Why do so many people think bars/clubs are a good way of meeting women?

[zekko]

When I'm around other people in real life, I talk about whatever is interesting to them. I don't ever brag and I don't talk about myself unless it makes sense within context of the specific conversation. I go out of my way to be a great son, brother, friend, etc... Every one of my friends will tell you I'm one of the best and most loyal friends they've ever had.

See? You can't even write a paragraph denying that you're narcissistic without talking about how you're the best.

 

[MatureDJ]

Since I am what Incels call a "manlet" , I have had very little success picking up on women in bars. The hypergamy that is pervasive in the dating world is also pervasive in the bar scene, in the sense that Chad's harem doesn't feel the need to find another Chad and thus won't be out, while Chad still goes out; also, a lot of good women who aren't in a harem won't be hitting the bars every weekend, whereas the Average Frustrated Chump will. The net effect is that the bar scene is an extraordinary sausage fest, with the only relief coming with biological-clock ticking gals who understand that they need to be more aggressive.

 

[Chronocidal]

The days are long gone where you can walk into a club and bang a chick that night. It hasn't been like that in a long time, although it does happen it is very rare.

What made it a thing in those past days, and what's making it very rare now?

What venues are better suited to achieving same-day or same-night lays now?

 

[BeExcellent]

I love clubs and bars because I love club music, live music, etc... I'm a huge trance and dance music fan. Stuff like this

I also love dressing to the nines. I'm usually the best dressed dude almost anywhere I go






I'm not trying to bang women at clubs or bars at all. Hell, I'm not even trying to bang on first, second or third date. I want somebody who is extremely high quality...but you're skipping step 1 through 9 and going to 10. Getting a date from bars/clubs is retardedly hard, borderline impossible

Every woman there comes with groups of 10 friends and you have no idea who is single. The only somewhat easy approach is when they come with just 1 female friend but those girls are instantly swarmed by groups of men so you have to fight off 50 douchebags to hit on 1 girl. It's just exhausting and stupid

That's a great mix. Think I will add to playlist.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So why do so many people think it's a good way to meet women?

Is this some kind of a trick question?

The answer is obvious.

Because plenty of people consistently pull from bars and clubs.

Why do they pull from bars and clubs?

Because they TALK TO PEOPLE in those bars and clubs.

They talk to A LOT OF PEOPLE in those bars and club.

And after they TALK TO A LOT OF PEOPLE in those bars and clubs, they find some of them feel a mutual attraction.

And they both act on that mutual attraction in a way that is mutually enjoyable.

Whey they DON'T do is stand on the sidelines giving themselves endless excuses why they SHOULDN'T go and talk to people just to find out more about them.

Yeah, we know, you don't want to talk to ANYBODY unless you are 100% sure she is PERFECT.

You DON'T talk to anybody who isn't 100% PERFECT because you are a highly moral individual who has a morally superior DISTASTE for talking to ANYBODY you aren't ready to start a family with.

 

[RangerMIke]

What made it a thing in those past days, and what's making it very rare now?

It was a slow process, but it really started in the late 80s, and all but disappeared in the mid-90s. I suspect much of it had to do with the rise of incurable STDs (Aids and Herpies), as well as changes in perceived acceptable behavior. But even back then, for a man to make this happen, he had to look good. You had to dress well and be in great shape... that is really all that mattered. I don;t think I could pull this off today, even if it was commonly accepted. Even though I think I look pretty decent for my age, I'm still 51, and any chick just looking to just hook up is going to have MUCH better options than me. I believe I've had some opportunities to pull this off now with women closer to my age but honestly I no longer want to do this... hearts just not in it anymore. So I can not honestly say I could because I'm not really trying. I think another reason is social media... it's really hard to hide your behavior anymore, so what you do, and who you do it with becomes public knowledge pretty fast. If a chick is at a club with her friends, it's just too damn easy for one of her friends taking a picture of you and posting it on Instagram with the tag "Guess who [insert her friends name] hooked up with!" Women do not like to be judged... it's too easy to do that now-a-days.

What venues are better suited to achieving same-day or same-night lays now?

Parties mostly I suppose, being a complete stranger that you randomly meet in a bar or club would be hard. There has to be at least a little commonality. If you meet at a private party or some event there is at least a chance that you know someone there you both know. That's my recent experience. I'm guessing this still happens in college... but dudes in college will have to judge this since that is no longer part of my life. I also here places like Vegas and on Ocean Cruises this happens, but since I hate both of those, I can not say for sure.

