Undoing Relationship Mistakes

[Jolil2018]

Hey

New poster here with a quick question for your consideration.....

I've been with my current lady for almost a year now and I have made quite a few mistake. These have been in the form of;

- Becoming insecure and needy
- Engaging in arguments and drama
- Snooping her phone
- Getting insecure about guys she works with
- Being too much of a pleaser
- Being too available
- Insisting we have "talks about the relationship"
- Being a little bytch at times
- Not standing up to her

Now having come across this material recently I now realise what I am doing wrong, and these things by rights should have killed the relationship dead by now. She has stayed by my side and insists she loves me and wants to be with me.

The main problem for me is the sex has died down to 1-2 times per week. When we first met we were at it easily twice a day.....

My question is, if I cease the above negative and destructive behaviours.....Will she go back to her open, sexual and feminine self who I met a year ago?

Regards

P

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey

New poster here with a quick question for your consideration.....

I've been with my current lady for almost a year now and I have made quite a few mistake. These have been in the form of;

- Becoming insecure and needy
- Engaging in arguments and drama
- Snooping her phone
- Getting insecure about guys she works with
- Being too much of a pleaser
- Being too available
- Insisting we have "talks about the relationship"
- Being a little bytch at times
- Not standing up to her

Now having come across this material recently I now realise what I am doing wrong, and these things by rights should have killed the relationship dead by now. She has stayed by my side and insists she loves me and wants to be with me.

The main problem for me is the sex has died down to 1-2 times per week. When we first met we were at it easily twice a day.....

My question is, if I cease the above negative and destructive behaviours.....Will she go back to her open, sexual and feminine self who I met a year ago?

Regards

P

Youd have to somehow recreate yourself to be interesting, exciting and attractive. Keep fvcking once or twice a week, never ask for it. Stay away from her while your working on yourself.

 

[AttackFormation]

My question is, if I cease the above negative and destructive behaviours.....Will she go back to her open, sexual and feminine self who I met a year ago?

I would say that depends on a few things:

- Are you out of shape?
- Has she started talking to, or brought back into her life, other guys who she has or could see herself having sex with?
- Did she get with you from the beginning not because you were a lover, but a provider?
- Is your behavior demasculated?
- Does she think no other woman would want you?

If the answer to all of those questions is 'no', then there may be a chance.

 

[resilient]

You have to be a high value, high status guy. She has to know you’re in a LTR with her, yet if she stops meeting your needs, you can easily replace her.

Also, after a year of being with the same woman, it’s normal for sex frequency to scale back a bit.

You do have to be worried if she starts playing games of hot/cold, bringing up names of dudes she works with or any other guy’s name she drops in convo, jealousy plot lines, etc. If she is doing that, she’s losing interest and you may have slipped up in gaming her.

They get bored and disinterested if they feel taking for granted. Anyone would male or female. Attack had some good questions above. On the flip side of the coin... what is she doing to make sure that you’re still attracted to her and feel appreciated? Women don’t slack here if they’re in the hunt for the ring lol.

Examine where you need to improve in yourself. Do it because you want to be a better man and a better catch for your own approval, not just for the sake of trying re-ramp up your sexual frequency with her.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Relationships are about desire and respect. Without desire and respect you cannot have passion. You can love someone and be bonded while desire and passion ebb & flow (because they will over time, that is the way of things.). But you cannot have love without respect.

You don't want to go from sweet nice guy to ass hole in 3.5 seconds either. Some women are just as blue pill as men and like romantic sappy stuff. One of my employees is delighted with her husband for example. He regularly sends her flowers at work, was a hopeless romantic (so is she) and they remain smitten with each other 2 kids into a marriage. They did marry young and feel a strong partnership to face the world together while making it a nicer place for one another. They aren't jaded. Most people who have enough life experience under their belt do get jaded to one degree or another. Red pill thinking takes the reality and puts it into perspective, and gives tools to deal with the jadedness that life experience can dish out.

If your girl is into you and isn't throwing around other men's names to get your hackles up, then concentrate on your goals & ambitions and building your own life. This is what makes men attractive. You also should focus on keeping fit and looking as good as you can.

There is nothing wrong with caring for someone. You just need to care from a place of strength...i.e. a place of self respect and choice.

If you are desirable to other women, keeping fit & keeping focused on your ambitions, your girl will see your value and work to keep you.

So I guess the question I have is this:

Where's your value? Where is her value relative to yours?

 

[Red Legg]

Hey

New poster here with a quick question for your consideration.....

I've been with my current lady for almost a year now and I have made quite a few mistake. These have been in the form of;

- Becoming insecure and needy
- Engaging in arguments and drama
- Snooping her phone
- Getting insecure about guys she works with
- Being too much of a pleaser
- Being too available
- Insisting we have "talks about the relationship"
- Being a little bytch at times
- Not standing up to her

Now having come across this material recently I now realise what I am doing wrong, and these things by rights should have killed the relationship dead by now. She has stayed by my side and insists she loves me and wants to be with me.

The main problem for me is the sex has died down to 1-2 times per week. When we first met we were at it easily twice a day.....

My question is, if I cease the above negative and destructive behaviours.....Will she go back to her open, sexual and feminine self who I met a year ago?

Regards

P

I would NOT be exclusive with her if you don't live with her...if you don't live with her your still in the little leagues of the "relationship" think about that.

 

[Jolil2018]

- Are you out of shape?
- Has she started talking to, or brought back into her life, other guys who she has or could see herself having sex with?
- Did she get with you from the beginning not because you were a lover, but a provider?
- Is your behavior demasculated?
- Does she think no other woman would want you?

