Silence and distance....even if its your own fault?

[Designer Man]

Well......I've been living with her and her daughter since September and guess what? I'm leaving tomorrow.

It's been ok but there has been quite a lot of arguing mainly over her lack of affection and the fact she hardly came near me in these last 5 months or so. We've had sex only a handful of times. We've had some arguments over silly things and she has tried to vilify me in the eyes of her daughter who actually idolises me. Her parents have also been partially against me saying I don't help out enough and don't clean up enough. I've took care of her daughter when she has worked night shifts and weekends to help her out and done my fair share of cleaning but in her eyes.....not enough.

Christmas was rubbish. She didn't get me much. Socks and chocolate. We both knew the relationship was failing apart and after many discussions we said we'll keep trying.

I have been paying 75% of the bills in the household and when I questioned it she said "if you don't like it you can leave"

Arguments got worse and so did the insults. All this behaviour from both of us was not good in front of a 6 year old and she always blamed me for them. Her daughter sided with her Mother and reported back to her Grandparents. I was made to look like the villain. Painted in a bad light.

The tip of the iceberg came a few days ago, I disagreed with her painting her nails whilst I was eating and she said if I don't like it....leave.
I said I will and now I leave tomorrow. I'm going to be renting a room from a lady in the same town and will have a lot more time on my own.

My priorities now are to work harder and save money. Eventually I want to buy my own house. I'll be looking at dating once my head is clear and generally just focusing on myself and my goals. If she gets in touch I'm not going to respond. This is the only way I can regain control of my life. I hate this woman so much and feel like she has taken me for a financial ride. She has probably used the money to clear her debts. Once I walk away I will never look back. I'm going to miss her daughter so much. I wish I could still be a part of her life.

My friends all told me to get out of this relationship but because I didn't listen, they have nothing to do with me now. As things stand, I don't have any friends and feel like I'm going through a tough time. Most of my time will be spent alone and I'm not sure how this is going to affect me. I still go to the gym 5 times a week but I go alone and usually keep myself to myself.

I have to leave this relationship and forget about it now. The hardest part is starting over again and feeling apprehensive about what my social life is going to be like over the coming months. I have no social life.

 

[sazc]

When her standard retort is "if you don't like it, leave" that's a pretty big indicator that she wants you gone.

Your new life is going to be AWESOME! Have faith in yourself!

 

[Roober]

After reading and learning on this forum, I feel equipped to go back there positive and not slip into the needy insecure behaviour that cost me. I will return as the oak tree not phased by anything and will do my best to help out as long as she also puts the effort in with me. I have 3 weeks to make the knowledge stick and not let anything get to me.

This is from August of last year.

You may have read, but you have learned nothing. And now you have essentially wasted 6 months of your life. It's gone, never coming back.

You now have a choice for the quick fix, or you can decide to change the rest of your life. For your sake, I hope the last 6 months taught you that the quick fix is actually quite the waste of time.

 

[SoSuave666]

What a fantastic thread. If I was here when you started it I would have said immediately to walk away. This is why the "standard advice" is usually good advice. 99% of scenarios like this end the way you are describing.

I feel for you, no lies. You need to stick around and read more. That woman you dated aint ****. Become a man and youll have great success with women. You're still young, you can get some sexy 20 something to knob you off TONIGHT if only you had the right mindset. Stick around.

 

[Designer Man]

I picked up the last of my things and tried to salvage one more go. She wasn't having it and said it's too late for that. Too much has happened and she should've ended it last time I moved out (Apr 18). Her daughter has been a daughter to me and it's going to kill me not seeing her. My ex said I can see her from time to time and still have a role in her life. I suppose that's a positive. I wanted a clean break from my ex but it's going to be difficult when there's a child involved and who has been a big part of my life. Eventually when the child gets a bit older she won't want anything to do with me and eventually will stop wanting to hang out. She has a Dad, as time goes on I will fade in her memory. I'd rather see her occasionally than never again.

So, onto my new non existent social life. Outside of work a lot of my time will be spent alone, thoughts of my ex will flood my mind but I'll refrain from making contact. Do I get on Tinder asap or do I heal first? I bet a lot of readers are thinking "He's got a fresh start, why is he depressed?" Maybe in time I'll feel like that but this is a long process. There's going to be a lot of miserable nights spent alone. I'm still going to the gym but I lack a social life and most of my friends aren't really people I want to hang with. I desperately want her back and for us to be a family again.

 

[SoSuave666]

I picked up the last of my things and tried to salvage one more go. She wasn't having it and said it's too late for that. Too much has happened and she should've ended it last time I moved out (Apr 18). Her daughter has been a daughter to me and it's going to kill me not seeing her. My ex said I can see her from time to time and still have a role in her life. I suppose that's a positive. I wanted a clean break from my ex but it's going to be difficult when there's a child involved and who has been a big part of my life. Eventually when the child gets a bit older she won't want anything to do with me and eventually will stop wanting to hang out. She has a Dad, as time goes on I will fade in her memory. I'd rather see her occasionally than never again.

So, onto my new non existent social life. Outside of work a lot of my time will be spent alone, thoughts of my ex will flood my mind but I'll refrain from making contact. Do I get on Tinder asap or do I heal first? I bet a lot of readers are thinking "He's got a fresh start, why is he depressed?" Maybe in time I'll feel like that but this is a long process. There's going to be a lot of miserable nights spent alone. I'm still going to the gym but I lack a social life and most of my friends aren't really people I want to hang with. I desperately want her back and for us to be a family again.

