Devastated Me

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

I divorced 3 years ago. I put up Tinder the first time and matched with an hb 9 the first match it seemed to be meant to be this was 2016.The relationship quickly progressed.We became exclusive we agreed on everything.

I did catch her talking to another man on social media she said they were just friends but she worked with him and he was married.I became suspicious and over reacted and we had a big fight,I said some things I should’ve have she told me not to message her again in October.I showed up at her house and she told me to leave and get out of there.I cried all the way through thanksgiving and Christmas.

I think why I am so destroyed is there is no way in hell an hb 9 ,10 years my junior is ever going to go for me again.She was so giving and I over reacted and lost her. So my question to the experienced men here is what do you do when it’s your fault ? I am afraid to move on and put back up my dating profiles because she might see it.. and she might come back.I have never regretted anything before but this is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I divorced 3 years ago. I put up Tinder the first time and matched with an hb 9 the first match it seemed to be meant to be this was 2016.The relationship quickly progressed.We became exclusive we agreed on everything.

I did catch her talking to another man on social media she said they were just friends but she worked with him and he was married.I became suspicious and over reacted and we had a big fight,I said some things I should’ve have she told me not to message her again in October.I showed up at her house and she told me to leave and get out of there.I cried all the way through thanksgiving and Christmas.

I think why I am so destroyed is there is no way in hell an hb 9 ,10 years my junior is ever going to go for me again.She was so giving and I over reacted and lost her. So my question to the experienced men here is what do you do when it’s your fault ? I am afraid to move on and put back up my dating profiles because she might see it.. and she might come back.I have never regretted anything before but this is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

They're a dime a dozen. Right now it makes sense to focus on your likes, wants, desires and needs outside of her. I hope your talking to other women. Also was she cheating? Alot are so you may have not been wrong. 9 and 10 are a dime a dozen and if you was in her age range im sure you thought she was common.

 

[highSpeed]

I divorced 3 years ago. I put up Tinder the first time and matched with an hb 9 the first match it seemed to be meant to be this was 2016.The relationship quickly progressed.We became exclusive we agreed on everything.

I did catch her talking to another man on social media she said they were just friends but she worked with him and he was married.I became suspicious and over reacted and we had a big fight,I said some things I should’ve have she told me not to message her again in October.I showed up at her house and she told me to leave and get out of there.I cried all the way through thanksgiving and Christmas.

I think why I am so destroyed is there is no way in hell an hb 9 ,10 years my junior is ever going to go for me again.She was so giving and I over reacted and lost her. So my question to the experienced men here is what do you do when it’s your fault ? I am afraid to move on and put back up my dating profiles because she might see it.. and she might come back.I have never regretted anything before but this is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I suppose a lot of this "overreacting" comments depends on what the conversation was centering around. Was it work type stuff or flirting? Did she speak with this guy every day or was it only few and far in-between and only when necessary? If was every day, even if it was generic type stuff, this is the beginning of forming a relationship. If that's the case and you didn't catch her flat out sexting this guy, then it was only a matter of time before she branch swung. Sounds to me like she's blame shifting to shame you.

 

[Ranger]

I divorced 3 years ago. I put up Tinder the first time and matched with an hb 9 the first match it seemed to be meant to be this was 2016.The relationship quickly progressed.We became exclusive we agreed on everything.

I did catch her talking to another man on social media she said they were just friends but she worked with him and he was married.I became suspicious and over reacted and we had a big fight,I said some things I should’ve have she told me not to message her again in October.I showed up at her house and she told me to leave and get out of there.I cried all the way through thanksgiving and Christmas.

I think why I am so destroyed is there is no way in hell an hb 9 ,10 years my junior is ever going to go for me again.She was so giving and I over reacted and lost her. So my question to the experienced men here is what do you do when it’s your fault ? I am afraid to move on and put back up my dating profiles because she might see it.. and she might come back.I have never regretted anything before but this is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Who told you it was your fault? Is it ok for her to talk to this guy in a covert manner? You said “I did catch her talking to another man on social media”
Is this accurate? Covert communication? You “caught” her.
Maybe it was your overreaction. I don’t think you have enough data.
I suspect your instincts suggest she was “caught”.
Do you think him being married has anything to do with who a woman is attracted to?

