Need some help and advice

[Captain Canada]

Precisely. You are in fact going through a drug withdrawal. I have been discussing here for years that when a breakup occurs, the reason for the short period of awful feelings is that an actual drug withdrawal is occurring. You derived certain positive feelings from the dynamics of the relationship, and all of that was triggering off neurotransmitters that gave you a sort of "high". All of a sudden that drug has disappeared, and you are physiologically crashing from its absence. Combine that with your general mindset of lack of abundance, and your feelings are understandable.

You are not really mourning this particular girl (even though it seems like you are), but rather, you are mourning the way she made you feel.

Your relationship has only been for several weeks, and you will be surprised how quickly you will recover from this. Obviously you have issues to work through from your childhood, but you are in the right place to discover new ways of thinking about relationships. Most of us have been in your shoes, and many came here for the very same reasons you came here.

I strongly advise that you click the link in my signature and find the e-book I mention, "Get Over Anyone in 3 to 5 Days". This e-book enabled me to get completely over a breakup within two days. It changed my life permanently, because the author has an uncanny knack of breaking down what exactly is going on in a breakup, and does it in such a way that the reader can't help but feel better and more positive. I am an affiliate for the book, not because I want to make a tiny commission, but rather because this book changes lives and I want as many men as possible to read it and reap the benefits. If you decide to investigate it, be sure to click "Books" on the upper menu bar in order to find it.

Right now I am reading the “rational male” I will read that you mentioned after.

I would be lying if I said you guys are not helping. You definitely are and especially because I am stranger it’s even more meaningful. I told my situation to so called friends and they have no ****s. I need to build a circle of friends and a solid life is what I am discovering. My marriage sucked the life right out of me. I most likely would not have fallen head over heals for a girl in 2 months otherwise

 

[Captain Canada]

Precisely. You are in fact going through a drug withdrawal. I have been discussing here for years that when a breakup occurs, the reason for the short period of awful feelings is that an actual drug withdrawal is occurring. You derived certain positive feelings from the dynamics of the relationship, and all of that was triggering off neurotransmitters that gave you a sort of "high". All of a sudden that drug has disappeared, and you are physiologically crashing from its absence. Combine that with your general mindset of lack of abundance, and your feelings are understandable.

You are not really mourning this particular girl (even though it seems like you are), but rather, you are mourning the way she made you feel.

Your relationship has only been for several weeks, and you will be surprised how quickly you will recover from this. Obviously you have issues to work through from your childhood, but you are in the right place to discover new ways of thinking about relationships. Most of us have been in your shoes, and many came here for the very same reasons you came here.

I strongly advise that you click the link in my signature and find the e-book I mention, "Get Over Anyone in 3 to 5 Days". This e-book enabled me to get completely over a breakup within two days. It changed my life permanently, because the author has an uncanny knack of breaking down what exactly is going on in a breakup, and does it in such a way that the reader can't help but feel better and more positive. I am an affiliate for the book, not because I want to make a tiny commission, but rather because this book changes lives and I want as many men as possible to read it and reap the benefits. If you decide to investigate it, be sure to click "Books" on the upper menu bar in order to find it.

Actually I don’t see a link in your signature. I am new to all this internet forum stuff so it’s possible I don’t know what exactly it look like

 

[Captain Canada]

OP forget about this bytch. You lost frame so getting her back would be more trouble than it´s worth. Keep hitting the gym and find new plates. Have fun spinning.

The worst part is she works out at the same gym as me. She asked me out at the gym

 

[Atom Smasher]

If you read a post with a signature, you will see a light gray line underneath the post and then the signature, which consists of whatever a guy wants to write in that space. It's like a universal signature you would make in your email client. It attaches to all posts.

↓↓ I can't see my signature as I write this, but I know that when I post this, my signature will appear directly below this very sentence. ↓↓

 

[AttackFormation]

If you read a post with a signature, you will see a light gray line underneath the post and then the signature, which consists of whatever a guy wants to write in that space. It's like a universal signature you would make in your email client. It attaches to all posts.

