Discreetly creating competition (letting her know you are dating other women) as a tactic

[jnMissouri]

Discreetly creating competition (letting her know you are dating other women) as a tactic I’ve used this before with great success, though the results can be extremely mixed depending on the woman.

Last time I remember using this, it was in undergrad. I may have used it since then but don’t recall. Undergrad stands out to me because the girl started pursuing me like CRAZY. Emails and calls in the middle of the night, etc. A buddy of mine who is a NATURAL with women told me to be direct with the girl, tell her I saw that she was trying to use some other guy she was dating to make me jealous, and that I can tell that she is more into me than him since she is using him to make me jealous, etc.

So I did. I called her on it and let her know maybe she wasn’t the girl for me and that I had met someone at the store that I would meetup with instead. Like I said, it WORKED. The girl went crazy over me. She even dumped the guy in front of me in class so that I would hang out with her instead (I told her I didn’t want to get in the way of what they had and that they made a cute couple, lol). Anyways, that’s one time that I used it and it worked really well, at least that I recall.

Some gurus say to let the girl know that you are dating other women, especially if she is not moving fast enough, pulling away, etc. Obviously you’d do this discreetly, something like, “no worries, I’ll make other plans” if she flakes on a date or isn’t sure if she has the time, etc.

But I worry, because with some women this tactic can backfire, shutting them down completely. So use the tactic or not? And if yes on using it, should one look for whether the woman is the type you can use that on without her shutting down? If so what are those signs?

IMO confidence and some game that she has displayed are signs that she can handle it and it will work on her. Creating competition is a great tactic I read about and it’s worked the time that I had to use it. I know it works wonders on me when a woman does it to me…is unavailable and makes it seem like there MIGHT be someone else.

 

[GearsGod310]

This is a really good post man. Hopefully someone more experienced than me can comment on this topic also.

In my experience, when they ask, I've fvcked chicks telling them " Yea I'm dating, nothin crazy though" and also "No I'm not seeing anyone at the moment I'm busy and focused on myself right now" but for me I think both have worked because I was genuinely doing what I told them. I wasn't lying. Right now I don't have a rotation or anything crazy but if I'm on a date with a chick and she asks i'll definitely say "I'm dating, but nothing crazy". But tbh, I've only had a couple ask me. This chick I've fvcked recently texted me " you have such a nice body you're a thirst trap you must get a lot of girls" I didn't even reply to it and just replied to another message she sent.

If they lose interest then they lose interest. I kinda don't care anymore. That's how I take it man. We can't get em all bro, save some for the rest of us.lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There is a saying: show me, don't tell me.

The best use of completion is to have women flirt with you while being oblivious to them. Neediness can kill attraction so the opposite of that (being oblivious to female attention) can make you look like a god.

Alot of amateur guys eat it up and act like they never got attention before. You should look like you don't even enjoy it.

This keeps your hands clean and prevents interested women from shutting down. Every move should be done in private to keep your options open

You can talk about other women, but id rather just show it.

One thing to watch out for is that some women don't want you and they don't want other women to want you. They hate male empowerment. These women will feign interest just to fend off other women who might like you, and then reject you after they've had you to themselves. It's a cold world out there.

This is why I act oblivious and only make moves in private. If I commit to the wrong woman, I lose out on other women.

I've been played a lot of times where I had all the power and foolishly relinquished it by commiting to a woman who secretly hated me.

Yes it's a power game and alot of women are ruthless.

"Hate" male power. They view it as a game to win it.

 

[Crown]

Preselection at its finest. Works even better If you have a hot chick by your side.

 

[AJ84]

Discreetly creating competition (letting her know you are dating other women) as a tactic I’ve used this before with great success, though the results can be extremely mixed depending on the woman.

Last time I remember using this, it was in undergrad. I may have used it since then but don’t recall. Undergrad stands out to me because the girl started pursuing me like CRAZY. Emails and calls in the middle of the night, etc. A buddy of mine who is a NATURAL with women told me to be direct with the girl, tell her I saw that she was trying to use some other guy she was dating to make me jealous, and that I can tell that she is more into me than him since she is using him to make me jealous, etc.

So I did. I called her on it and let her know maybe she wasn’t the girl for me and that I had met someone at the store that I would meetup with instead. Like I said, it WORKED. The girl went crazy over me. She even dumped the guy in front of me in class so that I would hang out with her instead (I told her I didn’t want to get in the way of what they had and that they made a cute couple, lol). Anyways, that’s one time that I used it and it worked really well, at least that I recall.

Some gurus say to let the girl know that you are dating other women, especially if she is not moving fast enough, pulling away, etc. Obviously you’d do this discreetly, something like, “no worries, I’ll make other plans” if she flakes on a date or isn’t sure if she has the time, etc.

