Guys I'm sorry for being so frustrating

[bigdave17]

Everything about my attitude towards dating is completely ****ed up. I want a woman who is nearly perfect for my taste, yet I'm so scared of rejection and failure that I want it to happen naturally. I hate how I look so badly in pictures that I'm not even willing to try online dating


You guys are doing it the right way - you're out there trying your best, not caring about failure and keep plucking on. Some of you guys have posted phenomenal results


I hate that I'm in my current situation. My anxiety is so intense and I've over exaggerated the difficulty of dating so horribly in my head (In my head, I have to be absolutely perfect in every way imaginable for a woman to like me). I fear that I'm wasting the best years of my life due to anxiety and fear - years that I should be dating beautiful women and having a great time. I want to meet someone so badly but everytime I see a hot woman, all I think are defeatist negative thoughts (she's not single, she doesn't want to meet anybody, I would have to be perfect for her to like me, etc....)

 

[Fzatf]

Everything about my attitude towards dating is completely ****ed up. I want a woman who is nearly perfect for my taste, yet I'm so scared of rejection and failure that I want it to happen naturally. I hate how I look so badly in pictures that I'm not even willing to try online dating


You guys are doing it the right way - you're out there trying your best, not caring about failure and keep plucking on. Some of you guys have posted phenomenal results


I hate that I'm in my current situation. My anxiety is so intense and I've over exaggerated the difficulty of dating so horribly in my head (In my head, I have to be absolutely perfect in every way imaginable for a woman to like me). I fear that I'm wasting the best years of my life due to anxiety and fear - years that I should be dating beautiful women and having a great time. I want to meet someone so badly but everytime I see a hot woman, all I think are defeatist negative thoughts (she's not single, she doesn't want to meet anybody, I would have to be perfect for her to like me, etc....)

You've identified the problem and see the solution in what others have done. Hit up online dating and don't sweat rejection. Approach girls and don't assume the result even if the majority of the time they say no. If you want quality girls you'll have to play the numbers game like everyone else.

 

[ohrein]

You are wasting your life quite literally. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, it's time to make an active change. Go see a psych, get them to teach you cognitive behavioral therapy, and put in the work every minute of every day for the next two years and you will be a new person. It's like the reset button on a computer. The hard part is it's fvcking hard work. Like, nothing has compared to the mental strength required to battle serious mental health issues. I've spent two weeks in agonizing pain with an infected tooth and I'd choose those two weeks over crawling out of the hole that is anxiety and depression. But trust me, the work is worth it like nothing else. The payoff is literally priceless, worth more than you can comprehend. Well, actually, I think someone with depression and/or anxiety knows exactly what the payoff is worth.

Put in the work or be doomed to repeat yourself until you die.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, I think a lot of your problem is that you have set yourself up to need to gain approval from women.

Instead of “taking” approval from women, instead provide fun for yourself first, and then for them.

My whole world turned from upside-down to rightside-up when I decided to inject my own energy into every interaction, and to provide fun.

Interactions should be fun, lighthearted, and low stress for women. Once a man decides to have lighthearted fun in his interactions, individual women have no power over him.

 

[bigdave17]

You are wasting your life quite literally. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, it's time to make an active change. Go see a psych, get them to teach you cognitive behavioral therapy, and put in the work every minute of every day for the next two years and you will be a new person. It's like the reset button on a computer. The hard part is it's fvcking hard work. Like, nothing has compared to the mental strength required to battle serious mental health issues. I've spent two weeks in agonizing pain with an infected tooth and I'd choose those two weeks over crawling out of the hole that is anxiety and depression. But trust me, the work is worth it like nothing else. The payoff is literally priceless, worth more than you can comprehend. Well, actually, I think someone with depression and/or anxiety knows exactly what the payoff is worth.

Put in the work or be doomed to repeat yourself until you die.

I only have anxiety when it comes to trying to ask women out. The rest of my life, I'm pretty happy and upbeat

How can I get these incredibly negative defeatist thoughts out of my head? In my head, women are never single and if they are single, they will only like me if I'm impossibly ungodly perfect

 

[Atom Smasher]

When you get them laughing and receptive BEFORE asking them out, the anxiety vanushes.

GIVE to them. Right now you’re broadcasting to them that you want their acceptance. That creates tension on both sides. Instead, give fun. When you give fun, you have removed all that tension and more genuine interactions are possible, absent of self-doubt.

