Don’t know what to do

[flowtheory]

I feel like I’m being put in a weird spot with the woman I’m still seeing. After a young woman from my class wanted to hangout - Chloe - we agreed that one on ones with new people isn’t the best and doesn’t have a place in a relationship. So we won’t do that anymore.

-fast forward 1 month-


Lately, she’s had some guys from her past reach out asking her to grab a coffee or lunch. She met with one last Friday for a lunch (David).
And now another guy (George) reached out to her early this week and they chatted. He asked her to get together for a coffee for Wednesday but they rescheduled for saturday morning (today)
Throughout the conversation there were lots of these faces and exclamation marks on both sides. She brought up that she was doing this and showed me the text conversation; so she was forthcoming about it. She went out with George twice before last summer but was not interested in him and they never kissed.

She has told me about both incidents prior to the meetings; she met both over online dating. Didn’t kiss or do anything with either of them but assumes they both liked or maybe still like her in some sense.
And with David she said she was aware of some attraction feelings on both her and his side last Friday at lunch. But says just friends but doesn’t know if they will meet up anytime soon again..

It’s odd to me, because it feels like they are legit dates, because why else would a guy reach out to a woman? And she’s just choosing to entertain them but pretend to be oblivious that it is one. And her telling me about them beforehand alleviates the guilt of her still maybe exploring options, even if they are older to see how she feels with other guys one on one. Because in this recent messsge she never even mentioned that she was seeing someone. So I bet George is under the impression it is a date.
Because why go spend time one on one with guys who she legit hasn’t seen since end of last summer or early October? They aren’t real friends, and she must clearly know this

Does this not seem sketch? She assured me she doesn’t want anything romantically with anyone else but me in a text last night. But also has stated she has her ‘reservations’ about her and I in previous talks, which is fine because we’ve only been exclusive for 2 months. But I just don’t get why take the route of going one on ones with guys from her past. When I know damn well she would be irate if the situation were reversed.

I’m trying to not be controlling, understanding and all of that which is needed in relationships, but this feels nauseating and disrespectful. Because if she’s doing it because she’s unsure of me and her, and one of those guys is on point in one of these get togethers it simply puts more doubt in her mind. It’s like a form of sabotage

She sent me this message last night without any promoting. So clearly I believe she knows that what she’s doing is a game..
“I just want to say, because maybe I would want to be reassured also, that I’m not going on a date tomorrow. I am seeing a sweet friend, whom I care about as a friend. I am not keeping options open, nor do I want to date anyone else at present. I have robust swatting away capabilities. I hope that works for you.”

Thoughts?

 

[marmel75]

Why would she go out with a guy she has been out with twice before and wasn't interested in him?

Something isn't adding up here.

 

[flowtheory]

Why would she go out with a guy she has been out with twice before and wasn't interested in him?

Something isn't adding up here.

This is what doesn’t make any sense. She said she enjoyed their conversation and he was a really nice person, and when he reached out, she thought it would be nice to get together again.

 

[lamath]

This is not ok, it is clearly a disrespect, This is NEXTI territories
She should know its not acceptable, iif she dont there is something wrong with her.
Im thinking her interest level is droping fast., time to set some boundaries and not with talk.

 

[marmel75]

I would probably tell her have fun on the date and you'll be scheduling a few of your own. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

[jaymbrs]

Women are really good at convincing themselves they don't know what's going on around them. The guys reaching out to her are not reaching out because they have good conversation with her. Yet she will pretend she doesn't know the deal and will continue keeping these guys around for validation and possible future branch swinging.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Your relationship is absolutely, 100% over. The thing for you to do is a preemptive strike. She is preparing to bail on you the first chance she gets.

You need to wake up to the fact that your woman is dating other men right under your nose. You do realize that these are bona fide DATES she is going on, don't you?

If you allow this for one more day you will have lost all self-respect.

Step away by dispassionately telling her that you don't deal with women who desire to date other men. it's over.

My God, it is sickening to read what I'm reading here. A man must NEVER allow this outrageous behavior in his kingdom. I really hope for your sake that you stand up and take care of business.

 

[jaymbrs]

She has told me about both incidents prior to the meetings; she met both over online dating. Didn’t kiss or do anything with either of them but assumes they both liked or maybe still like her in some sense.
And with David she said she was aware of some attraction feelings on both her and his side last Friday at lunch. But says just friends but doesn’t know if they will meet up anytime soon again..

It’s odd to me, because it feels like they are legit dates, because why else would a guy reach out to a woman? And she’s just choosing to entertain them but pretend to be oblivious that it is one. And her telling me about them beforehand alleviates the guilt of her still maybe exploring options, even if they are older to see how she feels with other guys one on one. Because in this recent messsge she never even mentioned that she was seeing someone. So I bet George is under the impression it is a date.
Because why go spend time one on one with guys who she legit hasn’t seen since end of last summer or early October? They aren’t real friends, and she must clearly know this

This guy is trolling.

 

[lamath]

Your relationship is absolutely, 100% over. The thing for you to do is a preemptive strike. She is preparing to bail on you the first chance she gets.

You need to wake up to the fact that your woman is dating other men right under your nose. You do realize that these are bona fide DATES she is going on, don't you?

If you allow this for one more day you will have lost all self-respect.

Step away by dispassionately telling her that you don't deal with women who desire to date other men. it's over.

My God, it is sickening to read what I'm reading here. A man must NEVER allow this outrageous behavior in his kingdom. I really hope for your sake that you stand up and take care of business.

This

Some ppl have no integrity and no respect. She is not quality.
I would just vanish with no explanation.

 

[lamath]

This guy is trolling.

from Flows past thread i dont think he is.

 

[flowtheory]

Women are really good at convincing themselves they don't know what's going on around them. The guys reaching out to her are not reaching out because they have good conversation with her. Yet she will pretend she doesn't know the deal and will continue keeping these guys around for validation and possible future branch swinging.

What would you suggest is the solution in handling this? Sit down and express that I’m not interested in partaking in a relationship where this behaviour is present. Setting a solid boundary.

Your relationship is absolutely, 100% over. The thing for you to do is a preemptive strike. She is preparing to bail on you the first chance she gets.

You need to wake up to the fact that your woman is dating other men right under your nose. You do realize that these are bona fide DATES she is going on, don't you?

If you allow this for one more day you will have lost all self-respect.

Step away by dispassionately telling her that you don't deal with women who desire to date other men. it's over.

My God, it is sickening to read what I'm reading here. A man must NEVER allow this outrageous behavior in his kingdom. I really hope for your sake that you stand up and take care of business.

I don’t know if this is entirely true. If she was ready to branch swing, and given her insane honesty towards situations I would think she would just end it if she weren’t happy. Much less she wouldn’t be sending me the text she did yesterday. Or care in many other ways which she has.
I don’t know why she’s doing what she is. It could be to show she has options and use dread tactics for control.

I know she doesn’t like that I hangout with my ex girlfriend (whom I’ve been solid friends with for two years post breakup)

 

[flowtheory]

This guy is trolling.

I don’t think he is trolling her.

 

[guru1000]

Told you Flow what will happen with a weak frame. She tested you many times and you never showed her your teeth aka boundaries.

Now she will be cheating on you with your overt approval.

Dump her. I know you won’t so perhaps her imminent cheat will wake up your masculinity for the next girl.

 

[AJ84]

I feel like I’m being put in a weird spot with the woman I’m still seeing. After a young woman from my class wanted to hangout - Chloe - we agreed that one on ones with new people isn’t the best and doesn’t have a place in a relationship. So we won’t do that anymore.

-fast forward 1 month-


Lately, she’s had some guys from her past reach out asking her to grab a coffee or lunch. She met with one last Friday for a lunch (David).
And now another guy (George) reached out to her early this week and they chatted. He asked her to get together for a coffee for Wednesday but they rescheduled for saturday morning (today)
Throughout the conversation there were lots of these faces and exclamation marks on both sides. She brought up that she was doing this and showed me the text conversation; so she was forthcoming about it. She went out with George twice before last summer but was not interested in him and they never kissed.

She has told me about both incidents prior to the meetings; she met both over online dating. Didn’t kiss or do anything with either of them but assumes they both liked or maybe still like her in some sense.
And with David she said she was aware of some attraction feelings on both her and his side last Friday at lunch. But says just friends but doesn’t know if they will meet up anytime soon again..

It’s odd to me, because it feels like they are legit dates, because why else would a guy reach out to a woman? And she’s just choosing to entertain them but pretend to be oblivious that it is one. And her telling me about them beforehand alleviates the guilt of her still maybe exploring options, even if they are older to see how she feels with other guys one on one. Because in this recent messsge she never even mentioned that she was seeing someone. So I bet George is under the impression it is a date.
Because why go spend time one on one with guys who she legit hasn’t seen since end of last summer or early October? They aren’t real friends, and she must clearly know this

Does this not seem sketch? She assured me she doesn’t want anything romantically with anyone else but me in a text last night. But also has stated she has her ‘reservations’ about her and I in previous talks, which is fine because we’ve only been exclusive for 2 months. But I just don’t get why take the route of going one on ones with guys from her past. When I know damn well she would be irate if the situation were reversed.

I’m trying to not be controlling, understanding and all of that which is needed in relationships, but this feels nauseating and disrespectful. Because if she’s doing it because she’s unsure of me and her, and one of those guys is on point in one of these get togethers it simply puts more doubt in her mind. It’s like a form of sabotage

She sent me this message last night without any promoting. So clearly I believe she knows that what she’s doing is a game..
“I just want to say, because maybe I would want to be reassured also, that I’m not going on a date tomorrow. I am seeing a sweet friend, whom I care about as a friend. I am not keeping options open, nor do I want to date anyone else at present. I have robust swatting away capabilities. I hope that works for you.”

Thoughts?

Female perspective: It feels disrespectful because it is.

She met these guys online, so at some point they were considered of some interest to her, and they clearly have sexual interest in her. It’s called online dating for a reason.

She told you that she thinks they may be interested in her in that way, and she continues to arrange meetings with them.
What would she do if the script was flipped and it was you who was meeting up with ‘friends’ you met via online dating?

