Texting Women

[Masculinity]

Started talking to this hb7. We had our first date yesterday. I teased her, tickled her and we ended up making out several times. At the end of the night, I invited to come into my place but she had to wake up early the next day. However, she tried to schedule a date with me right there and then. I told her we'd talk and she was excited.

She claims to be a big texter and, as many of you know, I'm the opposite. This girl is high IL and I expect to lay her next time we hangout. What I want to avoid is her IL dropping because I respond within a few hours or text her next day. At the same time, I want to give her the privilege of missing me.

Have any of you encountered this issue before? How did you resolve it? All feedback is appreciated.

 

[marmel75]

There is no way to screw this up save for you having all day texting marathons with her. If she texts you respond as you wish. If you are busy you are busy...respond whenever.

Caring too much about screwing something up usually leads to you screwing something up.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree with @marmel75

If you havent been a big texter so far and her IL is very high, it is working. Keep it the same.

If that is the case, her IL is probably partially due to you not texting her every 20 minutes and you appear to have a busy life and options which are both attractive to the females.

As soon as I know I am dealing with a textaholic, I let them know right off that I stay very active and busy and that delayed responses from me are normal and not to think anything about it. Set yourself up for success from the beginning and dont change.

 

[jacketrunner]

Started talking to this hb7. We had our first date yesterday. I teased her, tickled her and we ended up making out several times. At the end of the night, I invited to come into my place but she had to wake up early the next day. However, she tried to schedule a date with me right there and then. I told her we'd talk and she was excited.

She claims to be a big texter and, as many of you know, I'm the opposite. This girl is high IL and I expect to lay her next time we hangout. What I want to avoid is her IL dropping because I respond within a few hours or text her next day. At the same time, I want to give her the privilege of missing me.

Have any of you encountered this issue before? How did you resolve it? All feedback is appreciated.

Why are you worrying about an HB7 with high IL? Set up a fun date so you can have sex.

Reply to her texts when you can, but just do so with light-hearted brief responses. The focus should be on the meet-up.

 

[Billtx49]

What I want to avoid is her IL dropping because I respond within a few hours or text her next day.

A busy man with life options doesn’t over text and can’t always respond immediately. You’re doing it right because that behavior will actually grow her curiosity and IL…
Give your replies a flirty tone and be next date oriented to build her positive emotions when she gets them and it’s all good.

 

[Masculinity]

Thanks for the feedback @Glassguy @marmel75 @jacketrunner @billtx49

I kept the same texting pace. She's now initiating conversations more often. On another note, her birthday is coming up (this Thursday). She brought it up casually over text and I told her "Cancel her plans and come hangout with me. I'm more fun ; ]" in a playful way. She said "hahaha that would mean ditching 15 people for you".

I just started seeing this girl. I'm not going to put her in a position where she has to her choose between her friends and me, for obvious reasons (I shouldn't expect her to).

She may be hinting at an invitation to her party, but I can't tell. If I'm there, that would be pvssy on a silver platter. If she doesn't invite me, I plan to just say "I'm playing, girly ; ] . It'd be unfair to make you choose between your friends & me. Hang with them Thursday & we can hang another night." or just "I'm not going to make you choose between friends and me. Hang with them and we'll hang after the party"

Maybe ask directly if she's inviting me to the party. Thoughts are welcome.

 

[KingofPuss]

If she invites you, cool. If not don't say all that. Just say something like "We'll have a late birthday celebration for you" or hit her up late that night and see if she wants a bday surprise.

All the girls I've been seeing lately are 18-22 and love to snapchat 24/7. I respond as soon as I can which is usually anywhere from 30 seconds to 3 hours. Usually I average, oh, 30-45 minutes and since it's snapchat, they can see I'm busy and not just kicking it at the crib.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

lol Holy shot

 

[RangerMIke]

Caring too much about screwing something up usually leads to you screwing something up.

This!!!

My advice is keep doing whatever it was that got her interested in the first place. If you weren't texting her before, then don't start just because you are afraid of fvcking sh!t up.

I don't text, because I don't like the idea that chicks I am seeing are sharing my messages with the 'chick network'. Anything you send out in a text can come back to bite you in the @ss... you don't know if anything is going to work out with this woman, but you can be sure that all her friends are seeing what you sent. One of her friends might actually be someone you end up trying to date, and everything you send out will form the basis of her initial opinion of you...

I really do not like texting... that is a personal preference. I'm not telling anyone what to do, I know some people that swear by it and if it is done properly can be used as an effective tool in attracting women... but it will NEVER work for me because (1) I don't like it. (2) I'm not good at it. (3) Words that are written, without context of body language or vocal can be misconstrued. Saying "How about I come over and vacuum your carpet." said with a sarcastic and funny tone, could be funny and a little sexy. But the same thing said with a serious tone and body language sends a different message. If you text this, you are leaving your comments open to interpretation by the chick, how she feels in the moment you have no way of knowing.

