What advice would you give here?

[MoreThanSmooth]

This post is a bit of a novel, but I can't really shorten it much more....bah, whatever.

I know a couple who have been dating for about 7 years now. Both friends of mine, though the boyfriend hasn't seen me a few years so I'm actually closer to his girl. We have a few mutual friends too.

Anyway she was in town yesterday and I hadn't seen her for months, so we met for lunch to catch up.

Started off light and funny, but then eventually she got into the heavier stuff and started telling me she thinks her relationship is in serious trouble.

I tried to give my best advice and just help her remain calm a bit, she was kinda shaken up and I felt bad for her. She said several times that she really felt like she needed stronger male affection in her life, a guy who is more masculine and open to providing comfort.

It sounds bad/arrogant, but TBH I'm undoubtedly a lot more masculine than her BF and I think she sort of admires it in a way - so for that reason I guess she wanted my advice. Amongst other things, I told her she should actually say to her BF that she wants him to be more assertive and confident, less indecisive.

What I found surprising, given her saddened state, was that she was initiating quite a lot of kino as we talked. I reciprocated a little to comfort her, but I didn't want to cross any lines. She grabbed my wrist, stroked my hand, hugged me a whole bunch of times and at a couple of points she rested her leg up against mine - sketchy maybe, though I'm assuming this was a mistake? I don't think she was hitting on me, it was more that she just feels very isolated and needed a kind of masculine presence to soothe her a bit?

Obviously I'm not going to be a weasel and put the moves on this woman, I think she's in a vulnerable and isolated position. But it's tough watching this whole thing happen without helping. My old buddy really needs to nut up and show her he still cares IMO, I really don't understand how he's dropped the ball so hard. It's like he doesn't give a sh*t or something.

I'm feeling conflicted, though, since I haven't seen him for a long time and I have no idea what he's done to f*ck up so badly.

What advice, if any, would you give her? What advice would you give me? Should I just distance myself from this whole thing?

I'm thinking the best play now is to hang back, it's none of my business. But she wants to meet for food/drinks next time she's in town, so I know it's going to come up again and I'm not sure what more advice I can give.

Thanks guys.

 

[Ranger]

Yeah she came onto you. I wouldn’t think badly about it though. It’s pretty common when the man isn’t being the man. You’re in a tough spot. She’s going to find someone either way. So that’s that.

This is very common for a woman to jump to a friend of her BF/Husband.

Unfortunately your friend has a lot of work to do. Obviously too late to curb the events.

I have no advice.

 

[Billtx49]

If you do meet with her next time she’s in town, listen to her complaints, give only general personal advice like Do what you think is right for you, stay out of Their relationship type talk, and make sure she knows that she’s only in your friend zone.

 

[ohrein]

He needs the advice, not her. She's going to follow hypergamy and it sounds like he's not satisfying the alpha nor beta side of things on that front. They call it the seven year itch and it's a common breaking point for relationships. I would stay friends with her but keep it strictly platonic, I'd try and back off the physical stuff a bit. If it's at this point it's likely it's over unless your friend pulls something out of his ass.

 

[Glassguy]

This is a prime story of what MOST men on here do not understand. Its the reason they get dumped, cheated on, monkey branched on, etc etc.

I bet your friend probably thinks that everything is relatively fine in his relationship with her. I will also bet that he is a beta provider and she has lost interest in him due to him getting complacent during the relationship and "settled in" to the point that he will put up with her shyte and would not even consider walking out on her. Sometimes a complacent mindset is virtually the same a scarcity mindset. Different set of circumstances, same result.

All women will cheat or at least start getting c0cks lined up for when they decide to end the current relationship. Guys think "nah my girl and I are good" and they start missing the signs that things arent so good because they are complacent.

Men with an abundance mindset that are red pill and especially alpha > beta blue pill providers with a complacent/scarce mindset. Every time.

She said several times that she really felt like she needed stronger male affection in her life, a guy who is more masculine

She wants a guy that she lusts over, makes her panties wet. She wants an alpha. She still wants him as the beta provider, but she wants a man that is going to fvck her senseless and make her chase.

As to what you should do:

Nothing. You bang her and your true friendship with him is over. If you mention this stuff to him, she may deny saying this shyte to string him along until her monkey branch is built and then dump him, but it will create tension between you and your buddy. Some things men just have to learn on their own so that the hard and tough lessons of life stick with us forever. Thats why we became red pill to begin with. Not from someone telling us what might happen, but actually walking through the fire with our own 2 feet and experiencing this stuff first hand.

After she dumps him (and she will dump him) or strings him along (while fvcking someone else) until she dumps him, maybe your friend moves away/or stops contacting you. If she comes back into the picture then by all means give her a milk mustache if she is worthy of it.

But do nothing with this woman right now and I would even stop her if she tries to reach out to talk about it again.

"Sorry, but I am friends with you both and I dont make a good emotional tampon for these relationship problems. Thats why I stay single and date in the first place. Lets not talk about this anymore".

