Recognizing sh!t tests. Date last night.

[marmel75]

Be wary of the innocent seeming pre second or third date ones where she tries to change plans last minute. If you are supposed to meet someone to grab a bite and then go get a drink somewhere else is can be as simple as her asking if you can just meet at the second place or switching where you are going initially. It seems innocent enough but what it really ends up being is a test to see how easily she can get what she wants. If you give in so easily right away she thinks "Wow if I can get away with this after 1 or 2 dates imagine how bad it will be after I am dating him a while."

Once had a woman ask for us to just meet up at the bar and not eat because she already ate with her kids. Most guys would say "Oh that's cool, I'll just eat something before I go and we can meet there." Wrong answer. You look like a pushover and a wimp and it will likely be the last date you go on with her. I told her "Oh...well I haven't eaten yet. Just meet me at the *first place*. I'll get something to eat and you can have a drink and then we can go to *second place* after. Cool?"

She happily accepted. So basically we did exactly what I proposed initially minus her eating. Cool for me, saved me a few bucks on her meal. And she ended up buying me a drink with my meal...women respect men who act like men and are strong men. Notice I wasn't a d!ck about it, I simply just stayed the course and proposed it differently to her.

Things turned out really well with her and she became my girlfriend for over a year. I'd bet a large sum of money none of that happens if I did what she wanted that night.

 

[flowtheory]

Coming from someone with a law degree, who has dated women with the same, pretty much everyone is dorky and socially awkward. So maybe she gets a bit of a pass for not having great social skills, but come on, man. At least stand up for yourself. Why do you want to date someone who is scared to let you be near where they live? Don't let something like that pass without at least ripping on her. Tell her she doesn't need to be embarrassed of where she lives. If she gets offended, too bad, but I would not let someone I had already met talk like that to me.

You have this frane of you being the lucky one to get to date her, and I think she agrees. That's a recipe for failure.

I feel like ripping on her could have a consequence rather than just respecting it and choosing another time or reason to tease her. She could have had a situation that went terribly wrong and she’s sensitive about it or wary.

Also interesting that people in law are dorky and socially awkward; wouldn’t expect that. Maybe I watch too much ‘suits’. She was definitely different than a normal woman, but I liked it.

I said it in another thread and I think it's a mantra I will be repeating. When you do something is less important than deciding should you do it. Focus on whether she's likely to reciprocate, on the night, rather than how many dates it should happen in. You should also be physically escalating before the kiss to see if she's receptive to your touch as well, rather than blindly going for a kiss (although that can work).

I would say, if a woman is going on a second date and that date is going well enough, so she's friendly and laughing and very focused on you, yes. A kiss shouldn't be a big deal.

As for paying, that's really up to you. I don't pay for women until I feel like they're invested in me. First and second dates I never pay for. In fact, I like to see women buying me drinks on first and second dates. It shows me they're invested in me and weeds out users real quick.

Solid advice. I won’t be paying this time. Will see what the future brings in terms of how her and my situation plays out. Also won’t offer her a ride home again on the night. Will wait for her to bring that topic back up.
Will be me physical this time as it’s more of a date rather than the initial chemistry test the first time.

Be wary of the innocent seeming pre second or third date ones where she tries to change plans last minute. If you are supposed to meet someone to grab a bite and then go get a drink somewhere else is can be as simple as her asking if you can just meet at the second place or switching where you are going initially. It seems innocent enough but what it really ends up being is a test to see how easily she can get what she wants. If you give in so easily right away she thinks "Wow if I can get away with this after 1 or 2 dates imagine how bad it will be after I am dating him a while."

Once had a woman ask for us to just meet up at the bar and not eat because she already ate with her kids. Most guys would say "Oh that's cool, I'll just eat something before I go and we can meet there." Wrong answer. You look like a pushover and a wimp and it will likely be the last date you go on with her. I told her "Oh...well I haven't eaten yet. Just meet me at the *first place*. I'll get something to eat and you can have a drink and then we can go to *second place* after. Cool?"

She happily accepted. So basically we did exactly what I proposed initially minus her eating. Cool for me, saved me a few bucks on her meal. And she ended up buying me a drink with my meal...women respect men who act like men and are strong men. Notice I wasn't a d!ck about it, I simply just stayed the course and proposed it differently to her.

Things turned out really well with her and she became my girlfriend for over a year. I'd bet a large sum of money none of that happens if I did what she wanted that night.

Noted! Stay the course. Always.

 

[ohrein]

I could see that as reasonable if they had never met in person. But they have already been on a date. She's saying, "I know we have hung out for a few hours, but I still think you might be a serial killer."

OP: "Okey Dokey! Let me take you out again!"

I just don't share his optimism.

