Did I do good or mess up?

[Glassguy]

Unless a woman sees you with another woman she doesn't really know you have other women.

Lol, ok, sure, you don't think I'm saying other women because you feel it. Except I am and have posted about some of them. Dates wednesday, thursday and friday. Saturday would be this girl.

I remember in another thread a couple of guys said she wasn't interested...yet she enaged me again, we went out and she agreed to cook us dinner. I think women guys think 9's are as easy as 5's who have no room to play hard to get.

Let me ask you a couple of questions:

1.) Have you fvcked this chick before?
2.) So this is not the first thread you have started over this ONE girl?
3.) So these guys told you in another thread that she wasnt interested, some where between then and now this woman stopped communicating with you and now engaged you again. How long do you stick around and how long do you stay in a woman's frame before you start getting payoff/sex?

Women can tell if you have other options. Sure it doesnt hurt your SMV at all to be seen with a woman that is as attractive or more attractive. Most of the time it doesnt have to be stated. My plates are competing with more than other women. They are competing for my time in general. I own and run a business. I have numerous hobbies (golf, boating, fishing, etc). I have a daughter on a national travel volleyball team and that is extremely time consuming. My time is VERY limited. They are competing for THAT time. Those who reward me most in the shortest period of time are the ones that I let have some of that time.

Most women will ask me early on when we start fvcking if I am seeing other women. My response is always the same- "I am dating other women but nothing is serious with anyone at this point and I am enjoying the single life for now". Right then they know they arent the only entertainment in town. Most dont bring anything back up because they dont want any more details.

Which brings me to this- what is this woman doing for you? How VALUABLE is your time?

High value doesnt just mean that woman find you attractive. Diamonds and gold are not valuable because the market is flooded with them. It is quite the opposite. Your time should be extremely valuable and the way that happens is when you do not give it to a woman easily.

Yet you are allowing this woman to engage and disengage you as she pleases (just putting it as you did). Does that make sense?

 

[Glassguy]

There you go again with this scarcity mindset stuff despite the fact that I've repeatedly noted with links that I'm already dating other women! I want THIS girl precisely because she is doing all of this stuff! She is attractive as well but I wasn't really into her before until she started doing this stuff. I just let her go. Now I can't stop thinking about her. It has nothing to do with not having other options, I don't know why you somehow can't seem to read that when I post it with proof. It's that I literally want THIS specific girl now.

What is the S&D you mentioned? I usually don't hang out on the forums a lot (except now because of this girl) so I am not familiar with all the acronyms?

You can be talking to 50 girls and still have a scarcity mindset with just one of them. You just admitted that. "I want THIS girl" is what you said. The vibe you are probably putting off is a scarcity mindset with THIS girl. Take that pedestal out from under her. The way you are viewing her is the FASTEST way to lose frame and run a girl off.

Get this in your head- if you are putting one girl on a pedestal, it doesnt matter how many other girls you are seeing. You are going to be investing too much into the one girl and that is never a good option.

S&D- Silence and Distance.

If a chick does something disrespectful, if a chick does something that turns me off, something that she shouldnt have, mixed signals, shows mild interest........implement S&D. Just disappear. If she comes back with a glowing attitude now problem. If I never hear from her again, no problem.

 

[Glassguy]

If you are railing other chicks that you dont care whether they stick around or not, that is EXACTLY how you should treat this one that has your interest.

If you go out with her, she cooks dinner, etc., you should treat her the same.

Treating her above how you would other girls just shows her that you are over invested or that you dont date chicks as hot as she is.

Your mentality should be that you date chicks hotter than her all the time. She is no different.

As soon as a woman sees signs that you are over investing or that you are catching feelings, she loses interest. I can promise you that (especially early on).

Women want validation but they will chase validation that is of high value. Being available all the time makes your validation worth no more than every other guy that is hitting her up. Dont be so available on this particular one and treat her no different than some 6 or 7 who comes over to bang occasionally.

That should be your mindset.