That will put you in a masculine state with her and also prevent you from being in the middle of something that you have no business being in the middle of.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Do the guy a favor and bang his girl, then tell him about it. You just saved time for both of them and got laid in the process.

 

[Ranger]

Yes and no, in this new market I'm not sure a lot of women would tolerate their total inability to control us for long. This woman lasted 7 years with this guy so there are parts of his behavior she liked, probably controlling him. Just speculation though.

He started off well. The slow but effective reduction from good masculinity is a pattern. But in order for that to happen at all there’s something in him that still supports the imperative.
I assure you, he is totally clueless as to what’s happening.

“So men can’t tell when a woman is no longer in love with them?” (asked by a woman poster on SS)

“No. They can’t. (Rollo Tomassi)

 

[17 shots]

Yes and no, in this new market I'm not sure a lot of women would tolerate their total inability to control us for long. This woman lasted 7 years with this guy so there are parts of his behavior she liked, probably controlling him. Just speculation though.

Yea, plus there's no guarantee she's telling the whole truth about the relationship, so there's no point in over analyzing it. Women will say anything to rationalize cheating. They are very good at making the boyfriend seem like the huge problem

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

In a way, though it sounds counter-intuitive, I think the bf's problem is that he's almost too rational when it comes to looking at the problems in their relationship. This would seem like a masculine trait but the way he uses it isn't.

It's stereotypically masculine to analyse problems with logic rather than emotion and it can be good...to a point. I think he has a tendency to not see her emotional needs when regarding a problem and instead just notes there's a problem.

For example, if your wife tells you she's got a problem, it's easy to say "Yeah, I rationally know you have a problem." That's what he does. Rather than "Yeah, I know you have a problem but we'll make it through.", something like that which also addresses emotional need/the masculine role of support.

As a side note, for those who say platonic friendships with women are "impossible" or a waste of time, this is where I'd disagree. You can glean a lot of information about psychology of relationships from friendships like these IMO.

 

[Ranger]

The problem is almost always an attraction issue. JustificAtions and reasons are masterly applied.
Gaslighting. Etc.
an a$$hole can do most anything and it will be forgiven for the sake of good feelings.
The BF/Husband will be forgiven nothing. That’s just how it is.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

If a woman has an issue with something that minor she is not marriage material

It's minor as a one off but a major problem if it's recurring. If you offer no support to your woman, she's going to leave you. It's not like it's hard to take 5 mins to give a bit of reassurance.

Imagine you had a sh*t day at work and your wife just said "Yeah, I know you had a bad day." and that was it. This is the male equivalent of that. I can understand why she finds that very underwhelming.

Not saying a man has to be an emotional tampon, but I think showing a bit of compassion is important.

The problem is almost always an attraction issue. JustificAtions and reasons are masterly applied.
Gaslighting. Etc.
an a$$hole can do most anything and it will be forgiven for the sake of good feelings.
The BF/Husband will be forgiven nothing. That’s just how it is.

Certainly true with regard to the attraction issue - I don't think it's helped that my friend doesn't really pursue the gym, or any outdoor activities etc.

 

[devilkingx2]

give your friend advice and hints about what he should be doing without making any allusion at all to his woman being a slvt

but honestly if she'd rather cheat than communicate and work on their issues she's not a very good girlfriend anyway. (and if it's easier to cheat than to get your boyfriend to work things out, he's not a very good one)

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

We hung out last night with some of our friends, just a relaxed evening.

Friend boundaries were successfully maintained until the end of the evening, when she got very flirty indeed quite suddenly. I was dominating the group conversation (in a good way, I felt very confident for some reason) and towards the end of the night she leaned in to chat and rested her legs on me, then laughed at a joke I made and outright lent her head on my chest in response.

Anyway after she did that I dialled away a bit on the table chat and made my leave.

I know it’s stupid but I felt really good getting that level of affectionate attention if I’m honest. I’ve been having a sh*t time with dating and having an attractive woman recognising my qualities and showing me so much interest is really flattering.

Anyway I can’t believe I’m typing this. I’ve not been in touch with her guy for years but I’m still going to keep things friend-zone. I’ve always been a moral man and I don’t want to compromise that now.

I just wish I could meet a single chick that acts like this with me. Instead of girls that f*ck me over at the first opportunity.

It’s always the taken chicks that want me.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Well, out of the blue she's invited me out to a kind of American Jazz evening now. I happen to like that style of dance so I'm pretty amenable to it but I also feel like I might be majorly f*cking myself here. Thoughts?

I've not been flirting or anything, I've been keeping myself to myself. But we're hanging out quite a lot. From what it sounds she's pretty much finished with my friend but this is still making me feel awkward. I've seen nothing of him for a couple of years now, but I know a lot of people he knows.

It's only dancing though, right? I'm hoping I can think with my head and not with my d*ck. It's never been a problem before.

