Girls becoming distant but won’t allow you to do the same

[Robert28]

I was seeing this girl for about a month awhile back. Honestly we were both busy and were only able to go on 3 dates in 4 weeks, so I wasn’t expecting much. In fact, the week leading up to the 3rd date I noticed she was starting to become distant but I think I noticed too late and made some stupid beta moves like acting like I didn’t notice and continue as everything was peachy. I never said “what’s wrong?” Or “you’re acting different” or anything like that, she said she needed a few days alone to herself and I was like cool, you do whatever you need to do and I went silent. This girl wouldn’t let me ignore her for more than 12 hours before she started contacting me again, then when communication started back up she was back to being distant again. We’d planned a 4th date but she canceled twice. I say cancelled, the first time it was “I’ll let you know” and I never heard from her and so I let it go, never brought it up. The second excuse was “it’s too late” because I couldn’t make it until 8 but yet she countered with the next day. So then I really go silent and be dammed if she didn’t reach out to me AGAIN in 12 hours “hey! Hope you’re having a great day!”. I didn’t respond because I was tired of this hot and cold bs. I ended up standing her up on the date, even though we’d set a time I never showed up. Wouldn’t you know it, her roommate reaches out to me on Facebook and was like “why’d you stand my friend up? That was ****ty of you!”. I didn’t go into the reasoning why but damn how’d I get made out to be the bad guy when she’s the one acting weird on me? I know a red flag was shed just gotten out of a serious relationship that ended badly a couple months before that had her moving back home from across the country and taking a red eye flight with as little crap as she could pack. Still though, I only put in as much effort as the girl does and I wasn’t feeling she was giving near the effort she was in the beginning so I did the same.

I don’t get why girls do this hot and colt crap though, it’s tiresome and if you’re going to go silent on me then expect the same from me.

 

[Robert28]

They're using you.

What was she using me for though? It wasn’t money or anything, guess attention perhaps. Guess I never thought about I was being used since it wasn’t like I was buying her stuff or paying her bills, but I know there’s other ways to use people. I just was off my game with this girl and lost the frame early and tried to recover until I was like screw this and pulled the shock and awe by standing her up.

 

[Robert28]

Attention, validation, safety net. Even if you're on your game it can still happen, it just won't last long.

Well I think where I went wrong is she came across as someone I made the decision too soon that she could be good girlfriend material, I let my guard down I guess. Most girls I can tell within no time if they are worth the effort or not but this girl was good at how she presented herself. Wish I could pinpoint the exact time everything started to go south but it doesn’t matter, I just wanted to know to learn from it next time. I’m glad I figured out in a month what it takes some guys months or years to learn the hard way.

 

[sazc]

Yeah, you gotta learn to read the signals earlier.

A woman who is actually interested won't leave you confused.

 

[Robert28]

Yeah, you gotta learn to read the signals earlier.

A woman who is actually interested won't leave you confused.

Your last line is the 100% truth my friend!

 

[ubercat]

And you really shouldn't be thinking about girlfriend material so early. Your job early on is to provide fun and push for sex. Her job is to keep turning up and keep letting u escalate. If anything other than that is happening you're probably patterning bad habits and you don't want to do that. Most ladies are Penny stocks. Take your profit and get out quick.

About 3 months in you can start screaming for girlfriend material. And I do mean screening. it's never something you should give away easily they do need to work for it. otherwise you've set up a weak frame and it won't last long anyway

the best way to have that all happen naturally is to...... spin plates...bazinga.

 

[Robert28]

And you really shouldn't be thinking about girlfriend material so early. Your job early on is to provide fun and push for sex. Her job was to keep turning up and keep letting u escalate. If anything other than that is happening you're probably patterning bad habits and you don't want to do that. Most ladies are Penny stocks. Take your profit and get out quick.

Well I guess I just saw her as someone I could go on more than just s few dates with is what I meant. I’m sure I did fall back into some bad habits and I think I remember what some were but not all of them. It was just weird that she wouldn’t let me get too far out of her sight if she was losing interest which my gut was telling me she was.

 

[ubercat]

Classic attention*****. AW is. If she's pretty probably has dozens of orbiters. Pump and dump material only. If you are highly skilled you could probably Plate her. your not.

 

[Robert28]

Classic attention*****. AW is. If she's pretty probably has dozens of orbiters. Pump and dump material only. If you are highly skilled you could probably Plate her. your not.

Meh not worth the trouble to be honest even if I were skilled enough.

 

[ubercat]

Haha it must be national ego protection week. It's the old Sun Tzu thing. If you know Your Enemy and know yourself you will win all your battles. if you don't learn how woman operate and keep lying to yourself you're going to win Jack squat.

From your posts you are obviously ltr oriented. Nothing wrong with that I'm a long-standing serial monogamist myself.

The thing is that makes you vulnerable to oneits. I'm assuming you're a relatively Young at least no older than twenties

So what's you have to consider is your real motivation. are you interested in a girlfriend because that keeps that side of your life stable and allows you to push on with your goals.