 

[jnMissouri]

Let me ask you a couple of questions:

1.) Have you fvcked this chick before?
2.) So this is not the first thread you have started over this ONE girl?
3.) So these guys told you in another thread that she wasnt interested, some where between then and now this woman stopped communicating with you and now engaged you again. How long do you stick around and how long do you stay in a woman's frame before you start getting payoff/sex?

Women can tell if you have other options. Sure it doesnt hurt your SMV at all to be seen with a woman that is as attractive or more attractive. Most of the time it doesnt have to be stated. My plates are competing with more than other women. They are competing for my time in general. I own and run a business. I have numerous hobbies (golf, boating, fishing, etc). I have a daughter on a national travel volleyball team and that is extremely time consuming. My time is VERY limited. They are competing for THAT time. Those who reward me most in the shortest period of time are the ones that I let have some of that time.

Most women will ask me early on when we start fvcking if I am seeing other women. My response is always the same- "I am dating other women but nothing is serious with anyone at this point and I am enjoying the single life for now". Right then they know they arent the only entertainment in town. Most dont bring anything back up because they dont want any more details.

Which brings me to this- what is this woman doing for you? How VALUABLE is your time?

High value doesnt just mean that woman find you attractive. Diamonds and gold are not valuable because the market is flooded with them. It is quite the opposite. Your time should be extremely valuable and the way that happens is when you do not give it to a woman easily.

Yet you are allowing this woman to engage and disengage you as she pleases (just putting it as you did). Does that make sense?

No, I'm sleeping with the other women I'm dating, most of them (I started dating one more just last week and we have only gone out once but have another date setup, plus I am now going out with a 5th girl as as well).

First you were claiming that I had a scarcity mindset and all I have is this one girl. I've shown proof that this is wrong. I've explained WHY I am so into this chic. It has really nothing to do with other women or her looks for that matter, it's because of what she is doing. Even others tried to explain that here...I'm not having issues with the other girls. I am starting all these threads about this one girl because of what she is doing and it's working on me. She has my attention and I can't stop! lol.

Again, why don't you answer my questions about why she is doing all of that HI stuff if she has low interest. Why did she start doing this to me when I didn't show much interest? What she is doing is working on me! I can't get her out of my head!! It doesn't matter that I'm dating other women. I can't stop thinking about this one. At all. For no reason other than the fact that she is less available than the other women.

I get that I should be less available, but trust me, I text this chic once or twice a week. Like 3-5 days apart. I rarely ask her out. I typically only ask her out again because she comes talks to me, brings me baked goods, etc. She has ZERO work related reason to talk to me. So when she comes engages me again after a period of not texting at all, I ask her out a week or so later. We work on different floors. I think just like some have mentioned in other threads that her interest level is as high as mine. Now I'm so interested in her I analyze every move. I get that's not ideal, and fear of losing her is bad.

But what am I to do? All I get here is differing opinions. Some say text her, others say wait a few days to text her, and others say wait a week or so then invite her out again. I have no idea who is right or wrong.

All I do know is that I know her better than anyone else here and she has not texted me for 3 days since my last text telling her that I would make other plans if she was too busy. A mistake on my part, lesson learned. But I am 96% certain I added too much doubt by telling her that and now she is upset.

I'm considering sending her a cucky/funny text, then telling her that it's just dinner and a movie at her place (she had previously agreed to cook us dinner) and that I want to get to know her better, but if she is not available, not to waste my time, my friends want to know if I can go out with them this weekend.

 

[Glassguy]

Again, why don't you answer my questions about why she is doing all of that HI stuff if she has low interest. Why did she start doing this to me when I didn't show much interest?

You just answered your own question. You also just validated everything that I just told you in my previous posts.

I dont really care why a woman does what she does and I dont try to dissect it. Ever.

Either she is making meeting up easy or she isnt. If she is not, she gets no more attention from me. None.

 

[jnMissouri]

You just answered your own question. You also just validated everything that I just told you in my previous posts.

I dont really care why a woman does what she does and I dont try to dissect it. Ever.

Either she is making meeting up easy or she isnt. If she is not, she gets no more attention from me. None.

