Why did I react this way?

[BondJamesBond424]

Last year and earlier this year, before I understood about Alpha fux and beta bux, I was seeing a hot 50 yr old blond. She was an arm candy dream.
I was the nice guy. Took her out to restaurants, failed to flirt and afraid to escalate. I got her a rose and card for V-day. AFC crap I know.
Finally she texted me a soft rejection back in April 2018. I took the hint and we haven't communicated since.

Last week I pulled into a strip mall lot and seen her standing in front of the dollar store. Looking sexy as hell.
I made the right, parked in the grocery store lot, went in got my stuff and waited at the check out.
I seen she came into the grocery store and walked right by me, about 12 ft away. She was looking away, down the isles. I quickly turned my back
Anyway, as I'm standing there waiting to pay, my ears are ringing loud, heart trying to beat out of my chest, my mouth goes dry, I develop a sweat, my breathing gets shallow and I'm feeling like I may have to vomit.
I'm shaking like a leaf getting my debit card out of my wallet and inputting my pin.
The cashier hands me my receipt and I walk out, slow steady strides, head up, shoulders back all the way to the car.

I get into the car, my breathing and heartbeat return to normal and the ringing in the ears and shaking stops.
I have to say that I have never had this kind of reaction to any human ever in my life. All I could think is that I wasn't ready to see her again.

I cannot understand why this one woman can conjure up in me a reaction like what happened earlier...and just by being present without having any interactions with her! This is crazy!

It totally was not me. My usual personality would just acknowledge her and playfully accuse her of stalking me. I've never froze up like this before...and certainly never over some woman!

Can someone give me some insight? Is there a better way to frame this experience?

 

[Billtx49]

Last year and earlier this year, before I understood about Alpha fux and beta bux, I was seeing a hot 50 yr old blond. She was an arm candy dream.
I was the nice guy. Took her out to restaurants, failed to flirt and afraid to escalate. I got her a rose and card for V-day. AFC crap I know.
Finally she texted me a soft rejection back in April 2018. I took the hint and we haven't communicated since.

Last week I pulled into a strip mall lot and seen her standing in front of the dollar store. Looking sexy as hell.
I made the right, parked in the grocery store lot, went in got my stuff and waited at the check out.
I seen she came into the grocery store and walked right by me, about 12 ft away. She was looking away, down the isles. I quickly turned my back
Anyway, as I'm standing there waiting to pay, my ears are ringing loud, heart trying to beat out of my chest, my mouth goes dry, I develop a sweat, my breathing gets shallow and I'm feeling like I may have to vomit.
I'm shaking like a leaf getting my debit card out of my wallet and inputting my pin.
The cashier hands me my receipt and I walk out, slow steady strides, head up, shoulders back all the way to the car.

I get into the car, my breathing and heartbeat return to normal and the ringing in the ears and shaking stops.
I have to say that I have never had this kind of reaction to any human ever in my life. All I could think is that I wasn't ready to see her again.

I cannot understand why this one woman can conjure up in me a reaction like what happened earlier...and just by being present without having any interactions with her! This is crazy!

It totally was not me. My usual personality would just acknowledge her and playfully accuse her of stalking me. I've never froze up like this before...and certainly never over some woman!

Can someone give me some insight? Is there a better way to frame this experience?

You clearly have some type of unresolved feelings about her or she scares the crap out of you…
Spend some time on introspection to find out what’s what.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Last year and earlier this year, before I understood about Alpha fux and beta bux, I was seeing a hot 50 yr old blond. She was an arm candy dream.
I was the nice guy. Took her out to restaurants, failed to flirt and afraid to escalate. I got her a rose and card for V-day. AFC crap I know.
Finally she texted me a soft rejection back in April 2018. I took the hint and we haven't communicated since.

Last week I pulled into a strip mall lot and seen her standing in front of the dollar store. Looking sexy as hell.
I made the right, parked in the grocery store lot, went in got my stuff and waited at the check out.
I seen she came into the grocery store and walked right by me, about 12 ft away. She was looking away, down the isles. I quickly turned my back
Anyway, as I'm standing there waiting to pay, my ears are ringing loud, heart trying to beat out of my chest, my mouth goes dry, I develop a sweat, my breathing gets shallow and I'm feeling like I may have to vomit.
I'm shaking like a leaf getting my debit card out of my wallet and inputting my pin.
The cashier hands me my receipt and I walk out, slow steady strides, head up, shoulders back all the way to the car.

I get into the car, my breathing and heartbeat return to normal and the ringing in the ears and shaking stops.
I have to say that I have never had this kind of reaction to any human ever in my life. All I could think is that I wasn't ready to see her again.

I cannot understand why this one woman can conjure up in me a reaction like what happened earlier...and just by being present without having any interactions with her! This is crazy!

It totally was not me. My usual personality would just acknowledge her and playfully accuse her of stalking me. I've never froze up like this before...and certainly never over some woman!

Can someone give me some insight? Is there a better way to frame this experience?

Ptsd

 

[BondJamesBond424]

You clearly have some type of unresolved feelings about her or she scares the crap out of you…
Spend some time on introspection to find out what’s what.

Ptsd[/QUOTE

Some more details.
Last year she came onto me at work (She's not a workmate) complaining about her live-in bf and saying out right that we could have a lot of fun. Talking about her friend having hot sex with a guy etc. I didn't know about Alpha and beta stuff. I thought the right way to do stuff was the "nice guy" way. I just got out of a ltr and was inexperienced at dating.