- I'm not out of shape but not toned like I used to be. I could always revisit the gym or begin working out from home to rectify this

- She had an ex who she had been seeing on, off, on, off for over 10 years. When I began seeing her he was still on her Facebook, so I acted like an insecure ******* and demanded she removed him which she reluctantly did. A few months later he sent her a friend request, at which I said "do whatever, you may as well be friends, it's nothing to do with me". She refused to add him.

- The lover/provider question is interesting. Before we met she just randomly dated men online as seemingly nothing came out of it. I know this from my phone Snooping as I seen her sending naked pics, random hook up invites, letting them pop over for a drink etc. Yet when I met her online, we began talking normally, rather than about sex, which is what she claims set me appart from all of the other men. This somehow formed the basis of our relationship, as she encountered the qualities of reliability, integrity and trust in me that she couldn't find elsewhere.... She says this is valuable in her eyes.

- She knows other women want me, and gets insecure if someone so much as looks at me

 

[Jolil2018]

You do have to be worried if she starts playing games of hot/cold, bringing up names of dudes she works with or any other guy’s name she drops in convo, jealousy plot lines, etc. If she is doing that, she’s losing interest and you may have slipped up in gaming her.

The only time shes mentioned anyone from work, is by pointing out one of the bald, short, 60+ year old, toothless men she works with won't leave her alone.

They get bored and disinterested if they feel taking for granted. Anyone would male or female. Attack had some good questions above. On the flip side of the coin... what is she doing to make sure that you’re still attracted to her and feel appreciated? Women don’t slack here if they’re in the hunt for the ring lol.

She looks, cleans, pays for things, washes my clothes, tends to my children.....She does a lot

Examine where you need to improve in yourself. Do it because you want to be a better man and a better catch for your own approval, not just for the sake of trying re-ramp up your sexual frequency with her.

Good point, perhaps I'm looking at this from the wrong perspective

 

[djdfuser]

P, from your answers in bold, she sounds like a pretty decent woman to me. And the behaviours you identified in your first post are easy to get into. In fact, I would argue quality women people appreciate some display of vulnerability and a quality woman will NOT exploit that. Not adding her ex on FB backs this up.

Follow the other posters advice and I think you can swing this back.

 

[ohrein]

The sex is always going to drop off over time. I lose interest in sex over time in LTR's. It's a classic supply/demand issue. When you can have sex every day, it lowers the value of it. The best sex with my girlfriend is almost always after we have some time apart, although that's difficult when you live together. The other times she's most interested in sex are the typical red pill scenarios. I find it spikes dramatically when we go out with my friends group and she sees me interacting with other beautiful women. It spikes mildly when we do fun and interesting things together. It also spikes when we have "romantic" moments, or bonding moments. The sex is different with the last one though.

That said, a year isn't actually that long in the grand scheme of things. My girlfriend and I are about to hit the one year of dating and our sex life is better than when we started dating, although she had never orgasmed when she met me and is now multi-orgasmic every time. So one guess could be the quality of sex? I know as guys we place a lot of ego in our bedroom performance but have an objective think about it. Perhaps it's gotten stale for her, even if she does orgasm. Try mixing things up and seeing what reactions you get from her. Try being more romantic, try being more domineering, try different techniques, try increased foreplay. Try slowing foreplay waaaaaaay down until she's basically begging you to fvck her.

Other than that, attraction could be an issue. Make sure you're hitting the gym, update your wardrobe a bit, clean yourself up. And finally, alpha fvcks/beta bucks. Read the rational male again and see if you're stacking up in the alpha fvcks side of the equation. 99% of guys are over-delivering on the beta side of things. Maybe you need to focus on your mission for a bit, get a bit more formidable with her or something to spice up your demeanor.

Finally, stop initiating sex. Let her come to you. If my girlfriend is ever "too tired", which does sometimes happen, I don't initiate sex again. The most that has lasted was four days and she basically started grinding me when we went to bed. This is something I have done since the start of the relationship. If guys took control of their sex drive and made their women work for it, they'd find a higher interest level I think. We'll see how that goes if the relationship continues into multi-years. I never reject her for sex, but I do switch focus to my mission and getting sleep.

Anyway, these are all just suggestions obviously. You just need to try being mindful of her and seeing what works or doesn't. It could be something like medication or depression as well. Those can drop sex drive down to nothing. She sounds like a decent girlfriend so don't do anything stupid or brash and as always, never lose your cool. You're a man who lives his life first. You're not concerned with the whims of another person.

 

[Jolil2018]

Hi, and thanks for all of the great responses and information that you have all given.

I think a lot of the issue is that I feel pretty taken for granted, ie her not bothering to reply or ignoring me for hours on end.

That is ending tonight, from today she shall for for me and I will let her do all of the chasing

 

[Serenity]

She has stayed by my side and insists she loves me and wants to be with me.

This is unusual, but it means that despite your flaws you still have some power, it could possibly be fixed.

The main problem for me is the sex has died down to 1-2 times per week. When we first met we were at it easily twice a day.....

That's not abnormal and 1-2 times per week is very very common. This frequency is my preference, but I know some guys want more or less, which is normal too. My GF and I had sex a lot more frequently the first year, but now it has stabilized at that 1-2 per week. We don't feel as strong of an urge as we did before, sex just loses value when done too often, it's a quality over quantity thing. Twice a day regularly to me sounds exhausting, but again we're different.

My question is, if I cease the above negative and destructive behaviours.....Will she go back to her open, sexual and feminine self who I met a year ago?

To give you my final answer, probably. Especially considering that she still holds on to you, being a better man will probably turn her on more. Just make sure your changes are permanent, not just done shortly before you want some action.