Getting over jealousy!

[ThinkerG]

This is a sublet to and earlier post. If you want to catch up on my situation feel free to do so but this is a different part of my situation that needs sorting out and am actively working on it but I’d like you fine gentlemen to advise or slap some sense into me. No macho get over that shiet! Real advice please.

I’ve never been like this but this whole ordeal has brought out my inner beta. I have to see wife/soon to be ex wife all the time!...my stomach turns every time because she looks so good, depending on where she’s going she looks better than other times. I’m still very attracted to her..She’s hot, nice body even just wearing simple sh!t (jeans and a shirt she’s looks sexy, my ideal body type and battling the rejection factor I suppose) and I just know guys are hitting on her, asking her out, talking to her, bull sh!ting her, checking her out, etc. How is one suppose to get over this? I’m pretty good looking but this is irrelevant to me because it doesn’t change my feelings. She’s swore that she isn’t talking or interested in men and that shed have no problem telling me she’s dating(I’m caught her off guard a couple weeks ago and flat out asked her, this took some guts for me because it made me feel desperate which I’m not used to)..according to her she’s not. I don’t trust anyone really...how could she be so cold without being entertained?
Basically..how do I get my jealousy in control so that every time I have my children I’m not obsessing and thinking that’s she’s out fvcking someone (which means she’s without the kids free to do whatever she wants. I also get my children every Saturday and Sunday which in the United States that’s national whoring and party days) I’m over here working on being a great bad, self improvement and NOT getting laid(on purpose ,as I believe this will complicate things) and she’s doing god knows what...
This isn’t some high school girl I’m trying to woo or some new woman I’m trying to get with. This is my wife who we know each other very well and been married 7 years. The same advice won’t work on her as it would someone new woman and I’m also not trying to play physiological games with her because 1. She’s doesn’t deserve that and 2. she’s not some easily manipulated ****.

 

[lamath]

Are you trying to have less contact with her ?


Not sure how to handle jealousy,

From experience Jealousy is the worst thing if you are trying to get over some1, it will set you back and make it last alot longer.


Again less contact you have the better, but try an control the urge you have to know what she is doing who she is talking to etc.

If you dont know it will make you feel better prob why NC is always recommended.
Minimum interaction with her, no social media at all. Change your social madia setting so that even if you want to know about what she is doing you cant. Delete your FB account same with ig and all that ****.

 

[ThinkerG]

I have zero contact with her on any social media, she doesn’t have a Facebook and she blocked me, as I have her...and all her family from Instagram so I cant see them post things of her. I want nc but also want to face fears head on. All I have to base my irrational thoughts on are 1 what my kids tell me(things she does with them)
2 when I see her while dropping/ picking up children I judge her vibe. If she looks happy, sad, indifferent etc.
3 how she looks and dresses

If she seems even slightly happy I assume sh!t. She also seems miserable talking to me about 50 percent of the time and when she’s not..again, I assume sh!t. She’s way different when interacting with her family, smiling, laughing about dumb a$$ ****..seems fake or she’s easily entertained by idiotic banter.

 

[HughJasolphd]

I'm sorry you feel the pain you're dealing with. I've never been married, but I know that stinging feeling of longing &a wanting someone you once had. The quote that hit me hardest with taking the red pill was "she is never really yours, it's only your turn". I always believed the narrative of finding "the one" & when that one was quick to drop me like a bad habit it hurt so bad. Now that I'm in a good place &I have recovered from that relationship of my past, I learned a lot of why I acted the way I did & why I felt the way I did.

The only reason you are glorifying her physical form is because it's no longer yours & at your disposal. I remember seeing my ex in outfits she wore before that I wouldn't even notice & it was only once she gave me the boot did I really over analyze her physical being. She was perfect in my eyes at the time of the pain, but I can look back now & see that it was only because I wanted her back so intensely.

Don't believe her when she says she isn't talking to anyone else. She is, & you have to accept that reality. The more you try to justify otherwise it's only going to hurt you further. Thinking about her with another guy, or guys hitting on her & denying it is more torturous than just accepting that she is keeping her options open. As men, when we hurt most of us look inward for answers..if she's hurt, she's going to look for a bandaid to patch it up in the form of a man distraction.

One thing that helped me in my personal situation was to force myself to be in the company of other women. I didn't want to sour because one situation went to ****. Doing this will make you realize that there are lots of great chicks out there for you to talk to (sexually or just as normal people talking) & it will get your mind off **** going wrong. Focus on yourself & your needs. By focusing on the jealousy, you're putting her FIRST. Now is the time for you to recoup, regain your ground, & focus on making you better. With the attention you gave her, gift that to yourself; workout super hard, go someplace new & mingle with people (no pressure, just shoot the **** & try to have fun), start a journal, set some goals, etc.

In my experience, women get the most intrigued when they see you doing well. I know you already know this, man.