But I worry, because with some women this tactic can backfire, shutting them down completely. So use the tactic or not? And if yes on using it, should one look for whether the woman is the type you can use that on without her shutting down? If so what are those signs?

IMO confidence and some game that she has displayed are signs that she can handle it and it will work on her. Creating competition is a great tactic I read about and it’s worked the time that I had to use it. I know it works wonders on me when a woman does it to me…is unavailable and makes it seem like there MIGHT be someone else.

Female perspective: If she’s into you she will stick around but may date other guys as you are dating other girls while still competing to be the girl. So if she has options she will most likely do that as there is no reason for her not to.

 

[Trump]

There is a saying: show me, don't tell me.

The best use of completion is to have women flirt with you while being oblivious to them. Neediness can kill attraction so the opposite of that (being oblivious to female attention) can make you look like a god.

Alot of amateur guys eat it up and act like they never got attention before. You should look like you don't even enjoy it.

This keeps your hands clean and prevents interested women from shutting down. Every move should be done in private to keep your options open

You can talk about other women, but id rather just show it.

One thing to watch out for is that some women don't want you and they don't want other women to want you. They hate male empowerment. These women will feign interest just to fend off other women who might like you, and then reject you after they've had you to themselves. It's a cold world out there.

This is why I act oblivious and only make moves in private. If I commit to the wrong woman, I lose out on other women.

I've been played a lot of times where I had all the power and foolishly relinquished it by commiting to a woman who secretly hated me.

Yes it's a power game and alot of women are ruthless.

Spot on post.

 

[jnMissouri]

Female perspective: If she’s into you she will stick around but may date other guys as you are dating other girls while still competing to be the girl. So if she has options she will most likely do that as there is no reason for her not to.

She is an attractive female so I assume she is dating other men. That said, she always tells me how lonely she is.

I charted our interactions and they are always two steps forward, one back, but each time we move up a notch. If I disengage she uses her friend to re-engage me and I start texting her again.

This is a girl who had her friend bring us together for lunch, got my number from her friend after that lunch, etc.

I know she saw me talking to another girl in the office and was uncomfortable with it. Even tried to interrupt (she did) so the girl would leave (she did).

 

[AJ84]

She is an attractive female so I assume she is dating other men. That said, she always tells me how lonely she is.

I chatted our interactions and they are always two steps forward, one back, but each time we move up a notch. If I disengage she uses her friend to re-engage me and I start texting her again.

This is a girl who had her friend bring us together for lunch, got my number from her friend after that lunch, etc.

I know she saw me talking to another girl in the office and was uncomfortable with it. Even tried to interrupt (she did) so the girl would leave (she did).

She seems interested, so merely having her witness other women show an interest in you will motivate her, whether you are dating other women or they are just coming around you, chatting you up etc.

The only risk is she ends up being more interested in another guy she meets. If you are both dating other people then that could happen.

If that doesn’t happen, she will find a way to remove all of her competition to have you to herself.

 

[jnMissouri]

She seems interested, so merely having her witness other women show an interest in you will motivate her, whether you are dating other women or they are just coming around you, chatting you up etc.

The only risk is she ends up being more interested in another guy she meets. If you are both dating other people then that could happen.

If that doesn’t happen, she will find a way to remove all of her competition to have you to herself.

Interesting, I agree. Mind weighing in on my other thread?


https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/best-text-to-setup-a-second-date-with-this-girl.255916/

 

[oldmanofthesea]

One thing to watch out for is that some women don't want you and they don't want other women to want you. They hate male empowerment. These women will feign interest just to fend off other women who might like you, and then reject you after they've had you to themselves. It's a cold world out there.

This is so true. I just posted in another thread about an ex who came back around and she is just like that.

 

[CMNILS87]

Ok so the girl in college, emailing you and calling in the middle of the night is not a normal female, let’s just put that out there first.

Second, you never tell them. You tell them that you’re single and dating, but you’d be open to the possibility of one in the future. You dating other girls will create some competition anxiety, but you need to dateclokg enough to have her invest emotionally a little. That’s when they start to chase. Send a text, hey come over, etc.

 

[RangerMIke]

If you are not texting her or reaching out to her on a regular basis she will assume you are seeing other chicks... Why? Because this is what she is doing. You can only fool a minority of chicks with this tactic and only really works with young chicks that do not have experience.

Your best bet is to actually be dating other chicks and not really try and game one. As soon as you start changing your behavior in an effort to secure a particular chick, you start to lose your frame.

