advice column: Am I Settling if I Marry My Best Friend I’m Not Attracted To?

[MatureDJ]

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/d...if-i-marry-my-best-friend-im-not-attracted-to

Hi Evan, I am a 37-year-old, physically attractive, kind and compassionate woman. Over the years, I have dated many men. Unfortunately, things never work out. None of my relationships last any longer than 18-24 months. I feel like I have a curse on me! Recently, I split up with my partner of almost 2 years (right on schedule). I’ve had it.


Here’s where the real trouble starts…I decided to give things a try with my best friend of 11 years. He is a great guy and has been a wonderful, supportive friend over the years. He is, and possibly always has been, in love with me. I do love him, but only as a friend. Evan, I am tired. I am tired of all these failed relationships; tired of moving in and out with people; and tired of the lack of stability in my, and my 15-year-old son’s life. I moved in with my best friend and told him we should be a couple. He jumped all over it. We are even building a new house together, which he is financing.


The problem is that I have zero attraction for him. The thought of him touching me is repulsive to me. I’ve told him that I am not a sexual person and that I don’t want to have sex with him, or any other guy for that matter. This is a lie. I am sexual and I do want to have a great sex life – just not with him. My son is everything to me. I want him to have some stability in his life. This man can provide this for us. Before, we were moving almost yearly, with no medical benefits, etc. Now we can have a beautiful home, and all the other wonderful benefits that come along with this great friend who is financially stable. Am I a horrible person? This guy really loves us…I don’t know what to do. –Elizabeth

 

[zekko]

Lol, this shows that the "best friend" waiting in the wings for 11 years can finally get the woman of his dreams - even if the idea of him touching her is "repulsive" to her.
And hey, if it doesn't work out, she can always @ss rape him in divorce court.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/d...if-i-marry-my-best-friend-im-not-attracted-to

Lol, this shows that the "best friend" waiting in the wings for 11 years can finally get the woman of his dreams - even if the idea of him touching her is "repulsive" to her.
And hey, if it doesn't work out, she can always @ss rape him in divorce court.

Hes repulsive cause in her mind hes like her brother. Plus she know she messed with all these guys and hes still there for her. She does not respect him. She detests him. It doesn't say if hes an attractive guy or not. He may be. Shes just used to game being run on her.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Its also because of men like that guy that the current dating market is trash for every man.

 

[AJ84]

Evan’s response to her was spot on. He switched the tables and asked how would she feel if it was the other way around.

Very selfish on her part and dumb on his if he goes through with it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Evan’s response to her was spot on. He switched the tables and asked how would she feel if it was the other way around.

Very selfish on her part and dumb on his if he goes through with it.

Can she recover herself if she has a moment of clarity. Dates him properly and treats him as good or better than she did the other guys now realizing she had solid gold the entire time?

 

[AJ84]

Can she recover herself if she has a moment of clarity. Dates him properly and treats him as good or better than she did the other guys now realizing she had solid gold the entire time?

I doubt it, because if she saw him as solid gold she would have dated him a long time ago. He’s just an agreeable guy who she sees as solely meeting her needs for security, which she flat out stated. No explanation on her part when she couldn’t provide that security herself, what’s wrong that she needs to use some guy now to provide what she herself could not? Red flag number one.

 

[BreezyB84]

Reading her question mad me mad.

 

[Ranger]

Can she recover herself if she has a moment of clarity. Dates him properly and treats him as good or better than she did the other guys now realizing she had solid gold the entire time?

I don’t think that women think like this. If she had been attracted to him she would have been in his bed a long time ago.
There is no remorse or second guessing. It’s an on/off switch. Yes or no. Go/no-go.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I doubt it, because if she saw him as solid gold she would have dated him a long time ago. He’s just an agreeable guy who she sees as solely meeting her needs for security, which she flat out stated. No explanation on her part when she couldn’t provide that security herself, what’s wrong that she needs to use some guy now to provide what she herself could not? Red flag number one.

She didnt see it before because she fell for game. "All that glitter is not gold". Is it possible after the game has done her so dirty time and time again that she sees him differently? She couldn't see before because she fell for the mirage of the game?