Keep on trucking along, brother. There's always a lesson to be learned that's buried within the bull****. It's your job to dig it up & grow from it.

 

[flowtheory]

What was the reason for the divorce?

 

[kbbroiler1971]

Okay, I think your mind is saying she is looking good because you still love her. This is a tough one because I've never been married but maybe the guys can back me up on this. I think this guy has to start going to the gym and lift weights if he hasn't been doing that already. The thing with lifting weights is it is an incredible stress reliever. Any form of exercise is a good stress reliever. Trust me on this. In time because it takes the time you do this long enough and not say anything your wife will start to think in the same regards as you are towards her. Women always want the man they can't have. You don't do it to get her back though. Do it for you and take notice she will notice and other women will notice as well. Then with other women. Women want to be with the guy that other women want to have sex with and you have to turn into that guy. A good physique is a good way for them to start asking questions about you.

 

[HankHill]

Aw man, this brings back memories from when I was getting divorced from the woman I thought was 'the one'. Same emotions, jealousy, thinking etc. I don't know your situation and nothing I say will help you but remember the first step to recovery is acceptance and this is experience talking. Here's the bitter truth you have to accept:

1. She IS most likely dating and possibly sleeping with someone (or plural). You should do the same, to get over someone you have to get under someone new. Not sure what you mean this will 'complicate' things...unless you're still hoping to save your marriage but chances are it's not worth saving.

2. What she does doesn't concern you and vice-versa.

3. What she tells you is half truth at best.

4. You have to become angry (vs. jealous) in the sense that you start to focus on bettering yourself, getting a few chicks of your own. This might even help you save your marriage when she realizes what she's losing to other women (this is how women work, unlike us guys). Turn the tables on her by being the man any woman would find hard to resist. Get that spiffy haircut, wear that nice leather jacket and Aviators or whatever...don't sulk or act like a puppy dog. Be the mothafvking alpha dog that will make HER question what's going on and if you're sleeping with other women.

 

[Music_czar]

I have zero contact with her on any social media, she doesn’t have a Facebook and she blocked me, as I have her...and all her family from Instagram so I cant see them post things of her. I want nc but also want to face fears head on. All I have to base my irrational thoughts on are 1 what my kids tell me(things she does with them)
2 when I see her while dropping/ picking up children I judge her vibe. If she looks happy, sad, indifferent etc.
3 how she looks and dresses

If she seems even slightly happy I assume sh!t. She also seems miserable talking to me about 50 percent of the time and when she’s not..again, I assume sh!t. She’s way different when interacting with her family, smiling, laughing about dumb a$$ ****..seems fake or she’s easily entertained by idiotic banter.

Women are great at faking happiness. If she didn’t end up happy with you, she won’t end up happy with the next guy. They will all bullshyt her to get into her pants, you say she’s not prone to manipulation but under the right circumstances ever woman is.

The only way to get over this is:

1. Limited contact.. since you can’t do strict NC only showing total indifference to her will work. Fake it till you make it.

And

2. Finding another woman to spend time with. The younger the better.. this will absolutely kill your ex one way or another she will find out.

These are your only options. Don’t even think about going back to her, she left you once to ride the c0ck carousel she’ll leave you again. You don’t need people like this in your life. Cut out these maggots they may like good but they’re a cancer disguised.

 

[strikerace13]

Just remember she's hoping you will be unhappy and pinning for her so she knows you will be with no one. Women are sick that way and kind of get off on it. Like others have said before the faster you get over it, faster the you will be on someone else. Most women plan months before a breakup, so she had a backup in the wings to replace you. Think of this as a lesson to get better at getting women. That's the whole point of this forums to make you into something that women want. You might want to learn frame first when it comes to women. Women for the most part don't dump a man that has value in his self and projects it to others. That's why other women offer me here and there, even thought I have a women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women are great at faking happiness. If she didn’t end up happy with you, she won’t end up happy with the next guy. They will all bullshyt her to get into her pants, you say she’s not prone to manipulation but under the right circumstances ever woman is.

The only way to get over this is:

1. Limited contact.. since you can’t do strict NC only showing total indifference to her will work. Fake it till you make it.

And

2. Finding another woman to spend time with. The younger the better.. this will absolutely kill your ex one way or another she will find out.

These are your only options. Don’t even think about going back to her, she left you once to ride the c0ck carousel she’ll leave you again. You don’t need people like this in your life. Cut out these maggots they may like good but they’re a cancer disguised.

May "look good" but a cancer disguised.

The particular cancer works by one upping you consistently, undermining and projection.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is a sublet to and earlier post. If you want to catch up on my situation feel free to do so but this is a different part of my situation that needs sorting out and am actively working on it but I’d like you fine gentlemen to advise or slap some sense into me. No macho get over that shiet! Real advice please.

