Ghosting is Bull****

[Ranger]

She’s just a gurl. Lol. Let her be.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

...I'm pissed. Very.
I get all the reasons why women ghost and etc but this is really bull**** because why go out of your way to make it seem like you care or like me?? Why all the affection and words to further things? A woman is to be taken by her actions and no her words right??

I'm really perplexed... that's all I got on this one...

I hate ghosting as much as the next man, but you have no right to be "very pissed" here. As someone else said, you're not even exclusive yet. You are acting as if you have been married for 15 years.

To throw a hissy fit because she didn't respond about dinner and immediately delete her number is a completely OTT response IMO.

If she doesn't respond to your text, just keep quiet and stop sending her messages. Let her come to you. Sending a text a day later, another text next afternoon...it makes you look needy and desperate (and clearly as you got so angry here, you are to an extent).

I was talking to a girl last week and she said to me she can't stand when "nice guys" are constantly blowing her phone up all the time. So, shock horror, I listened to that and stopped texting her after the date.

She responded well to me playing it cooler than usual and now she's messaging me now telling me she likes me and I'm not having to put much effort in at all - which is how it should be.

Also girls don't want to talk about their dog or the weather or dinner all the time - she's going to get bored and fed up. She wants you to DISTRACT her from her dog being sick, etc. Put some passion in your messages.

If her dog's sick say something like "That sucks, I hope he gets better soon. I can't wait to grab some food with you tonight, we can have some beers and take our mind off things "

I invited a chick out to dance with me recently. She was lukewarm, so I said "I'll teach you some special moves if you don't mind getting manhandled." Deliberate sexual flirtiness there - and straight away she was much more interested.

Make things playful, make them sexy, don't make it routine and boring asf.

 

[BreezyB84]

I hate ghosting as much as the next man, but you have no right to be "very pissed" here. As someone else said, you're not even exclusive yet. You are acting as if you have been married for 15 years.

To throw a hissy fit because she didn't respond about dinner and immediately delete her number is a completely OTT response IMO.

If she doesn't respond to your text, just keep quiet and stop sending her messages. Let her come to you. Sending a text a day later, another text next afternoon...it makes you look needy and desperate (and clearly as you got so angry here, you are to an extent).

I was talking to a girl last week and she said to me she can't stand when "nice guys" are constantly blowing her phone up all the time. So, shock horror, I listened to that and stopped texting her after the date.

She responded well to me playing it cooler than usual and now she's messaging me now telling me she likes me and I'm not having to put much effort in at all - which is how it should be.

Also girls don't want to talk about their dog or the weather or dinner all the time - she's going to get bored and fed up. She wants you to DISTRACT her from her dog being sick, etc. Put some passion in your messages.

If her dog's sick say something like "That sucks, I hope he gets better soon. I can't wait to grab some food with you tonight, we can have some beers and take our mind off things "

I invited a chick out to dance with me recently. She was lukewarm, so I said "I'll teach you some special moves if you don't mind getting manhandled." Deliberate sexual flirtiness there - and straight away she was much more interested.

Make things playful, make them sexy, don't make it routine and boring asf.

Many people have said this on this thread but I respectful disagree with this premise. I have boundaries... Not having boundaries is what led me to sosuave in the first place. She made plans, did not cancel or give an excuse?? I have a right to be upset. If you let someone do it, they will continue to do it correct??

And is 2 in 3 days really needy?? If they are long and drawn out yea.... But after see didn't respond, I don't see anything wrong with ," all good?", A day and a half later.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Many people have said this on this thread but I respectful disagree with this premise. I have boundaries... Not having boundaries is what led me to sosuave in the first place. She made plans, did not cancel or give an excuse?? I have a right to be upset. If you let someone do it, they will continue to do it correct??

And is 2 in 3 days really needy?? If they are long and drawn out yea.... But after see didn't respond, I don't see anything wrong with ," all good?", A day and a half later.

I think you're conflating two different things. Boundaries versus having a short fuse and giving too much of a sh*t.

Having boundaries (and a red line) is important so you don't get messed about. But at the same time, getting angry immediately because a girl seemingly bailed or ghosted you is pointless.

It's knowing when you're being jerked around and when she's just got stuff going on. Her dog's sick, she's probably busy, she's got stuff happening. You're messaging her every other day asking to meet and she's probably like "ffs my dog could be dying and this guy won't stfu".

If you say "Hey I know you're really busy so we'll hook up when you've got time." you get points for being the caring type and at the same time you're showing you're smart enough to know when she wants you to get in touch.

Basically: Be around when she's having a good time. When she's having stress or a sh*t time, be supportive but don't be bugging her all the time. If you snap INSTANTLY when she stops responding for a day or drops a single plan you're just screwing yourself out of dating some cool chicks.

