How was this response?

[MoreThanSmooth]

I've known this girl for a couple of years. Lately she's been hanging out with me, flirting with me (cuddling up and stuff) although we're not dating so I haven't given the whole thing much attention.

Well, she started texting me tonight asking about some guy she had a one night stand with recently and asking me if I think he'll respond or whatever. To which I'm like...this isn't any of my business, wut.

Anyway she keeps asking me for dating tips and eventually I got fed up and frankly compromised my own frame, but I was irritated. I just told her that she's banging all these dudes and clearly knows more about going round banging people than me, so why is she asking me?

After this she goes off with all this "Oh I'm sorry if I seemed like I was flirting with you, I wasn't" (I didn't even bring up any flirting she did with me, so this strikes me as self-covering BS, since she was blatantly trying to play footsie with me last time we hung out).

Then again, without me even saying anything, she starts saying "You're really handsome but I like you rather than "like" you. You're a good friend and you make me laugh."
Again, I didn't even ask for her to start saying all this and frankly it sounded like she was dissing me, giving me the friend zone speech when I didn't even ask her out!

Wtf.

Then she goes back to asking about this f*cking dude again. I quite bluntly said "He's doing something right if he gives you one night of mild kindness and gets to f*ck you, maybe I should learn something from a guy like that." Lol. I actually feel like that too - this guy is getting what he wants and doesn't have to deal with her nonsense, I'm not getting laid and I'm having to listen to this crap? Cringe.

Then I just left it with "Yeah this chat is bringing me down, see you around."

Is this a girl trying to social proof or what? I keep getting sh*t like this - chicks I'm not even hitting on telling me I'm wonderful but I'm not their cup of tea, as if they're trying to boost their ego or something. It's starting to annoy me enough that I'm just calling it.

 

[backseatjuan]

There would be absolutely nothing wrong if you invite her to your place for a dinner or a movie or both have a few drinks with her, cuddle, and escalate sexually.

 

[The Duke]

Not sure what you want, but this chic wants you. Next time she starts rambling about some dude, lean her back, look her in the eyes and kiss her deeply. This is how you become the guy that gets laid. You haven't taken any action to help you get laid. Not sure what you are expecting.

 

[guru1000]

@MoreThanSmooth, I'd say the onus falls squarely on you here. If the girl doesn't like you and you hold a dominant personality, she will ignore you. However, here, you somehow fall into a rapport despite them not seeing you as LTR or fvckboy material. And from reading your past threads, this doesn't appear to be the first time.

If you'd care to be more specific as to what transpired after you went on a date with this girl that eventually led to this conversation. Identifying how you got here is the focus.

Edit: I see you know her for a couple years. Well there you go. She's a friend. If you can't accept the terms of a real friendship, you shouldn't be entertaining ulterior thoughts. Don't be her orbiter. Be her friend or dismiss her altogether,

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Not sure what you want, but this chic wants you. Next time she starts rambling about some dude, lean her back, look her in the eyes and kiss her deeply. This is how you become the guy that gets laid. You haven't taken any action to help you get laid. Not sure what you are expecting.

Hm...appreciate the upside but I wouldn't be so sure dude. Yeah she flirted with me a bit but p*ssing me off and telling me she "doesn't "like" me, she just likes me"...that's supposed to get me to hit on her? Bah.

Anyway sorry, I don't mean to sound dismissive. I just keep telling myself I'm not going to be the chump gay best friend and somehow that keeps happening to me with all these girls.

It's not like I was going for something sexual anyway, it's more that she was pretty much emasculating towards me. That's what irritates me. She was like "I guess sometimes I flirt and forget you're a man with man feelings." Wtf? So basically you forget I'm a man on a regular basis? Jeeez, keep digging honey. No idea what she was trying to say but it was good at getting me irritable.

There would be absolutely nothing wrong if you invite her to your place for a dinner or a movie or both have a few drinks with her, cuddle, and escalate sexually.

She's leaving town in a few days and I don't think she'll be back for a long time, so I'm just going to spend time with someone else who doesn't (even inadvertently) talk down to me I guess.

Make these women useful. Tell them to be a wing girl for you if they want your friendly feedback on their sh*t like this; have them earn your feedback by giving you some of that social proof on tap when it counts as you’re out there meeting women. Otherwise tell them you’re not interested in being their own personal relationship advisor.

One hand washes the other.

She’ll do it.

Good advice, thank you mate. Yeah, I think this is what annoys me; these girls are the female equivalent of that annoying deadbeat male "friend" who is only ever establishing contact to ask for cash or favours.

I'm so tired of being asked/expected to give them bf-level emotional support, all my life advice and even freakin' cuddles when they're f*cking some other guy(s). It's ridiculous. I don't go around cuddling girls, tell 'em I don't like them and then start asking them who I should f*ck.

Sorry, just venting now, haha.

But yeah, I think I need to start compartmentalising these girls better. If they're not romantically interested, they should be offering me something else. Like any other male or female contact in my life. Because I'm done giving s**t away for free, only to be treated like garbage.

Edit: I see you know her for a couple years. Well there you go. She's a friend. If you can't accept the terms of a real friendship, you shouldn't be entertaining ulterior thoughts. Don't be her orbiter. Be her friend or dismiss her altogether

Yeah, I don't draw friend boundaries well enough with women, clearly. But it's pretty f*cking hard when they're rubbing their legs on me and cuddling up, then don't want anything romantic or sexual when I press further.

I guess in that situation I do what I did today; cut it. I don't need that rubbish in my life.

