Starting to see some distance, or it could just be my thinking

[RickTheToad]

Maybe rather than try to figure out the never ending questions and spinning yourself mad, ask yourself why all of this is important to you, what’s at stake here, why you care so much, and what you can do about the feelings that are coming up and trabsform then in to positive momentum.

You want to be direct with her and ask questions, but you’re scared to lose frame or look needy and weak. Well, you’re creating dilemmas for yourself. Anytime we create dilemmas there is stress involved, of course. So quit it, because your venting is not going to get you answers to subside your spinning hamster.
And posters responding saying that she’s acting shady, is only adding fuel to the inferno here.

When you spend a lot of time thinking, your mind races. Plus, I'm heavily medicated right now. I know, we all expect ladies to act the way we would, so if this was reversed, I would had stopped by. That's just me. Perhaps, as always, I am over thinking it. I do that a lot.

 

[RickTheToad]

She just not realize or just more excuses and to fog you up? Come one puzzy and dizks knows no boundaries to be slamZ together. Its a manipulation.. At least the start of it.

By the looks of it shes preparing to get some distance from you, shes evaluating another prospect.. Just stay cool if things doesn't work out.. Walk away

Yea, I get it. It's why I am not really paying much attention and it didn't bother me really until tonight. That's all.

 

[Focal core]

When you spend a lot of time thinking, your mind races. Plus, I'm heavily medicated right now. I know, we all expect ladies to act the way we would, so if this was reversed, I would had stopped by. That's just me. Perhaps, as always, I am over thinking it. I do that a lot.

Have a good rest.. Relax.. The respect matters the most is only to yourself

 

[AJ84]

Yes, the pain switches from dull to sharp. Dull I guess from the when the stone is stuck, sharp when it's moving again. Both kidneys tender to the touch as well.

As for the lady, do I just say would had been nice to see you over the past few days or just back away?

She has a lot on her plate right now, and is pretty oblivious about things she's not focusing on. I had to reminder her yesterday when her period was coming... She didn't even know..Also she said was time is going by so fast. She didn't even believe me when I said the other day, not for nothing, but I've not seen you in nearly two weeks aside from me dropping off something for her. She didn't know it was that long. So, again, it could be that her world is so hectic now she doesn't even realize.

Yeah it may be that. It sounds like she legimately has stuff going on like a new apprenticeship and her kitchen flooding which could explain the change in her text response time. Not every woman is glued to her phone. She offered over and over to help you re kidney stones (plates would not have cared) you turned her offers down, and yet you are focusing on the fact that she’s not messaging you back as soon as you like (and women are needy?).
Stop overthinking it. She has a life and responsibilities outside of you, obviously, just as you have a life and responsibilities outside of her.

Again, she did offer to help you more than once and you said no right?

Hope you feel better re kidney stones.

 

[Glassguy]

Good luck with the kidney stones. I have never had them (knock on wood) but I could only imagine.

As for the girl- remember this.....it has only been a few months. There really is no "exclusive" these days. At some point your IDGAF attitude changed to feelings for her. No big deal, it happens. She knows that you have some stuff going on right now and she should be doing most of the initiation after a few months anyways. Just lighten up on the initiation and see what she does.

You have a safety net to fall back on with the kidney stones if she asks why you arent as chatty as you used to be, she doesnt have a safety net.
It was good that she offered to help you out. If she offers to come over, let her if you like the chick. There is a difference in being a man and being totally unavailable, which you dont want to be.

One thing I would not do is tell her that she acted like she needed some space. Instead, give her the impression that you are happy to hear from her but not butthurt when you dont.

If you want to see someone's true intentions just be still and you will see it sooner rather than later.

 

[sazc]

You're sick, like really sick, and you're feeling extremely vulnerable (normal, happens when anyone is sick) and you are evaluating the interaction from a vulnerable emotional place. You are over thinking.

She's offered to be there for you and you've said no. Why don't you reach out and say "I need some chicken soup and cuddling" and let her take it from there.

 

[lamath]

You're sick, like really sick, and you're feeling extremely vulnerable (normal, happens when anyone is sick) and you are evaluating the interaction from a vulnerable emotional place. You are over thinking.

She's offered to be there for you and you've said no. Why don't you reach out and say "I need some chicken soup and cuddling" and let her take it from there.

I disagree with this

Its not clear if he is overthinking.
I dont like reaching out when he is feeling like she is more distant.