So you say she is LI, yet when I give you example of all the HI signs, you ignore them and claim you are still right. Got it. Thanks for that.

 

[jnMissouri]

You can be talking to 50 girls and still have a scarcity mindset with just one of them. You just admitted that. "I want THIS girl" is what you said. The vibe you are probably putting off is a scarcity mindset with THIS girl. Take that pedestal out from under her. The way you are viewing her is the FASTEST way to lose frame and run a girl off.

Get this in your head- if you are putting one girl on a pedestal, it doesnt matter how many other girls you are seeing. You are going to be investing too much into the one girl and that is never a good option.

S&D- Silence and Distance.

If a chick does something disrespectful, if a chick does something that turns me off, something that she shouldnt have, mixed signals, shows mild interest........implement S&D. Just disappear. If she comes back with a glowing attitude now problem. If I never hear from her again, no problem.

....I didn't admit that you can have 50 girls and still have a scarcity mindset. I don't have a scarcity mindset because I have more than one woman I'm dating. The word scarcity means lacking, little of. I'm not lacking as I have other women. I'm just interested in this girl because she is the LEAST available. BIG difference. I'm not interested in her because I don't have other options. THAT would be scarcity mindset. I'm interested in her largely because she is the least available of all of the women I'm dating. I promise you the most available one is the one I'm least interested in. If the most available girl suddenly became the least available, I'd start focusing on her more. This crap works both ways, men or women. And women know how to get guys to obsess over them precisely like this.

 

[jnMissouri]

Also, I have posted before that I have a hard time with women who play hard to get. This is the one area the I struggle with the most and I have posted about years ago in fact. I know some say just move on to easier women. Great, I have easier women. I LIKE the challenge. I need to get this type of thing down.

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-thing-i-struggle-with-and-need-to-improve.221687/

 

[jnMissouri]

You just answered your own question. You also just validated everything that I just told you in my previous posts.

I dont really care why a woman does what she does and I dont try to dissect it. Ever.

Either she is making meeting up easy or she isnt. If she is not, she gets no more attention from me. None.

How about this then. I text her today and see what she says. If she is not forthcoming I'll giver her S&D. That is what you are advocating for, yes?

I figured I'd text her something like how she must be afraid to fall in love with me haha, explain it's just a movie at her place to get more familiar with each other, and ask her if she is down with that (putting that in there so I get a clear yes or no if she is interested in moving forward together or not) and let her know my friends what to chill with me so to let me know.

How about that?

 

[guru1000]

How about this then. I text her today and see what she says. If she is not forthcoming I'll giver her S&D. That is what you are advocating for, yes?

I figured I'd text her something like how she must be afraid to fall in love with me haha, explain it's just a movie at her place to get more familiar with each other, and ask her if she is down with that (putting that in there so I get a clear yes or no if she is interested in moving forward together or not) and let her know my friends what to chill with me so to let me know.

How about that?

She didn't text you back. That's her response.

That is a response of low interest. Her low interest now does not mean she had low interest before. She could have had high interest before, and has low interest now.

What you are attempting to do is to negotiate desire. She has no desire to text you back, yet you want to negotiate that desire to get you back into the playing field. You cannot negotiate desire.

What to do:

Sit tight. In social situations, when in doubt, do nothing ... for now.

Wait 1-2 weeks. Let the ashes settle and give her desire room to expand. Then reach out to her. Don't mention anything about what has occurred. Don't apologize. Don't backpedal. Just open her with, "Hey, how are you." If she responds, ask for the date with a specific day and time.

The above does not mean she will bite. Frankly, the probability is low. But this is your best shot given her desire is low.

The best advice is S&D period, but I know you won't follow it, hence my suggestion above.

 

[jnMissouri]

She didn't text you back. That's her response.

That is a response of low interest. Her low interest now does not mean she had low interest before. She could have had high interest before, and has low interest now.

What you are attempting to do is to negotiate desire. She has no desire to text you back, yet you want to negotiate that desire to get you back into the playing field. You cannot negotiate desire.