 

[Ranger]

She didnt see it before because she fell for game. "All that glitter is not gold". Is it possible after the game has done her so dirty time and time again that she sees him differently? She couldn't see before because she fell for the mirage of the game?

I disagree brother. It’s the mirage that is the attractant. Take away the attractant and she wonders away looking for another attractant. They get bored easily and with a finality. She could wander back if a guy doesn’t work out but it’s just comfort until she can find another man. She came back because she knew the guy would take her back. He gets to forgive his precious angel. See how precious she is?

Mimicking traits per the PUA community is only a patch. Never a solution. Eventually she falls off the wagon onto another dik.

 

[Ranger]

Reading her question mad me mad.

Why Breezy?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I disagree brother. It’s the mirage that is the attractant. Take away the attractant and she wonders away looking for another attractant. They get bored easily and with a finality. She could wander back if a guy doesn’t work out but it’s just comfort until she can find another man. She came back because she knew the guy would take her back. He gets to forgive his precious angel. See how precious she is?

Mimicking traits per the PUA community is only a patch. Never a solution. Eventually she falls off the wagon onto another dik.

So the game used to attract me. Now it does not after cheating me so many times and all the bullshyt. My view has changed. The same thing cant happen to her? The "new" is no longer interesting amd exciting.

 

[Ranger]

My view has changed. The same thing cant happen to her? The "new" is no longer interesting amd exciting.

Attraction to a man is a powerful stimulus response mechanism. It is out of her control. There are no analytical processes to circumvent that mechanism in her wiring.
Sex is the be all, end all for many men who don’t get a$$ or those that want babies.

It is everything that comes before sex that stimulates her. It’s the thoughts. The wondering. The feelings of game. The anticipation of meeting him. Obviously good sex matters. But this mechanism is not something she can negotiate with. There are plenty of women who can’t get enough of a man that isn’t even good at sex.

So no. She can’t change her view or viewpoint. Why? Because it’s not a viewpoint. Changing a rock into a piece of paper is impossible. However she can change a piece of paper into a paper airplane. That would be changing the view or aspect.

 

[Ranger]

You might be trying to apply male analytical thinking to a woman. I like women. I want her to stay a woman. If I wanted an analytical shemale, I would hunt down a transgender nut job.

 

[sosousage]

sounds like trollish email but it also can be true

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You might be trying to apply male analytical thinking to a woman. I like women. I want her to stay a woman. If I wanted an analytical shemale, I would hunt down a transgender nut job.

So they never correct themselves after making a series of bad choices? I understand what the core point here is attraction.

 

[Ranger]

So they never correct themselves after making a series of bad choices? I understand what the core point here is attraction.

When you are hungry, you are hungry.

 

[Spaz]

You guys need 2 realise that what she did is perfectly normal under the circumstances she is currently at.

Every single women on this planet who is in a similar situation will default to the same.

The feminine imperative will push women into making that choice - the beta provider.

As for her not being attracted to him is simply because he does not display strength. Deep down in her subconscious, she knows he will not defend her or her offspring's when push comes to shove when there's a predator around. Even a mere physically weak woman can do this to him, how else can she expect him to defend her/family when there's an intruder ?

 

[AJ84]

She didnt see it before because she fell for game. "All that glitter is not gold". Is it possible after the game has done her so dirty time and time again that she sees him differently? She couldn't see before because she fell for the mirage of the game?

“The problem is that I have zero attraction for him. The thought of him touching me is repulsive to me.”

That is the key right here. Yes, for some women they develop attraction for a man they already know, but this isn’t the case here. This is a woman who wants to access the resources of a long time male friend/ orbitor without making any effort because she has no other males who are willing to provide that. She is now settling for this agreeable sap who won’t be a bother to her.

She’s lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate. I mean what man in their right mind would want to invest one second into a woman who tells him that she’s not sexual and doesn’t want to have sex. No straight man that’s for sure lol.

She would be better off finding some rich closeted gay man who wants to have a wife as a front.