I’ve never been like this but this whole ordeal has brought out my inner beta. I have to see wife/soon to be ex wife all the time!...my stomach turns every time because she looks so good, depending on where she’s going she looks better than other times. I’m still very attracted to her..She’s hot, nice body even just wearing simple sh!t (jeans and a shirt she’s looks sexy, my ideal body type and battling the rejection factor I suppose) and I just know guys are hitting on her, asking her out, talking to her, bull sh!ting her, checking her out, etc. How is one suppose to get over this? I’m pretty good looking but this is irrelevant to me because it doesn’t change my feelings. She’s swore that she isn’t talking or interested in men and that shed have no problem telling me she’s dating(I’m caught her off guard a couple weeks ago and flat out asked her, this took some guts for me because it made me feel desperate which I’m not used to)..according to her she’s not. I don’t trust anyone really...how could she be so cold without being entertained?
Basically..how do I get my jealousy in control so that every time I have my children I’m not obsessing and thinking that’s she’s out fvcking someone (which means she’s without the kids free to do whatever she wants. I also get my children every Saturday and Sunday which in the United States that’s national whoring and party days) I’m over here working on being a great bad, self improvement and NOT getting laid(on purpose ,as I believe this will complicate things) and she’s doing god knows what...
This isn’t some high school girl I’m trying to woo or some new woman I’m trying to get with. This is my wife who we know each other very well and been married 7 years. The same advice won’t work on her as it would someone new woman and I’m also not trying to play physiological games with her because 1. She’s doesn’t deserve that and 2. she’s not some easily manipulated ****.

She doesnt "deserve" what? Look how she has you cucked and pining for her.

Oh and shes not "easily manipulated"? How the hell did she get manipulated off of your loyal azz then?

 

[ThinkerG]

She doesnt "deserve" what? Look how she has you cucked and pining for her.

Oh and shes not "easily manipulated"? How the hell did she get manipulated off of your loyal azz then?

I wasn’t loyal. I asked her for a divorce first and slept with another woman. Before this she was a great loyal wife. I felt like a made a huge mistake and She couldn’t forgive me. Hence, why I’m getting divorce. She didn’t just decide one day she wants a divorce.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wasn’t loyal. I asked her for a divorce first and slept with another woman. Before this she was a great loyal wife. I felt like a made a huge mistake and She couldn’t forgive me. Hence, why I’m getting divorce. She didn’t just decide one day she wants a divorce.

Well knock out the bs take your azz back home. The game aint better than a loyal wife who cooks, fvcks you nightly and worries about you. Tell her if it makes her feel better go mess with a guy of her own.

 

[ThinkerG]

Well knock out the bs take your azz back home. The game aint better than a loyal wife who cooks, fvcks you nightly and worries about you. Tell her if it makes her feel better go mess with a guy of her own.

Haha this is exactly what I’ve been trying to do. You can read my back story to understand the Circumstances. But after I made this mistake and she took me back I messed up even worse by not having the knowledge and understanding and patience to really mend her heart and do what it took to secure our marriage again. Very long story short now she Doesn’t trust me at all and doesn’t want to be together. I don’t need tips on getting women, that has never been an issue. But I came here for was to get an understanding of how and why I lost my frame when it was all my fault. Thanks to one individual on in particulary , I feel like I am starting to really have an understanding of what I have really done and what needs to be done.

 

[GrowingPains]

I think HankHill and HughJasolphd's advice is pretty good. It even helping me deal with my situation.

The challenge after losing someone whom you had such a strong bond with is operating without them. It's about you now. Any thoughts about her or what she's doing or how you're jealous about it is over with. Faneto. Allow yourself time to feel hurt, but at some point you need to consciously be saying 'Alright ThinkerG, no more sadness. No more jealousy. It's time I get back on my feet and start killing it at life again'. It'll take time, but youll get there. But think about what's in your kids and your best interest, because she's definitely thinking about what's best for her and the kids. You owe it to yourself to put your energy into moving forward and building yourself instead of worrying about her.

I too struggle with thinking about how I lost frame and how things were my fault. I think it bother me because I can't go back and fix the situation. But don't reflect and put yourself down or think about things you can't change. Reflect and talk it as a learning lesson and use it to excel in future situations.

Do what you need to do to understand how you're feeling and why you feel that way. That'll allow you to address the weaknesses and get stronger. You'll get through this, but no looking back. Everything you do is for you and your kids, it has nothing to do with her.

 

[Spaz]

Once you get a constant stream of hot younger women underneath you, she'll just fade away into a distant memory...

Stop wasting time writing about her because nothing you write will get over your jealousies, it's by taking action decisively that will.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Once you get a constant stream of hot younger women underneath you, she'll just fade away into a distant memory...

Stop wasting time writing about her because nothing you write will get over your jealousies, it's by taking action decisively that will.

Writing about her, thinking about her, talking about her keeps those memories alive. It keeps those memories fresh. Go get some new puzzy. Thats the solution.