If she offers again he can accept

 

[sazc]

I disagree with this

Its not clear if he is overthinking.
I dont like reaching out when he is feeling like she is more distant.

Fair enough

 

[lamath]

Fair enough

I think if she offers again he should accept for sure, i just dont like him reaching out

 

[sazc]

I think if she offers again he should accept for sure, i just dont like him reaching out

I see your point. But she has tried to be there for him, and he has rejected s few times. Because of this she could feel like he doesn't want to get closer, and maybe she's doing what he's been asking, and giving him space.

Who really knows, right?

Agreed that, if she asks again, he should let her nurture. If a woman asks to nurture you, she's trying to be feminine. Let her.

 

[RickTheToad]

I'm in pain, not sick. She only offered to stay with me when I was already at her place; so it was a bit pointless, as she wasn't offering to come stay at my place. She asked me to pick something up for her, which I did. She was supposed to pick it up the day before, but was too tired to drive over the 10 minute drive. She then went into a text exchange stating she doesn't understand why I couldn't just drive it over. That's when I disclosed I was battling kidney stones.

Yes, she offered to pick me up and drive me to the hospital and I'd take an Uber home. Not really something I needed her to do for me. However, if she would had offered to come over the last week or so, not for sex, just to hang out while I was recovering, that would had been appreciated. Yes, I turned down her offers to drive me to the ER or call me an ambulance and get an Uber back. I can do that myself. Heck, I can get my neighbors to do that.

I did respond this morning around 5:30 when I woke up and replied back. She did send me a FB voice message to feel better and drink lots of water. You can hear something in her voice that was different. It's okay, all fair game I guess. I'm going to hang back now and see what happens. Maybe it's me, but it just doesn't feel right on some level. I wasn't pushing her away, her offering didn't help me or the situation. And yes, when a person is going through kidney stone pain, I am bit more selfish in terms of caring about my own well being. Anyways, we'll see. Not too sure where this is headed. Time will tell.

 

[sazc]

Go slow right now. You're sick and most likey emotional because of that. Idk if you are over analyzing but take this one day at a time, for now

 

[lamath]

I'm in pain, not sick. She only offered to stay with me when I was already at her place; so it was a bit pointless, as she wasn't offering to come stay at my place. She asked me to pick something up for her, which I did. She was supposed to pick it up the day before, but was too tired to drive over the 10 minute drive. She then went into a text exchange stating she doesn't understand why I couldn't just drive it over. That's when I disclosed I was battling kidney stones.

Yes, she offered to pick me up and drive me to the hospital and I'd take an Uber home. Not really something I needed her to do for me. However, if she would had offered to come over the last week or so, not for sex, just to hang out while I was recovering, that would had been appreciated. Yes, I turned down her offers to drive me to the ER or call me an ambulance and get an Uber back. I can do that myself. Heck, I can get my neighbors to do that.

I did respond this morning around 5:30 when I woke up and replied back. She did send me a FB voice message to feel better and drink lots of water. You can hear something in her voice that was different. It's okay, all fair game I guess. I'm going to hang back now and see what happens. Maybe it's me, but it just doesn't feel right on some level. I wasn't pushing her away, her offering didn't help me or the situation. And yes, when a person is going through kidney stone pain, I am bit more selfish in terms of caring about my own well being. Anyways, we'll see. Not too sure where this is headed. Time will tell.

You are approaching this the right way and seems to have a good sence of the situation.

Women often justify bad behavior to stressful things happening in their lives, this is not an excuse

I wish you a fast recovery

 

[Focal core]

Op did said she havent visited him for spending quality time for 2 weeks.. And what the heck only offering him ride to hospitals? Lacks of communication and intimacy.. Dont u guys think something is wrong in there..

Nevertheless has a good rest. Time will tell. If shes sick do the same lol

 

[AJ84]

I'm in pain, not sick. She only offered to stay with me when I was already at her place; so it was a bit pointless, as she wasn't offering to come stay at my place. She asked me to pick something up for her, which I did. She was supposed to pick it up the day before, but was too tired to drive over the 10 minute drive. She then went into a text exchange stating she doesn't understand why I couldn't just drive it over. That's when I disclosed I was battling kidney stones.

Yes, she offered to pick me up and drive me to the hospital and I'd take an Uber home. Not really something I needed her to do for me. However, if she would had offered to come over the last week or so, not for sex, just to hang out while I was recovering, that would had been appreciated. Yes, I turned down her offers to drive me to the ER or call me an ambulance and get an Uber back. I can do that myself. Heck, I can get my neighbors to do that.

