Possible Divorce, Too late to change?

[Focal core]

That is something I hadn't considered. After reading Rollo's books and other resources, I felt I had it at least somewhat figured out. I was able to diffuse arguments I was never able to in the past and felt I finally had the upper hand. But you're right. It's may be a false sense of confidence that will hurt me in the end.

I'm fairly certain she has been hiding money (so have I). She get's aggressive and is still 'prepping' for the divorce.

She has plenty of "orbiters" ready to move her in and marry her at the drop of the hat. But she tells me it's a turn off for them to be so forward. Which is understandable. We will see what happens.



I've been able to recognize that lately. Claiming I needed medication for my depression (I saw a doctor, they said medication could help, but wasn't' necessary, as I didn't have suicidal thoughts). Claiming that the police put down in their report that I was "mentally unstable" the night I had her arrested for domestic violence (which doesn't make any sense, I was calm and just talked to the sheriff). She complains to my family and her friends, making it out that I'm clearly the bad guy.




I will talk to my lawyer and see what they can do. The house is in her parents name, and I'm already off the lease. I don't have a stable place for my daughter at the moment. I own my own business, but it isn't that lucrative. I stayed there temporarily when she initially kicked me out of the house. That's my major hurdle at the moment, securing a place. I live in southern california, so living arrangements aren't cheap. My family is out of state and not much of an option.

Run baby run, it's projection and smear campaigns. Shes totally nutcase. No way she could heal from that without decades of therapy and let the willingness to heal alone would set her back from that. One more things in the future watch out when she appear lucid and you want to trust her again.. Dont, it's a trap to put you in the vicious cycle again.. My ex were in that cycle now appearing lucid and sane again, fuvk her! No she didn't deserve it either.

 

[Calihopeful]

It seems like everyone I talk to has the same sentiments echoed here. I will go through with the divorce.

I know some women are better than others, but how do you tell the difference between a woman who is nuts (my narcissistic wife) vs. a woman just being a bitchy solipsistic woman? After reading Rollo's books, I figured my wife wasn't crazy, just being an emotional woman.

 

[SpanishFly]

It seems like everyone I talk to has the same sentiments echoed here. I will go through with the divorce.

I know some women are better than others, but how do you tell the difference between a woman who is nuts (my narcissistic wife) vs. a woman just being a bitchy solipsistic woman? After reading Rollo's books, I figured my wife wasn't crazy, just being an emotional woman.

Crazy women try to hide their craziness until they feel that they have hooked you. Women with sour characters seem to openly demonstrate their bitterness earlier on. In either case, what's important is that you don't have to live with it. Both types will make you feel miserable.

 

[Spaz]

Women don't just suddenly turn crazy.

And they can't hide craziness for any length of time in a day.

Enough of this crazy talk.

 

[Calihopeful]

Women don't just suddenly turn crazy.

And they can't hide craziness for any length of time in a day.

Enough of this crazy talk.

I knew she had some minor anger issues from the beginning. I didn't think it would progress to this point. Being a good guy and doing what I thought was the right thing, I married her when she got pregnant.

 

[Spaz]

I knew she had some minor anger issues from the beginning. I didn't think it would progress to this point. Being a good guy and doing what I thought was the right thing, I married her when she got pregnant.

This relationship is over.

You're unknowingly emboldened her by being too passive.

This has inadvertently empowered her to act as such.

You need to understand the dynamics of male-female relationships.

A woman will be the mirror image of her man.

If the man is too passive, she will be aggressive. If he's a goody two shoes, she will be the b1tch.

It's the balance.

No use blaming her since you were the catalyst.

Own it.

And once you do then you'll be a better man the next time round.

 

[Calihopeful]

This relationship is over.

You're unknowingly emboldened her by being too passive.

This has inadvertently empowered her to act as such.

You need to understand the dynamics of male-female relationships.

A woman will be the mirror image of her man.

If the man is too passive, she will be aggressive. If he's a goody two shoes, she will be the b1tch.

It's the balance.

No use blaming her since you were the catalyst.

Own it.

And once you do then you'll be a better man the next time round.

For sure. As I mentioned in page one, after reading Rollo's books I believe me being "too nice" (or the catalyst) as you put it was the problem. The whole point of this thread was my realization of that fact and seeing if it was possible to change and turn it around. It seems like it is too late for that though. I intend to go through with the divorce, keep reading the literature, improving myself, date and take care of my child. I appreciate your guys' advice.

 

[Spaz]

For sure. As I mentioned in page one, after reading Rollo's books I believe me being "too nice" (or the catalyst) as you put it was the problem. The whole point of this thread was my realization of that fact and seeing if it was possible to change and turn it around. It seems like it is too late for that though. I intend to go through with the divorce, keep reading the literature, improving myself, date and take care of my child. I appreciate your guys' advice.

It's okay to be a nice guy.

But it's not okay to be a pushover.

