S&D, she seems to be trying to re-engage

[jnMissouri]

So she seems to be suddenly re-engaging after I blew it with her. S&D helped. It's been maybe two weeks since I stopped texting her.

She came up to my floor about 4 days in a row for bening, made up reasons which she NEVER does. She tried to ask me how I am, wave at me, make eye contact, repeatedly each time. It basically felt like she was just hoping to run into me each time.

I basically pretended like she wasn't there like a lot of advice out there says. Yesterday though I accidentally looked her way and she was smiling, starring at me and waving like she was watching all along and was waiting for me to look her way. I'm basically sensing that she is either trying to strike things up again, or trying to get attention again, I'm not sure which.

If I can still hit it, why not, but how do I play it? Wait for her to text me, play it cool, etc? Little does she know that I've started dating another now former colleague, who I made out with at her apartment on her last day. That will be a separate thread, another day when I have more time. Seems like S&D has had a great affect on her.

 

[backseatjuan]

What is S&D?

She's aw at this moment. Wait another week or two, then you just text her up, what's up, wanna have a few drinks.

 

[sazc]

What is S&D?

She's aw at this moment. Wait another week or two, then you just text her up, what's up, wanna have a few drinks.

Silence and Distance

 

[Glassguy]

So she seems to be suddenly re-engaging after I blew it with her. S&D helped. It's been maybe two weeks since I stopped texting her.

She came up to my floor about 4 days in a row for bening, made up reasons which she NEVER does. She tried to ask me how I am, wave at me, make eye contact, repeatedly each time. It basically felt like she was just hoping to run into me each time.

I basically pretended like she wasn't there like a lot of advice out there says. Yesterday though I accidentally looked her way and she was smiling, starring at me and waving like she was watching all along and was waiting for me to look her way. I'm basically sensing that she is either trying to strike things up again, or trying to get attention again, I'm not sure which.

If I can still hit it, why not, but how do I play it? Wait for her to text me, play it cool, etc? Little does she know that I've started dating another now former colleague, who I made out with at her apartment on her last day. That will be a separate thread, another day when I have more time. Seems like S&D has had a great affect on her.

My advice-

Unless she tells you that she wants to get together, she is only testing the waters to see if you are still there or not. As soon as you do anything to validate that you are still there (asking her to come over, etc) she will be dust in the wind and back to the mixed signals.

You should do nothing until she asks to get together. At that point tell her that you are not really sure but you'll let her know. Then sit on it for a few days or a week and see if she reaches out again.

You must make her the pursuer, not the person being chased.

 

[jnMissouri]

Silence and Distance

But at what point is it ok to make a move again?

Glassyguy and others had some guidance in tyreads they started long ago (found in search) that said if she starts engaging you again that it's ok to talk but just keep it bare bones. One word answers. And that she must ask you out now. She followed up on a happy hour invitation once earlier on, but doubt she will go so far as to ask me out, she's a 9 and wants the man to lead.

I saw a video from a female dating coach that said even if she asks you out the first time after s&d to blow her off. Ok to respone but say you're busy. Then if she engages again you can go, buy to act like nothing ever happened.

She came up again today. I saw her from a conference room. She walked over and looked to see if I was at my desk, didn't see me there and left. It's hard to see into the conference rooms but you can see out easily.

 

[marmel75]

I'd joke with her that if she doesnt stop stalking you, you are going to have to go to HR about it...

Then pay her no attention until she texts you

 

[lizardking82]

Interested enough women will contact you, I promise you.

 

[jnMissouri]

My advice-

Unless she tells you that she wants to get together, she is only testing the waters to see if you are still there or not. As soon as you do anything to validate that you are still there (asking her to come over, etc) she will be dust in the wind and back to the mixed signals.

You should do nothing until she asks to get together. At that point tell her that you are not really sure but you'll let her know. Then sit on it for a few days or a week and see if she reaches out again.

You must make her the pursuer, not the person being chased.

Boom, that's what I was looking for glassy. Thank you.

I suspect that she will drop hints here and there and do the same thing that she did before when I stopped texting her due to thinking she was blowing me off by being unavailable (until we eventually went out). She would have her friend at work who I'm friends with come talk to me at my desk (something she never does) then magically this girl I'm talking about would nervously walk up a minute or two later and join the conversation, then her friend would leave within a minute and let us talk, lol. I was like you don't call, you don't write, what's with that and she said the same thing back to me, so I knew it was OK to start texting her again and move on trying to get a date, and after that I did.

I suspect she will try to do the same thing again.

I'm wondering, at any point if there's a stalemate, is it OK to just be direct and tell her that I'm not sure what it is that she is looking for by hanging around but if it's a date, she is welcome to invite me out but other than that, I'll pass. Or something to that affect.

NO way do I want to be rejected a second time by her putting myself out there. I found a few threads from guru where he said if he asks a girl out and there is any other answer than yes, he moves on.

 

[marmel75]

Boom, that's what I was looking for glassy. Thank you.

I suspect that she will drop hints here and there and do the same thing that she did before when I stopped texting her due to thinking she was blowing me off by being unavailable (until we eventually went out). She would have her friend at work who I'm friends with come talk to me at my desk (something she never does) then magically this girl I'm talking about would nervously walk up a minute or two later and join the conversation, then her friend would leave within a minute and let us talk, lol. I was like you don't call, you don't write, what's with that and she said the same thing back to me, so I knew it was OK to start texting her again and move on trying to get a date, and after that I did.

I suspect she will try to do the same thing again.

I'm wondering, at any point if there's a stalemate, is it OK to just be direct and tell her that I'm not sure what it is that she is looking for by hanging around but if it's a date, she is welcome to invite me out but other than that, I'll pass. Or something to that affect.