I mean I get your point and I don't think you're wrong at all. I guess you have expectations above mine and that's fine. She might be dissing him but to me it just sounds like she's wary which I think is sensible. She's still agreeing to go out so obviously she doesn't really think he's a serial killer.

I don't think a single date is enough to trust someone. I had some women seem fine on a first date and end up going a bit crazy when pushed on a second or third date. Glad they didn't know where I lived. So if I was to have a chick be wary of me after one date I'd be like, yeah, I know what you mean. I've had a couple of crazies. Then I'd swap war stories. But that's just me.

 

[flowtheory]

I could see that as reasonable if they had never met in person. But they have already been on a date. She's saying, "I know we have hung out for a few hours, but I still think you might be a serial killer."

OP: "Okey Dokey! Let me take you out again!"

I just don't share his optimism.

Hahah... Oakaley Dokiley!

If she Rejects my physical advances on saturdays date then I’ll know her interest in low or something. Right now I don’t believe it is. I think she’s just wary about letting someone near her house..

Last night she messaged me asking what I listen in to.. so she’s clearly thinking about me. Don’t think there have been bad signs yet.
Just dealing with a hot 27 year old lawyer who’s pragmatic in dating.

Will report back after the second date.

 

[flowtheory]

One extra thing: when you go on two good dates with a woman and the man has planned both, should the man wait for her to plan the third? Or should he keep planning?
I remember reading that it’s continually the man’s job to be the planner..

 

[ohrein]

One extra thing: when you go on two good dates with a woman and the man has planned both, should the man wait for her to plan the third? Or should he keep planning?
I remember reading that it’s continually the man’s job to be the planner..

Women like leaders. Women in high status jobs even more so. She'll appreciate a man making the decisions. If that's not the case, she'll let you know. She'll probably drop hints about future dates if things continue to go well. "Oh I saw this bar here that has ice sculptures blah blah", then you can just plan her date and she'll be even happier.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

There’s nothing better than being in the middle of a date and recognizing when a woman is sh!t testing you.

Was on a first date last night with a attractive woman - solid HB8, lawyer, 27. Had lots of fun. Went to a bar with pinball, foosball, football throwing machine, pool tables. We had drinks. She nursed her wine forever, and we set up a second date at the end.

During the night, I was grabbing change for the foosball machine and she was getting excited/anxious, as she’s quite competitive. At the time I walked to the bar a guy came in and came up somewhat beside me and started talking loudly with the barkeep. He was ..somewhat.. attractive?, bigger than me by about two inches, rougher looking, seemed cool but also loud and extroverted. I think this is what some call Alpha. He had a friend in tow who followed his lead also.

Anyways. As he approaches the bar at the same time I do. HB8 is saying something to me from a distance but I can’t hear, so I turn back to the bar. Then she comes directly over excitedly but childlike and says she’s super competitive and we shouldn’t play because of some reason I can’t remember, blah blah. I laugh and she walks away.
As she’s walking away this guy turns to me and her and says ‘what’s going on now?’ (Like wtf buddy? Who are you? And why does it concern you, first of all) and so I say “oh she’s just.. competitive”. And then he turns to her and says something and she responds and talks about foosball or something.. he completely drops the bar and trying to get pooltable balls and gives her full attention and then heh walks over to her and the foosball machine and starts walking her through the game of foosball!! (haha!). Right away I know what’s going on. So I turn and continue to get change and order my drink. As I finally do, I go back over and they’re side-by-side and he’s showing her how to fan the little players. And as I put my drinks down, I speak up and say “No fanning! This is a good clean match!” And as I do, buddy and HB8 laugh and then he immediately walks away.

The point of my story is that it’s great when you can see sh!t tests in the moment and have complete control of yourself and handle things well.

Funny enough I got to see how she handled a similar situation later in the evening. About 30 minutes later we finally grabbed a booth and sat down. As she was talking about stuff a booth behind her was filled with two women. One woman with her back turned to me got up and left to use the bathroom.
The remaining woman - about 24 - was facing me and I could see she was making faces in my peripheral vision. I glance over and she starts winking at me. Left eye, right eye, left eye. Flirty. I turn to my date again and I can see her STILL winking left eye, right eye.. back to the date.. I turn over and she’s winking.. holding the winks now. Left eye, right eye.. and so finally I look directly at her and say “what are you winking at?!”
My date is taken back and turns in her booth to figure out what’s going on; just as I am and she starts just talking and not giving any real explanations because she’s been outed.. but long story short I got to see how my date handled another woman coming on to me.. haha

Weird and fun night.

Mens did tge robbery on you.

Step your gamee up. You were practically cucked. I would gave likely started a figbt and made it into a **** measuring competition. Foubd a hotter youbger girl and trolled her into oblivion.

