A Strategy For Dealing With Her Exes & Orbitors

[logicallefty]

GF and I are doing pretty well. We were having a conversation about shooting guns last night in text.

Background: When we first started seeing each other, like the 3rd date or so, she gave me a big ass bag of 9mm rounds that she told me she "got from a friend" and was never going to shoot so I could have them. I was grateful.

So the text conversation last night went like this:

LL: Hey I shot off most of those 9mm rounds you gave me, thank you again. I'm gonna have to go buy more soon.
GF: Oh don't buy any I can ask Paul to get me more. Hold on I'll ask him now.
LL: So Paul. The guy that gave you the rounds. I forgot who you told me he was again.
(I don't hear from her for about 10 minutes)
GF: He said he would get me more. He is my ex but don't worry we are just friends
LL: Oh ok. Yeah sure I'd like to have more. And thank you for letting me know we are free to talk to ex'es. I didn't think we were doing that. Thanks for clarifying.
GF: What!! Do you have exes you want to talk to!! Do you want to date them?! Don't you want to be with me!
(She doesnt hear from me for about 15 minutes) (Sends a few more long rants. Then tells me she is crying and worried I am going to fvck another woman)
LL (finally): Oh no I don't want to fvck anyone else at all, I was only referring to talking to an ex. Just like you are Paul. Just merely doing the same thing as you
GF: I can tell you are jealous and you don't have anything to worry about with Paul
LL: Good. I'm glad. Not jealous. I don't mind you talking to him. I really don't. And you don't have to worry about anything with the exes I would talk to.
GF: Forget it. I'm going to tell Paul I don't want the fvcking things. Then I will delete all my guy friends from FB!!!
LL: You don't have to do that. I really dont care if you talk to them. I was just confused on what we were both doing in regards to talking to exes.
GF: Oh yes I do have to worry!! It will be eaiser this way. you are such an azzhole. You will probably leave me for one of your old gfs like girlX, girlY, or girlZ.
LL: Sometimes I am an azzhole, but right now, I am just a guy who believes in an equal playing field. We can do anything we want in this relationship, so long as it's equal both ways
GF: Ok, Ok, you win

Funny how they think they can do what they want but don't want you playing by the same rules. Easy fix tho

 

[zekko]

It's almost as if women make no sense sometimes...

On the negative side, now you don't get any more free 9mm rounds.

 

[logicallefty]

It's almost as if women make no sense sometimes...

On the negative side, now you don't get any more free 9mm rounds.

I know right. I shot myself in the foot with a 9mm on that one. No pun intended!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

GF and I are doing pretty well. We were having a conversation about shooting guns last night in text.

Background: When we first started seeing each other, like the 3rd date or so, she gave me a big ass bag of 9mm rounds that she told me she "got from a friend" and was never going to shoot so I could have them. I was grateful.

So the text conversation last night went like this:

LL: Hey I shot off most of those 9mm rounds you gave me, thank you again. I'm gonna have to go buy more soon.
GF: Oh don't buy any I can ask Paul to get me more. Hold on I'll ask him now.
LL: So Paul. The guy that gave you the rounds. I forgot who you told me he was again.
(I don't hear from her for about 10 minutes)
GF: He said he would get me more. He is my ex but don't worry we are just friends
LL: Oh ok. Yeah sure I'd like to have more. And thank you for letting me know we are free to talk to ex'es. I didn't think we were doing that. Thanks for clarifying.
GF: What!! Do you have exes you want to talk to!! Do you want to date them?! Don't you want to be with me!
(She doesnt hear from me for about 15 minutes) (Sends a few more long rants. Then tells me she is crying and worried I am going to fvck another woman)
LL (finally): Oh no I don't want to fvck anyone else at all, I was only referring to talking to an ex. Just like you are Paul. Just merely doing the same thing as you
GF: I can tell you are jealous and you don't have anything to worry about with Paul
LL: Good. I'm glad. Not jealous. I don't mind you talking to him. I really don't. And you don't have to worry about anything with the exes I would talk to.
GF: Forget it. I'm going to tell Paul I don't want the fvcking things. Then I will delete all my guy friends from FB!!!
LL: You don't have to do that. I really dont care if you talk to them. I was just confused on what we were both doing in regards to talking to exes.
GF: Oh yes I do have to worry!! It will be eaiser this way. you are such an azzhole. You will probably leave me for one of your old gfs like girlX, girlY, or girlZ.
LL: Sometimes I am an azzhole, but right now, I am just a guy who believes in an equal playing field. We can do anything we want in this relationship, so long as it's equal both ways
GF: Ok, Ok, you win