I've not read Rollo's or any sort of self help books so I can't recommend any. However many has cited Rollo and that's a testament by itself.

What I will recommend for you is to enrol into some leadership courses - in real life.

It will change ur life for the better in all areas of both your personal and professional life.

Please do so.

Stick around in forum to update us or even seek guidance for anything.

 

[AttackFormation]

For sure. As I mentioned in page one, after reading Rollo's books I believe me being "too nice" (or the catalyst) as you put it was the problem. The whole point of this thread was my realization of that fact and seeing if it was possible to change and turn it around. It seems like it is too late for that though. I intend to go through with the divorce, keep reading the literature, improving myself, date and take care of my child. I appreciate your guys' advice.

Your behavior may have been subpar, but keep in mind not only that there's another person involved but that she has a narcissism disorder. You can't be "good enough" to make that work. Don't put the blame entirely on yourself for this.

 

[Calihopeful]

It's okay to be a nice guy.

But it's not okay to be a pushover.

I've not read Rollo's or any sort of self help books so I can't recommend any. However many has cited Rollo and that's a testament by itself.

What I will recommend for you is to enrol into some leadership courses - in real life.

It will change ur life for the better in all areas of both your personal and professional life.

Please do so.

Stick around in forum to update us or even seek guidance for anything.

Well said. I will keep my eyes open for leadership roles.

Your behavior may have been subpar, but keep in mind not only that there's another person involved but that she has a narcissism disorder. You can't be "good enough" to make that work. Don't put the blame entirely on yourself for this.

I don't blame myself 100%. But I think I was the primary cause. Even if she is a narcissist, me validating her behavior by always making it about her has just been adding fuel to the fire. I did some googling after she was arrested and found this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/69fxy5
Which was my first glance into this way of thinking about the dynamics of how a relationship should be. Who knows what the relationship would have been like had I discovered all of this before I married her....

 

[Roober]

Whatever you do, do not give up on your children. Insist on 50/50 custody at a bare minimum.

 

[Calihopeful]

Whatever you do, do not give up on your children. Insist on 50/50 custody at a bare minimum.

Never. My daughter is the only one I put above myself. I'm a better father than she is a mother. 50/50 is the minimum. She tries to talk me out of it. "The court won't give you that much, you have school, you'll need to find a second job to support yourself, etc...".... We will see what the courts say. Whatever it takes to keep my daughter with me as much as possible, I will take care of.

 

[Roober]

Never. My daughter is the only one I put above myself. I'm a better father than she is a mother. 50/50 is the minimum. She tries to talk me out of it. "The court won't give you that much, you have school, you'll need to find a second job to support yourself, etc...".... We will see what the courts say. Whatever it takes to keep my daughter with me as much as possible, I will take care of.

If she made more than you, ask for child support and alimony. You will need to have a room or at least a separate bed for your daughter, that is one important thing.

 

[evan12]

It seems like everyone I talk to has the same sentiments echoed here. I will go through with the divorce.

I know some women are better than others, but how do you tell the difference between a woman who is nuts (my narcissistic wife) vs. a woman just being a bitchy solipsistic woman? After reading Rollo's books, I figured my wife wasn't crazy, just being an emotional woman.

She hide your gift watch because gifts cannot be split in court , it seem she is preparing herself for divorce too.
It seem you lack some assertiveness or even masculinity, and one of the problems I see, how can you be sure the next woman will be better. If the next woman also find you weak she will increase her aggression too .
I think you are thinking if you change , she might change, and that could be true , however the laws in North America make it very risky for a man to stay with the wrong woman. I am afraid she will false accuse you in something and find yourself in jail . for me if the woman dared to falsely call police on you , it is time for separation.

 

[Calihopeful]

If she made more than you, ask for child support and alimony. You will need to have a room or at least a separate bed for your daughter, that is one important thing.

We make about the same, but she will likely try and stop working and try to get that from me. She already has been looking into it. I don't think that will fly though. I will have to see what my lawyer says.

 

[Roober]

We make about the same, but she will likely try and stop working and try to get that from me. She already has been looking into it. I don't think that will fly though. I will have to see what my lawyer says.

You should be okay. She has shown she has the capacity to make the same as you. The courts will look at that, regardles of what she chooses to do with her employment situation. It sounds like she is just regurgitating nonsense to get you to react.

Remember, the emotional verbal assault is a womans playground. Try your best not to get sucked into it. In my situation, I had to literally ignore her for several months and funnel everything through the attorney.

 

[highSpeed]

You should be okay. She has shown she has the capacity to make the same as you. The courts will look at that, regardles of what she chooses to do with her employment situation. It sounds like she is just regurgitating nonsense to get you to react.

Remember, the emotional verbal assault is a womans playground. Try your best not to get sucked into it. In my situation, I had to literally ignore her for several months and funnel everything through the attorney.

