Cope with the shame

[Fruitbat]

So, never been in this place before.

I was extremely drunk and my wife refused to come out and meet my friends.

There was no reason to do that. It’s just laziness and embarrasses me in front of our group.

So as a result I shout loudly, I throw various objects about,
I very minorly slap her and worst of all, I slam the glass door and smash the glass door.

She wasn’t hurt. The very minor event wasn’t like serious blows but I’ve never done this and I immediately begged for forgiveness.

A **** ton of online advice says the alcohol is not the issue and I’m just an abusive *******.

She forgave me already but I almost want to kill my self as I feel like vermin. Just need to share this.

Do your worst. I was, for aboit
1 min, what I hated most - an abusive husband.

I hate myself to the core and doubt I can forgive myself for a while.

 

[AttackFormation]

Why the fvck are you getting "extremely drunk", and then acting out like a buffoon? are you a 15 year old kid? And you've said you were already overweight. Alcohol will fvck your body fat%, fvck your testosterone, fvck your d!ck and now it's helping to fvck your life. And you can't say that the slap was nothing major. Her feelings and pain receptors decide that, not you. If she brings it up with you... don't go into a beta breakdown, but don't deny or diminish what she feels and take accountability for it.

You're stronger than this dude. Lay off the poison and resurrect the image in your mind to lead you of the man you want to be. There is no excuse, but there is a course of action. The fact that you feel remorse and came here to tell us about it shows that you have it in you to be better than an abusive drunkard, but you have to be active, look yourself in the eyes and create the change yourself...

 

[Fruitbat]

Why the fvck are you getting "extremely drunk", and then acting out like a buffoon? are you a 15 year old kid? And you've said you were already overweight. Alcohol will fvck your body fat%, fvck your testosterone, fvck your d!ck and now it's helping to fvck your life. And you can't say that the slap was nothing major. Her feelings and pain receptors decide that, not you. If she brings it up with you... don't go into a beta breakdown, but don't deny or diminish what she feels and take accountability for it.

You're stronger than this dude. Lay off the poison and resurrect the image in your mind to lead you of the man you want to be. There is no excuse, but there is a course of action. The fact that you feel remorse and came here to tell us about it shows that you have it in you to be better than an abusive drunkard, but you have to be active, look yourself in the eyes and create the change yourself...

Being honest, I find life totally boring without drugs or alchohol.

What is there to enjoy? Painting? A sunset?

Can’t understand what exists beyond that. Sad but true. I honestly wonder how sober couple enjoy life. Do they seriously just watch a movie and that’s it?

I would love to agree but people who don’t drink etc must be in a constant state of stress. How do you block out work stress, life stress? Massage? Wtf?

 

[Fruitbat]

Lol beta breakdown? I cried and begged for forgiveness sad but true. Actually cried. No ****. I was pretty shaken up with how angry I got.

 

[Fruitbat]

Seriously? People don’t get pissed at least once a week?

I’m basically counting the days. All the time in between is like being at school.

It feels like kiddie time having fun without something interesting.

What am I gojng to do - go bowling? Kareoke? Play chess? What on Earth do people do without beer?

 

[Fruitbat]

I just ask my wife how I can’t enjoy weekend without drink.

She said it’s because I don’t have strong family . I have about 3 people in my family one of which sexually abused me.

Perhaps that’s it, if you have a strong set of people around you, you don’t need it.

 

[AttackFormation]

Being honest, I find life totally boring without drugs or alchohol.

What is there to enjoy? Painting? A sunset?

Can’t understand what exists beyond that. Sad but true. I honestly wonder how sober couple enjoy life. Do they seriously just watch a movie and that’s it?

I would love to agree but people who don’t drink etc must be in a constant state of stress. How do you block out work stress, life stress? Massage? Wtf?

Here we go. The real problems are starting to come out. It's a good thing you made this thread.

Lol beta breakdown? I cried and begged for forgiveness sad but true. Actually cried. No ****. I was pretty shaken up with how angry I got.

Well it's all right dude, your wife seems to still be around. If you turn yourself around from this she'll be proud and more importantly so will you. You can turn it into a one step back to leap two forward.

Seriously? People don’t get pissed at least once a week?

I’m basically counting the days. All the time in between is like being at school.