On the other hand if she does outright diss or ghost you, again it's no time to get angry because you should have another girl or two on the go. You're not yet exclusive after all.

 

[fastlife]

Things you can't control: Some chick not texting you back.

Things you can control: Your emotional response.

If she gave a fvck about texting you back, she would've texted you. So no amount of anything on your end will make her care more. Boundaries that specific only work if someone is already in your frame--i.e. they care; she obviously doesn't so the only boundaries you can enforce are: 1.) Remove from your reality entirely or 2.) Let her come around when she comes around.

Neither is more/less correct than the other--just depends on what you want. Personally, I expect girls to flake so I spread a wide net & let them do their thing. If I were qualifying a girl for monogamy (which I don't really care about at the moment), she flakes, shes out of the running. No harm, no foul. We can kick it if she wants to kick to, if I haven't lost interest by then.

As far as pragmatics, I've field-tested calling out girls for bad behavior. And I've field-tested indifference. IME indifference yields better results. If a girl cares, you won't have anything to call them out for.

 

[Glassguy]

You want to know who she is texting?

The guy that truly has an IDGAF attitude if she texts him or not. Thats who.

The guy that gave her crumbs for attention and she gobbled them up and started chasing him. He is now her mission.

The guy that is probably banging 2 or 3 different chicks and manipulating all of them by doing very little.

The guy who is not going to get all butt hurt because he can control his emotions because he has abundance and doesnt have a scarcity mindset.

That's who she is texting.

 

[Chi Town]

You want to know who she is texting?

The guy that truly has an IDGAF attitude if she texts him or not. Thats who.

The guy that gave her crumbs for attention and she gobbled them up and started chasing him. He is now her mission.

The guy that is probably banging 2 or 3 different chicks and manipulating all of them by doing very little.

The guy who is not going to get all butt hurt because he can control his emotions because he has abundance and doesnt have a scarcity mindset.

That's who she is texting.

This guy gets it.

 

[BreezyB84]

It's not about the NOT texting back. It's about MAKING PLANS, confirming them, and then actions that proceed.

Let's say you made plans with a girl where had to arrange your day a certain way...in my case, I either need to get to my job early, move a client around etc to make a date.

That wouldn't upset you? That's my point.

 

[Chi Town]

It's not about the NOT texting back. It's about MAKING PLANS, confirming them, and then actions that proceed.

Let's say you made plans with a girl where had to arrange your day a certain way...in my case, I either need to get to my job early, move a client around etc to make a date.

That wouldn't upset you? That's my point.

Trust me, we get it, but flaking happens bro, no reason to get all emotional about it.
And even if it did upset me I wouldn't confront her about all angry and mad, I would just leave her alone and make her chase me.

 

[BreezyB84]

They don't get it, they see "we aren't exclusive" as carte blanche to do whatever she wants, which is of course exactly how she sees it too. Buying into the woman's frame, basically.

From a tactical perspective it makes sense though.

When you put it like that, it makes sense.

 

[BreezyB84]

They don't get it, they see "we aren't exclusive" as carte blanche to do whatever she wants, which is of course exactly how she sees it too. Buying into the woman's frame, basically.

From a tactical perspective it makes sense though.

I understand. I can still be upset and not act out on it.

Trust me, we get it, but flaking happens bro, no reason to get all emotional about it.
And even if it did upset me I wouldn't confront her about all angry and mad, I would just leave her alone and make her chase me.

I understand this. I just don't want the misconception it was about texting period.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

See, she bailed on your plans but she's clearly dealing with a lot of stuff atm. If she just flat out said "Oh I forgot" or some lame BS excuse that would be one thing.

When my dog of 15 years (over half my life) died, I bawled like a baby. I've literally not cried like that before...and that's as a grown man! An emotional young woman will take that loss as hard if not harder, if her dog has heartworm that is a pretty big deal and a date with some guy (even some guy she slept with) is probably far from her mind.

I mean, I have a lot of work atm and I'm almost not bothered about dating until I'm less busy. I'm putting girls on hold as a result. Am I flaking on them? No. I'm just f*cking busy.

You're busy. She's busy. Sometimes flakes happen, who cares?

TLDR: Women have sh*t going on in their lives too, her being too busy to do everything you want when you want is not "flaking" or jerking you around. From the sound of it, it's far more likely she is simply overwhelmed with stuff rather than f*cking 10 other guys.