She gave me a few chances. She was very sexually suggestive. Even hinting she wanted banged in her truck on the 4th date. I didn't connect the dots. I was clueless. On the 5th date I lost my cool when she said she's dating another dude and showed me a pic of them at a hockey game.
I didn't know how to flirt or how to escalate sexually.
At the end I asked if she wanted a 'private massage' and that 'I was a great masseur'. (Beating around the bush asking for sex).
She saw I was not the Alpha she thought I was and rejected me.
I was pushing relationship energy when she just wanted a F-buddy.

I am incredibly embarrassed at myself.
I keep telling myself that the consolation is that it'll never happen again and that now I know about Alpha fux & beta bux, I'm more prepared to be sexual with women. Seeing her last week really diminished me. Guys, this woman is really cute and beautiful and sexy as hell for being 50. I think also that I'm a tad intimidated that she's a little taller than me in heels. She's always wearing high heels.
I've never felt this level of embarrassment before.

 

[Spaz]

It might be a sign of PTSD (you can get it after eating too much of woman's BS after during dating)

 

[djdfuser]

Your gut telling you she's a tranny?

 

[BondJamesBond424]

I'll admit I caught one-itis for her badly. Got obsessed, but controlled myself enough to not blow her phone up or become clingy. Damm! I thought I was over her.
We only live less than 10 min drive from eachother. The area I seen her at is near her moms and I'm around there near every day... so another run in is bound to happen. I just don't want to act like a scared little boy again. That was out of character for me.
Got a great education via this forum, YouTube, and Rollo. Now the task is to put it all into practice and bed the women.
If only I could go back to February 2017 with all the knowledge I've acquired...

 

[Spaz]

Wait let me get this right...

You're a 47 y/o male and you had the hots for a 50 y/o menopausal woman.

Whom by ur standards is an arm candy dream.

Then after she drops you, had PTSD just by being in close proximity to her ?

I think I need to quit SS for my own sanity...

 

[sosousage]

Wait let me get this right...

You're a 47 y/o male and you had the hots for a 50 y/o menopausal woman.

Whom by ur standards is an arm candy dream.

Then after she drops you, had PTSD just by being in close proximity to her ?

I think I need to quit SS for my own sanity...

its understandable i also get panic attacks when i see 50 year old women

 

[Spaz]

its understandable i also get panic attacks when i see 50 year old women

Especially when you start to think of them as a dream girl..

 

[BondJamesBond424]

its understandable i also get panic attacks when i see 50 year old women

Now I'm laughing about it. LOL

 

[Atom Smasher]

its understandable i also get panic attacks when i see 50 year old women

LOL gotta admit, THAT was funny.

 

[Ranger]

Here let’s sober that all up for you. A good dose of reality helps.
Let’s look at her value within reality.
She had more diks by 50 than a locker room can hold. Possibly even 2 or 3 at a time right after she dumped her last hubby but most likely during the marriage as well.
She knows her SMV is reinforced by the feminine imperative so she’s using it to suk diks if there’s some good opportunities.
Just think of all the diks she had when she was in her teens and early 20s if she’s sexy looking now..

My college roommate was a high jumper. The athletes roomed together. His dad was a famous surgeon in Denver. Well he brought in a medical book that belonged to his dad on vaginal diseases and types of infections. It had pictures. Trust me. That’s woman has had the nastiest of infections that would make a maggot gag.

Still think she’s a dream boat Annie?

 

[lamath]

Prob some kind of PTSD

I got 1 old GF that broke up with me 15 year ago that still make me feel that way.
Its not that i still want to be with her or anything it mostly i think how hard i took the break up.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

Here let’s sober that all up for you. A good dose of reality helps.
Let’s look at her value within reality.
She had more diks by 50 than a locker room can hold. Possibly even 2 or 3 at a time right after she dumped her last hubby but most likely during the marriage as well.
She knows her SMV is reinforced by the feminine imperative so she’s using it to suk diks if there’s some good opportunities.
Just think of all the diks she had when she was in her teens and early 20s if she’s sexy looking now..

My college roommate was a high jumper. The athletes roomed together. His dad was a famous surgeon in Denver. Well he brought in a medical book that belonged to his dad on vaginal diseases and types of infections. It had pictures. Trust me. That’s woman has had the nastiest of infections that would make a maggot gag.

Still think she’s a dream boat Annie?

Prob some kind of PTSD

I got 1 old GF that broke up with me 15 year ago that still make me feel that way.
Its not that i still want to be with her or anything it mostly i think how hard i took the break up.

Thanks dudes. She does look sexy as hell and cute in the face (after applying all the fake up), long blond curly hair. Yea she looks hot on the outside...for being 50.

Plus I know she's a cheater. She was gonna cheat on her live-in bf with me... if I would've been man enough then to get the job done. So yeah, miles and miles of diks have gone thru her no doubt about that.

I am super embarrassed, though, about how I 'dated' her. I was so blue pilled, fresh out of a ltr with NO dating experience. I had nice guy disease badly.
She saw me as an Alpha fux and I messed it up and showed her the exact opposite, that I was a another beta boy that could not seal the deal. Embarrassing as hell.

Thats what I think may have caused my PTSD when I seen her. I'm embarrassed by my failure to seal the deal with her. Maybe she views me as a dud.

On the bright side, I have grown from the experience and having the knowledge that's shared here in this forum has transformed the way I deal with women. Just wish I had this knowledge 30 years ago.
Thanks dudes for setting my head straight.