Cut everything about the woman out of your life, including the child. I understand that's difficult but she is not yours, and will eventually grow up to be like "who tf is this guy trying to talk to me like I'm his kid???" You need to move on.

As far as getting back out there, it's a personal thing. For me, I would immediately go try and game easy women. Just get some girls to want you and give you attention, it feels good. If you don't think you are ready for that then take some time and do other things. See family/friends a whole bunch. LIFT WEIGHTS to get your test up.

Any time you think about slipping up just go post in the No Contact thread on the main forum. NC is the ONLY way to go, delete and block her number. You should never see her or her kid again.

 

[Spaz]

I picked up the last of my things and tried to salvage one more go. She wasn't having it and said it's too late for that. Too much has happened and she should've ended it last time I moved out (Apr 18). Her daughter has been a daughter to me and it's going to kill me not seeing her. My ex said I can see her from time to time and still have a role in her life. I suppose that's a positive. I wanted a clean break from my ex but it's going to be difficult when there's a child involved and who has been a big part of my life. Eventually when the child gets a bit older she won't want anything to do with me and eventually will stop wanting to hang out. She has a Dad, as time goes on I will fade in her memory. I'd rather see her occasionally than never again.

So, onto my new non existent social life. Outside of work a lot of my time will be spent alone, thoughts of my ex will flood my mind but I'll refrain from making contact. Do I get on Tinder asap or do I heal first? I bet a lot of readers are thinking "He's got a fresh start, why is he depressed?" Maybe in time I'll feel like that but this is a long process. There's going to be a lot of miserable nights spent alone. I'm still going to the gym but I lack a social life and most of my friends aren't really people I want to hang with. I desperately want her back and for us to be a family again.

That child ain't ur blood.

Brutally cut her off in ur mind and physically dismiss what's not of ur bloodline.

A man's full time job is always himself - being profitable in every situation - continously improving. Don't forget that.

If you go against that, then u r fvcked.

 

[Designer Man]

A month today. Although the tears have stopped it still hurts. I keep asking myself "how can she do this?" "Why would she not want to be with me?" She's on my mind all the time, we've texted throughout this last month and I've asked her to reconsider and tried to convince her that I've realised my mistakes and that I can give her a good life.

She still doesn't want it as she says "it's not what I want right now" "too much has happened" "it's gone past that" "I've got too much stress at the moment to think about it"
There has to be a way to win her back. A lot of people say she needs to miss what she's lost but it's already been a month. It would've happened by now surely?

I've spoke to other girls but not met anyone. It's not really what I want. I keep wanting to hear from my ex but I know she will only come back if she really wants to. With the good weather only around the corner, I dread to think how I will feel as I'll be thinking about all the things we could be doing and wondering what is she actually doing. It's been a difficult month, I've had various thoughts running through my mind and apart from me, nobody else cares. For all my family know, I could be dead. For all my friends now, I could be dead. Nobody cares. I've lost people who mean the world to me and I try to be optimistic about meeting new people but I just can't at the minute. I still feel there could be hope. I just want her to text and get this all over with. Trying to get through a work out at the minute is hard enough. Every time I get in the car and start driving I cry my eyes out. My mind feels foggy and I've had some really bad days. Some days just walking around like a zombie feeling empty and confused.

 

[SoSuave666]

You are 32 years old, so much life to live. And lucky you it will be without this single mommy that treated you like crap.

She is a nobody. A nothing. She is of no concern to you anymore, she made that abundantly clear. Enjoy your life as a young single man with life ahead of him. Work out, meet new chicks.

 

[Designer Man]

You are 32 years old, so much life to live. And lucky you it will be without this single mommy that treated you like crap.

She is a nobody. A nothing. She is of no concern to you anymore, she made that abundantly clear. Enjoy your life as a young single man with life ahead of him. Work out, meet new chicks.

Thanks for your reply. I can't escape the mindset that my life won't be good without her even though I spent a lot of time with her miserable. I see the good rather than the bad and just can't change how I feel. Still working out and focusing on work. Saving to buy my own place. Texting a few girls but nothing materialising just yet. I'm not gonna lie, I wish her feelings would change. She has no attraction for me and it's my fault.

 

[SoSuave666]

Thanks for your reply. I can't escape the mindset that my life won't be good without her even though I spent a lot of time with her miserable. I see the good rather than the bad and just can't change how I feel. Still working out and focusing on work. Saving to buy my own place. Texting a few girls but nothing materialising just yet. I'm not gonna lie, I wish her feelings would change. She has no attraction for me and it's my fault.

It is your fault but not for the reasons you think. It's time to man up, grab your balls, and move on. Please read your posts and ask yourself "would any woman want to be with a man who is acting like I am acting?" Your success in life should not depend on a woman...again I say you have your whole life ahead of you. Do your best to not waste another moment thinking about this broad.

 

[Designer Man]

Keep stopping and starting with no contact. She let me down yesterday last minute for seeing the child and basically said her feelings haven't changed since we split. Got a bit emotional and angry with her asking how she can be so calm in all this like it's nothing. Called her a narcissist and hung up. Trying to go without contacting her again. It helps when it's sunny outside, lifted my mood a little.

I sent her a text last night saying I'll never get close to anyone again. I sort of feel full of anger but not particularly aimed at anyone. Just at society as I know I can't trust anyone in this world. This break up has made me a little bit cold. Not sure if that's a good thing but I'm feeling quite cynical at the moment. Feeling a bit like Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas.