Is she powerplaying me?

[Die Hard]

This is common sense to anyone who has actually dated a woman. Who says this stuff, even as a joke, to a woman on a date? I mean really, does anyone here expect a girl to actually be turned on by that statement. This is basic dating 101, and he failed.
Like come on lol if some girl looked at your penis and said well it’s kind of small but whatever. And you got understandably miffed and she said she was ‘just joking’, how would you feel?
F**k? It’s actually hilarious how stupid this was and how some here think she’s the one with the issues because she’s not swinging off his penis after basically being told she is undesirable.

Fvck you.... You're woman aren't you? Of course you'll have this viewpoint where a guy shouldn't insult a woman (whether it's intentionally or unintentionally).

 

[Chi Town]

Yeah like I said, we were busting each other's balls all the time, so I was a bit surprised that she suddenly reacted so strongly.

I see how some members are drawing the simple conclusion that I fvcked up coz I insulted her and it's normal for her to "dislike" me because of it. But come on, she got over it that night and things returned to normal, she was being very enthusiastic again after we moved on from that situation, told me she liked us together and wanted to see me again. Then two days later she becomes distant because of that one remark after all? Something doesn't add up there....
Then when I tell her we should talk on the phone, she starts playing around, telling me we'll have to see about tonight. If she were serious about it, she would do the damn phone call with me. But instead, she saw my offer as another chance to fvck with me, I supposedly had to wait for her to see if she was up for it tonight or if she would make me wait for another day, basically as if she said: "Hmm, I don't know if you've earned it yet, we'll see..." Come on, that's just playing childish games and it tells a lot about her character.

So no, I think it's very simplistic to just say: "You were insulting, and that's why you lost her." Regardless of my "insulting" remark, her actions show that she's a gameplayer. Right after I made the remark, I think she was playing a game already, seeing if I would supplicate to her if she responded upset at my remark, and see how much effort I would then make to apologize and "win her favor" again. Which I did, as everything was cool the rest of the night. But then she turned around two days later again. Pure and simple game-playing from her side I actually believe I lost her respect when I extensively explained her that she shouldn't take it personally. I don't think I lost her because of the remark, I believe I lost her because of the weak behavior I showed after. So no, I didn't lose her because I was too much of a jerk, I lost her because I was too much of a nice guy!

Obviously, it's never a good idea to purposely insult a girl, but that wasn't what I was doing anyway. I just busted her balls with that remark and she took it the wrong way. It can happen. But regardless of that stuff, she has played games with me in the aftermath. Which tells me that shyt would have hit the fan one way or another between her and me, even if I hadn't made that remark. I just wish I had fvcked her silly before shyt hit the fan....

The guys on here are clueless, you didn't do anything wrong, especially since you guys banter regularly, you didn't lose her for "insulting" a 32 year old grown ass woman who can't take a joke lol there just wasn't enough attraction on her part......

You have women who stay with boyfriends who knock there lights out and leave them with black eyes, meanwhile, this women decides not to fvck with a guy because of a joke? Please.....

 

[Die Hard]

Anyway, I feel good!

See, I felt bad when she didn't want to set up a second date and told me that she wasn't ready to start something new with a guy. I felt like I wasn't good enough for her. I was secretly hoping that she was a good girl who could offer me something more than just sex, some more meaningful interaction... So I felt I had lost the chance of that when she didn't want to meet again.

But now I know she's a game-playing bytch. Good riddance. And no, I'm not just brainwashing myself into believing that, the signs are there. I just wish I could've fvcked her, coz she has a great body... But losing some pvssy doesn't mess with my head or my self esteem, whereas I genuinely felt bad when she first told me she didn't want to meet up again. So it's all good now.

 

[lamath]

The guys on here are clueless, you didn't do anything wrong, especially since you guys banter regularly, you didn't lose her for "insulting" a 32 year old grown ass woman who can't take a joke lol there just wasn't enough attraction on her part......

You have women who stay with boyfriends who knock there lights out and leave them with black eyes, meanwhile, this women decides not to fvck with a guy because of a joke? Please.....

Im in agreement with you,

What he said hit a nerve its that simple, she notice she was losing her looks.Would not have turn so bad with a secure women imo.
Not the best choice of joke/insult but w/e it happens

 

[AJ84]

Fvck you.... You're woman aren't you? Of course you'll have this viewpoint where a guy shouldn't insult a woman (whether it's intentionally or unintentionally).

I have the viewpoint that it’s dumb to insult someone who didn’t warrant the insult, esp if you’re on a date with them. If she insulted you like that it would be dumb of her as well. This isn’t a gender difference in viewpoints, it’s f**’ing common sense and maturity dude, don’t get mad at me because you don’t have it. By all means, keep insulting your dates.

Good luck with it.

 

[guru1000]

The guys on here are clueless, ...

You're 25. How much experience do you have with 30s girl. For your sake, I hope not much.

Your arena, girls 18-23 is easy mode. Different game altogether. I can walk out and leave a 23 yo in restaurant with no explanation, and she'll stand by the phone for a few months waiting for my phone call. For older women, it doesn't work that way.

And as to men beating their women, and the women staying. That is a predominantly Latin, low-class thing. Although, your past runs in these circles does not mean your future must. Don't beat your woman either for many reasons with the most important being YOUR future well being.

 

[sazc]

Good Lord....

Well, good for her for having boundaries and standards enough to shut down exploring something with someone who appears insensitive. No one wants an LTR with someone who doesn't understand where to draw the line in conversation so they don't hurt your feelings.

I'm not saying this IS you, OP, I'm just dating that is who you came off as, in her eyes.

You guys lament ALL the the time about how women are emotional creatures. Suggesting that she is loosing her looks because she is getting old is going to hurt her psychologically and egotistically.

Rule of thumb : is what you are about to say going to help or hurt the moment?

It's not a sh1t test Take it as a lesson learned. Move on from her, she's telling your mutual friends what an a$$hole you are, at this very moment.

 

[sazc]

Im in agreement with you,

What he said hit a nerve its that simple, she notice she was losing her looks.Would not have turn so bad with a secure women imo.
Not the best choice of joke/insult but w/e it happens

An insecure woman is going to seriously question her looks if a man said that to her. She will be visibly upset, fixated on herself for the rest of the night, and might even continue to look in the mirror and ask about it to him.

A secure woman is going to be insulted, and view him as lacking the ability to empathize in that he believes it's okay to even comment on her looks.

No smart woman wants to date a man who comes across as lacking the ability to be empathetic.

Good, solid partners have this trait... at least the ability to screen what comes out of their mouth.

Is it going to help, or hurt?

 

[Chi Town]

You're 25. How much experience do you have with 30s girl. For your sake, I hope not much.

Your arena, girls 18-23 is easy mode. Different game altogether. I can walk out and leave a 23 yo in restaurant with no explanation, and she'll stand by the phone for a few months waiting for my phone call. For older women, it doesn't work that way

True enough, but even though 18-23 is my arena I have some experience with much older women, nothing serious outside of sex and just "hanging out"

I'm known to be a very blunt and outspoken person and love to talk sh!t in a playful way and I have never had a women react this way, though I have had women "play mad" at me lol, if I say something that offends her then oh well, I don't censor myself like most, I speak my mind.

To me, if someone(especially a 32 year old) can't handle some teasing then she's not on my radar as she won't be able to handle someone like me, I love the ones who talk sh!t back......

Her reacting this way would of turned me off as I prefer the ones who can banter back with me not act like a middle school girl who got her feelings hurt because someone said something mean to her lol

Call it for what it is, she wasn't that into to him.

 

[Chi Town]

An insecure woman is going to seriously question her looks if a man said that to her. She will be visibly upset, fixated on herself for the rest of the night, and might even continue to look in the mirror and ask about it to him.

A secure woman is going to be insulted, and view him as lacking the ability to empathize in that he believes it's okay to even comment on her looks.

No smart woman wants to date a man who comes across as lacking the ability to be empathetic.

Good, solid partners have this trait... at least the ability to screen what comes out of their mouth.

Is it going to help, or hurt?

Nonsense, are you saying she made a whole assumption on the OP Personality based on a joke? You think she was able to tell he has no empathy because he said a bad joke? Not buying it

 

[guru1000]

True enough, but even though 18-23 is my arena I have some experience with much older women, nothing serious outside of sex and just "hanging out"

I'm known to be a very blunt and outspoken person and love to talk sh!t in a playful way and I have never had a women react this way, though I have had women "play mad" at me lol, if I say something that offends her then oh well, I don't censor myself like most, I speak my mind.

To me, if someone(especially a 32 year old) can't handle some teasing then she's not on my radar as she won't be able to handle someone like me, I love the ones who talk sh!t back......

Her reacting this way would of turned me off as I prefer the ones who can banter back with me not act like a middle school girl who got her feelings hurt because someone said something mean to her lol

Call it for what it is, she wasn't that into to him.

Different breed of women in their 30s, generally. That's why I like young women too, easier to deal with, more fun, less baggage. But they too, can get insulted if I carry no filter. But I'm a savage in banter, so I have yet to meet a worthy opponent.

Still OP, should have fvcked her first, insulted her later.

 

[lamath]

An insecure woman is going to seriously question her looks if a man said that to her. She will be visibly upset, fixated on herself for the rest of the night, and might even continue to look in the mirror and ask about it to him.

A secure woman is going to be insulted, and view him as lacking the ability to empathize in that he believes it's okay to even comment on her looks.

No smart woman wants to date a man who comes across as lacking the ability to be empathetic.

Good, solid partners have this trait... at least the ability to screen what comes out of their mouth.

Is it going to help, or hurt?

I see what you mean
I think his reaction or tone when she talked about her age might have been the trigger and might have been perceived as condescension.
imo a women easily getting insulted is not worth pursuing.

 

[sazc]

Nonsense, are you saying she made a whole assumption on the OP Personality based on a joke? You think she was able to tell he has no empathy because he said a bad joke? Not buying it

I'm not assuming that, if you read the entirety of what he posted, she actually SAID that (made a whole assumption of OPs personality based on what he said -which, btw, she didn't think was humorous)

 

[guru1000]

I see what you mean
I think his reaction or tone when she talked about her age might have been the trigger and might have been perceived as condescension.
imo a women easily getting insulted is not worth pursuing.

Here's the thing: many are not aware of how their words come across. This is part of social acuity: That is knowing thy audience, and dealing with them correctly to achieve YOUR aim, whatever that aim might be.

I'm interested in winning the interaction. Sometimes winning is just bantering her away, literally, like what OP did which I have also done, though purposefully. Other times, it's just sex. Here, though, it seems OP was interested in a pump and possible dump, which he wasn't able to achieve.

It's OK if OP drove her away with his banter IF that is what he desired to do. But he didn't. Can't exactly say ex post-facto, "I didn't want her anyway." LOL

 

[sazc]

I see what you mean
I think his reaction or tone when she talked about her age might have been the trigger and might have been perceived as condescension.
imo a women easily getting insulted is not worth pursuing.

Agreed. He said X she felt Y this changed the dynamic. They are not a good match.

My theory is that she felt like she was opening up and getting vulnerable with someone she was starting to like. (That's what happens) The potentiallity of 'catching feelings' is a fragile time. Therefore she was in an emotionally extra sensitive zone when the comment was made, and it hit her like an (insensitive) brick. Depending on her last relationship, of he was not verbally nice, she uses it as a yardstick to measure him the fvck out of her yard

It's not OPs "fault" per se. OP just has to decide if he wants to be more careful next time, or if he just wants to let himself come thru, and flesh out a chick that digs him the way he is.

This is life. This is DATING not a 'power play'

 

[Chi Town]

I'm not assuming that, if you read the entirety of what he posted, she actually SAID that (made a whole assumption of OPs personality based on what he said -which, btw, she didn't think was humorous)

You think she was highly attracted to him until the bad joke? Lol

Be honest......

If you was really into a guy who said a bad joke you would get over it soon enough, you would only drop him so abruptly if you had a "I can take it or leave it attitude"

 

[sazc]

You think she was highly attracted to him until the bad joke? Lol

Be honest......

If you was really into a guy who said a bad joke you would get over it soon enough, you would only drop him so abruptly if you had a "I can take it or leave it attitude"

I'm going with what he said. BUNCH of IOIs. Touching, flirting, closeness. To me that says she's interested.

She didn't think his joke was funny. To her it was an insult. Indicative of a man who is unable to be empathetic. Again, you guys run around here blaming women's emotions for their behavior WHEN it spares your egos. Yet, when it's clear that his "joke" killed the vibe that existed, you refuse to admit your mantra of "women are highly emotional creatures".

On serious reflection that emotional woman decided he hurt her feelings too much to continue.

From what he stated, she was all into it. Then he hurt her feelings and, rather than risk dating someone who lacks empathy, she decides to move on.

This sh1t happens. It's not his fault. He just has to decide how to handle the experience.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

• Now here's the rub: We were teasing each other a lot, had much playful banter, we were very "loose"in conversation. Then at one point we were discussing age, meeting a potential partner etc. She said: "I am now at an age (32) where it's becoming harder to find a man..." I couldn't help but smile, actually I had to laugh but I supressed it and this was obviously visible to her. Of course I thought of SoSuave, I think I even watched a video of Rollo discussing the wall and epiphany phase that same afternoon hahaha. So she asked why I laughed but I said it was nothing and told her to carry on. So she continued and said: "Anyway, I am now at an age (32) where it's becoming harder to find a man who doesn't already have kids." So as she started the sentence, I thought she was gonna address the wall and losing her looks (which is why I started laughing already) But as she continued, it was apparently about finding a guy without kids.
• Anyway, she asked me again "Why did you laugh?" I teased her and hinted at the wall, I told her "I thought you were gonna say that it's becoming harder to find a guy because you're getting older and losing your youthful looks, ~wink" She said "How so?" So I responded "Well, you know how women lose their good looks quite rapidly once they passed 30, while us guys don't have that problem"

That last bit was where it ended. You were likely reading too much into your mutual attraction. She was complaining about the WORLD and you flipped it around and made it a problem about HER.

Game over.

Stop over-analyzing and find somebody else.

(and never talk about fight club)

 

[sazc]

(and never talk about fight club)

#Duh! SMH

 

[AJ84]

Members here preach about hard nexting and dismissing any girl who shows disrespect.

It honestly sounds like that’s what she did, and she made it clear on her last text why.

This doesn’t make her some BPD/ narcissistic head case. It doesn’t make her someone who can’t take a joke (eg is a small penis comment seen as a joke to you guys?) It doesn’t make her a drama queen, it makes her someone who doesn’t waste time putting up with behaviour that she doesn’t like, which is exactly what you all tell each other to do. It just that one of you was on the receiving end of it.

I’m sure, that if she had gone on with the date, and slept with him, the post would be about this hot woman who put out and seems kinda cool with a great sense of humour or something to that effect.

I’m also sure the OP will be ok and meet other girls etc. This one has moved on.