Bragging - I need input and it's usefull for everyone

[TheGambino]

Ok, I am doing very well, I feel great. It is because I work out a lot, I eat very healthy, look healthy because of that and I feel confident.

Next to that I got a couple of carreer options as a great job opportunity or a chance to start my own business in 2 months.

I am someone who braggs because im so AMBITIOUS to achieve my goals in life. It's in my nature, when I was a kid I was kind of agressive. I'm tanned guy with divorced parents and I growed up in a village with only white people. My parents hate eachother from my childhood and it affected me also. I have a attitude from my childhood and growed up as someone who always wanted to be a boss and show off. I am not proud about it but this is who I am.
I started to do boxing to learn to defend myself from older guys who tried to bully me and I threatened them years later in bars when I ran into them, and my reputation feared them off. In those days I fought a lot in bars and got locked up 10s of times by the police for a day or two and got a lot of fines because of that. Next to that I was a popular kid with loads and loads of friends so I had a FUN childhood also.

One day I bettered myself completely when I was like 19 and I never fought again on the streets for 7 years now. I am just trying to explain my childhood, so you guys understand my character.

Now, I was always kind of a bragger, I like to show off who I am, what Im proud of, my skills and go on. People don't always like that, I lost friends because of it and loads of people hate me because of it, but I also have loads of friends who love me for who I am because I love to motivate my friends and help them with trouble.
Anyway one of my best friends yesterday told me. '' Man I really like you, your my best friend but dude you bragg too much about business your going to start, what your good at and some people hate you for that'' also ''I don't think its good to bragg to girls on dates or your plates''

I was really thinking about this. I also show off my appartment (its kind of nice) and myself on snapchat. I got all my plates and friends on it so is that a good thing or bad? Just trying to understand what will work in my best interest. Use the replies guys, knowledge is key. Or appointments with my accountant (for the business im going to do, I put it on snapchat) and tell girls on dates what my skills are and that I want to start a business and live my dreams and travel the world.

What do you guys think of telling people in general and especially girls what you want to do on business plans, make money, live independant. The thing is, the majority of people want that life but know deep inside that they will never achieve it, so they are going to hate on people like me and you (all SS'ers hopefully) that want to achiev greatness. I lose friends because of that sometimes. What about bragging about boxing skills that I sometimes do too. Guys don't think im such a sick ass bragger or something, but well im NOT MODEST at all.

And understand: This is not made up, or game or anything, ITS JUST ME. This is who I always was, very clear about what Im good at. And it worked for me in some cases but I get a lot of hate because of it too. And what about girls and being confident and on the other hand modest or braggg?

I am the alpha guy, with the big mouth, showing off who's the boss and that you can't f8ck with me. Its just me..

I get a lot of hate for it, but LOADS of respect too, all ballers, drug dealers, bad guys, great kickboxers, black/arab whatever that are in the clubs in my region know me, greet me and respect me, they know that they can't f8ck with me because of my confident attitude and reputation. I enjoy this status, but should I try to become more modest and chill out.

 

[TheGambino]

Look into CBT. Bragging isn't working for you.

CBT?

 

[Murk]

CBT is good ****.

Anyway I'm the total opposite, my life is shrouded in mystery. When it comes to what I have possessions wise and work, I leave that off social media. I will snapchat cool buildings/head office I visit for client meetings with global organisations but that's about it. Minimal snaps at my place unless people are round/party going on.

There's no need to tell girls your business like that, or anyone for that matter. Let them slowly find out how awesome you are if they get to that stage. I'm not surprised people hate you, they probably see you as that loud, aggressive prick everyone hates in school.

 

[TheGambino]

CBT is good ****.

Anyway I'm the total opposite, my life is shrouded in mystery. When it comes to what I have possessions wise and work, I leave that off social media. I will snapchat cool buildings/head office I visit for client meetings with global organisations but that's about it. Minimal snaps at my place unless people are round/party going on.

There's no need to tell girls your business like that, or anyone for that matter. Let them slowly find out how awesome you are if they get to that stage. I'm not surprised people hate you, they probably see you as that loud, aggressive prick everyone hates in school.

