Do you bring up that her online dating profile is still online?

[Ranger]

Yeah, women are fickle, they like you on Tuesday but Thursday? Not so much lol.

But ask yourself this, how much does a girl like you if it fades in a 48hr time span? How much attraction was really there?

When a women feels that "raw animalistic attraction" for a man, it doesn't fade in such a short time span.

Like a girl who "likes" a guy meets another guy now she's trying to mess with him. She obviously wasn't all that into the first guy.

Attraction and interest levels fall on a scale, if her interest is between 5-6 she will have minimum involment with you, sure she may fvck you and text you cute messages but all she s doing is setting up a harem, just like we do.

If her attraction to you is at a 7, then this is where she seems very involved with you and her interest is high but your still not that top guy so she will still keep her options open for something better, why? Because based on the scale theres someone better than can come along.

OP, I'm not saying I know for sure this is happening in your situation, just keep what I'm saying in mind.

I’m going to keep my opinion. If she is even looking for another option...you ain’t it. One day, One week or 20 years. Besides, I don’t do “relationships”. It’s counterproductive.

 

[Ranger]

When you see for yourself how many options they have, like when they show you an inbox or whatever, and then you think to the fact that they can still be more or less single for years and years and years despite ostensibly "trying" or "wanting" to find a boyfriend. The only explanation I can give for it is like that whirlpool analogy I think you linked the other day. They start dabbling in their limitless options, finding highs and going through men. It gets progressively more addictive until it becomes strong enough that now they can't escape from the chronic damage that this addiction has been done to their brains even if they would have recognized it and wanted to.

Exactly. We are dealing with a brain chemical addiction.

 

[AttackFormation]

Exactly. We are dealing with a brain chemical addiction.

Yep... this is something you have to recognize as with any other pattern. Your habits affect your brain, and your brain affects your habits. I believe that repeatedly having sex because of short term infatuations instead of love, regardless of whether the woman has low self esteem or not, will literally change a woman's brain over time in the same way that an addict's brain changes. Their emotional responses to the same stimuli won't be the same. Actions in of themselves are one thing, but habits create consequences. Dealing with a brain chemical addiction was a good way to put it.

 

[HankHill]

Well, now he found out she is a player so he can detach.

How did we he find that out? Just because her profile is still active? that doesn't mean much if she's spending all her free time with him. May be she got put off by him playing too cool and decided she'd keep her options open too.

I think the problem is that the dating market is messed up, not the reaction to that(hypersensitivity to getting hurt). Blindfolding yourself won't help. I have never regretted dumping someone but I regretted putting the blindfold on every single time. There is a lot at stake.

Agree but while you don't have to put a blindfold on, you also don't have to go on a witch-hunt with everyone that enters your life. I'm just saying there's also the middle ground between the two, if you feel you're with a woman with potential why not give it a good effort? If it's meant to be it'll be otherwise you move on.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yes it's absurd, serial dating means attachment issues.

You know I might just as well ask you outright... I've written before that an ex plate boasted to me that after we ended it, she fvcked about 20 guys in less than a year. I asked if she could count their names because I thought she was (for whatever reason) making it up, and in one of the most eye opening moments in my dating life, she did. My question is, how is that even possible? Do they actually have infatuations with all of these men that end as quickly as they began, or is there some other chronic pattern to it that doesn't involve infatuation (low self esteem that gets tragically both boosted and demeaned by the sex, wanting to mentally get back at an ex, etc.)?

 

[Ranger]

You know I might just as well ask you outright... I've written before that an ex plate boasted to me that after we ended it, she fvcked about 20 guys in less than a year. I asked if she could count their names because I thought she was (for whatever reason) making it up. My question is, how is that even possible? Do they actually have infatuations with all of these men that end as quickly as they began, or is there some other chronic pattern to it that doesn't involve infatuation (low self esteem that gets tragically both boosted and demeaned by the sex, wanting to mentally get back at an ex, etc.)?

