This year I made the mistake of dating a coworker who was in a position of seniority. An alpha widow who is out of my league. She initiated everything, came into me hard over FB one night, but I’d had a huge crush on her for months. We dated casually for five weeks. At first, I acted confident and made her chase me, but once we started going out, I had no clue what I was doing, lost my footing, violated every rule in the RP book, and made a beta of myself. One day, like a switch flipped, she went cold overnight. Never said anything, just became aloof and shut down, although she remained friendly if I initiated contact. Within a few days, I knew it meant she was done with me, but naively held out hope that she would come around and pretended to embrace her friendship (yes, I now understand how wrong this is, but didn’t at the time). Anyway, I orbited her as a “friend” for a few weeks, until she shared in a group setting, in front of me, that she was f*cking someone else over a weekend that she had arranged to spend with me just a few weeks prior. At that point I stopped being friendly and withdrew completely. I was devastated, severely hurt, and ego bruised. She reached out to me three times over the next few weeks to make friendly gestures, and each time it went downhill. The last time, I lashed out with a hostile remark, and she told me off and cut contact.
As this was all happening, our outfit got closed down, she got transferred to another branch, and I got laid off. I got another job, but it’s much further away. In three months, when I’m eligible for rehire, I may go back to work at the site where she is now. It’s pretty much a given that I would get hired if I applied. It would be my best work option if not for her presence there. As there is no chance of getting back with her, and I refuse to accept a platonic friendship, I never want to see her again. She’s dead to me. I’m extremely humiliated about how I handled things, and what a beta douche I made of myself in her eyes.
If I were to go back to work with her, how should I handle myself around her? My rules are: be respectful and professional, and expect the same from her, keep all interaction to business, and act like nothing happened before. But the way she is, it’s likely she’ll try to get friendly and chatty with me, even in spite of what happened. I don’t want to exchange a word that’s non-work related. How can I be strictly professional without being rude or continuing to act in a way that betrays how much her rejection crushed me.
As this was all happening, our outfit got closed down, she got transferred to another branch, and I got laid off. I got another job, but it’s much further away. In three months, when I’m eligible for rehire, I may go back to work at the site where she is now. It’s pretty much a given that I would get hired if I applied. It would be my best work option if not for her presence there. As there is no chance of getting back with her, and I refuse to accept a platonic friendship, I never want to see her again. She’s dead to me. I’m extremely humiliated about how I handled things, and what a beta douche I made of myself in her eyes.
If I were to go back to work with her, how should I handle myself around her? My rules are: be respectful and professional, and expect the same from her, keep all interaction to business, and act like nothing happened before. But the way she is, it’s likely she’ll try to get friendly and chatty with me, even in spite of what happened. I don’t want to exchange a word that’s non-work related. How can I be strictly professional without being rude or continuing to act in a way that betrays how much her rejection crushed me.
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