Are you kidding, that's never over. You're always going to watch how you talk to her and how you talk about her. That's the biggest problem when kids come into play, you're never done with them, even once the marriage is technically over. She owns you for the foreseeable future, unless you live completely off the grid, which is next to impossible to do. You can do it but then you're mostly punishing yourself, so she still wins.

You started making more money and she decides she needs more child support from you? Yep, you guessed it, you're back in family court. She decides she doesn't want you seeing the kid as much? Yep, you guessed it, you're back in family court. Consider your calendar potentially booked at any time in the future until the kids are like 21.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

She is unstable. Do not even consider maintaining a relationship with her. You cannot change or control such a person, so break it off. Your daughter will not benefit from growing up in this environment.
Get some legal advice regarding custody and the financial implications of a divorce.
Then once you have the legalities prepared, free yourself from this situation. Don't look back.

+1

Rollo mentioned a client who created a tinder after his wife cut him off. After a series of options via vpn and on the other side of the world, lifting and lifestyle changes, it was clear who the problem was.

 

[Calihopeful]

You should be okay. She has shown she has the capacity to make the same as you. The courts will look at that, regardles of what she chooses to do with her employment situation. It sounds like she is just regurgitating nonsense to get you to react.

Remember, the emotional verbal assault is a womans playground. Try your best not to get sucked into it. In my situation, I had to literally ignore her for several months and funnel everything through the attorney.

I'm still working on this. Every time we start arguing about something, she moves the goal post faster than I can keep up. I'll get sucked in defending myself by the end of it. I've been able to recognize it more and more now though.

Are you kidding, that's never over. You're always going to watch how you talk to her and how you talk about her. That's the biggest problem when kids come into play, you're never done with them, even once the marriage is technically over. She owns you for the foreseeable future, unless you live completely off the grid, which is next to impossible to do. You can do it but then you're mostly punishing yourself, so she still wins.

You started making more money and she decides she needs more child support from you? Yep, you guessed it, you're back in family court. She decides she doesn't want you seeing the kid as much? Yep, you guessed it, you're back in family court. Consider your calendar potentially booked at any time in the future until the kids are like 21.

True. It will be a pain in the ass for a while. If I have 50/50 custody and I am consistent with my child, it can't be THAT bad right?

+1

Rollo mentioned a client who created a tinder after his wife cut him off. After a series of options via vpn and on the other side of the world, lifting and lifestyle changes, it was clear who the problem was.

I just finished that section in book 3. I never have had a problem getting sex (getting cut off), which probably contributes to my lack of understanding with women. I asked my therapist in the past, how do I know she is the problem and not me? If my wife read all the symptoms of narcissistic behavior, I'm sure she could puzzle piece them together to make it sound like I was the problem. My therapist told me to think about all my past relationships (family, personal etc...) in my life and reflect on if any of them treated me the way my spouse does. I was never depressed in my life, so we assumed I have had at least some healthy relationships with family/friends in the past. It was a good exercise to use those relationships as a foundation to identify some issues with my wife.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I'm still working on this. Every time we start arguing about something, she moves the goal post faster than I can keep up. I'll get sucked in defending myself by the end of it. I've been able to recognize it more and more now though.



True. It will be a pain in the ass for a while. If I have 50/50 custody and I am consistent with my child, it can't be THAT bad right?

You poor soul. You don't understand the **** hole that family court system is.

Women seek to exit with cash and prizes. False accusations await. Spy cam ftw.

I know some lad, wife ****ed the neighbour while he worked 16hr work days, 100 hr weeks. This **** wouldn't make him a sandwich.

She files divorce and runs off with his kids saying he pulled a gun on her. Has him removed from his own house and she emptied his life savings.

If not for a near OD drug induced bender, he woupd still be having supervised custody.

Western women are disgusting .

0 work weeks just finished that section in book 3. I never have had a problem getting sex (getting cut off), which probably contributes to my lack of understanding with women. I asked my therapist in the past, how do I know she is the problem and not me? If my wife read all the symptoms of narcissistic behavior, I'm sure she could puzzle piece them together to make it sound like I was the problem. My therapist told me to think about all my past relationships (family, personal etc...) in my life and reflect on if any of them treated me the way my spouse does. I was never depressed in my life, so we assumed I have had at least some healthy relationships with family/friends in the past. It was a good exercise to use those relationships as a foundation to identify some issues with my wife.

Buy the tactical guide to women by Dr Shawn T. Smith book or audible.

VET women.

#next @ anything bpd, sociopathy, feminists etc

Its messy and gross but it's just a matter of time before **** pops off. The crash is coming. I am going to troll and watch the world burn.

I will smash anything hawt thin and attractive but trolling ensues the sec she talks playing house. Targeted demographic is 18-23. I suggest that you act accordingly.

If she's acting like a ****, show up with a 18yr old. Even if you must seek sugar baby.

Troll as a hobby.