What to do:

Sit tight. In social situations, when in doubt, do nothing ... for now.

Wait 1-2 weeks. Let the ashes settle and give her desire room to expand. Then reach out to her. Don't mention anything about what has occurred. Don't apologize. Don't backpedal. Just open her with, "Hey, how are you." If she responds, ask for the date with a specific day and time.

The above does not mean she will bite. Frankly, the probability is low. But this is your best shot given her desire is low.

The best advice is S&D period, but I know you won't follow it, hence my suggestion above.

I've considered that angle about her response, though it is uncharacteristic of her. You may be right. Let me ask you this though, considering she seemed to have HI before I used that jealousy tactic (really kicking myself for that one), do you think THAT is what caused her not to respond/back off a bit?

 

[guru1000]

I've considered that angle about her response, though it is uncharacteristic of her. You may be right. Let me ask you this though, considering she seemed to have HI before I used that jealousy tactic (really kicking myself for that one), do you think THAT is what caused her not to respond/back off a bit?

Yes, it's offputting, and my IL would have dropped if a girl did the same to me. You didn't even give her a chance to respond to your invite, then double texted to threaten the plan due to her not responding within a few minutes? Come on bro.

But ... don't apologize or backpedal. This will make it worse. Let it sit, withdraw your emotional investment, and invest your time and attention elsewhere for now.

.

 

[jnMissouri]

Yes, it's offputting, and my IL would have dropped if a girl did the same to me. You didn't even give her a chance to respond to your invite, then double texted to threaten the plan due to her not responding within a few minutes? Come on bro.

But ... don't apologize or backpedal. This will make it worse. Let it sit, withdraw your emotional investment, and invest your time and attention elsewhere for now.

.

Damn, I think your advice is really good, and you are reading the situation correctly IMO. If the probability is low either way at this point, I'd rather find out now. Plus at this point, if this doesn't work, I've learned AGAIN (I actually learned this lesson in a thread I had from 5 years ago) 1) that this jealousy technique can backfire, especially if used wrong and 2) I need to use S&D for a while then re-engage in these situations in the future.

I try to view my interactions as purely experiments of what works and what doesn't.

 

[Glassguy]

THAT would be scarcity mindset.

Scarcity mindset- when you allow the outcome of one girl to fvck up your frame. Making it seem that this one girl is above the rest and you just have to do whatever it takes to get her because you feel as though you might not find someone better.

So lets see:

I figured I'd text her something like how she must be afraid to fall in love with me haha

Totally beta. I would ask my best friend to cut my balls off if I ever sent a chick something like that.

explain it's just a movie at her place

As @guru1000 already said- why are you trying to sell her on the idea of getting together? Its because you know she is showing low interest and you are trying to do things to increase her interest because being yourself isnt doing it (scarcity mindset). There is no negotiating interest. Especially if her interest WAS higher and you have clearly done things to drop it. The only thing you can possibly do is leave her be and she might come back. At that point you need to fix A LOT of things or she will lose interest even faster the next time. Not that I see her coming back a 3rd time.....

ask her if she is down with that

I dont ask questions. I make offers. There is a huge difference. If they dont accept my offer, I am dust in the wind unless she reaches back out.

So you say she is LI, yet when I give you example of all the HI signs, you ignore them and claim you are still right

In YOUR words, she showed HI when you ignored her. As soon as you showed interest again she showed signs of low interest. Do you understand how that works? You are an orbiter of hers. She wants to keep you in her orbit. That is the game she is playing....not whether or now she is going to fvck you. That has already been decided.

considering she seemed to have HI before I used that jealousy tactic (really kicking myself for that one), do you think THAT is what caused her not to respond/back off a bit?

1.) Tactics- My dog will do tricks for treats. Its a tactic that I use to get him to do what I want. It only works when I pull the treat out. No treat- no trick. That tactic works on him. Do you really want a woman that you must use "tactics" on? Or do you want to have women at your disposal that want you to be around you because you are charming, attractive, high SMV, have your shyte together, crave your validation (because it holds the most weight) and get wet just thinking about you? Or do you want some chick that you need to "trick" or "sell and negotiate" to even get together?

