LTR/GF reporting back to me that she's being ''hit'' and he's a ''creep''

[Von]

Hey DJ,

You all know I am in a LTR of 1.5 years. All stuff are going well and escalating.

My LTR was doing a night shift at her medical job. So she finishs around between 5am and 10am.

At 6am, she texted this (copy-pasted)

LTR at 6am:
''A creep is sweet talking me. The trouble is, I thought he was sweet. He does care about his brother. I guess he might be innocent, but seriously... He has a wife and 3 daughters back home...
Plus he knows I'm in a relationship. Obviously, he thinks I give it not much weight''

Von at 10am: ''Be Safe''
Von called at 10h30am: Non Pickup

Since nothing, she could be sleeping and I know she has stuff today.

Comments:
1. Some guys are weird, and would especially make moves on taken girls
2. It's the first time, she reports this to me in our LTR (being subject of male desire)... and her choice of words. What could drive her words?
3. Did I make the best out of it in my response?

 

[Billtx49]

Did I make the best out of it in my response?

Don’t think I would have replied Be safe. It implies what she decides to do is alright with you as long as she stays safe.
I would have replied, Yes, strange girls hit on me occasionally also…
That obviously implies your possible options also with a light dose of dread added.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Red flag. Major.

 

[Billtx49]

Red flag. Major.

Quite possibly.. Doesn’t particularly matter what she said about the guy, but she is telling OP about another man now in the picture…

 

[HoneyHitter]

Quite possibly.. Doesn’t particularly matter what she said about the guy, but she is telling OP about another man…

Exactly, her story sounds like plausible deniability at work.

 

[highSpeed]

Quite possibly.. Doesn’t particularly matter what she said about the guy, but she is telling OP about another man now in the picture…

Have to beg to differ, it does matter what she said about the guy. That is an extremely weird way to bring up another guy hitting on her. Why would it matter if he's married? All that should matter is that she is in a relationship. Yes, it may not matter exactly what he said, only what she did but her analysis of the situation shows some weird thought patterns at best and some troubling behavior at worst. Yes, she could have said she slapped that sh*t away and not done that but to refer to it that way shows some pretty brazen disrespect.
His stay safe text is a bit of a weird response as well but honestly, he might have been caught off guard. Either way, he should have been more cavalier about it. My opinion, get ready to either go down with the sinking ship or start preparing to man the lifeboats.

 

[Billtx49]

Have to beg to differ, it does matter what she said about the guy. That is an extremely weird way to bring up another guy hitting on her. Why would it matter if he's married?

It’s how a girl successfully hides a branch swing from her current BF. He’s creepy and married, both disqualifiers, so current BF now put at ease.… Buying her time…
The basic thing is she brought up another man to him.…
That’s the only fact he needs to be concerned about, and if her story sounds too weird, it may not be true.

 

[Von]

Don’t think I would have replied Be safe. It implies what she decides to do is alright with you as long as she stays safe.
I would have replied, Yes, strange girls hit on me occasionally also…
That obviously implies your possible options also with a light dose of dread added.

Yes, lol.

Your answer much better and gives me perspetive. I didn't think she could see it that way

Have to beg to differ, it does matter what she said about the guy. That is an extremely weird way to bring up another guy hitting on her. Why would it matter if he's married? All that should matter is that she is in a relationship. Yes, it may not matter exactly what he said, only what she did but her analysis of the situation shows some weird thought patterns at best and some troubling behavior at worst. Yes, she could have said she slapped that sh*t away and not done that but to refer to it that way shows some pretty brazen disrespect.
His stay safe text is a bit of a weird response as well but honestly, he might have been caught off guard. Either way, he should have been more cavalier about it. My opinion, get ready to either go down with the sinking ship or start preparing to man the lifeboats.

Have to beg to differ, it does matter what she said about the guy. That is an extremely weird way to bring up another guy hitting on her. Why would it matter if he's married? All that should matter is that she is in a relationship. Yes, it may not matter exactly what he said, only what she did but her analysis of the situation shows some weird thought patterns at best and some troubling behavior at worst. Yes, she could have said she slapped that sh*t away and not done that but to refer to it that way shows some pretty brazen disrespect.
His stay safe text is a bit of a weird response as well but honestly, he might have been caught off guard. Either way, he should have been more cavalier about it. My opinion, get ready to either go down with the sinking ship or start preparing to man the lifeboats.

