Well said BE.
You have changed and I trust it's because ur man has evolved further ?
Its funny Spaz because I haven't really changed too much I don't think, although its true that we are always changing as we go along in life.
My examples of real men started with my own father and all the great uncles in my family. All real men. All leaders and influencers of other men. All of them except my dad were married once and had vibrant traditional marriages with their spouse, and the women were strong people in their own right, but they defered and supported their men in the leadership role. My father was married thrice, and his 3rd wife (of 33 years) began as his mistress and she was beside him until his death. He did as he pleased, he lead, he expected (required) compliance and deference. My mother (his 2nd wife) and my step mother (3rd wife) were both strong women but my father required that they be subordinate to him. It wasn't even a question. He wasn't perfect. But he was a masculine man's man and a leader in every sense of the word. That's what I grew up around.
The man I am seeing now is similar to my father in many ways. He's a retired E9 from the military (leadership), has owned successful businesses (leadership), is handsome, sexy, and has an abundance mindset. He would be considered a natural with women and has had the long standing reputation as a player (as I've chronicled around here.) Women swarm around him. Literally. So much so that he's over it.
I bring a great deal to the table. I know my value. My BF tells me all the time that finding beautiful "hot" women is easy. That is observably true. I've seen it myself first hand. However lots of those pretty faces hide ugly people; damaged people; self absorbed shallow people. Replaceable people. People my BF doesn't like beyond looks or sex. Looks & sex will only go so far to connect people. Beyond that there has to be something else.
What has been happening steadily, albeit sometimes erratically, is that my BF is turning away from the player lifestyle and turning toward something deeper, something more meaningful, and something he has not experienced before. He is modifying his behavior. Not for me per se, for himself...but with an eye toward honoring the relationship. He also has had a health scare in recent months (resolvable) that has changed his perspective and caused him to drastically reduce his drinking, and he has over time realized the value I bring him as a partner, lover, confidant and friend. He has been vulnerable physically and emotionally. It has caused him to be more introspective, and more focused on what (and who) in his life is important.
He already knew I was a tough woman to replace because of the package that I am inside and out, but he has also seen me steadfast through his challenges, and steadfast through a few of my own. He is still his own man, is still decisive and sexy and ambitious and all that...but he is evolving. It's still a bumpy ride at times but we are becoming closer emotionally over time. The sex is the best now its ever been as we grow together. It soothes me to know the relationship is where it is. It allows me to relax into feminine energy juxaposed to his masculinity. He has this sense of amazement when he talks about how he feels; because he feels a great deal. He is allowing himself to feel, and so am I. He sees me as an asset to his life and someone with high standards such that he strives to be the man I need, even though in some areas he is not there yet. He believes that having me in his life makes him a better man (his statement - not mine.) And he tells people around him this all the time.
I knew who and what I was getting involved with from the get-go, and I knew that things would either evolve or fizzle...but I also knew that what I have to offer is rare and valuable, and I have been willing to exit the relationship if he can't/won't respect me. I respect myself although I have been quite patient with him and at times those things have been in conflict. Could I leave tomorrow? I could. Would it hurt? Of course. He has shown me over time through his actions that he values me, he values the relationship and he values himself more and more.
He is no longer wildly attention-seeking everywhere we go. He is more centered in himself and more comfortable in his own skin. He is less freaked out about "being alone", and he is less impulsive and self-destructive (much less in fact.)
So yes, he's evolving. And as he evolves I'm more willing to get deeper; to get closer; to follow his lead. It's been an interesting journey so far. We shall see what happens as time goes. We shall see.