Funny how they think they can do what they want but don't want you playing by the same rules. Easy fix tho

All you need is a few hoez that rep your dyck. Stay social she will be more worried about you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Oh so she made that shyt real apparent that she tried to bagg you up with her bull. And the mindgame needed to be addressed as you did.

 

[AttackFormation]

GF: you are such an azzhole.

Bingo. This is what you want to hear from a woman. They only say this about guys they can or like to think about sex with. As long as a woman says this kind of stuff about you... you know things are good.

 

[In2theGame]

GF and I are doing pretty well. We were having a conversation about shooting guns last night in text.

Background: When we first started seeing each other, like the 3rd date or so, she gave me a big ass bag of 9mm rounds that she told me she "got from a friend" and was never going to shoot so I could have them. I was grateful.

So the text conversation last night went like this:

LL: Hey I shot off most of those 9mm rounds you gave me, thank you again. I'm gonna have to go buy more soon.
GF: Oh don't buy any I can ask Paul to get me more. Hold on I'll ask him now.
LL: So Paul. The guy that gave you the rounds. I forgot who you told me he was again.
(I don't hear from her for about 10 minutes)
GF: He said he would get me more. He is my ex but don't worry we are just friends
LL: Oh ok. Yeah sure I'd like to have more. And thank you for letting me know we are free to talk to ex'es. I didn't think we were doing that. Thanks for clarifying.
GF: What!! Do you have exes you want to talk to!! Do you want to date them?! Don't you want to be with me!
(She doesnt hear from me for about 15 minutes) (Sends a few more long rants. Then tells me she is crying and worried I am going to fvck another woman)
LL (finally): Oh no I don't want to fvck anyone else at all, I was only referring to talking to an ex. Just like you are Paul. Just merely doing the same thing as you
GF: I can tell you are jealous and you don't have anything to worry about with Paul
LL: Good. I'm glad. Not jealous. I don't mind you talking to him. I really don't. And you don't have to worry about anything with the exes I would talk to.
GF: Forget it. I'm going to tell Paul I don't want the fvcking things. Then I will delete all my guy friends from FB!!!
LL: You don't have to do that. I really dont care if you talk to them. I was just confused on what we were both doing in regards to talking to exes.
GF: Oh yes I do have to worry!! It will be eaiser this way. you are such an azzhole. You will probably leave me for one of your old gfs like girlX, girlY, or girlZ.
LL: Sometimes I am an azzhole, but right now, I am just a guy who believes in an equal playing field. We can do anything we want in this relationship, so long as it's equal both ways
GF: Ok, Ok, you win

Funny how they think they can do what they want but don't want you playing by the same rules. Easy fix tho

See, Women are very smart and are Wizards when it comes to things like this. I highlighted above because this is what stuck out to me:

Strategy One - He's Just a friend... No He's not just a friend, He's a guy who's had his c0ck in her mouth but don't worry, he's just a friend.

Strategy Two - Puts on a small show to try and make you feel bad about you not liking that idea of her talking to "friendly" Paul.

Strategy Three - Make it so you feel bad and reverse your initial thoughts and how she's going to get rid of all her guy friends now because you are "making" her do it.

Overall, If I was dating a chick who had orbiters and especially an ex boyfriend in the picture, I'd tell her straight out "I like you a lot but I don't like the idea of other guys in the picture so with that said, Let's just keep it a casual "relationship" Of course she will blow up and say "OMG!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?? They are JUST FRIENDS! WHY ARE YOU SO FVCKING POSSESSIVE!!? AND INSECURE ABOUT MY GUY FRIENDS!!!??" Which you should respond with "Are you done with your rant?" and just keep her as part of a roster.