 

[FullPotential]

Hm...appreciate the upside but I wouldn't be so sure dude. Yeah she flirted with me a bit but p*ssing me off and telling me she "doesn't "like" me, she just likes me"...that's supposed to get me to hit on her? Bah.

Anyway sorry, I don't mean to sound dismissive. I just keep telling myself I'm not going to be the chump gay best friend and somehow that keeps happening to me with all these girls.

It's not like I was going for something sexual anyway, it's more that she was pretty much emasculating towards me. That's what irritates me. She was like "I guess sometimes I flirt and forget you're a man with man feelings." Wtf? So basically you forget I'm a man on a regular basis? Jeeez, keep digging honey. No idea what she was trying to say but it was good at getting me irritable.



She's leaving town in a few days and I don't think she'll be back for a long time, so I'm just going to spend time with someone else who doesn't (even inadvertently) talk down to me I guess.



Good advice, thank you mate. Yeah, I think this is what annoys me; these girls are the female equivalent of that annoying deadbeat male "friend" who is only ever establishing contact to ask for cash or favours.

I'm so tired of being asked/expected to give them bf-level emotional support, all my life advice and even freakin' cuddles when they're f*cking some other guy(s). It's ridiculous. I don't go around cuddling girls, tell 'em I don't like them and then start asking them who I should f*ck.

Sorry, just venting now, haha.

But yeah, I think I need to start compartmentalising these girls better. If they're not romantically interested, they should be offering me something else. Like any other male or female contact in my life. Because I'm done giving s**t away for free, only to be treated like garbage.



Yeah, I don't draw friend boundaries well enough with women, clearly. But it's pretty f*cking hard when they're rubbing their legs on me and cuddling up, then don't want anything romantic or sexual when I press further.

I guess in that situation I do what I did today; cut it. I don't need that rubbish in my life.

Through experience, I realized that you absolutely CANNOT be friends with women unless you not only want to be seen as a "girlfriend with a d1ck", but someone that can be stepped over without the girl friend expecting any consequences.

And if they do get any consequences, they will be resentful towards you.

 

[ohrein]

She's into you and using the games that work on women (social proof) to try and get you. We project our ideas of how things operate onto others and so if you look for the ways in which women find men attractive, you'll find women projecting them onto men they are attracted to.

"Oh I'm sorry if I seemed like I was flirting with you, I wasn't"

This is the giveaway. CLASSIC projection. She thinks you can see her subversion.

 

[The Duke]

She's into you and using the games that work on women (social proof) to try and get you. We project our ideas of how things operate onto others and so if you look for the ways in which women find men attractive, you'll find women projecting them onto men they are attracted to.

This is the giveaway. CLASSIC projection. She thinks you can see her subversion.

@ohrein explained it perfectly. Its why I said what I did.

But the part that really stood out to me was when you said: I just keep telling myself I'm not going to be the chump gay best friend and somehow that keeps happening to me with all these girls.

There is a reason guys like me and others never have this problem. I am not putting you down at all, just saying you aren't doing something right. You stated it keeps happening with you so you are the common denominator. You are also the solution.

Women do put themselves out there when they are highly are interested even though it may not seem that way. They fear rejection and operate in very covert ways so its easy to back peddle saving their precious feelers. This girl is extending herself, you likely aren't realizing it and when you dismiss her subtle advances she feels rejected so she retracts.

Also no need to get upset with her. Stop her in her tracks and direct the conversation to something you wish to talk about. Be masculine, be more dominant, steer them in the direction you want to go. Thats how you get what you want from them and stay out of situations like this.

How many times have you pushed the boundaries with a chic and not been successful at moving the ball down the field? How many times have you NOT pushed the boundaries and failed to move the ball down the field? Something to think about. In every aspect of life, those who take changes reap the biggest rewards. Nowhere in what you have shared did I see where you even attempted to push the boundaries.

 

[marmel75]

Hm...appreciate the upside but I wouldn't be so sure dude. Yeah she flirted with me a bit but p*ssing me off and telling me she "doesn't "like" me, she just likes me"...that's supposed to get me to hit on her? Bah.

Anyway sorry, I don't mean to sound dismissive. I just keep telling myself I'm not going to be the chump gay best friend and somehow that keeps happening to me with all these girls.

It's not like I was going for something sexual anyway, it's more that she was pretty much emasculating towards me. That's what irritates me. She was like "I guess sometimes I flirt and forget you're a man with man feelings." Wtf? So basically you forget I'm a man on a regular basis? Jeeez, keep digging honey. No idea what she was trying to say but it was good at getting me irritable.



She's leaving town in a few days and I don't think she'll be back for a long time, so I'm just going to spend time with someone else who doesn't (even inadvertently) talk down to me I guess.



Good advice, thank you mate. Yeah, I think this is what annoys me; these girls are the female equivalent of that annoying deadbeat male "friend" who is only ever establishing contact to ask for cash or favours.

I'm so tired of being asked/expected to give them bf-level emotional support, all my life advice and even freakin' cuddles when they're f*cking some other guy(s). It's ridiculous. I don't go around cuddling girls, tell 'em I don't like them and then start asking them who I should f*ck.

Sorry, just venting now, haha.

But yeah, I think I need to start compartmentalising these girls better. If they're not romantically interested, they should be offering me something else. Like any other male or female contact in my life. Because I'm done giving s**t away for free, only to be treated like garbage.



Yeah, I don't draw friend boundaries well enough with women, clearly. But it's pretty f*cking hard when they're rubbing their legs on me and cuddling up, then don't want anything romantic or sexual when I press further.

I guess in that situation I do what I did today; cut it. I don't need that rubbish in my life.

Thats when you tell her "You are right...better stick to those guys you are able to handle."