↓↓ I can't see my signature as I write this, but I know that when I post this, my signature will appear directly below this very sentence. ↓↓

I think the default setting for users is checked to "don't show signatures" so that's probably why. I know I had to go into my preferences today and uncheck that box, after I read your post making me aware there were signatures here at all haha.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Very soon from now you will actually chuckle at how much this girl seemed to mean to you. That is not to trivialize your plight. But most of us have found that our "oneitis", which totally wrecked us at one point, was the result of our "knowing" that this was the best girl we could ever get. This is an illusion, but it is a very strong one during a breakup. It feels like you've blown it and you'll never get a chance for a girl like that again.

You'll find that the pond is fully stocked, but you will have to face that fact that truly quality women are as rare as can be. I personally have found a great girl who gives me close to zero drama, and I fully recognize that I am very fortunate to have such a woman. However, I have made myself into a man who will attract a woman like that, strictly from what I've learned here at SoSuave. I was positively clueless when I first came here, but I applied the teachings to my life and I became a good catch to the best women. I wouldn't have guessed in a billion years that this would be possible. And yet, if she were to leave or if things didn't work out for us, I would feel a bit sad about it for a short time but would by no means bottom out.

You're going to be fine. Ride the pain out for now, keep yourself busy and active as much as you can, study up, and before you know it this girl will have zero influence on you. You're about to develop eyes that actually see.

Some guys here leverage that newfound sight into positive relationships. These are the guys who test women and evaluate their worthiness instead of the other way around. If I went from completely clueless to an in-demand, attractive man, anybody can. I thought I was a zero before I found this place.

The Rational Male stuff is good. The ebook I mention is a quick, yet permanent fix which gets a man on track in days rather than weeks or months. Both are great resources, along with the Book of Pook and a lot of great general threads here.

There is real gold here at SoSuave, if you will dig for it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I think the default setting for users is checked to "don't show signatures" so that's probably why. I know I had to go into my preferences today and uncheck that box, after I read your post making me aware there were signatures here at all haha.

Yes, signatures tend to get overlooked a lot especially because you can't do a whole lot of customizing the look. I usually read them, though, as once in a while they contain a good tidbit of information or a little nugget to think about.

 

[davidcarr]

First post guys.. I could use help.

Background:
I am 46
Got married when I was 27
Just got seperated 3 months ago
I banged a few chicks while married but I really don’t have dating experience

Problem:

Right after my seperation an attractive girl at the gym asked me out. She told me everything I wanted to hear. You imagine it, she said it. Lots of attention. She was making long term
Plans with me

Maybe cuz I was vulnerable or desperate from my seperation, I fell In “love”, so I told her that I loved her after 3-4 weeks.. things were good for a few weeks... I helped her with everything, took her out and paid always,, I was always at her house banging her.. I bought flowers. I Opened doors.. I became a nice guy and after 6 weeks everything changed. She grew more distant more cold . She started telling me she is not ready for a relationship or to be a gf.

So I told her I can’t do it. And called it off. And then she told me “wow I knew you would do this, I guess I am not good enough for you” so I texted her back with an explanation and she said “please don’t blow up My phone” so I said fine bye. Then I obsessed over her and got anxious and depressed and texted her back and said I miss her. She played it cold and cool. So now she has not texted me and I texted her good morning to help with my anxiety..

I know I did so many things wrong. But I have been out of the dating game so long... Amy help or advice is appreciated. What should I do.. I don’t want to feel depressed like this

I feel like I made a fool Of myself.. should I text her back just say F off ? Or just leave that last good morning text as is and walk away.. I am guessing there is no chance with her now.

I learned the hard way, but probably 3/4 of this forum's members are either virgins or incels. That's right: YOU should be the one giving most of the other people advice on this forum!

In my experience, the best solution is just to get on with life. Get busy with your work. Reconnect with friends. Indulge in your hobbies.

Also, meet new women! Even if you are living in a small town, assuming it's not an Amish community, it's ridiculously easy to meet new women who are just as hot or hotter than the flame you were obsessing over just an hour earlier!

Go out to a popular happy hour. Go to a popular lounge or bar, preferably upscale and classy. Check out that winery you've been meaning to go to. Invite some friends or go alone.

The worst thing you can do ironically, is to post online and overanalyze the situation. Let it go and enjoy your life without her. If you are reasonably attractive and based upon your post it sounds like you are you will not have a problem meeting a new woman, maybe even several.

Be social and put out friendly feelers. Wherever I go as even a semi-regular, I have several women who want to date me. I mean everywhere. This includes restaurants, bars, the gym, target, it's endless.