 

[ohrein]

I only have anxiety when it comes to trying to ask women out. The rest of my life, I'm pretty happy and upbeat

How can I get these incredibly negative defeatist thoughts out of my head? In my head, women are never single and if they are single, they will only like me if I'm impossibly ungodly perfect

The answer is still CBT. You have negative thought patterns that you have constructed over the years. CBT reprograms negative thought patterns. All mental illness essentially boils down to negative perceptions and negative thoughts impacting your life in a negative way. CBT retrains your brain, physiologically and mentally, to think more optimistically and realistically.

Perception is everything. It's the difference between someone being dumped and killing themselves because they perceive they will never be happy again, and someone who gets dumped and looks at it with balance, realizing that life goes on and there's more people out there.

When you get stuck in a mental schema of perceiving everything as only negative or impossible, you develop chronic depression and anxiety.

You have an oddly specific issue, but it's still the same core issue. Your perceptions do not match reality, your thought patterns are negative perceptions. Go see a psych, practice CBT while you're interacting with women you find attractive. Do it every time you interact with a woman you're attracted to for two years and you will reset your brain.

 

[MountainSlide]

Bro I’ve dealt with the craziest **** and have worked long and hard to correct my life (still a work in progress). But I think you’re watching too much porn which is causing you unrealistic expectations ie perfection. No one can be perfect, it’s a fiction.

Seems like your basing your value on women that you’re able to pull. So then what happens is you build it up too much in your head and try really hard but at the same time fear rejection too much to close he deal. Women can sense insecurity, they can sense weakness in your frame, you’ll put out cues. But yeah.

You make things too hard for yourself. This shyt is actually pretty easy. So rather than complaining about how things are impossible for you and you can’t pull girls. Start asking a different question. Ask for advice on what to do when you’re trying to pull women. Figure out the right things to say and hold yourself. Ask the question that can lead to a solution rather than the one that has none.

 

[Spaz]

OP, I think a lot of your problem is that you have set yourself up to need to gain approval from women.

Instead of “taking” approval from women, instead provide fun for yourself first, and then for them.

My whole world turned from upside-down to rightside-up when I decided to inject my own energy into every interaction, and to provide fun.

Interactions should be fun, lighthearted, and low stress for women. Once a man decides to have lighthearted fun in his interactions, individual women have no power over him.

^^This is actually how a man should be in any social setting.

You'll achieve more success this way, it breaks the ice and makes people comfortable to open up to you.

With women, once it's done, listen more and engage them with some follow up questions to the topic of conversation that they bring to the table. Engaging them will be key towards getting women to always want to be in ur company.

Again, remember, reduce topics abt urself, encourage topics abt themselves etc.

 

[corrector]

Everything about my attitude towards dating is completely ****ed up. I want a woman who is nearly perfect for my taste, yet I'm so scared of rejection and failure that I want it to happen naturally. I hate how I look so badly in pictures that I'm not even willing to try online dating

You never tried online dating? Why did you waste all your time here then? If you cried like this on an online dating site or made up a blog, maybe some girl would have felt sorry for you by now and started dating you. Why go around men and do this? Are you alright upstairs?

You guys are doing it the right way - you're out there trying your best, not caring about failure and keep plucking on. Some of you guys have posted phenomenal results


I hate that I'm in my current situation. My anxiety is so intense and I've over exaggerated the difficulty of dating so horribly in my head (In my head, I have to be absolutely perfect in every way imaginable for a woman to like me). I fear that I'm wasting the best years of my life due to anxiety and fear - years that I should be dating beautiful women and having a great time. I want to meet someone so badly but everytime I see a hot woman, all I think are defeatist negative thoughts (she's not single, she doesn't want to meet anybody, I would have to be perfect for her to like me, etc....)

Try pheromones. From my experience using them in 2011 (unable to use it again for personal, religious, and set-up reasons), it can re-program your brain to see things differently as well as attract women to you. You'd have to focus on social (not attraction) pheromones that will generally uplift your mood and also bring you out so you can talk to women and make gutsy connections with them (i.e. rather than limp boring small-talk). The brain is a very complex organ. I've seen reports on 60 min of people who have had brain issues and suddenly spoke in a different accent, or are able to recall every detail in life going back decade, so I think the only barrier to your success has to be in the brain.

I'm saying google research all the pheromone products that you can find and see if they work for you. Without an olfactory chemical restructuring of the signals of the neurons in your brain, which are making you anxious and have these thoughts, right away, you'll always tense up. Smell right and think right.