 

[lamath]

Who told you it was your fault? Is it ok for her to talk to this guy in a covert manner? You said “I did catch her talking to another man on social media”
Is this accurate? Covert communication? You “caught” her.
Maybe it was your overreaction. I don’t think you have enough data.
I suspect your instincts suggest she was “caught”.
Do you think him being married has anything to do with who a woman is attracted to?

Being married and txting a hb9 even if from work seems suspicious.
I like to know more about you reacted but i think she wanted to break up anyway and this gave her the perfect reason.

Do not contact her again, delete her from every social media.
Not knowing about her is the best thing for you.
Get back to OLD if you think you are rdy, who cares what she thinks
The good news is you will have chance with other 9-10 again men age way better than women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Who told you it was your fault? Is it ok for her to talk to this guy in a covert manner? You said “I did catch her talking to another man on social media”
Is this accurate? Covert communication? You “caught” her.
Maybe it was your overreaction. I don’t think you have enough data.
I suspect your instincts suggest she was “caught”.
Do you think him being married has anything to do with who a woman is attracted to?

He said she was "so giving"

 

[Ranger]

He said she was "so giving"

LMAO cold blooded brother.

 

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

Who told you it was your fault? Is it ok for her to talk to this guy in a covert manner? You said “I did catch her talking to another man on social media”
Is this accurate? Covert communication? You “caught” her.
Maybe it was your overreaction. I don’t think you have enough data.
I suspect your instincts suggest she was “caught”.
Do you think him being married has anything to do with who a woman is attracted to?

I have no proof they were having sex or meeting but I asked her why she felt the need to talk to him at work and online.She only sent him a couple of messages.

I turned the tables when she said he was married.I told her that just means she doesn’t value marriage.I told her it was the same as me putting up tinder again.I told her I didn’t trust her,this seemed to really damage her interest in me that was sky high.and yes Mr. good stuff she was very giving and gave me everything I wanted that is why I feel I missed out on something very great and rare .I do have a temper and blew up on her in a way I should have not.

 

[Ranger]

Ok. So let’s say you are right and you were being a Dik.

So what had you been feeling, let’s say, the last month. Have you been feeling a little strange? Like she had been pulling back a bit? Less attentive? Don’t try to guess where I am going with this. I’m asking you what you were feeling?
Be honest about this relationship and how things were feeling different maybe. Don’t guess where this is going. You would be wrong as to why you were feeling these things.

 

[marmel75]

Another example of "Desperate dudes do desperate things"

 

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

You will find more women just as hot

Gee idk man she looked like a model out of maxim.My ex wife was an hb 4 and to jump from that to a hb 9 was shocking..I still think it was a one time shot.

 

[Ranger]

Let’s hear the rest of the story.

 

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

Ok. So let’s say you are right and you were being a Dik.

So what had you been feeling, let’s say, the last month. Have you been feeling a little strange? Like she had been pulling back a bit? Less attentive? Don’t try to guess where I am going with this. I’m asking you what you were feeling?
Be honest about this relationship and how things were feeling different maybe. Don’t guess where this is going. You would be wrong as to why you were feeling these things.

Not really I came and went as I pleased no pun intended.She cooked and bought me things and I could tell she was making an effort.The only drawbacks she had was she drank a lot and had some recreational drug use.I do think I overreacted in the end though and take blame for 80% of the breakup acting jealous and what not.I don’t know if I can get back out there right now this broad turned my world upside down.

 

[Ranger]

Not really I came and went as I pleased no pun intended.She cooked and bought me things and I could tell she was making an effort.The only drawbacks she had was she drank a lot and had some recreational drug use.I do think I overreacted in the end though and take blame for 80% of the breakup acting jealous and what not.I don’t know if I can get back out there right now this broad turned my world upside down.

