Circumcision conversation

[flowtheory]

Had an awkward conversation that’s made me a little depressed and a bit annoyed. And maybe some of you guys have had the experience of this conversation.

The woman I’m seeing loves to be honest. And maybe to a fault while not thinking how it may come across.. I don’t know. She’s not doing in a negative way, she’s just trying to communicate so I don’t hold it against her because it creates more of an understanding. Anyways..

We were talking about sex. I’m circumsiced. I have great stamina; easily 15 minutes minimum everytime. Which she enjoys the benefit of that, however..
She had mentioned she starts to chafe after awhile on the second go around. We haven’t employed lube yet, but she mentioned it’s because I’m circumcised. And for irritation purposes and general satisfaction she prefers uncircumcised (it’s hell to hear). Says objectively it feels better because of the additional skin. Plus, she’s only ever been with guys who were uncircumsiced, so she isn’t used to mine. And also has thoughts about the whole idea of circumsicion itself.

It’s taken me aback because I’ve never had this conversation before or ever thought it would come up! I feel turned off and almost don’t want to show her my d!ck anymore. It’s as if she wishes I was different rather than just appreciating me for what I have or who I am.

I’m looking for ways to deal with this so I don’t develop huge anxiety with her now. It’s difficult because it’s a fixed trait; so I’m actually helpless. Its like someone saying “when I look in to your eyes, i wish your eyes were brown, and not blue. But I really like our relationship” (like what the fvck!)

So some thoughts and perspective would be appreciated.
And the ridiculous thing is, if I told her “I wish you had more skin on your labia” she would die a million deaths. So stupid..
I feel d!ck shamed.

 

[RickTheToad]

Most dudes are circumsized nowadays. How would she feel the difference unless you are not using condoms.

 

[Roober]

1. You are taking her ******** nonsense wayyyyy too seriously. If I am ever slightly offended by a woman's comments, I turn it into a ridiculous joke. "So what your saying is... you would rather suck my d1ck." *big goofy grin* or "how about I slap you in the face with it?" If you cant think of anything silly, just smile and pinch her a55.

2. She is indirectly saying the sex is not that good. Do you think women don't know how much pride men have in their sexual prowess? Remember that women communicate covertly, and think about the message. Don't let her know you know what she means, just guide her out of incorrect thought processes.

 

[Billtx49]

Change your sex technique or use a lube. Circumcision has nothing to do with her irritation issues…

 

[guru1000]

Another problem with this chick Flow?

Do you know why she plays with you this way? Because she can.

Every response to her game is a demonstration of your value.

Two ways I would have responded:

1) Replied, "I like chicks with bigger tlts. I guess we cant have it all"

or

2) Get deeply insulted that she would even say such a thing to YOU, dismiss her, and let her chase.

Whether overt or covert, you need to learn to set boundaries brother.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Circumcised or not doesn't matter. She has chafing because she is not dripping wet OR if you have large girth & she is little.

So either its a physiological thing or she isn't fully aroused. You'll need to sort that out. She is unlikely to tell you if your performance in bed is somehow lacking.

The circumcision thing is a red herring. That's not the REAL issue. If you need to improve as a lover, that's something you can learn. Is there any indication she is not satisfied with your bedroom skills?

Foreskin protects the glans when the penis is flaccid. An erect penis in not much different, circumcised or uncircumcised. Why? The uncircumcised penis swells to fill out the foreskin, exposing the glans. The circumcised penis has had the foreskin cut away so the glans is not protected when flaccid.

I'm thinking she is telling you she's less than impressed sexually...would be good for her to help you learn rather than loft complaints about things you can't fix.

Ugh.

 

[RickTheToad]

Advice from the old lady:

Circumcised or not doesn't matter. She has chafing because she is not dripping wet OR if you have large girth & she is little.

So either its a physiological thing or she isn't fully aroused. You'll need to sort that out. She is unlikely to tell you if your performance in bed is somehow lacking.

The circumcision thing is a red herring. That's not the REAL issue. If you need to improve as a lover, that's something you can learn. Is there any indication she is not satisfied with your bedroom skills?

Foreskin protects the glans when the penis is flaccid. An erect penis in not much different, circumcised or uncircumcised. Why? The uncircumcised penis swells to fill out the foreskin, exposing the glans. The circumcised penis has had the foreskin cut away so the glans is not protected when flaccid.

I'm thinking she is telling you she's less than impressed sexually...would be good for her to help you learn rather than loft complaints about things you can't fix.

Ugh.

If he's using condoms, the condom can be irritating the lady.

 

[Billtx49]

If he's using condoms, the condom can be irritating the lady.

More than likely @BeExcellent is right regarding the lack of adequate foreplay/arousal before insertion…

 

[flowtheory]

Change your sex technique or use a lube. Circumcision has nothing to do with her irritation issues…

She had said it was the actual issue.. nothing else. We had a really long conversation about it last night.

Another problem with this chick Flow?

Do you know why she plays with you this way? Because she can.

Every response to her game is a demonstration of your value.

Two ways I would have responded:

1) Replied, "I like chicks with bigger tlts. I guess we cant have it all"

or

2) Get deeply insulted that she would even say such a thing to YOU, dismiss her, and let her chase.

Whether overt or covert, you need to learn to set boundaries brother.

Yea another issue...
You may be right. I don’t get why she would do it though if it’s going to create major hurdles or problems in areas such as these. From the conversation we had last night, she sounded very authentic in the sense that is was about circumsicion and the feel of the penis. Didn’t seem like a mind game. She is quite straightforward and honest.