She's has daddy issues and pretty insecure overall. Alot of family stuff going on too.

She's a virgin until marriage type.

Your right on her wording made it weird for me.

My answer might be weird... I took the 6am into consideration (a creep following her on the bus).

I gave her a call a few minutes after. No answer, no news all day either.

She should be awake by now (since she works at night).

Oh I am really not worried about her or my LTR.

Althought I might have failed the Sh!T test for commitment

I just need to get better and learn.

My next step is NC until she reachs out, play it with humour (what Bill wrote, maybe add... guy hit on me too , or didn't know you were into married guys. Weird!)

 

[highSpeed]

Yes, lol.

Your answer much better and gives me perspetive. I didn't think she could see it that way




She's has daddy issues and pretty insecure overall. Alot of family stuff going on too.

She's a virgin until marriage type.

Your right on her wording made it weird for me.

My answer might be weird... I took the 6am into consideration (a creep following her on the bus).

I gave her a call a few minutes after. No answer, no news all day either.

She should be awake by now (since she works at night).

Oh I am really not worried about her or my LTR.

Althought I might have failed the Sh!T test for commitment

I just need to get better and learn.

My next step is NC until she reachs out, play it with humour (what Bill wrote, maybe add... guy hit on me too , or didn't know you were into married guys. Weird!)

I suppose you could to those things but honestly, what's the point? The trust factor, on shaky ground at best if that was me. You can do that to regain frame to some degree but if I have to do all of this frame crap to keep someone in line, I'm not interested. If you can't self monitor, I'm not going to act like your dad and follow along behind you all the time making sure you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Now what, the next time she's not answering texts or phone calls, what are you going to be thinking? Why do you even want to put yourself through that? Are guys going to hit on her from time to time if she's hot? Absolutely but if I have to worry about some crap response like that everytime it happens, I'm going to drive myself nuts. Not worth it. To quote Eddie Murphy, "I don't care if sparks shoot out of her *ss, there's no p*ssy worth half."

 

[highSpeed]

It’s how a girl successfully hides a branch swing from her current BF. He’s creepy and married, both disqualifiers, so current BF now put at ease.… Buying her time…
The basic thing is she brought up another man to him.…
That’s the only fact he needs to be concerned about, and if her story sounds too weird, it may not be true.

Pretty sure it's not true to some degree. But you're right, branch swinging is epic in today's tinder, long arm of the law society we live in.

 

[Von]

I suppose you could to those things but honestly, what's the point? The trust factor, on shaky ground at best if that was me. You can do that to regain frame to some degree but if I have to do all of this frame crap to keep someone in line, I'm not interested. If you can't self monitor, I'm not going to act like your dad and follow along behind you all the time making sure you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Now what, the next time she's not answering texts or phone calls, what are you going to be thinking? Why do you even want to put yourself through that? Are guys going to hit on her from time to time if she's hot? Absolutely but if I have to worry about some crap response like that everytime it happens, I'm going to drive myself nuts. Not worth it. To quote Eddie Murphy, "I don't care if sparks shoot out of her *ss, there's no p*ssy worth half."

Trust a big thing (no figure)

If she throws sh!t test all the time about that... No way I am interested in dating her anymore.

I have a busy life. She's not at the center of it. Marriage or not.... Focus on me.

She's a great girl and offer alot to me but I know her issues and fact she's used to be someone around 100% of the time, might create some test like that.

No point in being negative about it. It happened, I responsed, now the ball in her court. I am winning in all cases.

Worst case, my ''be safe'' answer.. just showed her how above her games I was (negatively maybe).

I am glad guys hit on her. I've got taste.

You right 100% about not playing the daddy role.

Fun Fact: It's the first LTR, I don't worry about phonecalls and textos from other dude..

 

[HoneyHitter]

She's a virgin until marriage type.

