It’s been a little over a month now of NC and I really want to message her. I find myself missing her even after what she did to me. We dated for 7 years (I’m 21 and she is 20). She left me a week before our 7 yr anniversary for a guy she started hanging out with a week or so prior. She told me she developed feelings for him and wanted to make herself happy for once. I asked her why she felt no remorse and she said because she thought it was funny what she was doing to me. So I know it’s idiotic for me to want to talk to her but I’m really struggling not to.
Wanting to break NC with BPD ex
- Thread starter Kevind553
- Start date
She’s thinking another man will make her happy when her problems are most probably internal or she’s just not happy being with you. Forget about her. She’s not your problem anymore…
Seven years was a good run and you’re still young, there are plenty of new women to come in your future.
Adopt the realistic mindset that nothing lasts forever…
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DreamAgain
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I'm sorry to hear this story man. It seems like you're still holding on to hope with some previous version of your ex that no longer exists. This is a very difficult thing to come to terms with.
What I can tell you for sure is that breaking no contact will change nothing. You will just set back your healing process and prolong your pain.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Would you really want to be with someone who has such little respect for you?
Would you really want to be someone's back up option?
Would you really want to be with someone who pretty much admitted she enjoyed seeing you in pain?
Dude. Do not break no contact. You are strong to have made it a month already. Keep going and it will get easier and easier.
DreamAgain
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If it means anything, I make good money, have my life together, am fit, and my BPD ex dumped me for a guy who looks like napolean dynamite and is boring as ****. I think he has a mental disability or something.
There is no hope in attempting to understand this. I actually hate her with a passion now, and all of my good memories are slowly vanishing. Even if she begged me back, I would turn her down.
It takes time though. Allow the 5 stages of grief process to complete. You are still vulnerable right now, and not to mention the recipient of very high disrespect. It's completely natural to have these feelings.
If you have made it to one month no contact though, you can keep going. The first 30 days are the hardest, stay strong.
CBear
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Don't be thinking that. It's understandable that you're disappointed that she left for some mess after a 7 year relationship with you. But talking with her after a month of NC won't change anything, it'll just give her validation. You need to get busy and take your mind off of it. It's her loss and if you realize that she is nothing to you anymore and that this is a golden time to keep focusing on yourself as well as using your extra time to have fun and grow mentally, eventually she'll see it and realize what she lost forever.
Von
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She displays many of the traits of BPD, push/pull relationship, I love you/ I hate you, suicidal attempts, etc
sazc
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And she's HOOKED you on her drama!
The turmoil, the chaos, the intensity, it's all very addictive, isn't it? Life gets boring and you miss the high of the relationship. It beckons to you like it's your master and you are it's slave.
So, are you in charge or is your drug in charge?
LOL welcome to the BPD left me confused club 
You can't explain what they do because they don't know what they are doing themselves. Its going to take some time to recover, clear your head, put your life back together then you can try piece the puzzle back together that's making you thing WTF just happened. BPDs live their life in chaos they want yours to be that way too, you will never explain why she's gone to a guy that is a loser..... its the BPDs 5 year old brain. You're lucky she left you, if you kicked her to the curb she would be seeking revenge boy your life would be living hell right about now like mine was.
I do think about her occasionally if something reminds me of her or I see woman that looks like her otherwise I wouldn't ever get involved with her ever again. Surprised your relationship lasted 7 years you must not be a dominate person, you start triggering the fears of a BPD they will want to run.
You can't explain what they do because they don't know what they are doing themselves. Its going to take some time to recover, clear your head, put your life back together then you can try piece the puzzle back together that's making you thing WTF just happened. BPDs live their life in chaos they want yours to be that way too, you will never explain why she's gone to a guy that is a loser..... its the BPDs 5 year old brain. You're lucky she left you, if you kicked her to the curb she would be seeking revenge boy your life would be living hell right about now like mine was.I do think about her occasionally if something reminds me of her or I see woman that looks like her otherwise I wouldn't ever get involved with her ever again. Surprised your relationship lasted 7 years you must not be a dominate person, you start triggering the fears of a BPD they will want to run.
MrWood
Master Don Juan
do not break NC fine Sir... keep your head up, fvck moar wiminz
Trying to get my confidence back so I can, it’s crazy how much confidence I lost
They say a severly damaged woman can destroy a man and scramble his thinking. (temporarily) I think it effects his confidence the most first…
I believe it, I have had trouble even being able to have small talk with a female, and It use to never bother me.
Well, the good news is it’s not permanent, the confidence comes back after enough mentally healthy NC time…
A parable,
The boy was once bitten by a bad dog and is now afraid of all dogs, then he learned with enough time and reflection that all dogs are not like that and now he has a good one himself…
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SuckItUp
Senior Don Juan
Until you get further away from the situation it’s hard to see things clearly.
No man is good enough for a BPD chick. They are a Kobyashi Maru, an unwinnable situation. Try to understand that the issue you need to work on is understanding why your self esteem was low to allow her terrible behavior to occur.
The drug dealer with no job looks appealing to her because he is damaged and she won’t feel guilt about being with him because he’s low hanging fruit.
