I'm a loser and I don't know how to change

[aspergillus]

I'm looking for any advice outside the typical RP / PUA stuff since I'm actually pretty good with those two topics, but I can't seem to operationalize it when it matters the most.

I do alright for myself, double digit numbers of women I've been with, no real issue getting dates or even having relationships when I want them. The problem is when I'm really into a girl, it never seems to work. Also, I get too attached to a girl and then when it ultimately doesn't work out (rejection or I break up with them) it crushes me. I seem to be attracted to, and fall hard for, the worst types of women:

• Three years ago I dated girl with an actual, clinically diagnosed, personality disorder. I was either the worst or best thing in her life on any given day. I broke it off with her after 6 months because I couldn't take the rollercoaster anymore. It messed me up for over a year.
• I've recently developed oneitis for a girl that lives across the country. We just started hanging out before I moved literally as far away as I could in the US from where she is. She's been playing hot / cold with me, sending me messages / facetiming me, talking about making plans and then going dead silent. She always has a large group of guys that she is leading on, and while I logically know I'm just playing into that, I can't seem to break out of the cycle.

Maybe I'm codependent? Maybe I'm just not equipped for this game? I'm in my early 30's and am simply exhausted with dating / relationships. Any advice?

 

[Chi Town]

Your going to have to date multiple women at the same time in order to not get attached to any 1 particular girl.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

This is soy boy status. Obsession over a woman on the other side of the universe. Its a classic example of low testosterone cowardice. Cannot approach girls aren't hit enough lol

Put on the big boy pants. Go get baeeees.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I'm looking for any advice outside the typical RP / PUA stuff since I'm actually pretty good with those two topics, but I can't seem to operationalize it when it matters the most.

I do alright for myself, double digit numbers of women I've been with, no real issue getting dates or even having relationships when I want them. The problem is when I'm really into a girl, it never seems to work. Also, I get too attached to a girl and then when it ultimately doesn't work out (rejection or I break up with them) it crushes me. I seem to be attracted to, and fall hard for, the worst types of women:

• Three years ago I dated girl with an actual, clinically diagnosed, personality disorder. I was either the worst or best thing in her life on any given day. I broke it off with her after 6 months because I couldn't take the rollercoaster anymore. It messed me up for over a year.
• I've recently developed oneitis for a girl that lives across the country. We just started hanging out before I moved literally as far away as I could in the US from where she is. She's been playing hot / cold with me, sending me messages / facetiming me, talking about making plans and then going dead silent. She always has a large group of guys that she is leading on, and while I logically know I'm just playing into that, I can't seem to break out of the cycle.

Maybe I'm codependent? Maybe I'm just not equipped for this game? I'm in my early 30's and am simply exhausted with dating / relationships. Any advice?

I have no advice other than I can completely empathize and relate to how you’re feeling. I don’t know what the answer is though.,

 

[aspergillus]

I have a friend that works with the girl in the second bullet point. He says she's been dating another guy for a few weeks. Amazing.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I have a friend that works with the girl in the second bullet point. He says she's been dating another guy for a few weeks. Amazing.

So wait minute. You moved across the country to be closer to this chick? Did I read that correctly?

 

[touma.akagi]

Just freeze your contact (ghost) with all of the current girls and meet some new ones. Use tinder or in person, it doesn't matter. Just find some new ones. The old ones will either reach out to you or they won't. The ones that do are ones you can still talk to, the ones that don't... well, they don't matter.

I'd recommend 30d no text of the past girls. By the 50th day you should have some girls in real life, not just texting.

Don't call yourself a loser. I want you to learn to tell yourself "I'm a winner." Eric Edgemont's book gives some nice affirmations you can give yourself each morning:

"Women find me incredibly alluring and irresistibly appealing.
I have several attractive women who would fight to date me right
now.
And finally, every day, more and more I am unlocking my mojo."

 

[sosousage]

I'm looking for any advice outside the typical RP / PUA stuff since I'm actually pretty good with those two topics, but I can't seem to operationalize it when it matters the most.

