Starting to see some distance, or it could just be my thinking

[RickTheToad]

Been dating this lady since the late summer. We message each other daily, she usually initiates, but I do just seeing how her day was. She was at my place on the 26th, and we went out to get a bite to eat on the 25th. We did have sex a couple of times that day and she messaged me on Monday that she had a hard time walking from the sex. First I've heard of that from her. I then developed kidney stones and she did offer a few times to come and take me to the hospital, but I did manage to go myself. I had to drop something off at her place last Wednesday, and that was the last time I saw her. It was on the way, and she's only 10 minutes away, so I didn't mind. Last weekend she couldn't meet up, where she's Jewish (first for me) so she and her family have Shabbat from Friday - Saturday nights. With that said, it's hard for us to meet up on those days, so we usually do something on Sunday and maybe during the week.

However, last week she had to drive 2.5 hours to Long Island, NY for an apprenticeship, so that killed that. I understand, not an issue. This week, my kidney stones started to get worse, so I had some more scans done at the hospital, she kept on asking me how I was feeling and if I needed her to drop me off at the hospital, I said I can do it. I took a cab there each time. I didn't want her to see me in excruciating pain and tearing. Yes, kidney stone pain is that bad. Yesterday before the scans and tests, I messaged her and just said hope your day is going well, thinking about you. Normally, I'd hear back pretty fast, but she messaged back about an hour later and then said aww, that's sweet. Not what I wanted to hear, but then she went into her day and things she's experiencing.

Anyway, the second and third reports came back today, and we've been chatting all through the day through FB and she replies near instantly. Around 2pm today the reports came back and this morning she told me she's very concerned and to keep her updated. So, I then informed her of the results. Didn't hear back from her for around 3 hours, which I thought was very strange. Especially when you can see on FB that the message was read. In addition, not sure if I am seeing her this weekend either. Not like I can have sex right now, but in theory, this Sunday would be about 2 weeks since I've spent "quality time" with her.

Should I just back away? When she messages me tomorrow, just be brief? I know bringing it up sounds needy and bad, so I really cannot do anything but stay in neutral it seems. Should I not had disclosed that I had kidney stones and was in the hospital? Am I overthinking this?

 

[lamath]

Might be overthinking hard to say. But that 3hr seems like a Low IL but might be some other reason.

Really idk whats best
But id slow down on the txt, let her txt me first and take more time to anwser.

 

[RickTheToad]

Might be overthinking hard to say. But that 3hr seems like a Low IL but might be some other reason.

Really idk whats best
But id slow down on the txt, let her txt me first and take more time to anwser.

Past 4+months, her messages back were within seconds or minutes. Really was surprised on how she didn't respond til nearly 3 hours later. She said she was looking up the size of my stones and was concerned that they'd be hard to pass. They gave me a shot today of two injections and I dozed off to sleep so I didn't see the message until later. I replied back with it'll be fine and she also threw in something about her home remodel that she was doing and that water flooded the kitchen or something and then dozed back to sleep. I just checked out around 9pm tonight. I'll reply back in the morning. I was a bit taken back, that is all. Also, today, since I was in the imaging rooms with the CT scanners, MRIs, etc, the hospital made me disrobe and locked up all my crap. So, my responses to her had been 1 hour+ during those few hours. So, not sure.

 

[Focal core]

Shes up to something, things that she has planned even before you get to the hospitals, she could be seeing somwone else or just having an emotional affair at home throught chatting or phone calls, lacks of emotional connection and intimacy means something has start dying..

I recommend you keep your distance, having a good time "dating" with yourself and observe.

 

[RickTheToad]

Shes up to something, things that she has planned even before you get to the hospitals, she could be seeing somwone else or just having an emotional affair at home throught chatting or phone calls, lacks of emotional connection and intimacy means something has start dying..

I recommend you keep your distance, having a good time "dating" with yourself and observe.

Yea, I going to walk back a bit. She said these two weeks are hard for her because she's finishing up her apprenticeship and working on her remodel. Just thought it was a bit weird, but again, it could be the RX's in my system and the pain playing tricks on me.

 

[RickTheToad]

Exclusive?

We've both stated we're not seeing anyone else. However, again, what people say are often different than what people do. Yes, she did offer multiple times time take me to the hospital. She also kept her phone on through the night and said call me if you need me. However, I just got a weird feeling in my stomach when I didn't hear back. Yet, from the people I work with all responded back pretty fast as they were concerned as well. It would had been nice for her to stop by as well. However, maybe that's too much too soon. It's only been a few months. So, I'm no going to ask when we're going to see each other and just keep my replies short and brief.

If she asks, I'll just say you seemed very busy and preoccupied over the past week or two so I assumed you wanted some space. Besides, I am under strict orders no sex, no stress, no lifting things over 10 lbs. until the stones pass. If they do not pass in the next two weeks, surgery will be scheduled. No, I've not informed anyone about the possible surgery on the 16th. I do not need people feeling sorry for me. I hate that. I wasn't going to tell anyone about the kidney stones, but the pain brought me to my knees multiple times. I feel a bit weak by telling people why. Again, these things can be in my head. I am far from perfect.