Or are you operating from a poverty mindset and you want to lock down some girl because you're worried about being able to catch another one.

I'm trying to help here. The two different motivations suggest two different courses of action.

 

[Robert28]

Haha it must be national ego protection week. It's the old Sun Tzu thing. If you know Your Enemy and know yourself you will win all your battles. if you don't learn how woman operate and keep lying to yourself you're going to win Jack squat.

From your posts you are obviously ltr oriented. Nothing wrong with that I'm a long-standing serial monogamist myself.

The thing is that makes you vulnerable to oneits. I'm assuming you're a relatively Young at least no older than twenties

So what's you have to consider is your real motivation. are you interested in a girlfriend because that keeps that side of your life stable and allows you to push on with your goals.

Or are you operating from a poverty mindset and you want to lock down some girl because you're worried about being able to catch another one.

I'm trying to help here. The two different motivations suggest two different courses of action.

Haha you’re way off, I’m 36 actually. Honestly it’s not that I WANT a ltr, but if the right girl came along then yeah sure. I still slip up and make dumb mistakes sometime, even in my old age. My weakness this last time I think was due to the fact that I had been in a relationship for awhile and just became single so having to date all over again was rusty. It was hard to honestly press this girl for sex because of the weird situations she put me in the 3 times she went out.

The first date she invited me over to her house because she was throwing a party, but I did hesitate because I knew I was going to be a fish out of water surrounded by people I didn’t know. I held me own though because I showed interest in her but I didn’t follow her around all night, I mingled with other girls but she would always present herself when she saw those girls laughing or smiling. After everyone left we did make out and I felt her up but we didn’t have sex.

Second date was an actual date where we went out for crab legs and beer. It was my suggestion and she jumped at it, date went fine, we made out more but again, no sex. She mentioned she wanted to come to my house the 3rd date and us cook together and “maybe” she’d spend the night.

3rd date never happened like we planned. Her car broke down and she asked if I’d give her a ride to her mothers because she was going to pickup her car to drive. I did but the weird thing is she didn’t invite me in to meet her mom. That was a red flag and she gave me some excuse but it was something to the effect of “you don’t want to meet my mom yet, she’s quirky”.

4th date took 2 times to plan but I ended up not showing up.

It was just weird all around and while I’ve been on a few first dates, I just wasn’t that interested in the women I was going out with so I didn’t pursue them. I am financially secure, own my own house free and clear and my own business as an electrical contractor. I think she saw me as some potential provider but I don’t know. My gut just told me to bail and I did.

 

[shouldbefun]

Haha it must be national ego protection week. It's the old Sun Tzu thing. If you know Your Enemy and know yourself you will win all your battles. if you don't learn how woman operate and keep lying to yourself you're going to win Jack squat.

From your posts you are obviously ltr oriented. Nothing wrong with that I'm a long-standing serial monogamist myself.

The thing is that makes you vulnerable to oneits. I'm assuming you're a relatively Young at least no older than twenties

So what's you have to consider is your real motivation. are you interested in a girlfriend because that keeps that side of your life stable and allows you to push on with your goals.

Or are you operating from a poverty mindset and you want to lock down some girl because you're worried about being able to catch another one.

I'm trying to help here. The two different motivations suggest two different courses of action.

So true but I mean I like relationships and I want to have one but apparently it reeks neediness out of every guy who wants a relationship.

 

[lamath]

Here is the problem i see, the Thread title. girl go distant but wont allow you to do the same
You should not care if she allows you to do it or not, YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT

You did good standing her up.by not answering her txt.
Seems like a AW, i would just ignore her from now on.

 

[Robert28]

Here is the problem i see, the Theres title. girl go distant but wont allow you to do the same
You should not care if she allows you to do it or not, YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT

You did good standing her up.by not answering her txt.
Seems like a AW, i would just ignore her from now on.

Well I guess what I meant is I've never experienced an AW act so fast as she did. When I tell you she would only allow 12 hours to pass before the "what's wrong? Did I say or do something wrong" text came. I was smart enough not to step on that landmine, I know a trap when I see one. I wouldn't respond right away either, I'd wait a couple hours and respond "sorry just busy!". Left it at that. Then I'd get some long ass story about her telling me something, and I'd just reply lol or "oh yeah?".

 

[lamath]

It is weird **** for sure

I would not waste time trying to understand that need for attention or the crazy way she act.

 

[Billtx49]

Well I guess what I meant is I've never experienced an AW act so fast as she did. When I tell you she would only allow 12 hours to pass before the "what's wrong? Did I say or do something wrong" text came. I was smart enough not to step on that landmine, I know a trap when I see one. I wouldn't respond right away either, I'd wait a couple hours and respond "sorry just busy!". Left it at that. Then I'd get some long ass story about her telling me something, and I'd just reply lol or "oh yeah?".

Verify that her behavior is not a combined childish, desperate, and needy to rule out a possibly disordered woman. If she passes that test then she’s only an AW…
If she doesn’t pass, Exit stage Left.