You are right, I’ll try to focus on that. Thanks a lot. Any more input ?

 

[Logic85]

I am not a therapist, but I can pinpoint where exactly the problem is with you, whatever you chose to do with that information is up to you.

ATTENTION - this is something you constantly need, this is what lacked in your childhood, your emotional needs were not nurtured by your parents, as you grew up, you started to take it by force, you attract the attention to yourself by "bragging", look what I'm doing, look I'm ambitious, look I'm so successful, look people respect me, look even the Arab guys show respects.

Dude, you need to respect yourself, your respect right now is on other peoples hand, as soon as the attention stops, you are gonna go Haywire and become a Bully about it. The so called people you call your friends and tell you "yeah you are successful and some people are gonna hate you", there is a fine line between being actually successful & being successful for the sake of bragging, you are the latter.

I can guarantee you, if one of your so called "best friends" disagrees with you, you are both gonna be on each others throats pretty quickly.

At the end of the day, when you come back home, you are just by yourself, thats where all of your thoughts creep in and your plotting begins.

You are not at piece and you know it, all this hasn't made you happy at all, what it has done is to expand your problems more.

The day you are content with yourself, become humble (not just for the sake of being humble but because you want to), is the day you would discover something really important in life and that's the piece never comes from outside, it comes from within & only YOU are the one who knows what is the best way to achieve it.

Good Luck!!!

 

[TheGambino]

I am not a therapist, but I can pinpoint where exactly the problem is with you, whatever you chose to do with that information is up to you.

ATTENTION - this is something you constantly need, this is what lacked in your childhood, your emotional needs were not nurtured by your parents, as you grew up, you started to take it by force, you attract the attention to yourself by "bragging", look what I'm doing, look I'm ambitious, look I'm so successful, look people respect me, look even the Arab guys show respects.

Dude, you need to respect yourself, your respect right now is on other peoples hand, as soon as the attention stops, you are gonna go Haywire and become a Bully about it. The so called people you call your friends and tell you "yeah you are successful and some people are gonna hate you", there is a fine line between being actually successful & being successful for the sake of bragging, you are the latter.

I can guarantee you, if one of your so called "best friends" disagrees with you, you are both gonna be on each others throats pretty quickly.

At the end of the day, when you come back home, you are just by yourself, thats where all of your thoughts creep in and your plotting begins.

You are not at piece and you know it, all this hasn't made you happy at all, what it has done is to expand your problems more.

The day you are content with yourself, become humble (not just for the sake of being humble but because you want to), is the day you would discover something really important in life and that's the piece never comes from outside, it comes from within & only YOU are the one who knows what is the best way to achieve it.

Good Luck!!!

One thing: my mom always gave me the attention i needed and treats me like a king , and still.... my dad did not though.

A lot of wise words, thanks, i Will try to work on myself.

 

[marmel75]

Your friends should be the ones bragging to others about you, not yourself. Maybe they would if you'd give them a chance to.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I feel you @Gambino. You are someone here I'm always rooting for because your braggadocio reminds me of myself. I have gotten slammed here any number of times for bragging, arrogance, humble-bragging and so forth. I used to have a need in real life many years ago to do this also. If you met me now in real life, there is nothing I would need to brag about. My results in life would speak for me. The way I present myself speaks for itself. The difference (for me) is that I am simply an anonymous person somewhere on the internet typing stuff and giving advice and nobody can see/know who they are interacting with for the purposes of this forum. Over time content builds a reputation, it's true, but this site has helped me (through the blunt and pointed feedback of the members here) to see this need to assert my worth on the forum. Where I come from we have a saying: "It ain't bragging if it's true." But people don't always appreciate that sort of self-confidence, self-assurance, and self-promotion.

In real life I have people who I employ, decisions I make, men who pay attention to me (wanted and unwanted attention) and friends who tell others how amazing I am. I also, like you, have people who think I'm too this or too that or not all that & who might like to take me down a peg or several. A number of those are family members. How dare I be ambitious and go accomplish something positive and worthwhile in my life. How dare I stand out and be exceptional. Exceptional people rise above the masses. They get their share of tomatoes hurled at them. After you get the tomatoes hurled your way for awhile you learn the value of being "under the radar." The same is true of financial success. Ostentacious habits and living draw attention. Too much attention has a down side.