NO way do I want to be rejected a second time by her putting myself out there. I found a few threads from guru where he said if he asks a girl out and there is any other answer than yes, he moves on.

You are at work I'd be careful

 

[Glassguy]

Boom, that's what I was looking for glassy. Thank you.

I suspect that she will drop hints here and there and do the same thing that she did before when I stopped texting her due to thinking she was blowing me off by being unavailable (until we eventually went out). She would have her friend at work who I'm friends with come talk to me at my desk (something she never does) then magically this girl I'm talking about would nervously walk up a minute or two later and join the conversation, then her friend would leave within a minute and let us talk, lol. I was like you don't call, you don't write, what's with that and she said the same thing back to me, so I knew it was OK to start texting her again and move on trying to get a date, and after that I did.

I suspect she will try to do the same thing again.

I'm wondering, at any point if there's a stalemate, is it OK to just be direct and tell her that I'm not sure what it is that she is looking for by hanging around but if it's a date, she is welcome to invite me out but other than that, I'll pass. Or something to that affect.

NO way do I want to be rejected a second time by her putting myself out there. I found a few threads from guru where he said if he asks a girl out and there is any other answer than yes, he moves on.

Without knowing the backdrop its hard to give you the best advice.

If you dated/smashed this chick for any amount of time and she ended it, I would certainly not be the one that mentioned meeting up.

If you only went out with her once or twice and it fizzled out (meaning she didnt end it) then you could always make it simple and very laid back by inviting her out for a drink. In this case I would invite her to a specific place that you will be going to with or without her so it seems very casual. If she rejects you, its easy to play it off as though you were just inviting her as "friends" and friend zone the chick.

When I ask a woman out on a DATE, I always ask "Lets do drinks. What is your availability?". I do that to covertly show my interest but not put pressure on it as it really being "date".

However- if there has been previous dating/smashing, no matter who ended it, I will only invite them to something that I am already doing. That way she is left wondering what my intents are which normally makes the woman crack (as in she will become very aggressive in order to find out if she is just a friend or if I am still interested in her).

"Hey I am going to such and such place Thursday evening around 8. Why dont you join". Very simple.

I hope that makes sense.

 

[jnMissouri]

Without knowing the backdrop its hard to give you the best advice.

If you dated/smashed this chick for any amount of time and she ended it, I would certainly not be the one that mentioned meeting up.

If you only went out with her once or twice and it fizzled out (meaning she didnt end it) then you could always make it simple and very laid back by inviting her out for a drink. In this case I would invite her to a specific place that you will be going to with or without her so it seems very casual. If she rejects you, its easy to play it off as though you were just inviting her as "friends" and friend zone the chick.

When I ask a woman out on a DATE, I always ask "Lets do drinks. What is your availability?". I do that to covertly show my interest but not put pressure on it as it really being "date".

However- if there has been previous dating/smashing, no matter who ended it, I will only invite them to something that I am already doing. That way she is left wondering what my intents are which normally makes the woman crack (as in she will become very aggressive in order to find out if she is just a friend or if I am still interested in her).

"Hey I am going to such and such place Thursday evening around 8. Why dont you join". Very simple.

I hope that makes sense.

Yeah, that's generally how I ask women out, except it's mostly coffee now since I've noticed a higher response rate with that. We went out once, twice if you count the lunch where our mutual female friend hooked us up (it was a setup all along and I didn't realize it). That same mutual friend is who she uses to re-engage with me usually. Or at least it was. Eventually she must have felt I was interested enough that she would come talk to me at my desk by her self (we work in completely different departments, no reason for us to talk at all). I expect more of that soon, it's part of her pattern.

She ended it when I became needy and tried to make her jealous by letting her know I would make other plans with someone else if she was too busy to hang out again. I think I hurt her feelings. In hindsight, I would have been put off as well if someone said that to me. She felt like I was rejecting her or about to reject her so she rejected me first, even noting how she can't hang out THIS Saturday, let's be friends. Just days prior she texted me a few minutes after our date and said she had a great time. I suggested she cook us dinner at her place, and she agreed right away. It's something I had joked with her once before and she thought it was funny, she saw what I was trying to do and even texted me "maybe someday soon, hehehe..." so it's pretty obvious to me that my last text mucked it up pretty bad. And I should have gone S&D on her in general until SHE contacted me about the dinner specifics....hindsight...

I have noticed women I date at places I frequent have the hard to get thing going on and it intrigues me, they play me hot and cold, always giving me enough to keep me moving things forward. Some say that girls are wary of the pump and dump and are genetically programmed to make sure you are serious by not being too easy.

It's the one girl I can't have, so I don't care about the other women and start focusing on that one girl that is unavailable. Other women outside of work or school I generally rarely have issues with to date. Maybe it's because I'm unattached to the outcome and if they don't respond I just move on, I don't know, but that seems likely. I had the same thing happen a few years ago at a different job, and it was the exact same pattern of hard to get, the ebb and flow. In that case I blew it by not using S&D. I texted her again right away and released the tension.

In any case, I appreciate the advice. I know it was only one date, but she and I see each other and talk at work once in a while so we've had a chance to get to know each other a bit.

 

[Glassguy]

She ended it when I became needy

With that being said, you will lose frame and she will only be testing you with her actions UNLESS:

1.) She is the one inviting you out

2.) You put her in limbo and tell her that you'll get back to her. Wait several days for a week and then accept.

You must play this extremely cool and be chill. Any signs that give her the feeling that you're ready to see her again as soon as she snaps her fingers and she will bounce.