Keep a focus on the bigger picture.

--

ok, to the nitty gritty. You became too invested and too nice guyish too early for her taste. She got a little bored and withdrew. Once she does that, reconnecting is extremely difficult. I HATE to say that, but it's true! Sucks.

So, feel the pain, know that it will be there for a while, but also that it will go away. Know also that you'll meet new women who are better suited for you.

 

[davidcarr]

Very soon from now you will actually chuckle at how much this girl seemed to mean to you.

This is one of the 'difficulties' for me dating. So many women are checking me when out on a date, it's difficult not to game these other women back.

Sometimes the other women aren't even single. They're on dates themselves!

In a way, it's sad as loyalty in relationships is withering away so quickly. That's what sucks about this guy's case. He acted honorably and the girl threw it back in his face and tried to humiliate him for it.

It's a symptom of the degenerate times we live in. It's not easy to process.

 

[Captain Canada]

If you read a post with a signature, you will see a light gray line underneath the post and then the signature, which consists of whatever a guy wants to write in that space. It's like a universal signature you would make in your email client. It attaches to all posts.

↓↓ I can't see my signature as I write this, but I know that when I post this, my signature will appear directly below this very sentence. ↓↓

I got signatures turned on but still can’t see.. maybe you can send me the link?

 

[Captain Canada]

I learned the hard way, but probably 3/4 of this forum's members are either virgins or incels. That's right: YOU should be the one giving most of the other people advice on this forum!

In my experience, the best solution is just to get on with life. Get busy with your work. Reconnect with friends. Indulge in your hobbies.

Also, meet new women! Even if you are living in a small town, assuming it's not an Amish community, it's ridiculously easy to meet new women who are just as hot or hotter than the flame you were obsessing over just an hour earlier!

Go out to a popular happy hour. Go to a popular lounge or bar, preferably upscale and classy. Check out that winery you've been meaning to go to. Invite some friends or go alone.

The worst thing you can do ironically, is to post online and overanalyze the situation. Let it go and enjoy your life without her. If you are reasonably attractive and based upon your post it sounds like you are you will not have a problem meeting a new woman, maybe even several.

Be social and put out friendly feelers. Wherever I go as even a semi-regular, I have several women who want to date me. I mean everywhere. This includes restaurants, bars, the gym, target, it's endless.

Keep a focus on the bigger picture.

--

ok, to the nitty gritty. You became too invested and too nice guyish too early for her taste. She got a little bored and withdrew. Once she does that, reconnecting is extremely difficult. I HATE to say that, but it's true! Sucks.

So, feel the pain, know that it will be there for a while, but also that it will go away. Know also that you'll meet new women who are better suited for you.

Good points man! I am over analyzing because the way I acted actually makes me sick.. but i felt like I was hooked on her I still feel that way and EVERYTHING that I knew as “game” (not that I knew a crap load) went out the window.

My thoughts are constantly either the oneitis thoughts that she made me so happy or the fact that I made all the wrong moves...

I think this has to do more with my wife ****in me up and then me being stupid enough to date in the state I was right agter my seperation. Which was basically desperate for any kind of attention.

But I am only human and it happened and as some one said it happened for a reason. I guess I can at least say to my self “hey atleast you ****ed a sexy ***** for a few weeks until you really ****ed it up”

I realize now I need to fix myself so that I am not so desperate for attention and love... the biggest mistake I made was to stay in a marriage that put me in this desperate needy situation.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I got signatures turned on but still can’t see.. maybe you can send me the link?

You would now have to actually write some text in your signature for anything to show up. It's completely user-generated.

Go to your account preferences, click "Signatures" on the left, and you will see a text box within which you can make a signature. If you do make one, I hope it's something hopeful because there's plenty of hope for you.

 

[Captain Canada]

You would now have to actually write some text in your signature for anything to show up. It's completely user-generated.

Go to your account preferences, click "Signatures" on the left, and you will see a text box within which you can make a signature. If you do make one, I hope it's something hopeful because there's plenty of hope for you.

Can you send me the link to that book. I still can’t see the link

 

[Atom Smasher]

Check your PM

 

[davidcarr]

Good points man! I am over analyzing because the way I acted actually makes me sick.. but i felt like I was hooked on her I still feel that way and EVERYTHING that I knew as “game” (not that I knew a crap load) went out the window.