 

[bigdave17]

That's a great mix. Think I will add to playlist.

EDM is awesome

 

[MatureDJ]

I'm still 51, and any chick just looking to just hook up is going to have MUCH better options than me. I believe I've had some opportunities to pull this off now with women closer to my age but honestly I no longer want to do this... hearts just not in it anymore.

Agreed. I am a just a wee bit senior to you, and I have virtually no desire to mate with women my age.

 

[R.U.G.]

@bigdave17, please, see a psychologist. With all due respect, in regard to all of your posts, you need to speak to someone professionally to sort through your own internal issues.

 

[meldiamond]

I get positive signals from women all the time, but none of them are dateable. I like ethnic women in their 20s (mostly Spanish or middle eastern) with cute faces and nice bodies. I've had multiple attractive latinas who liked me but they all had kids. I would do a white girl if she had dark features (Italian or greek)

and yes I'm good looking and rich. I live in a very wealthy suburb of Chicago. Are you near me?

Based on your descriptions of how difficult it was for you to meet women, I assumed you lived out in the boonies somewhere: some tiny town of 5,000. Maybe 500. Now you say you live in Chicago and can't meet women? WTF? Chicago is the 3rd largest metro area in the US, with a population of over 9.5 million! Tough to believe you can't find attractive women with a middle eastern look in the chicago metro area.

I've visited Chicago several times. Most of the time I was stuck working with clients and/or networking with colleagues, but I did get a chance to sample the nightlife one or two nights.

Despite my skepticism however, I must admit that I was not impressed with the nightlife. I didn't do much research and strangely, found it difficult to find major areas with busy, popular clubs and bars. I only found one decent place. There was a door guy screening so that made sure all of the fatties and gangbangers and low lifes were screened out. Lots of guys in suits and plenty of girls in dresses. It was pretty formal. Just about all of the girls were in the 6-8 range. No stunners but fortunately no ug's either. Not many people dancing, it just wasn't a fun place. I left like after half an hour. Very disappointing.

There were supposedly some huge clubs nearby but they served primarily an asian clientele.

I just don't know much about chicago: I wish I could tell you more but never explored the area very much even though I've visited several times now. They have a big jazz and blues scene, although I doubt that would help you much.

Even though I was not especially impressed as a visitor, as a resident you should have done quite a bit of research to hone in on the types of women who you find most attractive.

btw, it's not clear to me why dave is attacked on such a regular basis: he doesn't brag much (says he's about a 7) and admits to struggling dating. I mean, the guy is being honest as far as I can tell, why condemn him for it?

Why not be a little more positive and try to help him at least? I would try to help him out if I knew anything at all about chicago, which quite frankly I don't. I'm just assuming it couldn't be that hard to find hot looking dark haired women in a metro area of nearly 10 million?

 

[meldiamond]

Before I go into general pointers, have you visited Miami? I visited years ago and Miami certainly has a rep for the type of women you're interested in: brown, curvy, latin. I was shocked at how little clothing women wear there. The women are VERY flirtatious. They make strong eye contact and smile easily. I was rolling with family so I couldn't do anything but wow, the women struck me as very direct.

Having said that, I don't think it makes sense to generalize the way you do. There's a lot of variation between different clubs and bars. It sounds like you had bad experiences at a few places and think all of them suck. Not necessarily the case.

Did you do due diligence in research? At least do a cursory search on yelp. You'll get at least a general idea of which nightspots are busier and more likely to draw attractive women. There are generally photos as well so you'll have some idea if it's a nice place or not. Ask around when you go out. People will be very forthcoming about where the hotspots are.

DO NOT go to bars that have a "mancave" theme like hooters or any bar hosting a UFC night, or if a big college or pro football game is on. Huge turnoff for women.

Keep searching after you've done research. You live in Chicago after all. There must be SOMETHING that clicks for you. I was not impressed by the nightlife there but I only went out one night and had no idea of what the hotspots were.

You're in Chicago. There must be SOME places during the day to go daygaming as well. Go find them!

I've visited a bunch of cities and people are almost always easy to talk to and meet in the larger cities. I don't think your taste in women is so esoteric or different that it would be difficult much less impossible in the chicago area.