The annoying thing is I know this post is contradictory. It's probably dumb to hang out with her. But I'm also enjoying the company. If I can keep it platonic perhaps I can have the best of both worlds...?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well, out of the blue she's invited me out to a kind of American Jazz evening now. I happen to like that style of dance so I'm pretty amenable to it but I also feel like I might be majorly f*cking myself here. Thoughts?

I've not been flirting or anything, I've been keeping myself to myself. But we're hanging out quite a lot. From what it sounds she's pretty much finished with my friend but this is still making me feel awkward. I've seen nothing of him for a couple of years now, but I know a lot of people he knows.

It's only dancing though, right? I'm hoping I can think with my head and not with my d*ck. It's never been a problem before.

The annoying thing is I know this post is contradictory. It's probably dumb to hang out with her. But I'm also enjoying the company. If I can keep it platonic perhaps I can have the best of both worlds...?

In the way i do things it hurts me if a majority of the females i spend time with are pure friend vibe. They should have sexual attraction. Its best you spend most of your time around females who are into you.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

In the way i do things it hurts me if a majority of the females i spend time with are pure friend vibe. They should have sexual attraction. Its best you spend most of your time around females who are into you.

Ah, you mean I should hang with more other chicks that think I'm hot? Yeah, I think you may be right.

I will go to the dance night but try to keep it non-flirty. Just hope I don't end up doing anything dumb.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ah, you mean I should hang with more other chicks that think I'm hot? Yeah, I think you may be right.

I will go to the dance night but try to keep it non-flirty. Just hope I don't end up doing anything dumb.

You should be around babes who think your hot. It affects your image to the world.

 

[AttackFormation]

Well, out of the blue she's invited me out to a kind of American Jazz evening now. I happen to like that style of dance so I'm pretty amenable to it but I also feel like I might be majorly f*cking myself here. Thoughts?

I've not been flirting or anything, I've been keeping myself to myself. But we're hanging out quite a lot. From what it sounds she's pretty much finished with my friend but this is still making me feel awkward. I've seen nothing of him for a couple of years now, but I know a lot of people he knows.

It's only dancing though, right? I'm hoping I can think with my head and not with my d*ck. It's never been a problem before.

The annoying thing is I know this post is contradictory. It's probably dumb to hang out with her. But I'm also enjoying the company. If I can keep it platonic perhaps I can have the best of both worlds...?

Why are you trying to pretend you don't want to fvck her? you just come across as dense, and that's just me being honest.

She dumped him mentally long ago. They are done, whether the formal breakup has happened yet or not. Either stop seeing her if you for some reason believe it's your responsibility to uphold her vows, which even then she has already renounced anyway, or stop pretending that it's platonic and just give it to her.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Why are you trying to pretend you don't want to fvck her? you just come across as dense, and that's just me being honest.

She dumped him mentally long ago. They are done, whether the formal breakup has happened yet or not. Either stop seeing her if you for some reason believe it's your responsibility to uphold her vows, which even then she has already renounced anyway, or stop pretending that it's platonic and just give it to her.

Fair play dude. I see what you're saying...but there are a lot of women a guy might want to f*ck but it's not always exactly ethical, is it? I like being able to sleep at night.

Also it may sound stupid, but I don't know if I want to f*ck her. Yeah, it'd feel good...but does that outweigh the sh*tstorm for doing it?

A lot of guys on here think with their d*ck first and it causes an awful lot of the cringey painful pileup situations that guys complain about. I don't think it's "dense" to try and think about the implications before doing something, even if it perhaps sounds it.

I'm seeing a couple of girls before the dance for another night out, I know one of them kinda likes me so I'll see if I can get things going there instead, preferably.

 

[AttackFormation]

Fair play dude. I see what you're saying...but there are a lot of women a guy might want to f*ck but it's not always exactly ethical, is it? I like being able to sleep at night.

Also it may sound stupid, but I don't know if I want to f*ck her. Yeah, it'd feel good...but does that outweigh the sh*tstorm for doing it?

A lot of guys on here think with their d*ck first and it causes an awful lot of the cringey painful pileup situations that guys complain about. I don't think it's "dense" to try and think about the implications before doing something, even if it perhaps sounds it.

I'm seeing a couple of girls before the dance for another night out, I know one of them kinda likes me so I'll see if I can get things going there instead, preferably.

Well I have a different ethic: it's her vows, not yours. Now, I still wouldn't do anything with her if I knew she was still making out and fvcking with her boyfriend, but that's out of physical disgust rather than ethics. Why would you "lose sleep" over what she does with her relationship? I don't even know where you imagine a sh!tstorm coming from. If he takes out the failure of the relationship on you, that just means you have even less cause for concern because he was too weak to even hold her accountable, so it's no wonder it ended.

The denseness is that you are going along with all of her escalation while pretending that you aren't and trying to make it sound plausible that you "don't know" if she's hitting on you. It reads to me like a chick describing the lead-up to how it "just happened" that she landed on Tony's d!ck.

Do what you want to do dude, but if I was in this situation, I wouldn't have the qualms you do. You're making it a bigger deal than it really is.