Hmmmmm you guys make some valid points. But I think, knowing her, that she may be just as confused as I am and not really have any plan about this whole thing. I don't think she's just totally intentionally stringing me along while she does something else on the side or that I'm the side, but that she doesn't know what she's doing.
I honestly don't think she's that experienced in general. The first time she gave head it was kinda bad and involved teeth (she's really small and I'm decently equipped, let's just say that), but she improved by the next few times.
In regards to the herpes thing, meh I dunno maybe. I do recall one time she said she was going through her period as the reason she couldn't do anything. But another time when I was right about to actually have sex with her and got ready to put on a condom, she said don't worry about that you shouldn't need to worry about condoms with me. But that was the time I was ****-faced cause she pressured me into out-drinking her. That time she actually seemed like she was ready to take me but we couldn't get it to physically work for several reasons (I think I put it in for a few seconds but then had trouble and it slipped out, partly cause she is small down there and partly cause I was losing it due to the drinks), and she just "took care of me" in another way instead. But she was almost as drunk as me (kept needing to drink another glass of wine before doing sexual things) so I doubt it was some sneaky master plan of hers or something.
She mentioned last time that "maybe she was just shy". I don't know what that's supposed to mean.
The one thing you guys may be right about is that she still has some kind of lingering feelings for her ex, or at least intimacy issues stemming partly from her marriage, and that's what's causing these problems. I seriously doubt that she's actively seeing other guys at this time though... while not technically completely outside the realm of possibility, we communicate too often and she fills me in on everything in her life, sometimes to the point where it becomes annoying or I get bored. And she's not taking advantage of me to buy her stuff or take her places, since she insists on covering most of the costs of what we do, and often times prefers just hanging out, chilling, talking at one of our places to actually going out and doing stuff, especially "traditional" dates, which she dislikes. When she was sent overseas on an assignment for her government job, she had a gift personally engraved with my name on it too. She's even taught me dances that she knows. This doesn't seem like someone who's uncommitted or just using me as a side thing. In fact, when considering the sexual favors, she's probably doing more for me than I'm doing for her... so what's her end game or goal here? What is she getting out of this? It doesn't add up.
Also, she works a government job where she can't even associate with anyone who say does something illegal like smoke weed occasionally or something. Which I do now and then (and she used to when younger). She told me to quit doing that cause it would get her trouble, and wants to influence my life that way. I told her I stopped but she doesn't like it when I even mention that kind of stuff. I was like what does it matter if I do stuff on my own time, and she's like well are you not taking this seriously, implying that me quitting that is important cause she's considering some kind of future. Again, not exactly something that a girl who doesn't care about you would do.
