**** test handling

[thelittleprince]

**** tests is something I never had any idea of.

Now I've been doing a tonne of research and relate back to just about every encounter with girlfriends dates and even friends on a daily basis.

My question is this - Are boundaries a wise way of dealing with a **** test.

To me just setting a boundary is almost like a cop out. Or at least it should be a last resort or used when a situation dictates?

I'm not experienced in recognising these in the moment and handling them because I've never been aware of them.

What would others suggest as legitimate ways of working with your woman when these matters arise?

 

[Spaz]

I've totally no idea what sh1t tests are. I've never read a tonne of material related to it. Does it matter ? Why ?

What I do know is that I've been fvcking women for decades now and I basically don't give a fvck abt any of her sh1t test.

The only thing I do give a fvck abt is if she meets my standards and I will test her.

 

[thelittleprince]

I've totally no idea what sh1t tests are. I've never read a tonne of material related to it. Does it matter ? Why ?

What I do know is that I've been fvcking women for decades now and I basically don't give a fvck abt any of her sh1t test.

The only thing I do give a fvck abt is if she meets my standards and I will test her.

Well. OK I understand. You are on the throne and and you expect things to be polished. That's one way to handle the whole **** test situation.

I'm developing my inner frame work and addressing certain beliefs. Im a mixed bag in this area shifting from bulldozer to AFC. Obviously need to address the AFC method of handling **** test so maybe the throne is the way to go.

Thanks for sharing your method.

 

[Spaz]

Every tom, d1ck and harry r doing the same shiet. Learning the same stuff u r doing.

Women ain't stupid...

You want to get laid, be different.

Different = Special.

When u r qualifying women, u r projecting value.

When u r inside a women's frame playing her game, u r projecting lame-ness.

Choose, be the driver of ur own fvckable busload of maybe 2-4 female passengers or be the passenger jostling to be at the front seats of a 100 seat capacity bus full of men.

 

[thelittleprince]

Every tom, d1ck and harry r doing the same shiet. Learning the same stuff u r doing.

Women ain't stupid...

You want to get laid, be different.

Different = Special.

When u r qualifying women, u r projecting value.

When u r inside a women's frame playing her game, u r projecting lame-ness.

Choose, be the driver of ur own fvckable busload of maybe 2-4 female passengers or be the passenger jostling to be at the front seats of a 100 seat capacity bus full of men.

Absolutely agree. Especially with last part. Drive your own bus!!

How old are you?

I'm a late comer to all this but quite enjoying the challenge.

Instinctually I'm pretty hard nosed and certainly not predictable. But what happens is when I see them react badly I sometimes think I'm supposed to "be a man" and apologise or something.

Funny thing is I don't treat men or friends the same way. I do wonder if women deserve less respect than men because of their self entitled, soliptistic hypergamist tendencies and the fact that they act irrationally. Not saying treat them badly but just give them little value and absolutely no special treatment because they have a *****.

 

[Spaz]

I'm older then u r.

That means I've the privilege of asking questions now. Let's test you.

What is frame ?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm glad the OP said "handling" instead of "passing".

Sh!t tests should be handled by us, not "passed".

 

[ohrein]

Sh1t tests are just a woman testing your frame. Can she easily control you? Are you weak? Are you lying? Live an honest life and don't let a woman push your buttons and you're fine. It doesn't need to be this big ordeal or be over thought. Just say no if a woman is starting to take advantage of you. One of the biggest sh1t tests I noticed all the time is "fetch quests". Women acting like princesses to see if you'll bend the knee and get something for them that they have no issue getting themselves. I feel like those sort of sh1t tests can diminish her respect for you. Passing them always seems to spike sexual interest but I don't know if it's confirmation bias.

As for boundaries, they need to be set before things happen. Just bring them up in casual conversation. I recently set boundaries with my girlfriend about sleep overs and dates with people of the opposite sex and how I considered it disrespectful. If she does that in the future then I know where I am in terms of her respecting me. If she doesn't then I know she's operating in my frame. I don't have a long list of expectations but the ones I have are important. Any entertaining of another guys interest is grounds for potential break up. Cheating is immediate breakup forever. Disrespecting or creating a scene with company is another one. That's probably about it.

If women act a way you don't like and you haven't set boundaries then it is your fault. You need to express what you deem to be a respectful relationship before these things happen.

 

[Roober]

There are no $hit tests, there are just women acting like women. If a man has a strong frame and conducts himself properly, the woman will know that disrespect is not tolerated. There doesn't typically need to be some direct conversation about boundaries. It is often far better if values about various issues in relationships are given in mini-lessons or open communication (eg. "Your friend doesn't respect her husband, I cant believe he let's her talk like that"). You have to communicate your messages using multiple mediums.