Not really? Or a definite no. I know your stuck in the morass with this but you need to come up for air and think hard on this. This isn’t about blame. Drinks too much. Drug use. Some HB9.
Are you sure there wasn’t a shreck under all that?

 

[AttackFormation]

Then she was probably a BPD dating way down, but I still doubt she would date that far down.

"Hb9" single in her late thirties who does drugs, drinks and things moved very fast with with a guy who doesn't think he can ever get a girl like that again... it almost sounds too much like a classic cluster B scenario that guys will cite as their background for coming here for it to be true. But assuming OP is for real, there isn't much to go on in this case to decide either way.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hey guy, you've come to the right place. We've all been in your position at one time or another. But what most of us embrace is the way of the DJ. I see you're 48. Never too old to learn because this isn't taught in school or by anybody really, for that matter. You must cherry pick the best of the best and then execute, knowing you're going to fail again and again but you'll get better and stronger with each attempt.

For someone brand new, here's the quickest, simplest advice I can give them:

1- Employ IDGAF (I Don't Give a F*uck) and the Abundance Mindset. This takes a while to develop but over time can become a part of your being like anything else. Changed my life once I adopted this mindset. Bottom line: if things don't work out with one woman, IDGAF, there are plenty more and better than her. Next batter up!
2- Date other women until you agree to become exclusive. And be open ( but not a d*ick) about it. Don't ever "jump into" a relationship like so many men your age do out of desperation. Make them earn you--as you are the prize, not them. Most women don't like it, as they are not programmed for combat and competition like men are. This will alleviate any feelings of Oneitis.
3- Focus on YOU. Your career, your goals, your passion. Women are highly attracted to men with drive and purpose. Women are a compliment to your purpose, not the driving force. NEVER base your happiness on the acceptance or adoration of one woman. YOU are the beef in the beef stew. Everything else is complementary.
4- Work on your mental and physical fitness. Listen/watch Tony Robbins, Gary V, Brian Tracy, (late great) Stephen Covey. Hit the gym. Box, weight lift. Create more testosterone.

Good luck, bud.

Keep us posted.

~Dash

 

[Roober]

You fvcked up. Own it and move forward. Hit the books, hit the gym, and get your mind and body in a place that is above any notion of "leagues". She is just another snowflake, not a special one. The best part is... winter comes every year.

 

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

"Hb9" single in her late thirties who does drugs, drinks and things moved very fast with with a guy who doesn't think he can ever get a girl like that again... it almost sounds too much like a classic cluster B scenario that guys will cite as their background for coming here for it to be true. But assuming OP is for real, there isn't much to go on in this case to decide either way.

We were together 2 years became exclusive about 60 days in

Not really? Or a definite no. I know your stuck in the morass with this but you need to come up for air and think hard on this. This isn’t about blame. Drinks too much. Drug use. Some HB9.
Are you sure there wasn’t a shreck under all that?

I don’t do drugs but she did talk me into eating some shrooms once ,her interest I noticed changed when she talked me into it I should have stood my ground and refused the shrooms in hindsight.

 

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

You fvcked up. Own it and move forward. Hit the books, hit the gym, and get your mind and body in a place that is above any notion of "leagues". She is just another snowflake, not a special one. The best part is... winter comes every year.

I can’t seem to move on that’s the problem.She was very special sure she had some problems but she more than made up for it in other areas.She is a stunner every time we went out men broke their necks just to look I will never be the same and will never stop the regret on this colossal mistake.

 

[Shouldalearnedsoonerman]

"Hb9" single in her late thirties who does drugs, drinks and things moved very fast with with a guy who doesn't think he can ever get a girl like that again... it almost sounds too much like a classic cluster B scenario that guys will cite as their background for coming here for it to be true. But assuming OP is for real, there isn't much to go on in this case to decide either way.

Wow holy sh$t .I did some reading.I thought you meant bi polar? She did take meds for anxiety,could she be one that all those threads are about ? She came on very strong at first and she was fine and I was just divorced so I was vulnerable and smitten.