Need Advice - Girlfriend still speaks with ex partners family

[MidnightCity]

I'm just looking for some advice here, i've been lurking around these forums for a while picking up invaluable tips and information. However, I'm not sure on how to handle a situation in my current relationship.

We've been together 6 months now and so far so good. However, there is one thing that I find quite strange and it's the fact that she still keeps in touch with her ex's family on social media. I'm unsure if these are honest intentions that she has by keeping in touch with his family on social media or I just look like a fool and can't see the wood for the trees and there's something more sinister to this.

I'll give you some more backgriund info. Their realtionship only lasted 3-4 month and that was well over a year ago. I overheard a conversation between her and a friend, comparing herself to her ex's new girlfriend, I also thought that was kinda strange too but i've not mentioned anything to her about this (possible red flag). She also told me about how her ex (despite been in a new relationship) tried to add her on snapchat, she rejected the request right there and then infront of me (possible **** test). Also, to my knowledge, she doesn't have him on any form of social media and is not in any contact with him.

In light of all this, i've met all her family and vice versa, we've been on holiday, she's always makes time for me, she even organised a suprise birthday party for me with all my family and friends etc all the signs are there that she's serious but i'm really unsure about the whole keeping in touch with the ex's family thing, is this a red flag?

If anyone could share some advice I would greatly appreciate it, maybe I'm just overthinking this too much. If you need to know more just ask.

 

[wifehunter]

Possible sh!t test or she's bored silly....she may want to see if you'll 'man up' and do something about it.

I'd ghost her for awhile... Maybe she'll change your tune after missing you. Go about your business, and see if she closes the gap.

If not, start looking for a new girl who's family you can talk to.

 

[speed dawg]

Just a typical immature woman, IMO. The more of that you experience, the lower her IL is going. I'd just monitor that out of the corner of your eye, while at the same time, upping your game. Keep YOUR frame and don't enter her's. If she just makes a habit out of this stuff, I'd evaluate whether you really wanted to be with a little baby girl like that. That's just basic teenage drama crap.

 

[MidnightCity]

Possible sh!t test or she's bored silly....she may want to see if you'll 'man up' and do something about it.

I'd ghost her for awhile... Maybe she'll change your tune after missing you. Go about your business, and see if she closes the gap.

If not, start looking for a new girl who's family you can talk to.

Thanks for the reply, what do you mean by 'family you can talk to' ? I've met all her family and I get on well with them.

Also, what exactly am I supposed to say without sound insecure or controlling? I just don't wanna waste any more of my time or invest any more into the relationship if she's keeping in touch with his family with sinister intentions (keeping in touch with the family so she stays in the picture incase we don't work out) I really wanna put this to bed but if it is a **** test, I'm not sure on how to handle it.

 

[MidnightCity]

Just a typical immature woman, IMO. The more of that you experience, the lower her IL is going. I'd just monitor that out of the corner of your eye, while at the same time, upping your game. Keep YOUR frame and don't enter her's. If she just makes a habit out of this stuff, I'd evaluate whether you really wanted to be with a little baby girl like that. That's just basic teenage drama crap.

Cheers man, I'm keeping an eye on it but it really is strange, hence why I'm here. I mean she could of been good friends with his family but that's something I'd expect after been in a relationship for 4 or 5 years or so not 3 to 4 months.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sometimes they are friends with exes. As long as he's not all up in your business or they aren't texting sweet messages late at night it doesn't matter.

An easier way to communicate this is talk to one of your ex your still friends with. Maybe she won't like it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Two quick observations here.

1. You are going into the part of the relationship where infatuation fades and real caring & love takes root. As the hormone fueled haze starts to wear off things that have been there all along but perhaps didn't register as annoyances start to register.

So there's that.

2. From what you said she is in touch with his family through social media...it's not as though she's regularly texting with these people or chatting on the phone with these people is it? She may have them as people on social media that she really doesn't even directly interact with. She may like a post once in a while; wish someone happy birthday once a year, etc. No big deal.

The problem you have is you can't bring it up without appearing insecure etc. So don't. If everything else in your relationship is solid, you are leading, the physical aspects are good, and y'all are meeting each other's families & traveling together then this is not the hill you want to die on.

I used to catch up with an ex boyfriend's mother on the phone once every year or two for a few years after I broke it off. But we dated almost 5 years and his mother & I were very close. That was before social media and eventually that friendship faded away as I had children & a husband & a busy life. I do wonder every so often how she is doing...but I no longer call.

You never know where you will meet nice people. Your GF may keep them as social media contacts rather than offend them by taking them down or blocking them.

You'll find, I expect, that the longer y'all are an item the less contact she'll have with people tied to her ex. Give it a chance to fade on its own. Bringing it up at this point doesn't serve you well.

 

[AJ84]

I'm just looking for some advice here, i've been lurking around these forums for a while picking up invaluable tips and information. However, I'm not sure on how to handle a situation in my current relationship.

We've been together 6 months now and so far so good. However, there is one thing that I find quite strange and it's the fact that she still keeps in touch with her ex's family on social media. I'm unsure if these are honest intentions that she has by keeping in touch with his family on social media or I just look like a fool and can't see the wood for the trees and there's something more sinister to this.

