Jaleousy

[Die Hard]

I always get annoyed by the way this word is used, as if it's an incredibly bad habit.

Example: you're at a party with your girl and she's talking to this one guy a lot. Him and her are laughing all the time, flirting etc. He says: "Did you see that movie? It was so funny right?" and she responds "Yeahhh, that was so funny hahaha" and she puts her hand on his arm while she's laughing. This kind of stuff, and it just goes on and on all night, openly flirting...

OBVIOUSLY, this pisses you off! If you like this girl, it would be purely illogical if this did NOT piss you off. Just basic human nature, if you like someone, it sucks when that person is openly exchanging sexual signals with another person than you. Every normal person (except psychopaths) will admit that he/she feels this way in such circumstances.

BUT STILL........... When you say that this bothers you, your girl will say "Oh, you're just jaleous!" and BAMMMM!!! it's like you are now the lowest life form on earth, because you are jaleous. That's the way it's presented, being jaleous is presented as one of the most negative habits a human being can display. Obviously, it's just a shaming tactic. But if you would ask impartial bystanders, I'm sure many of them would agree with her and think lowly of you for being "jaleous".

As I said, probably every single one of those bystanders would feel the same way as you if they were in your situation. But no, society and groupthink have decided that jaleousy is a terrible trait, so let's all be sheep and follow what society says, even though it's illogical. Coz like I said, it's perfectly normal behavior to feel bothered by the fact that the person you like is openly exchanging sexual signals with another person. Everybody feels that way... So if everyone feels that way, then everyone should feel that there's nothing wrong with it. But nope, nobody wants to go against the societal opinion, even if that societal opinion is bullshyt.

I just hate this stupid sheep behavior, makes me sick. People are so cheap and hypocritical, so easy to cave under social pressure. Same thing with "fashion"... Some clothing is just plain UGLY, but if everyone is wearing it and now it has become "fashion", then suddenly people find it attractive instead of UGLY.

If you ask me, the bytch should be HAPPY when her guy is "jaleous". It shows that he cares, right? If she were an ugly fat bytch, the guy wouldn't care and wouldn't be "jaleous" coz he wouldn't find her attractive! The fact that he DOES get jaleous, means that he DOES find her attractive. So she should be happy about that, instead of shaming him for it!

The guy should say to her: "Yes, of course I'm bothered by your behavior, you dirty WH0RE! You're acting like a WH0RE! So now I'm gonna fvck somebody else and if you don't like it I'm gonna call you 'jaleous'. Byeeeee now!!". But yeah, obviously the reasoning would go above her head and she'd just be outraged "Did you really just call me a wh0re?!?!?!"

Seriously, fvck women and their bullshyt and fvck all the weak azz --no backbone-- people who simply adopt what society says regardless of whether it makes sense....

 

[HughJasolphd]

Jealousy implies that you have no options to a woman. They will never see it as "oh he really loves/likes me", they'll see it as "this bum mfker can't get anyone else & is relying on my attention for his happiness"
The guy shouldn't call her out on her ****, he should grab the next chick he sees infront of her & show he's got value & doesn't require her attention to survive like the air that he breathes...he will be fine with or without her.
Guess what happens next? SHE gets jealous- & wants to **** you because of it.


They'll never think logically & expecting em to is insanity.

 

[AttackFormation]

I would like to add some nuance. I can see three cases:

1) The woman likes you and is concerned about keeping you, specifically knowing both that other girls would want you and that you have a backbone. She won't behave like this in the first place then.

2) The woman likes you and wants you to get jealous, because she feels this shows you care about her. So if you call her out, she won't accuse you of jealousy except in a very light hearted smiling way while cuddling up to you as a positive affirmation, she will react positively and be glad.

3) The woman doesn't respect you in the first place, and you are just a useful prop. She is the only one of the 3 cases who accuses you of being jealous, because this is a way of keeping you under her boot. This is the case in the OP.

Girls with a healthy brain who respect you won't accuse you of being jealous when you show you care more about them than any other girl, within reason. So when a girl accuses you of jealousy because you react to her inviting other guys to flirt with her, I would take it as a red flag of her personality and your relationship status anyway.

 

[Atom Smasher]

That's why your expectations and standards must be established by you, early in the relationship.

We have one tool only to discipline women, and that tool is removal of attention, or the implied (not spoken) threat thereof.

My woman wouldn't dream of flirting. She happily abides by that because she knows that I hold myself to the same standard. It's pretty easy to let a woman know that you are receiving plenty of attention from the ladies, without overtly flirting with them.