 

[guru1000]

Yea another issue...
You may be right. I don’t get why she would do it though if it’s going to create major hurdles or problems in areas such as these. From the conversation we had last night, she sounded very authentic in the sense that is was about circumsicion and the feel of the penis. Didn’t seem like a mind game. She is quite straightforward and honest.

I wasn't there for the convo to understand the context.

I'm just going according to your words, "I feel turned off and almost don’t want to show her my d!ck anymore. It’s as if she wishes I was different rather than just appreciating me for what I have or who I am." She lacks propriety.

I encourage you to show insult when appropriate. When you do, you are imposing a boundary. This is also how you shape respectful behavior or language by women whom are beta-trained to say whatever without consequence.

 

[flowtheory]

I wasn't there for the convo to understand the context.

I'm just going according to your words, "I feel turned off and almost don’t want to show her my d!ck anymore. It’s as if she wishes I was different rather than just appreciating me for what I have or who I am." She lacks propriety.

I encourage you to show insult when appropriate. When you do, you are imposing a boundary. This is also how you shape respectful behavior or language by women whom are beta-trained to say whatever without consequence.

Show insult like saying she should have something that she doesn’t? I would think this would just create toxicity. Not what I really want. I don’t want to create self consciousness in a woman that way by stinging her.

 

[flowtheory]

More than likely @BeExcellent is right regarding the lack of adequate foreplay/arousal before insertion…

There’s only so much foreplay we do. She feels oral is too intimate at this stage. Needs more of a deeper emotional connection.. so we use our fingers and hands. But then it goes straight to sex. And she usually is quite wet. She stated overtly it’s how to penis feels when it’s uncircumcised.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

The circumcision thing is a red herring. That's not the REAL issue.

This. Whether it's the glans or the foreskin that makes contact with the vagina, there is no sensation difference to the woman (unless it's psychological). It is absolutely not responsible for her irritation. Some women prefer cut guys, some women prefer uncut. You are right that it's rude of her to not only call this out, but to lie about the irritation part too. And you are also right that she'd get offended if you criticized her anatomy.

If she's really never been with a circumcised guy before, then it's understandable that it might be a little weird or even off-putting for her and take some getting used to. Same goes for a woman who has only ever been with circumcised guys who suddenly end up with an uncut guy (I have female friends who have been in the latter situation and they just won't date uncut guys because they don't like it). However, there are better ways for her to communicate this to you than to immediately blame you for something you can't change, and blame you for something that isn't accurate anyway.

 

[guru1000]

Show insult like saying she should have something that she doesn’t? I would think this would just create toxicity. Not what I really want. I don’t want to create self consciousness in a woman that way by stinging her.

Not give insult, show insult. Show her that you are insulted.

Do not permit language or behavior that you deem unfitting. Ever. It's unfitting, if you feel disrespected by her words.

Most girls will test your boundaries. By doing nothing, you implicitly demonstrate that such language or behavior is OK to continue in the future. If she has a grievance, that is fine, as long as she knows how to communicate that grievance respectfully.

If a girl said that to me in the context I think you received it (considering she has been disrespectful to you before), I would have gotten up and left her right there. (But I'm slightly biased here by the other acts of disrespect that you allowed in the past. If this were a first time offense, I might have simply addressed verbally). The onus would have fallen upon her to chase to reconcile with a boundary now cemented in her psyche.

 

[sazc]

She's full of sh1t. She doesn't know what she's taking about. There's no difference in feeling between the two.

You're banging her good the first go around so she is a bit sore the second go around. Employ lube.

I love how SHE is having a problem and had decided to blame you.

Tell her you have a solution, she gets to suck your d1ck and get it nice and wet before you begin round two.

She sucks

 

[Billtx49]

There’s only so much foreplay we do. She feels oral is too intimate at this stage. Needs more of a deeper emotional connection...

Makes no sense, you two are having sex and oral is too intimate… bs

You can D it, but you can’t lick it, and now the D isn’t good enough… lmao

 

[sazc]

She's making things difficult for some reason, pull back on her

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She's making things difficult for some reason, pull back on her

"I dont have time for this foolishness"

 

[lamath]

Advice from the old lady:

Circumcised or not doesn't matter. She has chafing because she is not dripping wet OR if you have large girth & she is little.

So either its a physiological thing or she isn't fully aroused. You'll need to sort that out. She is unlikely to tell you if your performance in bed is somehow lacking.

The circumcision thing is a red herring. That's not the REAL issue. If you need to improve as a lover, that's something you can learn. Is there any indication she is not satisfied with your bedroom skills?

Foreskin protects the glans when the penis is flaccid. An erect penis in not much different, circumcised or uncircumcised. Why? The uncircumcised penis swells to fill out the foreskin, exposing the glans. The circumcised penis has had the foreskin cut away so the glans is not protected when flaccid.

I'm thinking she is telling you she's less than impressed sexually...would be good for her to help you learn rather than loft complaints about things you can't fix.

Ugh.

This is probably the reason or
it is a **** test imo

 

[RickTheToad]

More than likely @BeExcellent is right regarding the lack of adequate foreplay/arousal before insertion…

The last lady I was with was soaking wet, but after 30 minutes or so, she became dry and the latex bothered her. I am just saying, perhaps the lady Flow is having sex with has a latex allergy.