The thing about situations like this is that sooner or later it's going to get to you and as a guy, deep down you know this doesn't feel good especially knowing they've had relations in the past. All it's going to do is fvck with your head and wondering what's "Really" going on but you have no solid proof if something is actually going on. IMO I would avoid sh*t like this.

 

[Glassguy]

GF: Paul is my ex but dont worry we are just friends.
Glassguy: That's awesome. Tell Paul I appreciate it. If he has a little more to give let me know. Heather would like some too.
GF: who the fvck is Heather?
Glassguy: oh shes just a friend that I used to date. She loves to shoot too. But dont worry, you have nothing to worry about

 

[AttackFormation]

Too passive aggressive, as was OPs approach.

I don't know if there is a good response. I mean if a woman keeps exes around, how can you respond to that? the damage is already right there. If she respected you and genuinely wanted to be with you she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

I can see it like you said, if it's a test early on and she wants to know if it's okay then there may be good responses. At a late stage though when you're already together, I don't think so. But on the other hand, if they do bring it up early and you give a "good" response... how do you know it actually had the effect you wanted and not just her crossing her fingers behind her back?

 

[In2theGame]

I don't know if there is a good response. I mean if a woman keeps exes around, how can you respond to that? the damage is already right there. If she respected you and genuinely wanted to be with you she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

Exactly this. I say don't get involved in the first place and if you do, Keep it as casual as possible.

 

[AttackFormation]

Well it's a tough choice, because logicallefty as a man won't have the options she does as a woman. And it's a bothersome process finding someone again who you like on a personal level. In a better world you could say he should demote her from exclusivity, but given reality, I'm not sure I would recommend that yet. I doubt that it's the right choice, but I also doubt that you can be absolutely sure of dropping a woman for an isolated yellow flag if she's cool otherwise.

Tough spot. Maybe you have some expertise on this I2TG and LA85.

 

[Vikingking1488]

Exactly this. I say don't get involved in the first place and if you do, Keep it as casual as possible.

This. Also a mommy girlfriend would never do this.

 

[HankHill]

LL, women will say anything you want to hear and to get to their objective, they don't care if they look weak, strong etc but unfortunately I don't think this Paul guy's going anywhere...he may be put on the back burner for now but he'll be shuffled back up when she wants him for emotional tampon, a roll in the hay for old times sake etc etc.

 

[RangerMIke]

If you are going to try and do a 'relationship' with a chick, you have to let her know UP FRONT, before agreeing to exclusivity that being 'friends' with exes is not something you are willing to tolerate. That way when she breaks this deal, you can just dump her.

If I were to OP, and didn't lay this out up front, I would have just kept accepting free ammo and starting seeing other chicks. Why screw up a free source of ammo? Makes no sense to me.

Chicks love drama, she didn't have to mention her ex but she did. She wanted EXACTLY what happened, OP has now given her a chance to b!tch about him to her friends.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

GF and I are doing pretty well. We were having a conversation about shooting guns last night in text.

Background: When we first started seeing each other, like the 3rd date or so, she gave me a big ass bag of 9mm rounds that she told me she "got from a friend" and was never going to shoot so I could have them. I was grateful.

So the text conversation last night went like this:

LL: Hey I shot off most of those 9mm rounds you gave me, thank you again. I'm gonna have to go buy more soon.
GF: Oh don't buy any I can ask Paul to get me more. Hold on I'll ask him now.
LL: So Paul. The guy that gave you the rounds. I forgot who you told me he was again.
(I don't hear from her for about 10 minutes)
GF: He said he would get me more. He is my ex but don't worry we are just friends
LL: Oh ok. Yeah sure I'd like to have more. And thank you for letting me know we are free to talk to ex'es. I didn't think we were doing that. Thanks for clarifying.
GF: What!! Do you have exes you want to talk to!! Do you want to date them?! Don't you want to be with me!
(She doesnt hear from me for about 15 minutes) (Sends a few more long rants. Then tells me she is crying and worried I am going to fvck another woman)
LL (finally): Oh no I don't want to fvck anyone else at all, I was only referring to talking to an ex. Just like you are Paul. Just merely doing the same thing as you
GF: I can tell you are jealous and you don't have anything to worry about with Paul
LL: Good. I'm glad. Not jealous. I don't mind you talking to him. I really don't. And you don't have to worry about anything with the exes I would talk to.
GF: Forget it. I'm going to tell Paul I don't want the fvcking things. Then I will delete all my guy friends from FB!!!
LL: You don't have to do that. I really dont care if you talk to them. I was just confused on what we were both doing in regards to talking to exes.
GF: Oh yes I do have to worry!! It will be eaiser this way. you are such an azzhole. You will probably leave me for one of your old gfs like girlX, girlY, or girlZ.
LL: Sometimes I am an azzhole, but right now, I am just a guy who believes in an equal playing field. We can do anything we want in this relationship, so long as it's equal both ways
GF: Ok, Ok, you win