She’s telling you that it’s nothing because she would ‘want to be reassured also’ - guilt. She knows what she’s going is kind of sh*tty.

No this is not you being controlling, it’s you having boundaries and looking for a way to communicate them which you should, what she is doing is wrong.

And she knows it.

 

[lamath]

What would you suggest is the solution in handling this? Sit down and express that I’m not interested in partaking in a relationship where this behaviour is present. Setting a solid boundary.


I don’t know if this is entirely true. If she was ready to branch swing, and given her insane honesty towards situations I would think she would just end it if she weren’t happy. Much less she wouldn’t be sending me the text she did yesterday. Or care in many other ways which she has.
I don’t know why she’s doing what she is. It could be to show she has options and use dread tactics for control.

I know she doesn’t like that I hangout with my ex girlfriend (whom I’ve been solid friends with for two years post breakup)

Where did you meet her? online?

Its like raising a kid, they never completely disrespect you when they dont listen to you they stay in the grey zone where your not sure if its a disrespect or not. But be assure it is a disrespect.

Ik you have invested in this and dont want to let it go that easily, but if this is not fixed asap it will get worst.
It is a very bad signs, if i where you id let her know it is not acceptable with some concrete actions. If problem is not fix time to NEXT

 

[lamath]

She’s telling you that it’s nothing because she would ‘want to be reassured also’ - guilt. She knows what she’s going is kind of sh*tty.
.

Spot on

 

[RickTheToad]

I feel like I’m being put in a weird spot with the woman I’m still seeing. After a young woman from my class wanted to hangout - Chloe - we agreed that one on ones with new people isn’t the best and doesn’t have a place in a relationship. So we won’t do that anymore.

-fast forward 1 month-


Lately, she’s had some guys from her past reach out asking her to grab a coffee or lunch. She met with one last Friday for a lunch (David).
And now another guy (George) reached out to her early this week and they chatted. He asked her to get together for a coffee for Wednesday but they rescheduled for saturday morning (today)
Throughout the conversation there were lots of these faces and exclamation marks on both sides. She brought up that she was doing this and showed me the text conversation; so she was forthcoming about it. She went out with George twice before last summer but was not interested in him and they never kissed.

She has told me about both incidents prior to the meetings; she met both over online dating. Didn’t kiss or do anything with either of them but assumes they both liked or maybe still like her in some sense.
And with David she said she was aware of some attraction feelings on both her and his side last Friday at lunch. But says just friends but doesn’t know if they will meet up anytime soon again..

It’s odd to me, because it feels like they are legit dates, because why else would a guy reach out to a woman? And she’s just choosing to entertain them but pretend to be oblivious that it is one. And her telling me about them beforehand alleviates the guilt of her still maybe exploring options, even if they are older to see how she feels with other guys one on one. Because in this recent messsge she never even mentioned that she was seeing someone. So I bet George is under the impression it is a date.
Because why go spend time one on one with guys who she legit hasn’t seen since end of last summer or early October? They aren’t real friends, and she must clearly know this

Does this not seem sketch? She assured me she doesn’t want anything romantically with anyone else but me in a text last night. But also has stated she has her ‘reservations’ about her and I in previous talks, which is fine because we’ve only been exclusive for 2 months. But I just don’t get why take the route of going one on ones with guys from her past. When I know damn well she would be irate if the situation were reversed.

I’m trying to not be controlling, understanding and all of that which is needed in relationships, but this feels nauseating and disrespectful. Because if she’s doing it because she’s unsure of me and her, and one of those guys is on point in one of these get togethers it simply puts more doubt in her mind. It’s like a form of sabotage

She sent me this message last night without any promoting. So clearly I believe she knows that what she’s doing is a game..
“I just want to say, because maybe I would want to be reassured also, that I’m not going on a date tomorrow. I am seeing a sweet friend, whom I care about as a friend. I am not keeping options open, nor do I want to date anyone else at present. I have robust swatting away capabilities. I hope that works for you.”

Thoughts?

You're the backup while she's entertaining other offers. Show her the door. Unless, you have an open relationship; which hardly ever work.

 

[jaymbrs]

What would you suggest is the solution in handling this? Sit down and express that I’m not interested in partaking in a relationship where this behaviour is present. Setting a solid boundary.

If it were me, I would break it down to her as if she's a child and let her know the dinners she's going on are called dates, it is not okay to go on dates with guys she met on dating sites and if she continues to do so, you will walk away from this.

 

[jaymbrs]

She already knows lol. The point is this is what she wants to be doing which makes her disqualified.

Agree I know she knows. He's asking me what he should do. I assume he's not going to just vanish. So this is what I would do.

 

[guru1000]

She already knows lol. The point is this is what she wants to be doing which makes her disqualified. 0 benefit from giving her an opportunity to rehabilitate herself. You have to be opportunistic and take advantage of things like this to walk.

LA, I want to you to pay heed here. It’s not her, it’s him.

Most would do the same with a man who carries a weak frame and boundaries, as he cannot be trusted to lead her. Hence, she keeps him until she finds a man who can.

If anything, she’s upfront about it.