 

[sosousage]

Everything about my attitude towards dating is completely ****ed up. I want a woman who is nearly perfect for my taste, yet I'm so scared of rejection and failure that I want it to happen naturally. I hate how I look so badly in pictures that I'm not even willing to try online dating


You guys are doing it the right way - you're out there trying your best, not caring about failure and keep plucking on. Some of you guys have posted phenomenal results


I hate that I'm in my current situation. My anxiety is so intense and I've over exaggerated the difficulty of dating so horribly in my head (In my head, I have to be absolutely perfect in every way imaginable for a woman to like me). I fear that I'm wasting the best years of my life due to anxiety and fear - years that I should be dating beautiful women and having a great time. I want to meet someone so badly but everytime I see a hot woman, all I think are defeatist negative thoughts (she's not single, she doesn't want to meet anybody, I would have to be perfect for her to like me, etc....)

you are just wasting ur life on a forum using it as attention booster because apparently attention (even this kind of attention that is given to sexless frustrated chump) gives u dopamine boost so thats probably what you lack the mostin your life


maybe people would give you more attention IRL if you werent so talkactive, like man i couldnt care less about 99% of things you said and none of them interested me at all, imagine how you much bore your friends to death in real life.


people reply in your threads because they like the fact that you have much ****tier life than they have. it makes us feel better because its like being a woman and getting to know that some fattie is crying because no one wants her

 

[3agle 3yes]

@bigdave17

Three things for you to think about:

1) When you approach a woman it’s a two way street. Don’t think about how you’re being perceived there’s nothing you can do about that...and it‘s not important (that’s for her to think about), think about how you’re perceiving her.

2) You can only get rejected once you’ve made it clear that you want her. Which should never happen until after you‘ve banged her. BTW approaching a woman doesn’t mean you want her because you don’t even know what she’s like.

3) Never, ever do something to get a woman to like you. Women will like you when you don’t care if women like you. What you want to do is something to get women to feel attracted to you. They are not the same thing.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Don´t be sorry. Be better.

 

[zekko]

I think you've only identified half the problem. The other half is you're looking for a perfect woman that doesn't exist. All these pictures you post of ethnic fitness models. Even if you did approach one of these girls, what are the odds her personality and morality would be compatible with yours?

And from another thread apparently you would reject Sophia Vergera because "she's all right for a 55 year old". You refuse to enjoy your interactions in the present because you're looking 10 years down the road to the mother of your child, what will she look like then, etc.

 

[bigdave17]

I think you've only identified half the problem. The other half is you're looking for a perfect woman that doesn't exist. All these pictures you post of ethnic fitness models. Even if you did approach one of these girls, what are the odds her personality and morality would be compatible with yours?

And from another thread apparently you would reject Sophia Vergera because "she's all right for a 55 year old". You refuse to enjoy your interactions in the present because you're looking 10 years down the road to the mother of your child, what will she look like then, etc.

i wish i still lived in Armenia

I would be very compatible with most beautiful Armenian girls in terms of morality and character

 

[mrgoodstuff]

His mindset is still focused on his original purpose. Dating "hot girls" to tryto find his wife.

He keeps skipping a few fundamental steps.

 

[HankHill]

Canned responses from BigDave17 ready to launch in 5, 4, 3...*crap, I'm too late already* see above.

He starts these threads to hook us in, flat out rejects every suggestion ever made to him. 3 pages later, he starts a new thread with a new hook line but literally from the first reply he's back to his usual canned responses. Unreal!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Canned responses from BigDave17 ready to launch in 5, 4, 3...*crap, I'm too late already* see above.

He starts these threads to hook us in, flat out rejects every suggestion ever made to him. 3 pages later, he starts a new thread with a new hook line but literally from the first reply he's back to his usual canned responses. Unreal!

Likes the attention. Keeps bypassing an initial step of being social but being sexual. So you take puzzy from where you can untilyou have choices. Women especially in 2018 dont want to feed a sex starved man.

 

[HankHill]

Women especially in 2018 dont want to feed a sex starved man.

Exactly. It's a catch 22 that he doesn't get. He wants a hot 27yo, gym freak, virgin chick to just show up at his house asking to have his babies.

 

[bigdave17]

Exactly. It's a catch 22 that he doesn't get. He wants a hot 27yo, gym freak, virgin chick to just show up at his house asking to have his babies.

not virgin, just not a *****

nice classy wholesome quality chick