Funny how they think they can do what they want but don't want you playing by the same rules. Easy fix tho

Any mention of "ex" or only has guy friends means downgrade to booty call.

 

[HankHill]

If you are going to try and do a 'relationship' with a chick, you have to let her know UP FRONT, before agreeing to exclusivity that being 'friends' with exes is not something you are willing to tolerate. That way when she breaks this deal, you can just dump her.

If I were to OP, and didn't lay this out up front, I would have just kept accepting free ammo and starting seeing other chicks. Why screw up a free source of ammo? Makes no sense to me.

Chicks love drama, she didn't have to mention her ex but she did. She wanted EXACTLY what happened, OP has now given her a chance to b!tch about him to her friends.

I did this and it still didn't matter (after 3yrs the ex emerged out of nowhere 'but nothing to worry HankHill we're just friends'). I dumped her (at that time) but as a 3yr gf there was a lot invested. So dumping still didn't make things any easy on me, in fact, messed me up good. There really is no sure way around this problem. They will always have orbiters but the women that entertain them (emotionally or physically) are the problem women...

 

[AttackFormation]

If you are going to try and do a 'relationship' with a chick, you have to let her know UP FRONT, before agreeing to exclusivity that being 'friends' with exes is not something you are willing to tolerate. That way when she breaks this deal, you can just dump her.

But how will you know she actually follows this if you say it up front? it's the old debate on boundaries. You have way more experience than this on me, but I don't trust overt boundaries. Even if she follows them at the time, if she "falls out of love" later on she's a woman and won't tell you this... she'll set things up behind your back to branch swing, and because you told her what she has to hide from you, you'll be all the less in the know. Whereas if you hadn't told her and instead pretended that it makes no difference, then her beginning to talk about her exes would serve as an early warning sign.

The root of the problem is that she may nod her head to your boundary when you say it, and even believe it at the time, but she'll still be as loyal as her interest level. As long as she has a high one, you could argue she wouldn't keep in touch with her exes anyway and your declaration was unnecessary. Then when that changes, all you accomplished was giving her a blueprint of your defenses.

Chicks love drama, she didn't have to mention her ex but she did. She wanted EXACTLY what happened, OP has now given her a chance to b!tch about him to her friends.

Now that you bring it up, her friends would probably love to fvck him since he's taken, and by their friend no less. LL may want to innocuously get in touch with those of them who are single.

 

[Ranger]

This is my rule. 1st date getting to know each other.
2nd date? Sex.
That’s as far as I will go. It’s all the further I have ever gone. Well one was a third date then sex.
I can’t think of any more that didn’t end in sex on the second date.

Here’s my point. What is your purpose for going on dates? I like the shooting one. That should most definitely end in sex. Or something hot and heavy.

 

[jaymbrs]

I don't know man. I talk to quite a few of my exes. Mostly because we share opinions on stuff and they serve as good outlets. If my gf was doing the same it would bother me but I wouldn't be able to say much since I'm doing the same. And should she have a problem with me talking to my exes, I'd tell her she needs to get over it and stop being so insecure about our relationship.

 

[logicallefty]

Thanks for all of the replies fellas. We talked about this a little more last night when she came over. She spouted off too much goon babble for me to really keep up with. But the summary of what I got out of the conversation was that I am not going to completely cut my own orbitors loose because I am not convinced that she is going to cut hers. I don't care if she has them, but if she is going to have them, then so am I. Every baseball team hopes their starting pitcher can go 9 x innings and have a shutout, but the bullpen is always warm.