So I figured out how to be more socially effective than ever

[bigdave17]

I talk to people and I focus 100% on them (talk like they are the only person in the world), I make sure I want absolutely nothing out of the encounter (empty all agendas) and I let the interaction happen as naturally and as slowly as possible. This goes in line with the wanting nothing out of the encounter - when you focus on just being yourself and being natural, you're way way more likable


I've had like 5 conversations with people in the last week or so (2 girls who went to high school with me - they're married so neither one is dateable, 4 other dudes) and literally all of them asked for my number and wanted to be my friend. I've been good at talking to people and making friends for a long time but right now I would put my social skills up there with anybody. I can make people like me immensely and very very quickly.


...despite this knowledge, I'm still absolutely terrified of approaching attractive women in terms of dating. I still feel like they're an alien species with completely impossible standards who will never like me unless I'm impossibly perfect in every way. /facepalm

 

[logicallefty]

I’m waiting for the hyenas to chase the wildebeast again, the one who grazes freely on the Sosuave prairie, unscathed by their attempts.

 

[zekko]

I still feel like they're an alien species with completely impossible standards who will never like me unless I'm impossibly perfect in every way. /facepalm

Well, considering that you are looking for a LTR and the marriage/family route, there are those who think that IS impossible to maintain in the modern western world. And some posters here are so skeptical as to think monogamy is impossible among humans altogether. So you have your work cut out for you.

If you ever do get a girlfriend, your ego is probably going to blast through the roof.

 

[bigdave17]

Well, considering that you are looking for a LTR and the marriage/family route, there are those who think that IS impossible to maintain in the modern western world. And some posters here are so skeptical as to think monogamy is impossible among humans altogether. So you have your work cut out for you.

You really think so? I know 2 latinas at my job who seem to be excellent wife material

1 is very attractive, super sweet, intelligent, cool, works out 6 days a week. Her husband looks 20 years older than her (chubby and bald), is very introverted, doesn't like to go out or drink, doesn't like to work out, doesn't make any money...nothing. Dude is as lame as it gets and she is still very loyal to him

If you ever do get a girlfriend, your ego is probably going to blast through the roof.

why?

 

[steelpulse]

I’m waiting for the hyenas to chase the wildebeast again, the one who grazes freely on the Sosuave prairie, unscathed by their attempts.

I can see both sides of it. Dave is one of the few posters who is willing to discuss his struggles in explicit detail--almost none of the people criticizing him share any information about their dating struggles. Probably because they fear being criticized and even ridiculed in the same way and to the same degree that he is. And I tend to believe that almost everyone posting is struggling to some degree or another with dating.

However, Dave also comes across as childish, narcissistic and lazy. He's the infantile brat that no one wants around or wants to be. He is lazy and stubborn beyond belief and instinctively lashes out at others because he can never take responsibility for his own failures.

Sadly both sides are wrong. An outlandish sign of how bad the current state of affairs has sunk.

 

[bigdave17]

I can see both sides of it. Dave is one of the few posters who is willing to discuss his struggles in explicit detail--almost none of the people criticizing him share any information about their dating struggles. Probably because they fear being criticized in the same way and to the same degree that he is. And I tend to believe that almost everyone posting is struggling to some degree or another with dating.

However, Dave also comes across as childish, narcissistic and lazy. He's the infantile brat that no one wants around or wants to be. He is lazy and stubborn beyond belief and instinctively lashes out at others because he can never take responsibility for his own failures.

Sadly both sides are wrong. An outlandish sign of how bad the current state of affairs has sunk.

every person on this site would want to be friends with me if they met me at a gym or a bar

 

[bigdave17]

You just need to show genuine interest and appreciation for these women just like you are doing with other people. . The universal principle of attraction is people like you because you like them. The best value you can offer to people is making them feel about about themselves. This is why a lot of players do well despite a lack of objective value or status.

I agree with 2 asterisks

1)you have to be completely, entirely, 100000000000000000% detached from the outcome. You have to want nothing, need nothing, have no agendas whatsoever. Desperation is more unattractive than being 300 LB fat dude

2)the more natural and smooth you make the process, the more they will like you. People want somebody who carries themselves in a very smooth, laid back manner. Talk slow and controlled. You want to come across the opposite of the nervous nerd

 

[bigdave17]

A variation of that would work too.

1) You just want to smash. You have no need for her beyond smashing. Having no agenda is cool and all, but you also need to turn on your sexual intent when you are dealing with a horny woman.

2). It's all about congruency achieved through constant practice and mastery. When I first started off, I was a nervous wreck. Now I am like a machine. I can black out from alcohol and somehow end up in a woman's bed with no recollection. The temporary ego shattering experiences you have to pay in the short term becomes a solid invesment in the long term when you smooth out the edges to your game.

This is why I think guys need to start in high school. By the time most guys discover game in their 20's they are already 10 years behind the average woman and get eaten alive. And then there's all that social programming and inner b1tch they have to overcome. It's a mess.

you have to come across as a super chill, outcome detached dude no matter what. Desperation drys ***** like the Sahara

 

[Mike32ct]

Great stuff. I actually was hoping you would do a “Big Dave’s Guide to Social Skills” thread at some point. I mean that genuinely/sincerely, not as a sarcastic put down.

 

[backseatjuan]

Men and married women asked for your number?

 

[zekko]

You really think so? I know 2 latinas at my job who seem to be excellent wife material

I don't think it's impossible, I said there are those here who think it is. I'm in a LTR myself. Going the marriage route is very difficult in this day and age, and very risky. I do know happily married couples, however. Of course there's no guarantee they will stay that way.