Really.... relationship game playing is chick behavior... and they are fvcking good at it. You can not beat them at their own game, so don't play it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady: I concur with @RangerMIke on this.

I'll tell you something. If you are an objectively desirable man, whatever that means within your social environment and social construct and life...ANYBODY you go out with is going to see this because it is observable. Other women will be accommodating toward you, will smile, will be engaging in conversation. Much of it actually is subtle but its there. I date a man who is considered desirable by many, many women. Women show interest in him right in front of me All. The. Time. and he enjoys that and encourages that (sometimes more than I like, frankly). Sometimes women are quite rude to me they are so interested in him. In those instances I simply disengage and withdraw to engage other men in a social setting...for I am also plenty desirable. Heads turn when I walk into a room (the boyfriend loves having me on his arm for this reason as well of course)...and he will disengage and come see what I am doing and who I am with.

My point is that a woman who understands the game and knows her value isn't going to get clingy. She will do the reverse and let go because like you, she too has other options.

Competition anxiety is a GIVEN when you are dating a desirable partner. It creates itself. There is no need to manufacture it. My attitude toward competition anxiety? Let the best woman win. If my guy wants someone else more than me? He is free to go. I don't want him if he's not into me and/or wants someone else. I'm not going chasing after him *although I do show him I care for him* and he knows it.

I've had any number of women tell me "If he were my boyfriend, I'd have him on a short leash"...and women have said this to him as well. His response to that sentiment? "That is why you are not my girlfriend." My response to that sentiment, which I have stated to various women along the way is "I don't want him on a short leash. I'll give him all the rope in the world; if he hangs himself that's his problem" In other words I expect him to behave himself out of his own volition or I'll walk...and I've shown him that I will indeed walk when he's out of line. He likes that way of accountability and respects it. He feels competition anxiety when I go off on business trips...and he isn't there to know who is paying attention to me...he assumes its a hot doctor or a successful businessman etc. because those are the kinds of men I routinely interact with...

Competition anxiety can be an asset to keep the sexual tension taunt in an ongoing relationship, but it is as subtle as it is constant. Why do you think Posh Spice/Victoria Beckham keeps herself the way she does? She's married to David Beckham, who millions of women would jump in a heartbeat. Do you think David Beckham is going to put up with a woman who gets frumpy or lets herself go? Of course not! I keep myself thin, fit, healthy, and look after my appearance too - desirable men require a woman who takes good care of herself and who looks good because they can always choose someone else if their chick gets lazy or sloppy.

Desirable women aren't going to put up with a big beer gut either guys, by the way...

In early dating competition anxiety is a two edged sword, but I'd argue in a good way. It lets you see a window into several aspects of a girl's personality. It tells you about her self esteem, and it tells you about how she sees your value in relation to hers.

Here's the tricky part: You'll have girls who cling usually out of a combination of desire for you combined with low self esteem. That's pretty straightforward. The girls who'll let go? They fall into two groups based on their own self esteem and intent. Group 1 are girls who subconsciously think you are out of their league and they don't think they have the value necessary to keep you anyway (these girls have low self esteem)...and Group 2 are girls who will let go because they take a view akin to mine of "if he likes me he'll show me - otherwise NEXT!" because they know they have options (these girls have higher self esteem).

You get to figure out who is who. So competition anxiety can help you, but you might lose a good girl to someone else if you are not nuanced in how you deploy it. It's best when it simply exists as an extension of your desirability in the marketplace.

 

[jnMissouri]

Alright, so it should not be verbalized that you have other options. I know a lot of dating guru's say that it should be, at least IF the woman is pulling away. I've had a lot of success with the advice of those gurus, including doing this with a girl once ling ago, but a girl I did this with recently stopped texting suddenly.

She almost always texts me back within minutes or hours same day, only once or twice that she has not. We are colleagues and have been flirting at work for a while. We finally went out. It took a while because I think she thought I was playing hard to get because I told her I had been really busy, not texting too much, etc. So she started kind of being like, Oh, I've been busy too, etc.

In any case, it's always two steps forward, one step back. She says yes enough to move things forward, then after they move forward there is always an obstacle. But each time the obstacle is overcome and we move forward. For example. after our first date, she texted me and I suggested she cook us dinner at her place. She agreed within minutes. Long story short, I ask her a few days later if she has anything good to eat yet and she said not yet. I teased her about this. She said she had been very busy with exercise, English classes, etc. I joked that I could get her a workout. She laughed and asked about the details.

A few days go by (I was legitimately busy). So yesterday I text her that I wanted to watch a movie together. She asked which movie. I told her it would be a surprise, etc. Then I texted her a minute later that it's no big deal if she can't make it because she is too busy, I'll make other plans. I didn't say other plans with women or anything but I implied it, though the statement could be interpreted in many different ways.