Now the natural question is why? Why are you doing that in real life? Why (in my case) am I doing that here? The answer is simple. Respect. A braggart is someone who is attention seeking (that is true), but for a certain reason. If the braggart lacked attention and respect from family in childhood for example, then that person matures into an adult with wounds in the psyche that are still seeking that attention/validation/respect. As people we can seek that from others...this is what the braggart does...or we can develop it within ourselves...which requires self awareness and discovery that can be a rather revealing and painful process.

Through my own personal life journey I have struggled with self-respect along the way. My father wanted sons but ended up only with daughters. Over the years he was obvious in his disappointment that he had no sons. I have stated here on this forum that I earned my father's respect in time and through the years. He is dead now. His respect was the thing I most sought and that I fought the hardest to earn. I wasn't a son so therefore on some level I wasn't what he wanted. See the diss there? And for years I wore that diss. It became an enormous chip on my shoulder, a need to prove my mettle, my worth, a need to exceed, a need to excel, a driven ambition arose out of that "less than" attitude that I enveloped myself in. But you see I was still seeking respect from outside of myself. Yes I earned my father's deep respect, but I still hadn't fully developed my own internal self respect.

Now I am much more solid in my respect for myself. Not foolproof, but solid. I keep my own council often now. I don't need to show off (although I'm not going to lie - it's fun to sashay about and cop an attitude sometimes - but it comes from a solid place now...not an attention seeking externally validated place.) If I do it I know not everybody is going to receive it well, and I'm cool with that. I really do not care too much what others think. I know how to take that "Oh yea? I'll SHOW you", attitude and put it to work for me in a healthy (and often quiet) way. And I tend to gravitate toward others who have that same sort of chip on their shoulder in life too. I understand people who are like that and I want to encourage them to rise above it, fake it till you make it, keep moving forward, refuse to quit, etc. It's a liability in my psyche that I have healed largely from and that I harness to power me forward.

But it wasn't easy.

In the Wealth and Success forum I started a thread a while back called "Success Starts Between Your Ears". I started that thread in part to explain the cathartic process I have evolved through in becoming who I am now, both personally and professionally.

Part of what the braggart does (if the braggart is seeking an upward spiral in life) is brag to convince himself that he is worthwhile. That what he is doing is worthwhile, that his life MATTERS. He does this to prove it to himself even more than to prove it to others. I have travelled this trajectory in my own life. I sometimes still seek to prove my worth to myself...I think it is something that I'll always wrestle. My boyfriend is kindred with me in this way...and he too wrestles a version of that same devil. Many people do.

All I'd say is continue to seek your own growth and self awareness. Your journey will be your reward, and you'll mature and develop as long as you continue to have the courage to look yourself in the eye.

It was a courageous thing to start a thread such as this. I mean that earnestly. And I wish you every success along the way.

Cheers - BE

 

[zekko]

I don't think bragging is attractive behavior. If you are confident in yourself, your skills, and your lifestyle, then show it with your actions, not by talking about it. But since it sounds like you are a cold approaching machine, you're probably doing that anyway.

If you're talking about your future ambitions, I don't think that is so bad unless you do it excessively.
I also don't see bragging on the forum as being so bad, because people want to know if you are credible.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's better to let others do it for you. Sometimes folks get excited and share their thoughts and arent' bragging per say, but to others they may be. And other folks are like "look at me", bragging, etc. It's better to let someone else do it for you in my opinion.

 

[HoneyHitter]

It's better to let others do it for you.

Yes, always

Sometimes folks get excited and share their thoughts and arent' bragging per say, but to others they may be.

This is one of my biggest annoyances. I tried downplaying, but that only works with people who’ve achieved some level of skill and success themselves.

It seems like visible success awakens dormant insecurities that people usually hide. It’s usually people who have known you for a while, but somehow thought you are “nothing special”.

When you share success stories or they see other people go wild about you they start feeling and acting uncomfortable. Some adapt their views, but more often than not it hinders continued friendship. I hate that, but I guess it’s just part of the human experience.