So she has no sex with you in order to keep up the good girl act. The problem with girls like that is they secretly still want to have sex on occasion... with guys who are reckless and won’t become part of their life. It’s only a matter of time.

 

[BeExcellent]

I have a different take entirely. This is a naive woman who values marriage & family. So in accordance with that belief system she thinks other people ought to value marriage & family.

She in her naïveté is incredulous that a married father would behave this way. She finds it creepy because it feels predatory to her where she is vulnerable at work.

She told you because you are the man in her life & she is seeking your guidance, support & protection. I have been in her shoes as a very young & naive woman being hit on by my married boss (super creepy) many years ago at my first job in a medical setting. It was creepy & uncomfortable. It was sexual harassment frankly in the truest sense in my case.

Your response @Von is utterly tone deaf. You didn't offer her any protection, advice or support. You didn't ask who this man is and whether he is in a position of influence or authority over her (that is a litmus test for sexual harassment although unwanted and inappropriate advances in the workplace also meet the requirement more & more.) and thus you haven't acted as her man.

You need to ask her for more details and see what is going on here and advise her how to handle the matter. Unfortunately it is something that attractive women get subjected to, and that is why there are laws against it. I find the rest of the advice on this thread ridiculous in the context of the scenario. Occam's razor people. Your GF reports a creepy married father is hitting on her at work. That is what is going on as that is the simplest explaination. Of course she's going to tell you...you are her significant other.

The world is inherently more dangerous for a woman than for a man, but men often fail to see that at face value, because they aren't women.

Think about the perspective I've offered. Unwanted advances in the workplace can be a real problem for women. Take it seriously and seek to understand the situation and help her navigate it correctly.

Let us know how it goes.

 

[AJ84]

I have a different take entirely. This is a naive woman who values marriage & family. So in accordance with that belief system she thinks other people ought to value marriage & family.

She in her naïveté is incredulous that a married father would behave this way. She finds it creepy because it feels predatory to her where she is vulnerable at work.

She told you because you are the man in her life & she is seeking your guidance, support & protection. I have been in her shoes as a very young & naive woman being hit on by my married boss (super creepy) many years ago at my first job in a medical setting. It was creepy & uncomfortable. It was sexual harassment frankly in the truest sense in my case.

Your response @Von is utterly tone deaf. You didn't offer her any protection, advice or support. You didn't ask who this man is and whether he is in a position of influence or authority over her (that is a litmus test for sexual harassment although unwanted and inappropriate advances in the workplace also meet the requirement more & more.) and thus you haven't acted as her man.

You need to ask her for more details and see what is going on here and advise her how to handle the matter. Unfortunately it is something that attractive women get subjected to, and that is why there are laws against it. I find the rest of the advice on this thread ridiculous in the context of the scenario. Occam's razor people. Your GF reports a creepy married father is hitting on her at work. That is what is going on as that is the simplest explaination. Of course she's going to tell you...you are her significant other.

The world is inherently more dangerous for a woman than for a man, but men often fail to see that at face value, because they aren't women.

Think about the perspective I've offered. Unwanted advances in the workplace can be a real problem for women. Take it seriously and seek to understand the situation and help her navigate it correctly.

Let us know how it goes.

Exactly. I mean if the OP is going to get suspicious over a text like this and just jump to the conclusion that she’s about to cheat or it’s a sh*t test then why be in a LTR?

Not everything is a test Von . Find out more perhaps this guys is creeping her out and she wanted to let you know because it scared her.

 

[Von]

She replied at around 11pm. A full 7 textos straight.

The content went like BeExcellent mentionned. She was pissed and felt sorry for the wife, how the ''marriage'' for the guy was ''meaningless'' etc etc.

From there I played the ''humour-reassuring'' (love ya, alot of guys and weird girls hit no me, some people use nice words for bad reasons etc etc.).

Exactly. I mean if the OP is going to get suspicious over a text like this and just jump to the conclusion that she’s about to cheat or it’s a sh*t test then why be in a LTR?

Not everything is a test Von . Find out more perhaps this guys is creeping her out and she wanted to let you know because it scared her.

I know right.