It feels like kiddie time having fun without something interesting.

What am I gojng to do - go bowling? Kareoke? Play chess? What on Earth do people do without beer?

I: 1) dance, sing (I'm now fairly ok at dancing, I just started doing it in front of my computer to have fun... and singing is just for fun, both dancing and singing help you "freak out" without alcohol), read books and articles of things that interest me and write catalogs of my knowledge from them, enjoy fiction 2) have plans to take up meditation, drawing, life science research and hands-on hobbies, 3) plans to move to a warmer climate where I can have the outdoors lifestyle I want and do things like diving with dolphins and be out in nature more which is one of the things I most enjoy. I gym where I also do some sprints. Used to do mma, now I might just do self defense occasionally.

And I'm not a guy who ever had a particular interest when I was younger, except playing video games, and used to question myself much like you on what the fvck I even wanted to do. All of this is stuff I've started doing or have plans to do because I decided to do them, no one and nothing introduced me to it. You can do sh!t like this in your life too. Then you'd round it out with cuddling, fvcking and taking your wife out to nice places in nature.

Maybe you'd like fast speeds with racecars or boats or something, or some other thing of the tons of stuff there are to do... spend some time going over this.

I just ask my wife how I can’t enjoy weekend without drink.

She said it’s because I don’t have strong family . I have about 3 people in my family one of which sexually abused me.

Perhaps that’s it, if you have a strong set of people around you, you don’t need it.

I don't have a strong family around me, and I'm pretty much teetotal now.

What you need to do is discover, find something that stimulates you... activities that you enjoy and hobbies that are hands-on for the brain and physique. The fact that you feel the way you do when you have no hobbies is completely normal. Any human feels that. We are not meant to be idle, we are happy when we are engaged with our bodies, and creatively hands-on, and mentally.

 

[jaymbrs]

You have to find a happy medium. I workout 5 days a week, play rec softball travel and only get drunk on the weekends. Thing is I enjoy doing all the other stuff too. Sober. You gotta get involved in stuff.

Alcohol has caused me to lose friends because I can get very obnoxious and even confrontational. However, now that I know that, I do my best to either limit the alc intake or catch myself when I start behaving in an offensive manner. Then I stop. Learn that when you're getting drunk with your friends, you should probably not include your wife.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Switch from alcohol to weed.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I would love to agree but people who don’t drink etc must be in a constant state of stress.

I don't drink and I'm rarely stressed. And I enjoy life plenty.

 

[Ranger]

Switch from alcohol to weed.

Yeah this is garbage. Substitution of one drug for another is really stupid. Lol

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yeah this is garbage. Substitution of one drug for another is really stupid. Lol

I'm sure you are not on any drugs, right? No medications whatsoever, no caffeine, no sugar....

Has anyone ever beat their wife after smoking weed? Unless alcohol is involved, too, that doesn't happen.

 

[Ranger]

I'm sure you are not on any drugs, right? No medications whatsoever, no caffeine, no sugar....

Has anyone ever beat their wife after smoking weed? Unless alcohol is involved, too, that doesn't happen.

If I’m prescribed something, I evaluate if I want to take it. The last time I took pain killers I got bronc stomped by a mare in saddle bronc practice.

No I don’t eat sugar in fact. I might take an aspirin once maybe twice a year. It’s called a headache not “I’m a really stupid MF, ache.”
Fat soluable drugs are cognizant reasoning debilitating. I would rather do coke. Which I wouldn’t obviously. Not crack, but coke. At least it’s water soluble.
It’s my opinion. You don’t have to follow anything I think or say but to tell a guy who is wrecking his life with substance abuse to just switch to another crutch is pretty stupid. Nuff said.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Plenty of people get off hard drugs by switching to weed. It is actually quite common. That is why big pharma and the alcohol industry fight weed legalization - weed makes you consume a lot less of the drugs they peddle. I have seen hardcore meth addicts who were shooting up for years quit using by first of all, moving away so they don't know anyone to buy meth from, and secondly, smoking a lot of weed to fight the withdrawal symptoms. To say that person is still a junkie is to not understand drugs very well. One substance destroys lives and alienates the user from society. The other allows one to function, hold a job, and actually contribute to society.