That is the question you should be asking yourself. Always be working on self improvement which in turns provides more options of high interest women.

2.) If a woman has high crazy attraction/interest towards you, then you can say or get away with about anything. If it is low, everything you do wrong in her eyes will quickly diminish any interest/attraction that she may or may not have had for you.

I would assume that at some point this chick may have had some interest in you. That really doesnt matter now that all signs point to low attraction or no attraction/interest. Thats all that matters.

The double texting, not taking no for an answer, trying to sell yourself because you feel inadequate in her eyes.......all things that someone that is needy/desperate/scarce mindset would do. All of that killed any attraction that she may or may not have had.

I am not busting your balls just being honest. You werent a 10 in her eyes or you could have gotten away with most of it and still fvcked her once or twice. Because you are not, all of these things did nothing but lowered her interest even more.

 

[jnMissouri]

She responded back in about an hour, saying Hi with her usual hahaha when I use c&cky comedy on her as I have always done. I'm thinking she is going to say more than that, but who knows, she hasn't yet. At this point I think it's best for me NOT to respond unless she sends more. I'll go S&D on her...

Wait, another text just came in. She said this Saturday she can't and we can be friends, enjoy hanging out with my friends basically. Boom, crashed and burned. Now I know NEVER to tell a woman this and to always use S&D in these situations. Thanks fellas. Sad outcome but I had to try. You were right guru, that was her answer.

 

[jnMissouri]

Damn, it sucks, but it assures I really learn this lesson this time. Although I will say the jealousy tactic did work well one time I remember using it. Oh, well, this is one area of my dating life I need to master. I get numbers, setup dates, can kiss and close the deal. But in these types of situations when a girl plays hard to get I struggle. Even when I have other women I'm sleeping with.


She did seem to have high interest, agreeing to cook me dinner, etc. but it's not 100% certain that it was sincere.

Part of me also believes that she may have just wanted the attention. Women in the office seem to often do this kind of stuff I've noticed, and I generally don't have this problem outside the office (or when I was in college with some girls).

 

[jnMissouri]

Should I say anything about her saying we can be friends? Or just let it be? I do believe she HAD high interest before but my jealousy tactic backfired. Would it be BAD if she saw me with one of the other girls I'm dating at this point? One of the other girls I'm dating meets me at my work when we hang out, we do it in the bathroom then go hang out after that. The work girl's office is facing the parking lot where I meet this girl...

Don't worry, I'm not really after her anymore, it's more of an experiment to see what happens. Plus it's a way for me to save face in a way, showing I have another girl and am not phased.

 

[jnMissouri]

Yes, it's offputting, and my IL would have dropped if a girl did the same to me. You didn't even give her a chance to respond to your invite, then double texted to threaten the plan due to her not responding within a few minutes? Come on bro.

But ... don't apologize or backpedal. This will make it worse. Let it sit, withdraw your emotional investment, and invest your time and attention elsewhere for now.

.

You were right, crashed and burned, see my other posts about her response (basically laughed at my c&cky funny opener and said she can't hang out this saturday and we can be friends (English is not her first language so I'm paraphrasing a little here) and to have fun with my friends on saturday. She may have been interested before and got spooked that I was going to hurt her after my attempt to make her jealous. She may have just been doing it all for attention. I am not sure, and none of us can be sure. I do find it odd that she got my number from her friend, went out with me, and that she agreed to cook us dinner prior to all of this. I think she might have been interested but I mucked it up with my previous jealousy tactic text. I just know/hope I have learned this lesson once and for all. Thanks guys.

I'm not sure if I should go out of my way to not let her see me with another girl that I'm dating who I bring to the office a lot, whether I should say anything back like I agree, or just let it be silent. I don't think I will pursue her at all at this point, her message was pretty clear.

Man it's been a long time a woman has said let's be friends to me. Though I guess in a way any woman who rejects you is saying that really....it's just that in this case I pursued her looking for a clear answer.