My thoughts are constantly either the oneitis thoughts that she made me so happy or the fact that I made all the wrong moves...

I think this has to do more with my wife ****in me up and then me being stupid enough to date in the state I was right agter my seperation. Which was basically desperate for any kind of attention.

But I am only human and it happened and as some one said it happened for a reason. I guess I can at least say to my self “hey atleast you ****ed a sexy ***** for a few weeks until you really ****ed it up”

I realize now I need to fix myself so that I am not so desperate for attention and love... the biggest mistake I made was to stay in a marriage that put me in this desperate needy situation.

I don't even think you ****ed up. I think social norms are changing so rapidly and so drastically that a new set of rules apply. If you are in your 40's you likely have a more chivalrous notion of monogamy and emotional loyalty.

This is no longer a hard norm. It is at most a soft norm. There is too large of a gray area now to take it forgranted.

I won't say you should become more jaded, but some realistic assessment of how "popular" committed relationships is probably in order. I stick to the assessment that you are far more advanced than the vast majority of the forum and probably are in better position to give rather than accept advice from participants.

 

[Captain Canada]

I don't even think you ****ed up. I think social norms are changing so rapidly and so drastically that a new set of rules apply. If you are in your 40's you likely have a more chivalrous notion of monogamy and emotional loyalty.

This is no longer a hard norm. It is at most a soft norm. There is too large of a gray area now to take it forgranted.

I won't say you should become more jaded, but some realistic assessment of how "popular" committed relationships is probably in order. I stick to the assessment that you are far more advanced than the vast majority of the forum and probably are in better position to give rather than accept advice from participants.

So you are saying that relationships as I knew it (46 yo man) are no longer what is desired and maybe a turn off or a relationship killer then days?

So then what is more of the norm these days.

 

[djdfuser]

I keep going back and thinking about my mistakes I did to ruin this relationship. How did I fall so hard in 2 months. I honestly feel like I am not going to recover .

Respect, dude. You ran Kamikaze Game on her. Instead of spending six months playing games providing mystery and surprises to what is essentially a selfish child, you spent none. You didn't need to drip feed tales of harems in the waiting so she could validate her very existence. And you're more likely to have not shared her clunge during that shorter, intense period. You ran one mother fvcker of a sh!t test on her belief in herself and she failed it miserably.

You need balls to do that sh!t. I'm yet to meet a man who can run those back to back but it's got me the woman 9/10. Gotta pick wisely, though. It's never just one persons fault and the best quality, most self assured women go at the mans speed or not at all.

 

[Captain Canada]

Respect, dude. You ran Kamikaze Game on her. Instead of spending six months playing games providing mystery and surprises to what is essentially a selfish child, you spent none. You didn't need to drip feed tales of harems in the waiting so she could validate her very existence. And you're more likely to have not shared her clunge during that shorter, intense period. You ran one mother fvcker of a sh!t test on her belief in herself and she failed it miserably.

You need balls to do that sh!t. I'm yet to meet a man who can run those back to back but it's got me the woman 9/10. Gotta pick wisely, though. It's never just one persons fault and the best quality, most self assured women go at the mans speed or not at all.

Kamikaze lol I like that

What did you mean “And you're more likely to have not shared her clunge during that shorter, intense period”

 

[djdfuser]

Kamikaze lol I like that

What did you mean “And you're more likely to have not shared her clunge during that shorter, intense period”

Less chance of her banging someone else while you were being all 'aloof'.

 

[davidcarr]

So you are saying that relationships as I knew it (46 yo man) are no longer what is desired and maybe a turn off or a relationship killer then days?

So then what is more of the norm these days.

Shorter term relationships and hookups are more common these days. The younger the woman, the more 'normal' it is.

It's a headscratcher but I know of a lot of beautiful young women who are not in relationships at all. So, in addition to women who won't commit, there are many attractive women who aren't even in relationships. These women bury themselves in schoolwork and/or jobs and then avoid socializing staying at home binge watching netflix.

A lot of women are afraid of men. Add to that, hypergamy where women are looking to date and marry up.

But, there's nothing you can do about all of that. But, on average, women are increasingly likely to view commitment, family and children with fear rather than as their primary life goals.