But I would say: Sure its not always a ''test'' but you always need to have the right answer (hence the thread). Especially when its the first time it happens in over 1.5 years (why the change of behaviour)

 

[Spaz]

Big Red Flag.

Sorry dude. Imo she has developed feelings for the guy and kind of feeling guilty hence her msg to you.

Edit: Women get "hit" on at the workplace all the time, it's nothing special so there's no particular reason to raise it up unless there's a reason to raise it up.

If it's harassment I'm sure she'll say more towards that and seek your assurances.

 

[AJ84]

She replied at around 11pm. A full 7 textos straight.

The content went like BeExcellent mentionned. She was pissed and felt sorry for the wife, how the ''marriage'' for the guy was ''meaningless'' etc etc.

From there I played the ''humour-reassuring'' (love ya, alot of guys and weird girls hit no me, some people use nice words for bad reasons etc etc.).



I know right.

But I would say: Sure its not always a ''test'' but you always need to have the right answer (hence the thread). Especially when its the first time it happens in over 1.5 years (why the change of behaviour)

If it’s the first time that happened in over 1.5 yrs then that’s a good sign and likely that she found the whole thing very weird as stated in her text.

If she was regularly sending you texts about other men hitting on her then that’s more of a red flag.

 

[Roober]

The fact that shes sharing is a good thing; dont let the insecurity in this thread steer you otherwise. It's probably a couple things...

-If she feels your higher value, she is attempting to elevate herself. This is of no consequence. I may have responded, "it's just because your a squishy little teddy bear"

-She then shared her feelings on the subject, which you can joke about or directly support. But you should acknowledge that you heard what she was saying, that is what matters most. She was feeling insecure and needed to feel your love.

I likely would have made a joke of the whole thing. And said something like... "oh is he cute? I need me a side piece." The positive is that you didnt say much, but I would say you could have done a but more.

My gf tells me about guys sometimes, maybe once every couple months, and I usually respond with something silly. Its actually a good thing to know your dating a desirable woman and she trusts you enough to tell you about it... most women wont say a word. If you shut her down, she will stop talking, and when communication stops, your in trouble.

 

[speed dawg]

It was simply a sh*t test. Von, you've been around this forum a long time, and you didn't pick up on that?

By the way, you failed it with a solid 50. You didn't get the total 20, i.e. bomb and probably kicked out of school, but her IL in you did not go up. My evidence? She didn't return your call and waited 7 hours to do so. If she was into you she'd have responded immediately.

Are you sure where she was those 7 hours?

She's has daddy issues and pretty insecure overall. Alot of family stuff going on too.

She's a virgin until marriage type.

Your right on her wording made it weird for me.

My answer might be weird... I took the 6am into consideration (a creep following her on the bus).

I gave her a call a few minutes after. No answer, no news all day either.

She should be awake by now (since she works at night).

Oh I am really not worried about her or my LTR.

Althought I might have failed the Sh!T test for commitment

I just need to get better and learn.

My next step is NC until she reachs out, play it with humour (what Bill wrote, maybe add... guy hit on me too , or didn't know you were into married guys. Weird!)

You failed it, alright, but not the commitment part. She now sees you drop a little insecurity into the frame.

Probably not a deal killer, but I'd step up your game. Your whole post above reads like an AFC's rationalization.

 

[Von]

It was simply a sh*t test. Von, you've been around this forum a long time, and you didn't pick up on that?

By the way, you failed it with a solid 50. You didn't get the total 20, i.e. bomb and probably kicked out of school, but her IL in you did not go up. My evidence? She didn't return your call and waited 7 hours to do so. If she was into you she'd have responded immediately.

Are you sure where she was those 7 hours?


You failed it, alright, but not the commitment part. She now sees you drop a little insecurity into the frame.

Probably not a deal killer, but I'd step up your game. Your whole post above reads like an AFC's rationalization.

Good point. We are always learning...

I need to learn patience in replying.
The phone call thing, yeah, the textos came at night. Probably she was sleeping and had stuff to do, she didnt want to ''disturb me''. However, a call-back would have been more positive points.

She was insta-responsive this morning, until wrote I had to go for work.

Might see her tonight.

Back to Work now. Always taking a day at a time.