I did respond this morning around 5:30 when I woke up and replied back. She did send me a FB voice message to feel better and drink lots of water. You can hear something in her voice that was different. It's okay, all fair game I guess. I'm going to hang back now and see what happens. Maybe it's me, but it just doesn't feel right on some level. I wasn't pushing her away, her offering didn't help me or the situation. And yes, when a person is going through kidney stone pain, I am bit more selfish in terms of caring about my own well being. Anyways, we'll see. Not too sure where this is headed. Time will tell.

She offered to help you in a way that you didn’t need help and you state that if she had offered to come over instead that would of been better.

Is she a mind reader? If you wanted her to stay over you could of just suggested that when she offered to drive you to the hospital (I can get there on my own but would be nice to get some TLC when I’m home).

I mean you have a woman who tried to be supportive, it wasn’t the kind of support you needed and that’s fine, but now you’re complaining because she didn’t offer the kind of support you do need though you didn’t communicate what it is you would of liked for her to do.

Sounds like one big passive aggressive sh*t test you’re throwing at her.

 

[RickTheToad]

Sounds like one big passive aggressive sh*t test you’re throwing at her.

Yes, that's it... Please...

 

[lamath]

Yes, that's it... Please...

Seems like you got things under control,
Imo you should continue doing what you are doing.

You are not doing anything passive/agressive

 

[HankHill]

Driving you to the ER (but leaving you to Uber back, wtf?) is a bit pathetic for someone who cares or sees a serious relationship with you in the future. These are the times when people step up because they want to show they care. Definitely sounds like something's up, IMHO the best action is inaction, be cordial if she reaches out. Definitely accept her help if SHE offers to make and bring you chicken soup or to hang out and watch tv etc But other than that hang back and start seeing other women, as @Glassguy said you have the excuse of your medical situation in the event she tries to create drama but she has no valid excuse for hanging back.

Also, let's not forget this is the same woman who's been throwing in your face that her boss is hitting on her as well as other guys.

 

[RickTheToad]

Seems like you got things under control,
Imo you should continue doing what you are doing.

You are not doing anything passive/agressive

Seems the only choice. Interesting she's been silent the whole day. Yesterday, dozens of texts. Who knows..

 

[RickTheToad]

Driving you to the ER (but leaving you to Uber back, wtf?) is a bit pathetic for someone who cares or sees a serious relationship with you in the future. These are the times when people step up because they want to show they care. Definitely sounds like something's up, IMHO the best action is inaction, be cordial if she reaches out. Definitely accept her help if SHE offers to make and bring you chicken soup or to hang out and watch tv etc But other than that hang back and start seeing other women, as @Glassguy said you have the excuse of your medical situation in the event she tries to create drama but she has no valid excuse for hanging back.

Also, let's not forget this is the same woman who's been throwing in your face that her boss is hitting on her as well as other guys.

I am assuming it was because she had work the next day. Again, who knows. Yes, the proper thing would be to offer to take me and stay, but I guess that wasn't on the table or something. Maybe she didn't think of it. Some ladies are just lost in tunnel vision. However, I am sure if any lady who was going through kidney stones, they'd want their partner to not only take them to the hospital, but actually stay with them. I digress, perhaps I am asking for too much. Never heard of someone offering to take a person to the hospital and then leaving them there. I believe she offered to stay for an hour or two, but I do not recall. So, let's give her a point for that. I just thought it was a bit cold, that is all I am trying to portray. I am sure, she may not see it that way, but these are the facts. If it was reversed or with any other lady, I am damn sure they'd want the person with them. I can call an Uber or taxi myself. I did the later as a Taxi is cheaper than an Uber in Bridgeport, just the hospital sucks.

Yes, it would had been nice of her to offer to cook something (she's made little things in the past and brought them over) or just stopped by for an hour or two. What is even more weird was last week, she was telling me the progression of her ovulation cycle prior to the kidney stone issue. So, I'm totally confused on her actions. Therefore, I'm just going on radio silence. Again, she did say we'd hang out after her report was done. She said this Friday she was going to have to sit down with her mentor, so I suggested she stop by. She first said that was a good idea, but then said her sister wasn't able to watch her child overnight. She's apparently been there for most of the week. I just replied I guess we all need a break some times. That was my last time to offer something. I did offer something last week as well, but she was busy on this project. So, IDK.