The problem arises when men dont have a strong frame or choose a woman who is incapable of reciprocating respect, both situations should be corrected. Often times, $hit tests are a result of a misunderstanding or a difference in value systems. Men and women make mistakes in relationships, and working through those mistakes is just part of the process.

This is why regular communication with the woman is important, regardless if it's a plate or a budding relationship. The more you establish your frame, the more she will want to be a part of it.

 

[ohrein]

In my eyes there are two purposes to a sh*t test of any kind. One is to test your resolve. The other is to get a feel for the extent in which you are willing to accommodate.

These two facets are complimentary and cannot be absolute in either way.

When you display too much resolve in the way you operate, with strict rules and standards, with no sign whatsoever of accommodation, you are essentially telling a woman that you will not reciprocate the accommodative behavior she displays towards you. Too much is a warning to women that you may very well be "emotionally unavailable" and very often leads to a certain resentment that begins to curtail or entirely end her accommodating nature towards you.

Showing too much accommodation and very little (if any) resolve is essentially a cry of desperation and a display of tolerance to being manipulated by people. I don't think I need to elaborate on the unattractive nature of that.

Most women are looking for a suitable balance in between. They want a man of resolve who can also show a softer side of himself without shame or appeasement in the action. It's like you're letting them see these cute little secrets of your nature; something not for public consumption, which makes a woman feel privy and somewhat connected to you.

This can be done without losing frame, so long as if you do accommodate in any way that it is done selectively and not simply upon her request.

I've found going back and forth can be really appealing. Be very stern then soften once you've made your point. Admit you might have made a mountain of a molehill but that certain principles are important to you.

 

[RangerMIke]

I have a completely different idea on what people call sh!t tests and compliance tests. What is called a sh!t test in nothing more than trying to find leverage in an interaction, what is called 'compliance' tests is really nothing more than chicks asking you to do things for her. Neither are really 'tests', it's just normal stuff that happens in negotiations.

Dating and relationships are BUSINESS for chicks using emotion as their only point of leverage. A man's leverage are his resources and status she might get in a relationship with him. The lower your status and resources: the lower your leverage. The lower your leverage the more bvllsh!t you have to put up with.

Just like in every negotiation, your biggest strength is your willingness to walk away from a deal when you are not getting what you want. The next most important is increasing you leverage (social status and resources). A man that has his sh!t together and is willing to walk away from chicks that are no fun will always come on top on negotiations.

It's like buying a car.... the best way to negotiate the best deal on a new car is to walk on the lot with a folder that shows you are looking at other dealerships, you have options. Then not share anything about what you want... make the car salesmen draw it out of you, let him figure out what you want in a car... this get's him/her invested in the 'sale'. Go in with an attitude that you actually enjoy the process, that car buying is 'fun'. When the salesperson starts 'playing games' then just get up and walk out, and see if they chase after you... if they don't, no problem... he/she is trying to make the salest go to the next dealer. At some point it will get down to the 'deal', that is when you layout what you want, and what you are willing to pay for it. If they are not willing or able to make that deal then you move on.

The best way to get a steady chick (if that is what you want) is to go into dating with options, she's not the only chick. Let her figure you out without laying all your cards on the table... this gets her committed to the interaction and becomes invested in closing the deal. Let her work to make the deal... you are just there to have fun... the more she works the more she gets committed and the more willing she will be to 'compromise'. When she finally makes her big push... you stick to your guns on what you want, if she gives in she will think she got the best deal. If she doesn't... oh well, there are other chicks.

 

[Glassguy]

I have a completely different idea on what people call sh!t tests and compliance tests. What is called a sh!t test in nothing more than trying to find leverage in an interaction, what is called 'compliance' tests is really nothing more than chicks asking you to do things for her. Neither are really 'tests', it's just normal stuff that happens in negotiations.

Dating and relationships are BUSINESS for chicks using emotion as their only point of leverage. A man's leverage are his resources and status she might get in a relationship with him. The lower your status and resources: the lower your leverage. The lower your leverage the more bvllsh!t you have to put up with.

Just like in every negotiation, your biggest strength is your willingness to walk away from a deal when you are not getting what you want. The next most important is increasing you leverage (social status and resources). A man that has his sh!t together and is willing to walk away from chicks that are no fun will always come on top on negotiations.

It's like buying a car.... the best way to negotiate the best deal on a new car is to walk on the lot with a folder that shows you are looking at other dealerships, you have options. Then not share anything about what you want... make the car salesmen draw it out of you, let him figure out what you want in a car... this get's him/her invested in the 'sale'. Go in with an attitude that you actually enjoy the process, that car buying is 'fun'. When the salesperson starts 'playing games' then just get up and walk out, and see if they chase after you... if they don't, no problem... he/she is trying to make the salest go to the next dealer. At some point it will get down to the 'deal', that is when you layout what you want, and what you are willing to pay for it. If they are not willing or able to make that deal then you move on.