I don't mean to be insulting with such basic advice, but it seems the only type of person making the type of generalization you do are guys who don't go out much and/or are super easily frustrated.

They are absolutely horrible

The vast majority of women come to bars with a dude
The ones who are not there with a dude are usually with 10 girls in an obvious "girls night out" which they clearly don't want to bothered
maybe 5% come with just 1 friend clearly looking to meet someone but they are constantly bombarded by men 24-7 all night long. Trying to approach 1 is incredibly exhausting cause you have to fight off the angry pack of wolves trying to converge on them.

Bars/clubs are absolutely atrocious. So why do so many people think it's a good way to meet women?

 

[meldiamond]

First of all, rep for the great mix. Second, you don't have to try that hard. Women who want to be pulled either make a move very late in the evening, or are highly receptive to you making a move when it's very late.

Try this: go out just in time for last call. I don't know what time that is in chicago. Let's say bars close at 1:30 AM. Show up so you'll be there at 1:10 or 1:15. If the clubs don't let people in at that time, get there as late as you possibly can while they still admit people, say 1 AM. Or just loiter outside around 1:15 AM or later.

Women who are interested in being pulled with either approach you, proximity approach, or stare or stare and smile. Look for those 4 key signs. Then screen based upon personal preferences.

Or, feel free to go out earlier just to enjoy the music then get to your approaches around closing. All of the bs and such will evaporate during this time of clarity.

I love clubs and bars because I love club music, live music, etc... I'm a huge trance and dance music fan. Stuff like this

I also love dressing to the nines. I'm usually the best dressed dude almost anywhere I go






I'm not trying to bang women at clubs or bars at all. Hell, I'm not even trying to bang on first, second or third date. I want somebody who is extremely high quality...but you're skipping step 1 through 9 and going to 10. Getting a date from bars/clubs is retardedly hard, borderline impossible

Every woman there comes with groups of 10 friends and you have no idea who is single. The only somewhat easy approach is when they come with just 1 female friend but those girls are instantly swarmed by groups of men so you have to fight off 50 douchebags to hit on 1 girl. It's just exhausting and stupid

 

[bigdave17]

yes I've been in Miami

the women are very hot but I can't imagine living there. It's very heavily Hispanic, crazy expensive, lots of traffic

I like going to Chicago to party once a week but rest of the time, I enjoy my quiet suburbs lifestyle

 

[devilkingx2]

btw, it's not clear to me why dave is attacked on such a regular basis: he doesn't brag much (says he's about a 7) and admits to struggling dating. I mean, the guy is being honest as far as I can tell, why condemn him for it?

Why not be a little more positive and try to help him at least? I would try to help him out if I knew anything at all about chicago, which quite frankly I don't. I'm just assuming it couldn't be that hard to find hot looking dark haired women in a metro area of nearly 10 million?

It will become clear why people react the way they do, once you realize how often bigdave makes really stupid repetitive threads

Like a thread about not getting laid in forever followed by a thread about turning down interested women for arbitrary reasons

 

[EmotionalGeek]

I can't imagine living there. It's very heavily Hispanic, crazy expensive

You just said you are rich and you worry about costs?

 

[bigdave17]

You just said you are rich and you worry about costs?

yea, so what? I'm cheap too


I save 5 grand a month now. I don't want to lower that

 

[sazc]

U can't blog somewhere else?

 

[Von]

Wait OP always talk about Spanish girls, yet he wont go to Miami cause there is too much Spanish (hispanic) girls?

I thought OP wanted to KILL OLD.

Stay on OLD OP it's better for your manly taste

 

[bigdave17]

Wait OP always talk about Spanish girls, yet he wont go to Miami cause there is too much Spanish (hispanic) girls?

I thought OP wanted to KILL OLD.

Stay on OLD OP it's better for your manly taste

I love Spanish girls but I dunno if I can live in a super hispanic area like that

It's even worse cause I look very Hispanic...everybody comes up to me and talks to me in Spanish which I can't speak.

 

[bigdave17]

It sounds like you live in a small town. Try going out in a big city: LA, SF, NYC, or some other major area where you can more easily mingle. In smaller towns, gossip and more conservative behavior stymy cold approaches.

I live near Chicago dude