 

[Spaz]

People bragging as being ur friend or simply as an acquaintance of urs would be a more acceptable outcome although not something that should be aimed for.

Bragging 2 get recognition or validation would only be normal and acceptable in ur teens - that's because in ur teens in lieu of real life experiences and achievements you'll need 2 brag to gain recognition or to be noticed.

For adults, only use bragging as a tool 2 irritate someone else, it will be a very effective tool 2 get something you want done.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I found in my own life its better not share ambitions. First of all others dont know how much planning you have made and will doubt you. Secondly you bleed some of the fire out of your mind by talking about it. It also puts the other into your mind. While you may not seek validation, being excited and naive, you just gave them a chance to validate you. Most will not approve or return the same or greater ENERGY to you about your ambitions, hence its unproductive to say it. Never externally validate your ambitions. Becareful of the parts of your mind you share.

Just do it. Dont speak it. Take action.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Instead of needing to be in the center of attention for motivation, learn to internally validate yourself. Center yourself.

 

[Macaframalama]

First off, fvck them. Speak your desires and ambitions into existence. You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea and doing so will only weed out those not aligned with your vision and worthy of following you. I myself prefer to do the majority of my talking through action, but between my co-workers and friends, there is a ton of chit talking, bragging, ball busting, etc. If certain friends can't hack it or hang, next their azz just like any other ol female. Do you. Every move you make in life is going to have fans and critics. The old saying "It's lonely at the top" could never be any more true. They're going to talk chit anyways, you might as well be savage about it. I caught stink eye all night, last night at a music festival from nearly half a dozen of my targets orbiters, with one even drunk enough to try degrading me to my face in front of her. I ended the confrontation, marked my territory and talked my chit by grabbing a handful of her azz and tonguing her right then and there. Life really is a battle of wills. Proclaim it, then take it.

 

[zekko]

First off, fvck them. Speak your desires and ambitions into existence.

As I said before, there's a big difference between talking about your ambitions and saying things like
"I make way more money than you", "I'm the best looking guy", or "I'm the best at whatever".
And remember it isn't bragging if you can back it up.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

As I said before, there's a big difference between talking about your ambitions and saying things like
"I make way more money than you", "I'm the best looking guy", or "I'm the best at whatever".
And remember it isn't bragging if you can back it up.

Still way better to let some one else speak it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Big mac. Validation or not on unrealized goals your driving towards i just learned its better to live it and be about it. Speaking it bleeds out fire and dezire right out of your mouth.

Om bragging theres no need. Its more powerful unsaid. Let others speak.

 

[Macaframalama]

Still way better to let some one else speak it.

Big mac. Validation or not on unrealized goals your driving towards i just learned its better to live it and be about it. Speaking it bleeds out fire and dezire right out of your mouth.

Om bragging theres no need. Its more powerful unsaid. Let others speak.

Interesting perspective. Whatever it takes for you to get it done.

 

[ohrein]

Bragging is insecure behavior. It's a need to force external validation. If people won't validate you of their own accord, you just tell them how amazing you are. Even if they don't respond part of you still knows they know. And the ones who respond negatively are just showing their insecurity and therefore validating the fact you do have something to brag about.

I used to be accused of bragging and I think it's a subconscious drive. It's not really something I would consciously talk about. I wouldn't think, I'm going to tell these people how awesome I am. As I got older and found CBT and meditation and really started living for myself, I stopped caring about what others thought, good or bad. I will talk about the things I'm involved with, especially if people are interested or we can exchange ideas and learn from each other, but their opinion on what I'm doing good or bad is ultimately irrelevant. I haven't been accused of bragging since, although I am still accused of having an ego, but most people seem to think it's a healthy one.

Anyway, I think bragging is an indication that you're not living for yourself. You're still chasing societal approval through whatever means. It's not necessarily a bad thing but if you're questioning it on here it stands to reason that you're bothered by it. So I would think about why you feel the need to talk about your accomplishments outside of conversations in which it's relevant. Does it matter if people know? For me, I get more focus when I just do things for me rather than for social status. I have more clarity on what I really want because my achievements are for me.