 

[Focal core]

Nahh its not.. Why would you giving an excuse to a close person to you to keep distance? Shes up to something.. Keep on your guts feeling.

 

[lamath]

Yea, I going to walk back a bit. She said these two weeks are hard for her because she's finishing up her apprenticeship and working on her remodel. Just thought it was a bit weird, but again, it could be the RX's in my system and the pain playing tricks on me.

Seems like excuses, ppl always jump to some1 else here
I dont see anything bad yet but id make myself less available for the time being
I hope things turn out right

 

[marmel75]

I had kidney stones once...they are no joke...I was crying on the way to the hospital and hunched over in pain...once I got there they gave me some Delaudet and I was on cloud nine after that...that was some good sh!t let me tell you...the room was spinning and I felt awesome...

Can't they use ultrasound to blast them into small pieces? I've never heard of surgery for kidney stones anymore, only people who have gotten them blasted into tiny pieces...

 

[RickTheToad]

Shes up to something, things that she has planned even before you get to the hospitals, she could be seeing somwone else or just having an emotional affair at home throught chatting or phone calls, lacks of emotional connection and intimacy means something has start dying..

I recommend you keep your distance, having a good time "dating" with yourself and observe.

Yes, I am going to become less available, even though she knows I'm home (can't work under doctors orders - OSHA BS).

Trust your gut. Even my gut is wary. I wouldn't do anything because the fact is, they all date concurrently when not exclusive. She hasn't begged for exclusivity for a reason. Just have to kinda back off and see if she comes, if you want to. It's totally valid to bail completely since she doesn't seem very high IL.

She contacts all the time, but like I said, I know she lives a busy life, but we're only 10-15 mins away. She's not come by since the 26. I picked her up on the 25th, and I was at her home for a couple of hours last Thursday to drop something off and she wanted to show me her renovations. She's not been sleeping well over the past week, so I offered on the way to the ER to drop off some Melatonin in her mailbox (again I pass her home, it's not a big deal). She replied said I'd rather see you than you drop off Melatonin for me. I then said to myself, if you'd rather see me, why haven't you stopped by? I'd love to bring it up, but I know it breaks frame and looks needy, so I've been just hanging back. She messages all the time, but if we're not spending physical time together, doesn't seem to amount to much. She forwarded me some texts from her boss yesterday.. She had 27 different messages waiting to be read. Again, yes, I know she's attractive, and I also know she has orbiters (she's shown them to me on FB, didn't ask), but I go by actions. Reaching out via text or FB is not an action, in my opinion. So, I just don't know. Really perplexed in my thinking. I am tempted to go look at my messages on Match, apparently, I have 100+ likes and a few dozen messages waiting; I just feel guilty. I've been wrong in the past and I've jumped the gun effectively screwing that relationship up and the potential ones that I was gaming. Plus, I am not at 100% by any means.

Seems like excuses, ppl always jump to some1 else here
I dont see anything bad yet but id make myself less available for the time being
I hope things turn out right

Excuses by who? Me? I am just stating my thoughts. They can be totally unwarranted and I can be completely reading the situation wrong. Or, I can be right. Not sure. However, if I was dating someone, I'd at least stop by. Again, she did offer to drive me multiple times to the hospital and I just remembered that she did offer to stay with me for a few hours the last Thursday. So, there's that.

 

[RickTheToad]

I had kidney stones once...they are no joke...I was crying on the way to the hospital and hunched over in pain...once I got there they gave me some Delaudet and I was on cloud nine after that...that was some good sh!t let me tell you...the room was spinning and I felt awesome...

Can't they use ultrasound to blast them into small pieces? I've never heard of surgery for kidney stones anymore, only people who have gotten them blasted into tiny pieces...

I had a CT Scan over the weekend. Yesterday, the doc ordered a X-Ray and Ultra Sound. Found stones in the right kidney with inflammation and the left is inflamed as well, but no stones. They are 8-9MM, so we're trying Flomax first and if in two weeks they've not cleared they will use something to break it up or have to go in. Since I will not let them go through the penis, it would have to be kidney surgery through micro incision. As for pain, I am in hell right now. They originally gave me Toradol 10MG for the pain along with a few shots in my butt when I was at the hospital (this was my second visit), then Percocet for the pain. Now the doc called in a script for a stronger pain killer. Pain comes and goes, but the side effects from the meds aren't great either. Kinda lonely too. I've been basically starring at four walls for nearly a week. The only people I've seen are medical personnel. I guess it would had been nice to see people stop by as I can't really go many places. I have to lie down since sitting right now puts intense pain on the kidney stone. I guess I'm a bit vulnerable now due to this situation. What can I say, I'm human. I know, it sucks. It just feels when the chips are down and you have no one around that cares it does effect you mentally. When I am up and about, working doing things, doesn't bother me. However, now, yes, it's getting to me...

