fetched but reek of desperation. He seems to be into insta-relationships which tells me he chases extremely hard.

 

[Dr.Suave]

OP u should be too busy spinning plates while she is out of town. Or if you are monogamous, use the opportunity to focus on your hobbies.

 

[jnMissouri]

Update:

we are planning the cruise details together, we are still a couple. She clarified that she didn't pull away, all those things she had said before she meant them. I still realize I made a huge mistake with the move in comment.

This girl had repeatedly asked me what this is for me 2 months ago (after 2 months of dating), what my intentions are with her. I told her that I was looking for a serious relationship with her and asked her what she is looking for. She said she was looking for a serious relationship with me. So...she has always been interested in one with me and was the first to bring it up and keeps talking about our relationship. But I realize how the move in comment was a huge blunder.

As such I've have drastically slowed my texts to her, partly because hers have slowed mostly due to hanging out with her family from what I can tell. I don't text her more than once or twice a day and skip a day here and there. When I texted her Saturday night, SHE got clingy, texted me several times over an hour, with each text showing that she was wondering why I wasn't responding faster, talking to her more.

I also actually wen through our text message history and apparently had not noticed or had forgotten that she and I both would sometimes not text each other for a day or so, that she would sometimes not respond to my text until I texted her again the next day and vice versa, and that she would get super clingy if I did not text her back a lot of times, blowing up my phone.

Her texting has slowed down since the day she hung out with her sister so I do believe her sister is telling her to not be so available. This girl has NEVER thrown game at me before. If she was available she would tell me so. Heck she was the one asking me out half the time, telling me she wants to see me more often, etc. Lesson learned though, her all of a sudden being less available after being much more available has really screwed with my mind and increased my desire for her.

In any case, I figured I'd give an update for all the "she is not your girl" posts. I still think I made a big mistake with the move in comment and have made a note NEVER to be the first to talk about relationships, liking, loving or moving in together so I avoid this in the future.

I'm probably going to start other threads about this girl if other issues arise because those will be separate quetions (Sosuave6666 just don't reply if it bothers you that people have questions) it's not like it works to just have a long rambling thread with multiple different questions over time....I need a thread title that reflects the question and content when I have a different question so I can get people who have insight into that issue to respond.