I'll give you some more backgriund info. Their realtionship only lasted 3-4 month and that was well over a year ago. I overheard a conversation between her and a friend, comparing herself to her ex's new girlfriend, I also thought that was kinda strange too but i've not mentioned anything to her about this (possible red flag). She also told me about how her ex (despite been in a new relationship) tried to add her on snapchat, she rejected the request right there and then infront of me (possible **** test). Also, to my knowledge, she doesn't have him on any form of social media and is not in any contact with him.

In light of all this, i've met all her family and vice versa, we've been on holiday, she's always makes time for me, she even organised a suprise birthday party for me with all my family and friends etc all the signs are there that she's serious but i'm really unsure about the whole keeping in touch with the ex's family thing, is this a red flag?

If anyone could share some advice I would greatly appreciate it, maybe I'm just overthinking this too much. If you need to know more just ask.

I have an ex who I didn’t see for long, about 5 months whose sister is awesome and I became friends with her.

It’s possible that she connected with his family better than she connected with him.

That said, with social media, everyone has 100+ ‘friends’ that they may send comments to on fb, Instagram etc but these people are not really a part of one’s life. Also, these family members where on her friends list before she met you I assume?

I wouldn’t read too much into this to be honest, unless she’s hanging out with her ex, and it doesn’t appear she is.

But the part about comparing herself to her ex’s new gf. Not sure what that’s about. Could be harmless girl to girl gossip though. What exactly did she say?

 

[MidnightCity]

Two quick observations here.

1. You are going into the part of the relationship where infatuation fades and real caring & love takes root. As the hormone fueled haze starts to wear off things that have been there all along but perhaps didn't register as annoyances start to register.

So there's that.

2. From what you said she is in touch with his family through social media...it's not as though she's regularly texting with these people or chatting on the phone with these people is it? She may have them as people on social media that she really doesn't even directly interact with. She may like a post once in a while; wish someone happy birthday once a year, etc. No big deal.

The problem you have is you can't bring it up without appearing insecure etc. So don't. If everything else in your relationship is solid, you are leading, the physical aspects are good, and y'all are meeting each other's families & traveling together then this is not the hill you want to die on.

I used to catch up with an ex boyfriend's mother on the phone once every year or two for a few years after I broke it off. But we dated almost 5 years and his mother & I were very close. That was before social media and eventually that friendship faded away as I had children & a husband & a busy life. I do wonder every so often how she is doing...but I no longer call.

You never know where you will meet nice people. Your GF may keep them as social media contacts rather than offend them by taking them down or blocking them.

You'll find, I expect, that the longer y'all are an item the less contact she'll have with people tied to her ex. Give it a chance to fade on its own. Bringing it up at this point doesn't serve you well.

Thanks for taking your time to reply. No, they don't text or call every night from what I'm aware of, it's mostly just a comment on a status here an there, or she may like a family photo or vice versa but she doesn't take her time to go physically call them or meet up with them. But yeah, everything else is solid, we make time for each other, we've met each other family on countless occasions, been on holiday and already booked another, very affectionate in public and around her friends etc it's all good apart from this one thing that was bugging me but this makes sense an I guess it will fade over time.

 

[MidnightCity]

I have an ex who I didn’t see for long, about 5 months whose sister is awesome and I became friends with her.

It’s possible that she connected with his family better than she connected with him.

That said, with social media, everyone has 100+ ‘friends’ that they may send comments to on fb, Instagram etc but these people are not really a part of one’s life. Also, these family members where on her friends list before she met you I assume?

I wouldn’t read too much into this to be honest, unless she’s hanging out with her ex, and it doesn’t appear she is.

But the part about comparing herself to her ex’s new gf. Not sure what that’s about. Could be harmless girl to girl gossip though. What exactly did she say?

Thanks for the reply. Yeah they were already friends and they've kept in touch since her an her ex broke up.

She was basically saying 'What has she got that I haven't kinda thing'. He broke it off with her an moved on. It's probably nothing, but you guys know your stuff so I thought I'd run it by you for some advice.

 

[AJ84]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah they were already friends and they've kept in touch since her an her ex broke up.

She was basically saying 'What has she got that I haven't kinda thing'. He broke it off with her an moved on. It's probably nothing, but you guys know your stuff so I thought I'd run it by you for some advice.

Her ego is probably hurt a bit like any of us who got dumped lol. But of course hearing her say that isn’t what you or anyone wants to hear from their current gf/bf. I can understand pondering over that I would to, to be honest as it’s not like she left him.
But, if she is treating you good and introducing you to her family and planning parties for you, those are all good signs. Just guard your heart a bit until you feel this isn’t an issue and continue going by her actions.

 

[MidnightCity]

Her ego is probably hurt a bit like any of us who got dumped lol. But of course hearing her say that isn’t what you or anyone wants to hear from their current gf/bf. I can understand pondering over that I would to, to be honest as it’s not like she left him.
But, if she is treating you good and introducing you to her family and planning parties for you, those are all good signs. Just guard your heart a bit until you feel this isn’t an issue and continue going by her actions.

Yeah, or maybe she feels she's not good enough for me and i'll do the same?Hence the conversation with her friend but who knows. She's a great girl and I've really taken an eye for her, otherwise I wouldn't even post this. Like you said, it's probably nothing an ill keep my eye on the situation but so far it's been really good with her. Thanks for the advice, I feel short changed.