Flirting has a nasty tendency to become an escalating war within a relationship. It's very difficult to reel that war back in.

Healthy women want, need and CRAVE standards and expectations from a man. They are the ocean and they know it. They need a shoreline of rock to contain and even define them. That's you, reader. A woman should fear losing you. Any other dynamic is future disaster.

All expression of your personal standards should be expressed as something that is as obvious as the sky is blue, a natural and immutable fact. Women go along with virtually anything that is expressed as self-assuredness. Not a hint of apology. Women look to us for standards, men. We should not shrink back from establishing them.

 

[Ranger]

Jealousy is a shame word used when there’s a possibility you will interfere with a woman’s breeding strategy.

 

[AttackFormation]

Jealousy is a shame word used when there’s a possibility you will interfere with a woman’s breeding strategy.

Lmao, that's some tough words there!

 

[AttackFormation]

They undermine the relationship by *consciously* trying to make you jealous to "show you care". The bigger question though is why they want you to care, most will lose interest once they feel the battle is won and some actually take quite a bit of pleasure in watching you suffer.

personally I don't get jealous I just get trigger-happy and want to end a relationship because I view my so-called girlfriend as a risk.

Well, the brain is not one unit but has conflicting drives. So "winning the battle" satisfies one drive, and dissatisfies another.

I view causing jealousy much like you do, it doesn't make me angry but rather makes me skeptic of investing in her, and in line with my stance on "boundary theory" I wouldn't show that overtly. I smile a little and shrug my shoulders, but inside I start to divest emotionally from them. You want to make yourself seem as harmlessly accepting as possible to encourage them to show who they really are so you can make a proper judgement.

 

[highSpeed]

Well, the brain is not one unit but has conflicting drives. So "winning the battle" satisfies one drive, and dissatisfies another.

I view causing jealousy much like you do, it doesn't make me angry but rather makes me skeptic of investing in her, and in line with my stance on "boundary theory" I wouldn't show that overtly. I smile a little and shrug my shoulders, but inside I start to divest emotionally from them. You want to make yourself seem as harmlessly accepting as possible to encourage them to show who they really are so you can make a proper judgement.

I think that's a good strategy, if you can employ the emotional resolve to do so. Tough to do in the moment when you are not only being disrespected butl also being shown that whatever investment that you put in up to that point has been wasted. But it is best to handle it that way. You could look at it as a big thank you for allowing you to dodge the bullet of fully investing in a relationship with them.

 

[AttackFormation]

I think that's a good strategy, if you can employ the emotional resolve to do so. Tough to do in the moment when you are not only being disrespected butl also being shown that whatever investment that you put in up to that point has been wasted. But it is best to handle it that way. You could look at it as a big thank you for allowing you to dodge the bullet of fully investing in a relationship with them.

If you need to release tension you can pretend to be upset in an obviously exaggerated, joking manner (HUUUUH?! OMG!!! I can't believe you did that!!!) to get it out and then drop that, smile and laugh a little and shrug your shoulders... and divest.

 

[Ranger]

but inside I start to divest emotionally from them.

This is what I do, de-invest. It’s a conscious act. This is how a man can avoid some crazy if that’s what he’s worried about.

We talk about how we should never believe what they say (women) but focus on what they do. Some men will throw this completely out the window because she is stroking his precious, fragile ego.

At some level he knows he’s falling for a trap. It’s not the same as her breathing hard,sweating and saying...”Best fukking sex ever!”
But what is a woman doing stroking a man’s ego? What is she after? She’s not stupid or a dingbat.
She after your INVESTMENT!!! Your simpleton mind to surrender.

Same with the jeolousy gig. Women are not stupid and they are not crazy. Let’s say she’s testing to see how you act. Fuk that. Leave. Right then and there. Punishment is imperative. But because she’s been stroking that candy a$$ed fragile ego, you will invest more. How do you know you are investing?
That’s easy. You introvert.
The second you introvert and turn inward on yourself, “I don’t like this, what should I do, but the sex is so good, she’s like a goddess etc. etc.”
You’re done. You’re a fukking fool.

That’s how she comes back with doe eyes. You leave. Go fuk 10.
When I found out my ex cheated, at first i was hurt then I got pissed. I’m not sure how many women I fukked to be honest. 6,7 maybe 8 in the following month. They weren’t trash women either. They were drawn to that “fuk off” vibe. They will love helping you “get-even”. Girls love that drama. They want to see if they can tame that animal in you.