I do alright for myself, double digit numbers of women I've been with, no real issue getting dates or even having relationships when I want them. The problem is when I'm really into a girl, it never seems to work. Also, I get too attached to a girl and then when it ultimately doesn't work out (rejection or I break up with them) it crushes me. I seem to be attracted to, and fall hard for, the worst types of women:

• Three years ago I dated girl with an actual, clinically diagnosed, personality disorder. I was either the worst or best thing in her life on any given day. I broke it off with her after 6 months because I couldn't take the rollercoaster anymore. It messed me up for over a year.
• I've recently developed oneitis for a girl that lives across the country. We just started hanging out before I moved literally as far away as I could in the US from where she is. She's been playing hot / cold with me, sending me messages / facetiming me, talking about making plans and then going dead silent. She always has a large group of guys that she is leading on, and while I logically know I'm just playing into that, I can't seem to break out of the cycle.

Maybe I'm codependent? Maybe I'm just not equipped for this game? I'm in my early 30's and am simply exhausted with dating / relationships. Any advice?

foreveralone = fragile emotionally for any relationship
no friends = as above
no talk with anyone = as above
no hobbies, bored with himself = as above.


human can be alone for years even whole life if they have interesting hobbies or aims or stuff. just find something that you like and dont care about anything.

 

[wifehunter]

everyone starts at 'laahoozaahuur'...

Square one is the beginning. Most don't progress to any significant distance from here.

The question should be:

'What does it take, to be awesome?'

 

[switch7]

I'm looking for any advice outside the typical RP / PUA stuff since I'm actually pretty good with those two topics, but I can't seem to operationalize it when it matters the most.

I do alright for myself, double digit numbers of women I've been with, no real issue getting dates or even having relationships when I want them. The problem is when I'm really into a girl, it never seems to work. Also, I get too attached to a girl and then when it ultimately doesn't work out (rejection or I break up with them) it crushes me. I seem to be attracted to, and fall hard for, the worst types of women:

• Three years ago I dated girl with an actual, clinically diagnosed, personality disorder. I was either the worst or best thing in her life on any given day. I broke it off with her after 6 months because I couldn't take the rollercoaster anymore. It messed me up for over a year.
• I've recently developed oneitis for a girl that lives across the country. We just started hanging out before I moved literally as far away as I could in the US from where she is. She's been playing hot / cold with me, sending me messages / facetiming me, talking about making plans and then going dead silent. She always has a large group of guys that she is leading on, and while I logically know I'm just playing into that, I can't seem to break out of the cycle.

Maybe I'm codependent? Maybe I'm just not equipped for this game? I'm in my early 30's and am simply exhausted with dating / relationships. Any advice?

95% of males have this problem imo. The solution is to get on your purpose and find something very meaningful that fills that void other than a woman. Once you do this you will be less attached to a woman, and a woman will find this more attractive so they will stay around longer.

Other way is to spin plates.. Personally id rather be working towards something much bigger than women.

 

[Serenity]

The problem is when I'm really into a girl, it never seems to work.

I'm assuming you'd want it to work out and you'd want a lasting relationship with a girl you're really into? If that's the case I see a few things that would prevent you from getting this.

PUA stuff is focused on how to get the girls, not how to keep them. RP stuff is focused on how to stay out of trouble regarding women, not how to keep them. You want to know how to keep them, but your knowledge and experience seems to be about getting them and getting rid of them. To keep them you need at least a rough idea about what you want out of a relationship now and into the future. Falling hard for someone and impulsively going into a relationship based on blind emotions is doomed to fail sooner or later.

You need to be rational! Hold back on your desires and realistically assess the viability of what you're about to do. Their personality and particularly the stability (or rather predictability) of said personality is massively important! Next there's commonality, you need a common goal to have synergy, else you're just drifting apart in your own directions. Last but no less important is practicality, like proximity, economy and overall life situation of both. Being a country apart, one of you having no ability to contribute financially or having some major troubles in life is impractical to a degree where starting a relationship is a very bad idea.

In short your strategy to relationships is poorly thought out or lacking and you're acting on emotions. You need to figure out what you want and how you want it, then go in search of that. You need to know your deal breakers, what's tolerable and what you'd like to have. When you meet a girl, assess her according to that, make no compromise and then act accordingly (maybe even against your impulses).

Only clueless girls goes for a clueless guy. Those girls are a waste of time, relationships with them either becomes increasingly empty and meaningless or just devolves straight down to abuse.

This is a lot, but either you figure it out or you don't. Good luck.

 

[aspergillus]

Well she just texted me out of nowhere complaining about something and completely ignoring my prior message. I deleted it, along with all of her other messages / pictures. The first step in a path to recovery.

I really need to work on myself. I think Grewd hit this on the head. I need to spend time thinking about what I want and staying true to that. Even considering something more than a ONS with a girl across the country is irrational.