If you look at bad boys/seducers, they are constantly trying to find ways to feign genuine interest. And if you look at nice guys, they are constantly trying to find ways to feign looking like a bad boy, because they think bad boys get girls because they are objectively "bad."

Yeah, PUA gurus seem to suggest "bad boys" and psychopaths are naturally appealing to women, and yet many of them succeed by pretending to be interested in a LTR, specifically with the girl who is their target. The whole "genuine interest" idea seems to go against those who focus on negs and the like. As does the idea of giving value by making them feel good about themselves. But there's more than one way to skin a cat, and more than one path to get to a goal.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Man, y'all hate on Dave too much. Haha

 

[bigdave17]

Great stuff. I actually was hoping you would do a “Big Dave’s Guide to Social Skills” thread at some point. I mean that genuinely/sincerely, not as a sarcastic put down.

I saw 4 girls today at the gym who were exactly my type - in their 20s, cute, dark features, great bodies, into working out


could not make myself approach any of them. Goddamn it, my anxiety is so strong it's unbelievable. I think I'm more scared of success than failure. I dunno if it's because I don't believe I'm worthy of dating or what it is.

 

[redskinsfan92]

I saw 4 girls today at the gym who were exactly my type - in their 20s, cute, dark features, great bodies, into working out


could not make myself approach any of them. Goddamn it, my anxiety is so strong it's unbelievable. I think I'm more scared of success than failure. I dunno if it's because I don't believe I'm worthy of dating or what it is.

I know the feeling. It's something subliminal. An internalized belief in the subconscious. Gotta approach anyway and retrain the brain.

I have the same issue. I am currently working on my personal strategy to overcome it.

 

[logicallefty]

However, Dave also comes across as childish, narcissistic and lazy. He's the infantile brat that no one wants around or wants to be. He is lazy and stubborn beyond belief and instinctively lashes out at others because he can never take responsibility for his own failures.

Sadly both sides are wrong. An outlandish sign of how bad the current state of affairs has sunk.

What gets me is how people get so annoyed and down right mad at Dave’s posts. Then start the hyena attacks like a bunch of FB drama queens. I am emberrased for sosuave to see the way some people have acted towards Dave lately. And the same people keep repeatedly reading his posts even after getting so upset. You guys are not moderators so you don’t have to read posts from posters that get under your skin. Ignore the posts. Or ignore poster entirely. No different in the fact that CNN news reporting pizzes me off, so I don’t look at CNN anymore. Nothing requires that I have to. Simple logic to me.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

What gets me is how people get so annoyed and down right mad at Dave’s posts. Then start the hyena attacks like a bunch of FB drama queens.

Consider that most posters have their own "inner dave" that they must battle with. Nobody is 100% relaxed and confident. Dave is a version of that tiny whiny voice so many want to kill but simply won't go away. So in hating on the real dave, we also gain control over our own inner dave who would rather make useless excuses and start useless conversations rather than grabbing our nutsacks and making a move.

Dave is simply a real life version of the deepest fears of men.

Hating on him is healthy.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I have friends in real life with far more depressing dating outlook than Dave. They do the same dumb **** that never works over and over again.

 

[sazc]

I'm rootin for you @bigdave17

I realize that all the feedback from this site hasn't been easy, but if you can use it to transition into a version of yourself that you are more happy with, then the chaos and struggle will be worth it.

It sounds like you are really getting into things in order to evolve. Keep up the good work!

 

[jnMissouri]

I can see both sides of it. Dave is one of the few posters who is willing to discuss his struggles in explicit detail--almost none of the people criticizing him share any information about their dating struggles. Probably because they fear being criticized and even ridiculed in the same way and to the same degree that he is. And I tend to believe that almost everyone posting is struggling to some degree or another with dating.

However, Dave also comes across as childish, narcissistic and lazy. He's the infantile brat that no one wants around or wants to be. He is lazy and stubborn beyond belief and instinctively lashes out at others because he can never take responsibility for his own failures.

Sadly both sides are wrong. An outlandish sign of how bad the current state of affairs has sunk.

I've shared some of my struggles (I struggle when women I know at work or places I frequent play hard to get). It doesn't help when people don't even read your details or comprehend them accurately then make snide remarks. I had one guy recently claim that because his one girlfriend that he's ever had never put up any roadblocks or played a bit unavailable or hard to get, that any woman that does that must mean she is not interested. As if that one experience is some kind of statistically valid study or something. The fact of the matter is very attractive women test men to see if they are sincere or just in it for a one night stand.

They won't say yes right away or be too available. Sometimes posting about this stuff on this forum sucks because it feels like you get a half witted response from some people, or attacked even. But there is some gold in an occasional post. I really wish guys here would learn that their one experience with a girl is not how every girl works. I also really wish we could do it without the personal attacks. I had a couple guys claim that I have a scarcity mindset because I'm obsessed with one girl, not realizing that I stated I was dating other women, then they claim they don't believe me so I go post the links to previous threads about them/that and all of a sudden silence.

 

[bigdave17]

I'm rootin for you @bigdave17

I realize that all the feedback from this site hasn't been easy, but if you can use it to transition into a version of yourself that you are more happy with, then the chaos and struggle will be worth it.

It sounds like you are really getting into things in order to evolve. Keep up the good work!

I just have to take pride in my positive traits - both the superficial and that I'm a good person and treat people very well

I need to make myself believe that I deserve an awesome girlfriend