Give the woman some space, tell her you want to hook up (use those words) when she's less busy, and make it a relaxed text as if you don't give AF either way. If she's interested you'll probably get dinner and sex afterwards when she's actually got some time and in the interval you can put your feet up and forget all about it.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Ive been/was seeing this girl for a little over a month now.. We see each other once/twice a week if time permits. She was cool for the most part and we dont do a lot of texting. As the weeks have gone on, we've gotten progressively closer ( yes physically as well).
This week, she was a little odd with the contact, so I just let her be and let it roll.

She text me Thursday night, " hey handsome, sorry I've been distant lately. My dog went in for a heartworm treatment and I have been stressed out about that. I hope you had a good day."

I text her the next day and ask her about the dog and I ask her if she needs anything from me and she responds with , " just your heart . "
We make plans the next night for me to bring her dinner so we can keep an eye on the dog because the dog isn't allowed to elevate his heart rate due to excitement, etc..

The next day I hit her up and she responds almost immediately to that text. I then ask her what does she want to eat that night.

No response...... Period. I just figured something had to have come up.

I text her in the middle of the day yesterday just simply, " all good??".
No response.....

Ghosting when you first meet someone is not a big deal to me. Ghosting someone once you've made it seem like you like them and made plans is another thing.

Yes, I'm pissed. Very.
I get all the reasons why women ghost and etc but this is really bull**** because why go out of your way to make it seem like you care or like me?? Why all the affection and words to further things? A woman is to be taken by her actions and no her words right??

I'm really perplexed... that's all I got on this one...

Attention ***** and hypergamy is why.

You're pissed because your game sucks and you have no options.

Step your game up. Get better not bitter. #10game

 

[Soflobro#3]

I said it COULD HAVE BEEN why

How the fvck do I know what she's thinking? I don't.

It's all pure speculation. Even this constant assignment of there always being another dude. Pure speculation.

Are you suggesting that these women only focus on one guy at a time? Fvck no, they are at least talking to other guys if not already spending time with them alone. You're just being intellectually dishonest now.

 

[Soflobro#3]

I totally understand why you guys always think there is another guy. I absolutely get that. Today's dating market is non committal. Yep, I get it

99% of the time it's probably another guy. I mean maybe shes but even very interested in him but shes willing to attempt a power play by. Going nc, because she feels more secure with backup options. All women do this and it makes men much more expendable and less valuable in her eyes, while inflating her false sense of value. Women to much easy access to validation, until their youth begins to fade.

Women don't risk as much in this game because they have so many options. It's always another guy, even if she's not dropping you for him, she at least has the courage to drop you because of another guy.

 

[AttackFormation]

Boundaries are not game. They are not intended to "make her care". Their purpose is to filter out the $hit behavior girls.

Agreed, and this is why I think openly expressing your boundaries as some guys used to advocate is completely counter-productive. It just lets her know what to hide.

 

[Spaz]

Boundaries won't filter out the chameleon's unfortunately, which makes them dangerous to set. You giving them a heads up about which lies to tell to keep you satiated.

Without boundaries a man would be deemed a people/woman pleaser, which ultimately will result in him being disrespected, basically feeling unhappy, feeling unappreciated and towards the end generates resentment.

 

[Spaz]

Like most things in this Game that depends entirely on the woman. I won't set boundaries because I set them on a sociopath (didn't realize at the time, no red flags) and gave her the keys to the kingdom by doing so. Never again.

Any women that consistently breaks one of my "minor" boundaries, even if she's a true living Goddess or a sociopathic BPD Demoness will receive the same treatment - I'll kick them to the curb without a second thought.

A man must hv the ability to say no and be more then willing to dismiss a woman when she no longer amuses him.

 

[The_411]

Having your plans broken can frustrating, but the key is to be zen about it. Getting angry and acting out doesn’t work because you are giving that person a way to control your emotions.

It doesn’t mean you cannot get angry but understand that your anger has to come on your terms.

Don’t be Sonny and get yourself killed in an ambush, be Michael, and do not let anyone outside the family know what you are thinking.

 

[djdfuser]

I hate ghosting as much as the next man......

To throw a hissy fit because she didn't respond about dinner and immediately delete her number is a completely OTT response IMO.

If she doesn't respond to your text, just keep quiet and stop sending her messages. Let her come to you. Sending a text a day later, another text next afternoon...it makes you look needy and desperate.

You hate ghosting but then enter the ghosting cycle with her just for the bang?

Boundaries are not game. They are not intended to "make her care". Their purpose is to filter out the $hit behavior girls.

Excellent. As well as being the foundations of your integrity.

Boundaries won't filter out the chameleon's unfortunately, which makes them dangerous to set. You giving them a heads up about which lies to tell to keep you satiated.

Indeed. The quality ones will align, less quality will give you the "I'm not good enough for you" and the dross will go underground with it.

Make your boundaries clear as they break them. You'll also learn if theirs align with yours that way.