All this stuff is connected together. Fuk jealousy, though a certain amount is normal and maybe even healthy. If you don’t feel anything, why are you there?

Candy a$$ men lament over BPD or crazies or any of that garbage. It’s horse$hit. They can’t control their emotions. That needy bytch inside just won’t let them sort it out. They aren’t seeing it. That’s all.

 

[Glassguy]

That's why your expectations and standards must be established by you, early in the relationship.

We have one weapon only to discipline women, and that weapon is removal of attention, or the implied (not spoken) threat thereof.

My woman wouldn't dream of flirting. She happily abides by that because she knows that I hold myself to the same standard. It's pretty easy to let a woman know that you are receiving plenty of attention from the ladies, without overtly flirting with them.

Flirting has a nasty tendency to become an escalating war within a relationship. It's very difficult to reel that war back in.

Healthy women want, need and CRAVE standards and expectations from a man. They are the ocean and they know it. They need a shoreline of rock to contain and even define them. That's you, reader. A woman should fear losing you. Any other dynamic is future disaster.

All expression of your personal standards should be expressed as something that is as obvious as the sky is blue, a natural and immutable fact. Women go along with virtually anything that is expressed as self-assuredness. Not a hint of apology. Women look to us for standards, men. We should not shrink back from establishing them.

Nicely put.

A man that has options....well......has options. It is much easier to walk away when you have another one on standby. Even if you have no other options besides this one woman who acts disrespectful, you are far better off walking away than to endure her disrespectful behavior. Allowing it to happen will follow you around like a disease.

I am the type of person that is happier single than trying to develop a relationship where a woman would (consistently) put me in a position to be upset in her actions. I have well established that I can be happy alone, with one woman or with 5 women. The common component in the equation is myself. I am responsible for my happiness and nobody else.

As @Atom Smasher said, what you allow in the beginning will only get worse over time. Thus you need to have a strong frame and use S&D to quickly establish how you allow not only women, but all people, to treat you.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I changed my word "weapon" to "tool" when it comes to disciplining women. Weapons are used for destruction and self-defense. Tools are used to accomplish things that are useful and positive.

 

[HughJasolphd]

They undermine the relationship by *consciously* trying to make you jealous to "show you care". The bigger question though is why they want you to care, most will lose interest once they feel the battle is won and some actually take quite a bit of pleasure in watching you suffer.

personally I don't get jealous I just get trigger-happy and want to end a relationship because I view my so-called girlfriend as a risk.

I feel this same exact way. As soon as I start seeing copious amounts of bull**** I start becoming more & more distant & most likely break things off. It's probably a sour outlook on my part but whenever I start dealing with a lot of crap & jealousy from a girl I always ask myself why do I nother & always reminisce on the happier days of being completely free lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah it only speaks to her character and I'm not trying to waste time on trash.

By the way it's amazing how much damage can be done to your psyche compromising your values for only a few additional months. Unreal, must be due to the cognitive dissonance.

Some married and LTR men violated theirselves for YEARS behind women. Imagine how long to recover.

 

[Ranger]

Some married and LTR men violated theirselves for YEARS behind women. Imagine how long to recover.

It is actually si
Older than one might think. Once he has accepted he was the cause. Start to finish. It’s is then that he can leave the quick sand and swim to a new life.

 

[SpanishFly]

Just laugh it off. If you see your partner flirting too much, just smile and hit her with "I didn't know that we were in an open relationship.... Cool!". Then go do your thing. Usually there will be one of two types of outcome. Either are better than feeling jealous and bitter.

 

[Ranger]

With the weight of the idea that she is crazy, a slvt or a bad human being, you can never swim out. You are stuckfor life.

Look at everything thing that’s happened to you. Write them down. Then go over them and over them until they no longer matter. Then come to the realization that your ideas would never of worked and that you did it all to yourself by trying to make it like the programmed vision you had in your head.

That vision was never yours to start with. It was given to you. Just because one smiles and professes love when they hand you a bag of $hit doesn’t mean you have to take it.

 

[Ranger]

Just laugh it off. If you see your partner flirting too much, just smile and hit her with "I didn't know that we were in an open relationship.... Cool!". Then go do your thing. Usually there will be one of two types of outcome. Either are better than feeling jealous and bitter.

Yeah. I’m ok with this approach. Of course the feminine shaming tactics will surface and you will be shamed for being jealous and controlling.
It’s perfect. Just suggest that as a couple you become swingers.

Oh you mean it’s just her that should be able to swing? Lol
Nah. Just toss her in the nearest dumpster and move on.