The answer is yes. Very possible. Some because they are hot and some because they were interesting in some way.

 

[RickTheToad]

Over the weekend we were talking about going to an activity, and it just so happens there's one this week. I asked if she was free Friday or Saturday, she doesn't think she can, but she will let me know. She offered today or tomorrow, but since it's not offered either today or tomorrow (she didn't know), I said, we can do it another time then. I am also working late today, but could try for something tomorrow, just not sure if I'll be able to get home early enough to do something. She seemed a bit stand offish via text, but that could just be me interpreting it. Usually, she's much more talkative and such. Who knows.

It just felt weird the convo. Again, it could be me. Not sure.

 

[HankHill]

Over the weekend we were talking about going to an activity...

She seemed a bit stand offish via text, but that could just be me interpreting it. Usually, she's much more talkative and such. Who knows.

Stand offish over the weekend? or today?

 

[Ranger]

Who says they weren’t 2 or 3 together? Or maybe a house party where there were a dozen. It’s easy for them to get dozens in a short time.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Op if I had the money I would literally pay you to go completely ghost on her. No contact forever. That same type of jolt is what so many guys go through when they date some chick for a few months that they met on OLD and they think everything is wonderful and then find her active online again. Just no shame or conscious whatsoever in her behavior. I swear to god man I wish more guys, including myself, would fight fire with fire in these situations but we just don’t have the abundance women do.

 

[HankHill]

She reactivated it and he wasn't that aloof.

I agree but you have to know what the middle ground is. This isn't it.

Crap, I missed the part about her reactivating it, I thought it was always active. Reactivating *is* a major red flag.

 

[Chi Town]

But the bigger picture is, isn't the guy who kept her interest for years and years still playing a game that will end on her terms anyway?

My experience with these types of girls is the longer relationships are because the guys let them do basically whatever they want with absolute freedom. That includes lots of "breaks" lmao. With me, there is no such opportunity, as one outright told me.

She remains interested and highly attracted due to his behavior with her. His ability to show masculinity and strength and she is addicted to how he is able to make her feel feminine and girly around him.

She is addicted to being with a strong man who takes care of her and protects her and makes her feel like he has everything under control. She loves how this masculine man who she can just chill and be pretty around because she can sit back and let him lead.

she's addicted to that validating feeling of having this manly guy who has a soft side just for her only, the strong guy who gives in to her sometimes (selectively)

This is what keeps her interest, oh and amazing sex.

He's not playing a game, he's just being his natural self.

Lots of guys in here get a GF then the girl loses attraction because he stop being that guy, why? Because he's not really that guy, he learned how to be that from sites like this, it's not really him. He let's his true self show and BOOM! She's gone, this is the general theme of relationships for most guys.

Very common problem actually.

 

[RickTheToad]

Stand offish over the weekend? or today?

Today it seems. Yesterday and prior very chatty and communicative. I just said let me know on the weekend and the convo ended. I am feeling a different vibe. She's also getting her period she told me on Sunday, so who knows if that has any effect.

Op if I had the money I would literally pay you to go completely ghost on her. No contact forever. That same type of jolt is what so many guys go through when they date some chick for a few months that they met on OLD and they think everything is wonderful and then find her active online again. Just no shame or conscious whatsoever in her behavior. I swear to god man I wish more guys, including myself, would fight fire with fire in these situations but we just don’t have the abundance women do.

Going to back away now and see where the chips fall. It just feels different. Again, it could be my interpretation

Crap, I missed the part about her reactivating it, I thought it was always active. Reactivating *is* a major red flag.

I believe she was deactivated before, as I didn't see her and when I was with her no notifications went off from the dating app over the weekend. I can say there were no notifications on her app this weekend either, as her phone was open on the nightstand near me.

 

[AttackFormation]

She told you mostly to try to hurt your feelings. Not sure why they think it does that but that's why they do it.