Op, you dun goofed. This wasnt a **** test. The **** test was a eoman beyond top form SMV nearing 30 practically cucked you. She likely ditched you then went ass to mouth with bozo.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

One extra thing: when you go on two good dates with a woman and the man has planned both, should the man wait for her to plan the third? Or should he keep planning?
I remember reading that it’s continually the man’s job to be the planner..

Did she swallow? Has she given up the butt?

Spin plates. Acquire options. Date younger.

 

[flowtheory]

Mens did tge robbery on you.

Step your gamee up. You were practically cucked. I would gave likely started a figbt and made it into a **** measuring competition. Foubd a hotter youbger girl and trolled her into oblivion.

Op, you dun goofed. This wasnt a **** test. The **** test was a eoman beyond top form SMV nearing 30 practically cucked you. She likely ditched you then went ass to mouth with bozo.

Yea that would have been a great night then and would have made me look like a good catch. And also hit on another younger woman to make her feel like sh!t.
Fight some random guy because he talked to her..... and I got ego hurt because everything in life is a d!ck measuring contest...

Even if you succeed in the fight, making her feel bad, you still lose.

And @ss to mouth with bozo, because she talked to him?? What is wrong with you

 

[longtail]

Avoid bars and clubs for 'dates.' Once you enter, you are no longer on a 'date' but enter a sh1tshow free for all.

 

[ubercat]

This is why I'm a fast escalation guy. I'd rather blow out the date and find out about the fence sitting girls early on. I'm sure it works against me sometimes but percentage wise I think it's a decent play

 

[flowtheory]

This is why I'm a fast escalation guy. I'd rather blow out the date and find out about the fence sitting girls early on. I'm sure it works against me sometimes but percentage wise I think it's a decent play

You can lose out on some quality women this way. They’ll think you just want sex.

 

[ubercat]

Maybe. But more likely they will just slow you down if they re interested.

BTW watching any suits is too much.

 

[Spaz]

She's saying, "I know we have hung out for a few hours, but I still think you might be a serial killer.".

Nah. It's not that.

OP has lost the protector frame.

She's subconsciously reacting to that.

 

[flowtheory]

Nah. It's not that.

OP has lost the protector frame.

She's subconsciously reacting to that.

Because I didn’t ‘protect’ her from that guy who decided to interject?

 

[flowtheory]

Would appreciate your insights @guru1000 , @HankHill

 

[jaymbrs]

Good for you dude. I failed a blatant **** test about a year ago. We went out to a bar and she mentions there's a guy she met off Tinder on the other side of the place. I shrugged it off. She then said she felt compelled to say hello to him. I told her maybe she should and I immediately asked for my tab. She pretended to not know why I was trying to leave. But I left anyways and she calls me multiple times while I'm driving to apologize and to return. I messed up because I did go back and nothing came from it. I ended up not talking to her after that though.

 

[lamath]

Good for you dude. I failed a blatant **** test about a year ago. We went out to a bar and she mentions there's a guy she met off Tinder on the other side of the place. I shrugged it off. She then said she felt compelled to say hello to him. I told her maybe she should and I immediately asked for my tab. She pretended to not know why I was trying to leave. But I left anyways and she calls me multiple times while I'm driving to apologize and to return. I messed up because I did go back and nothing came from it. I ended up not talking to her after that though.

I was gonna say you handle that perfectly
Then you got back to her, i prob would have made the same mistake.

Its a good experience and you have learn from it.
So it made you a better man

 

[jaymbrs]

I was gonna say you handle that perfectly
Then you got back to her, i prob would have made the same mistake.

Its a good experience and you have learn from it.
So it made you a better man

Exactly. A learning experience.

 

[HankHill]

I've never been in a situation where another guy tried to cut in like that but I don't go to dive bars and clubs on my dates. You really only have two options one, play it cool. Two, go ape sh*t on him - I would probably do two and regret it later but I'm just like that, though I see that as more of a weakness in myself than strength. So I think you handled yourself very well with a cool head because let's face it it's not worth spending a night in a holding cell over someone you just met, ruining the entire night for everyone involved and she would've laughed her ass off telling her girlfriends that story for the rest of her life. So you get an A in my book.

Now her...I agree with the others that she shouldn't have entertained the other guy out of respect for you. This could be because of several reasons; she's used to this type of behavior (attention wh0re), she's not that interested in you and three she ws testing to see how you'd react - and by not showing a reaction you won the test btw.

As for her not wanting you to pick her up...it's too early to say IMHO and I wouldn't have even offered to pick her up. To me second date is more telling, if she doesn't kiss (not sure if you already did on the first) by the second date I'd ignore her as low interest but if she kisses and things are escalating/progressing then keep going.

Lastly, lawyer chicks...I personally never had a good experience with them, they act entitled and usually not feminine.