 

[lamath]

Excuses by who? Me? I am just stating my thoughts. They can be totally unwarranted and I can be completely reading the situation wrong. Or, I can be right. Not sure. However, if I was dating someone, I'd at least stop by. Again, she did offer to drive me multiple times to the hospital and I just remembered that she did offer to stay with me for a few hours the last Thursday. So, there's that.

Nah excuses from her.
You would think she would make some more efforts to see you.
Bad signs

 

[flowtheory]

Kidney stones are brutal. They are the males equivalent of giving birth. They break all men. Worst pain of my life; I cried in the waiting room. I went three hours straight no meds - just puking, sweating, cringing and hunched over. And finally I was close to lashing out at staff for the drugs. Unbearable. Oh man, even thinking about it again...

Trust your gut. It’s never led me astray. But you do sound like you’re overthinking it. It however makes sense in your situation though. You’re in pain and having issues and she’s not giving you the emotional attention you actually desire. If she’s not up to anything shady, she’s simply not giving you a warm support.

 

[Focal core]

Excuses by who? Me? I am just stating my thoughts. They can be totally unwarranted and I can be completely reading the situation wrong. Or, I can be right. Not sure. However, if I was dating someone, I'd at least stop by. Again, she did offer to drive me multiple times to the hospital and I just remembered that she did offer to stay with me for a few hours the last Thursday. So, there's that.

Observe if the distance keep growing.. This maybe the start of it.. Offers doesn't equal to action.

 

[RickTheToad]

Yes, the pain switches from dull to sharp. Dull I guess from the when the stone is stuck, sharp when it's moving again. Both kidneys tender to the touch as well.

As for the lady, do I just say would had been nice to see you over the past few days or just back away?

She has a lot on her plate right now, and is pretty oblivious about things she's not focusing on. I had to reminder her yesterday when her period was coming... She didn't even know..Also she said was time is going by so fast. She didn't even believe me when I said the other day, not for nothing, but I've not seen you in nearly two weeks aside from me dropping off something for her. She didn't know it was that long. So, again, it could be that her world is so hectic now she doesn't even realize.

 

[flowtheory]

Yes, the pain switches from dull to sharp. Dull I guess from the when the stone is stuck, sharp when it's moving again. Both kidneys tender to the touch as well.

As for the lady, do I just say would had been nice to see you over the past few days or just back away?

She has a lot on her plate right now, and is pretty oblivious about things she's not focusing on. I had to reminder her yesterday when her period was coming... She didn't even know..Also she said was time is going by so fast. She didn't even believe me when I said the other day, not for nothing, but I've not seen you in nearly two weeks aside from me dropping off something for her. She didn't know it was that long. So, again, it could be that her world is so hectic now she doesn't even realize.

Maybe rather than try to figure out the never ending questions and spinning yourself mad, ask yourself why all of this is important to you, what’s at stake here, why you care so much, and what you can do about the feelings that are coming up and trabsform then in to positive momentum.

You want to be direct with her and ask questions, but you’re scared to lose frame or look needy and weak. Well, you’re creating dilemmas for yourself. Anytime we create dilemmas there is stress involved, of course. So quit it, because your venting is not going to get you answers to subside your spinning hamster.
And posters responding saying that she’s acting shady, is only adding fuel to the inferno here.

 

[Focal core]

Yes, the pain switches from dull to sharp. Dull I guess from the when the stone is stuck, sharp when it's moving again. Both kidneys tender to the touch as well.

As for the lady, do I just say would had been nice to see you over the past few days or just back away?

She has a lot on her plate right now, and is pretty oblivious about things she's not focusing on. I had to reminder her yesterday when her period was coming... She didn't even know..Also she said was time is going by so fast. She didn't even believe me when I said the other day, not for nothing, but I've not seen you in nearly two weeks aside from me dropping off something for her. She didn't know it was that long. So, again, it could be that her world is so hectic now she doesn't even realize.

Youre leaning towards being naive now.. Girls knows their body best.. Not mention a period alone, stop believing shes busy with her schedule.. If she wants you she will move mountains just to be with you. Sharing the best quality time with you.. Stop to normalize things and listen to your feelings.

 

[Focal core]

She just not realize or just more excuses and to fog you up? Come one puzzy and dizks knows no boundaries to be slamZ together. Its a manipulation.. At least the start of it.

 

[Focal core]

Maybe rather than try to figure out the never ending questions and spinning yourself mad, ask yourself why all of this is important to you, what’s at stake here, why you care so much, and what you can do about the feelings that are coming up and trabsform then in to positive momentum.

You want to be direct with her and ask questions, but you’re scared to lose frame or look needy and weak. Well, you’re creating dilemmas for yourself. Anytime we create dilemmas there is stress involved, of course. So quit it, because your venting is not going to get you answers to subside your spinning hamster.
And posters responding saying that she’s acting shady, is only adding fuel to the inferno here.

Yup SHADY is the words there. Dont be so naive about a busy women..

 

[Focal core]

By the looks of it shes preparing to get some distance from you, shes evaluating another prospect.. Just stay cool if things doesn't work out.. Walk away