The best way to get a steady chick (if that is what you want) is to go into dating with options, she's not the only chick. Let her figure you out without laying all your cards on the table... this gets her committed to the interaction and becomes invested in closing the deal. Let her work to make the deal... you are just there to have fun... the more she works the more she gets committed and the more willing she will be to 'compromise'. When she finally makes her big push... you stick to your guns on what you want, if she gives in she will think she got the best deal. If she doesn't... oh well, there are other chicks.

Good post.

Its no wonder that some of the better salespeople, myself included, are very good with women. The key components between the 2 are remarkably similar.

Another thing to point out is that chicks by nature are not great negotiators. They werent designed to be. They are, however, wonderful manipulators of men when allowed to be.

Women are narcissistic by nature. Most, if not all, overvalue themselves. They feel entitled and that often comes across and is taken as a "shyte test". Its just women being women. When men learn to treat women as children things start heavily favoring the man in the relationship.

The last time I checked, I can respond or not respond to whatever I choose. If I know a woman is trying to test my frame I can always choose to ignore it, or treat her like a child. Both work well depending on the woman.

 

[ohrein]

I spent this past weekend at a plates house. We woke up Saturday morning and she turned to me to say, "You really want to get up and go get me breakfast, don't you? A bagel, coffee...". She then started to smile. I looked at her deadpan, cracked a grin and just shook my head at her, as if saying you're fvcking crazy for even asking me. She knew damn well I wouldn't do it.

She ended up going to get breakfast for us.

Later on that day I went to the supermarket, bought food and decided to cook dinner for us. Voluntary. Didn't tell her I was doing it. Just did it. She was very impressed, not because I cooked her dinner though, but because when I cleaned up I did it the "right way". She's very particular about things in her kitchen, right down to how the dishwasher is loaded. What impressed her the most was that I knew these things... because I paid attention.

Anyway, point here is that I had the resolve not to be her fetch boy, but could also display the ability to care, pay attention, etc. to accommodate in a way that can be impactive.

Once you hit that right balance between resolve and accommodation that a woman loves, it becomes very hard to lose.

Earlier last week I got into a discussion with this same plate about what I wanted her to wear for me for the upcoming weekend. I wanted her in all white. Told her I had a thing for redheads in white. I said I wanted her to wear something like this with thigh-high white socks:

View attachment 1781

Initially she agreed. The next day she sh*t tested me on something. Don't remember exactly how, but I showed my resolve.

Her response to that?

View attachment 1782



I said nothing in response to that, but sure enough she wore all black.

Guess she showed me, huh? lol

You gotta let 'em win sometimes as well. Haha.

 

[Ranger]

Tell her if she’s going to be a bad girl that you do give spankings.
I like sniffing through my nose, almost like a disgusted manner but actually just dismissive of her.
I wouldn’t even pay attention. It’s not her show.

 

[Spaz]

I have a completely different idea on what people call sh!t tests and compliance tests. What is called a sh!t test in nothing more than trying to find leverage in an interaction, what is called 'compliance' tests is really nothing more than chicks asking you to do things for her. Neither are really 'tests', it's just normal stuff that happens in negotiations.

Dating and relationships are BUSINESS for chicks using emotion as their only point of leverage. A man's leverage are his resources and status she might get in a relationship with him. The lower your status and resources: the lower your leverage. The lower your leverage the more bvllsh!t you have to put up with.

Just like in every negotiation, your biggest strength is your willingness to walk away from a deal when you are not getting what you want. The next most important is increasing you leverage (social status and resources). A man that has his sh!t together and is willing to walk away from chicks that are no fun will always come on top on negotiations.

It's like buying a car.... the best way to negotiate the best deal on a new car is to walk on the lot with a folder that shows you are looking at other dealerships, you have options. Then not share anything about what you want... make the car salesmen draw it out of you, let him figure out what you want in a car... this get's him/her invested in the 'sale'. Go in with an attitude that you actually enjoy the process, that car buying is 'fun'. When the salesperson starts 'playing games' then just get up and walk out, and see if they chase after you... if they don't, no problem... he/she is trying to make the salest go to the next dealer. At some point it will get down to the 'deal', that is when you layout what you want, and what you are willing to pay for it. If they are not willing or able to make that deal then you move on.

The best way to get a steady chick (if that is what you want) is to go into dating with options, she's not the only chick. Let her figure you out without laying all your cards on the table... this gets her committed to the interaction and becomes invested in closing the deal. Let her work to make the deal... you are just there to have fun... the more she works the more she gets committed and the more willing she will be to 'compromise'. When she finally makes her big push... you stick to your guns on what you want, if she gives in she will think she got the best deal. If she doesn't... oh well, there are other chicks.

Haha very well put. I'm pleasantly surprised.