So she didn't text me back after that, which is unusual. I think the concesus is that I should NOT have said that. But now what? Should I text her that I didn't mean to come across like that and that I'm just trying to get to know her better or wait for a text or some kind of sign (we see each other at work here and there) before I contact her again?

I was in a similar boat, slightly different situation but similar with a girl at work years ago, different job, and I ended up caving and being direct. It back fired.

One of the guys in that thread at the time said that I should have stayed silent, as it was probably driving her nuts that I was not in the palm of her hand anymore. That could be what's going on here with her now, she's not sure how to respond because she hasn't been challenged like that before, but who knows, each woman is slightly different in how she responds to these things. So what should I do with this girl now?

 

[BeExcellent]

I'd say give it a day or so and observe how you guys interact in the professional setting. Be polite, be cordial, be normal.

In a few days or even a week just tell her "Hey I'm going to see Bohemian Rhapsody (or whatever you want to see) - you should join me."

If she says OK/yes etc. Then you say "The show is at 7pm, I'll pick you up at 6:30. What's your address?"

And you go and do and don't worry about it. But look at how the conversation is framed above. You are going anyway. You are inviting her along. No need to say anything about other plans or whatever. If she declines then you say OK and you withdraw your attention and maybe you reach out again in another week or two if you so choose. Or you don't.

Meanwhile you simply keep your options open and keep meeting other girls.

 

[Roober]

Cliff notes: let you value be demonstrated through your actions, never your words. If a woman asks about others early on, you just choked on the d1ck she sucked last night.


Talk is cheap, so cheap that anyone can do it. What is far more important is having consistency with the words that come out of your mouth and the ensuing actions.

For example, a man tells a girl he has other girls and is "playing the field" and "keeping his options open." Great, good for him.

In situation A, he takes the girl out and she watches him (women are much better at people than men) interact with other people. Women give him no attention, other men are often superior, and he doesn't exude the natural confidence of a man that has other options. This is a lack of consistency within the mans character, and women hate inconsistency.

In situation B, the man takes the girl out, and cashiers talk to him emphatically, women look at him regularly, and even men defer to him. He makes everyone smile, and treats people with genuine respect. In this case, she will believe everything he told her about options. His value is demonstrated through his actions.

This is why I dont believe in the "playing the field" talk and think its utter nonsense. You dont need to tell a woman you have options when she can see it through firsthand experience. I have double standards in this regard as well. If a woman even asks, it is a fair assumption that she is talking to and/or fvcking other men. Do I want a piece of the d1ck she sucked last night? I dont really care what she is up to, but the principal action of pushing the subject illustrates this girl has been on the c0ck carousel for a bit...

When a woman asks such a question, I avoid it altogether because her words mean absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing; I wish I had the energy to repeat that 100 times. The very action of asking such a question provides all the information you need, and in my opinion, is a small action which helps separate the wheat from the chaff.

If she knows you are fvcking other women, why in god's name would she not do the same? It's a fools errand to believe otherwise. Find the women that dont ask, and pursue you hard, and those are likely the ones you will want t0 build something more with.

This is the seed I plant in her head...
"He could be fvcking other women. But I dont rhink he is, he is far too busy with his business. When would he have time? Oh ****, I have to stop talking to these other guys. I'm not so sure. I really dont want to talk about it or see 9ther guys cause I may fvck it up. I know he would jet if he found out."

NOTE: there is nuances to the act of asking this question from a woman, such as when the question arises. But the general act of asking suggests she is exploring all her options.

 

[jnMissouri]

So how do I fix this now that i texted her that like a clown?

 

[jnMissouri]

You were right, crashed and burned, see my other posts about her response (basically laughed at my c&cky funny opener and said she can't hang out this saturday and we can be friends (English is not her first language so I'm paraphrasing a little here) and to have fun with my friends on saturday. She may have been interested before and got spooked that I was going to hurt her after my attempt to make her jealous. She may have just been doing it all for attention. I am not sure, and none of us can be sure. I do find it odd that she got my number from her friend, went out with me, and that she agreed to cook us dinner prior to all of this. I think she might have been interested but I mucked it up with my previous jealousy tactic text. I just know/hope I have learned this lesson once and for all. Thanks guys.

I'm not sure if I should go out of my way to not let her see me with another girl that I'm dating who I bring to the office a lot, whether I should say anything back like I agree, or just let it be silent. I don't think I will pursue her at all at this point, her message was pretty clear.

Man it's been a long time a woman has said let's be friends to me. Though I guess in a way any woman who rejects you is saying that really....it's just that in this case I pursued her looking for a clear answer.