As far as why they do it, depends(in order of least crazy to craziest). Some do it just bc of peer pressure and having the wrong group of friends. Some are hyper picky for LTR but still like sex so they maintain things this way. Some have lower self esteem and need the attention. Some self medicate their depression with sexual validation. Some go though hyper Idealization then devaluaton cycles quickly, some maintain harems of men through sex to get needs met due to lack of family support, some enjoy hurting lots of men to get narcissistic supply, both positive and negative.

Well that certainly makes the most sense. But there's something else... after we ended it she became obsessed with my sexual activity. She had always wanted to know about my sexual history. But she became obsessed with how many girls I had fvcked since we ended, who I was fvcking (I wasn't fvcking anyone lol), who I had fvcked in my past, she figured out who a girl from my past was and tried to add her on facebook. She seemed to refuse to accept that I wasn't having sex with anyone else, and I suppose that could be because she can't win a game that you don't play.

 

[AttackFormation]

That's a level of crazy even I haven't run into lol.

lol, really? haha.

I was the one who effectively dumped her and it was fairly sudden. I think that's caught her off guard and caused the sudden urgency - she needed to devalue me and feel like she had ended with a higher self esteem than me for her ego and joy, but the she hadn't calculated for an abrupt change of frame. And that is why she stuck around for a while, either started smoking or stopped hiding it from me and made it a point to demonstrate it, changed her mannerisms, tried to put me down with small things, tried to boast and talk about the guys she was now fvcking, and likewise became obsessed with my own sexual activity. She needed to devalue me, she needed to defeat me, and she needed to do it with all haste because she had been surprised. When she had devalued me enough, she changed again and stopped contacting me.

Now it all makes clear sense.... and it's really thanks to your posts I've absorbed, haha.

 

[AttackFormation]

Ahhh ok yeah that's what they do when you dump them before they have devalued you. I never stuck to it for long, ultimately I was mostly devalued by the time it ended. During those brief periods they did go insane .

Did they have any gestures that activated their sentiment for you? When I made sad facial expressions pretending she had hurt me, or when I hugged her and put my arms around her neck instead of waist, she said she didn't like it because she both couldn't distinguish if my hurt was real or not and couldn't control her feelings of warmth toward me when I did those things. I don't know whether that still worked after she started devaluing me because I obviously didn't do it then, but during the positive phase, doing those things made her display the most warm feelings I've ever felt from a girl. Was this real, or another sick omen like the "it's fair if they gave a premonition" thing?

I dunno... maybe your girls never had stuff like that.

 

[MatureDJ]

I don't think it matters until you get engaged to get married, or you become "common-law" married. She should be acting appropriately, which means including you in her social activities. A good ploy to do is to whenever she goes out doing something on her own, you go out on your own, so that she has to think that she might be at risk of losing YOU.

You should always be in the position in which she will walk out, as no woman of a decent level of Sexual Market Value can be trusted. (NOTE: The best way to knock down her Sexual Market Value is to "knock" her up.)

 

[Bible_Belt]

Seems like a lot of analysis here.

Just put your ad back up.

What is she going to say?

Good advice. The whole thing could be bait, too. No one has mentioned that idea. Maybe she did it just to see if OP would notice.

 

[RickTheToad]

Mine's been up, and everything has been the same. She's been chatty again since I said we should go to a specific activity. I was in the middle of dinner last night and she texted me what am I doing. I said cooking a nice meal and told her what I made. She said, thank's for inviting me over. So I said, you are always welcome. See you at 10. She came an hour later because she took a shower and spent the night. We had sex a few times into the morning. I still find it weird she's not available Friday or Saturday; so I am still a bit weary. Nonetheless, we'll see. I am not going to overly do anything. If she wants to come over and have sex, not a problem. I guess we'll see.

 

[Billtx49]

I still find it weird she's not available Friday or Saturday;

I guess it’s no strange coincidence that those are popular date nights then…
Keep having fun with her until it’s over.