 

[AttackFormation]

Plenty of people get off hard drugs by switching to weed. It is actually quite common. That is why big pharma and the alcohol industry fight weed legalization - weed makes you consume a lot less of the drugs they peddle. I have seen hardcore meth addicts who were shooting up for years quit using by first of all, moving away so they don't know anyone to buy meth from, and secondly, smoking a lot of weed to fight the withdrawal symptoms. To say that person is still a junkie is to not understand drugs very well. One substance destroys lives and alienates the user from society. The other allows one to function, hold a job, and actually contribute to society.

The fact that alcohol and tobacco which are some of the most harmful products to yourself and more importantly others in society who can't control their exposure to drunks/smoke are legal while weed is not is such a sick joke, and then they say the drug policies are to "protect you". Lmao. It's just about money.

 

[Ranger]

Really? The success rate is 3-5% either way. Look it up.
We disagree. That’s ok with you...right?

 

[Ranger]

The fact that alcohol and tobacco which are some of the most harmful products to yourself and others in society are legal while weed is not is such a sick joke, and then they say the drug policies are to "protect you". Lmao. It's just about money.

We are in agreement. I never once argued that.

 

[BeExcellent]

@Fruitbat , you have to firstly forgive yourself this transgression over the weekend. Self loathing becomes its own indulgence fairly quickly. Don't engage in self destructive self flaggelation.

Next you have to look at why your wife refused to socialize. In my mind that is both fairly obvious and completely reasonable. You were shjt faced and she didn't want to deal with whatever things you might say or do that could embarrass her, or you as a result.

That is a reasonable stance on her part. She doesn't have to tolerate shjtty behavior on your part. She didn't. That shows character.

Finally you have to examine how you got here in the first place. Your wife appears to be supportive of you sorting this out...and patient.

The issue I see is that she holds you in higher esteem than you hold yourself. So you feel as though you don't deserve her support/love. You are more comfortable berating yourself. That is safe and that is familiar. Somehow you have to face the bigger issue, which is your own self esteem...and stop masking that with substance use or mis-use.

The thing about intimate personal relationships is that they expose the flaws in both people eventually. Once the flaws are exposed you have an opportunity to work on them. Your wife loves you flaws and all. You are being challenged to learn to love yourself and accept your flaws rather than crucify yourself over them.

Can you do that some way? Love yourself; accept yourself?

We are pulling for you here.

 

[Glassguy]

Seriously? People don’t get pissed at least once a week?

I’m basically counting the days. All the time in between is like being at school.

It feels like kiddie time having fun without something interesting.

What am I gojng to do - go bowling? Kareoke? Play chess? What on Earth do people do without beer?

Everyone gets mad, angry, discouraged, frustrated, unhappy, etc.
Its how you handle it that makes the person's character.

You are a very weak person. "A mild slap"? Dude, a slap is a slap. Only b1tches hit a woman. Period.

If you want to fix this, put the bottle/beer down and get straightened up. If you cant make that choice as the first choice, nobody can help you and it WILL happen again. Dont tell her you will fix it, fvcking fix it now. Not tomorrow, now.

Kudos to your wife. If I was a woman you would have been left from acting like a 4 year old who didnt get his way. Then throw the "mild slap" on top of it? You are lucky she didnt call the police and have you thrown behind bars with a restraining order and charges. Good luck with that on your resume the rest of your life. Painting and watching a sunset for entertainment WOULD be your goals at that point.

Get your shyte straight. Nobody is going to tell you anything to do as far as self change that you dont already know. You need to have a serious soul searching talk with yourself on your way to get actualy help.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Being honest, I find life totally boring without drugs or alchohol.

What is there to enjoy?

I never done drugs. Not because of a moral or legal thing, I just never been interested.

I tried smoking normal cigarretes a few times, once in jr. high school, once in high school and finally once in University. Never got a taste for it, never enjoyed it so I stop trying.

I drank a lot during my teenage years and early twenties but only at parties or other social stuff. These days? I can go months, even years without a drop of alcohol. I don´t need it.

What is there to enjoy? For me, it´s Netflix, Fine Dining, Tons of sex, Hanging out with my male friends, Going to the movies, and Traveling as much as I can while there´s still money in the bank.

Just try different things until you find something that can replace drugs/alcohol.