For me texting is only a way to coordinate dates, times, locations... what to wear, etc... that's it. It's the safe way to go. Save attempts at attraction when you are face to face.

 

[Masculinity]

If she invites you, cool. If not don't say all that. Just say something like "We'll have a late birthday celebration for you" or hit her up late that night and see if she wants a bday surprise.

All the girls I've been seeing lately are 18-22 and love to snapchat 24/7. I respond as soon as I can which is usually anywhere from 30 seconds to 3 hours. Usually I average, oh, 30-45 minutes and since it's snapchat, they can see I'm busy and not just kicking it at the crib.

Good stuff. I like the idea of contacting her late that night to see if she wants a surprise. I ended up texting "I'm playing. We'll have our own celebration ; ]"

 

[KingofPuss]

Good stuff. I like the idea of contacting her late that night to see if she wants a surprise. I ended up texting "I'm playing. We'll have our own celebration ; ]"

Nice. How did it go?

 

[theonlinedatingpua]

Yeah being involved with a girl whose a constant texter can be a pain. If you don't want to be constantly texting I'd recommend setting up, via text a time to actually talk on the phone. And mention in that conversation that you're not always that available for texting cause of your job, or whatever. For what it's worth, here are my text game rules for online dating. They're pasted from my website, which is in my signature.

#1
Match her level of investment. Investment can be gauged by the amount of text she writes, and the length of time taken before she writes back to you. If she’s writing one word answers back to you, or taking hours between replies, then clearly she’s not that invested at the present moment. In these situations take a similar amount of time writing back, and/or reply back with a message of about the same length. If she’s like this from the get go and there’s no change, then there’s not much hope in things going anywhere. If results vary, and she’s blowing kind of hot then cold, then it’s probably real life getting in the way, and things are salvageable. The key is to escalate during those periods of good and quick replies, and push to make future plans, or for a phone call.

#2
Text conversations, like real conversations should have a flow, with a combination of questions and comments. Asking her questions makes her invest in you, which is a good thing. However asking question after question results in you sucking all her energy and time, which will begin to turn her off, and cause her to subconsciously change her levels of investment. It’s really a skill that comes with practice. In general if you are a good conversationalist in person, then you can be a good one in texting. Both are skills that can be learned or improved upon.

#3
Reward her investment. If she replies with a paragraph, or is asking you questions, if you consistently write one word answers, or take hours/days to reply when she’s getting back to you in minutes, you are in essence punishing her for liking you. This is not good, and will cause her to develop negative feelings for you, and she’ll look for happiness elsewhere.

#4
In text game, as on a date, it is generally the man’s job to escalate, and she is waiting for you to do so. Hesitating too long to do this will cause the conversation to run dry, and will sub-communicate a lack of confidence and indecisiveness on your part. She will lose interest. Escalation in online game, as mentioned at the end of #1 is making your intent to meet up known, and/or pushing for a phone call. Talking on the phone is a go to move of mine with online dating. It separates you from the other guys that are messaging her on this app. It takes it to the next level, so you can have a real conversation, communicate better, and hear each other’s voices, finally creating a level of intimacy.

#5
This is really for the phone call mentioned in the last tip. A proper intro phone call should last at least 20 min, ideally 45 min to an hour. If you can’t talk for that long, then I’d recommend another phone conversation before actually meeting up. But test the temperature, if she just wants to meet up then go for it. The conversation should be light hearted banter, and just getting to know each other. It’s better to avoid more emotional topics, and save them for a face to face. After you’ve talked for at least 20 min, bring up meeting for a date. She’ll be down for it. Settle on a day. Be flexible and aware that this can change due to your respective schedules. For first time dates I’ve learned to keep things simple, and I’ll usually just suggest coffee or a drink, and figure out logistics. Ideally you want to meet up within a 20 min drive or walk of either your house or hers.

 

[marmel75]

An hour phone call? Give me a break bro...who the hell has time for talking that long? Someone with obviously nothing going on in their life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I respond as soon as I can which is usually anywhere from 30 seconds to 3 hours.

I was always the same way with texting. I'm not going to pretend to be busy when I am not; it's too much effort. Furthermore, for the few guys who actually have options, you can use texting the same way women do, to screen those options. I am not worried about talking myself out of a date. I'm more concerned with flushing out red flags over text, instead of wasting an evening to discover them in person.

 

[Masculinity]

Nice. How did it go?

I called and left a voicemail singing happy birthday (I sing well) and told her I had a surprise. Not sure whether it was taken the wrong way or she's just busy (we're both preparing for a graduate entrance test) but she didn't invite me to the party. She sent a text with a heart saying "awww you're so sweet". I asked her out after that haven't heard back in a day. Will update.

@theonlinedatingpua

Essentially, I punished her for liking me. She tends to respond within minutes and it takes me several hours or sometimes a day to reply, because I'm just busy as a mother***** but I guess it frustrated her. She's fine cold before and then fired back up before. She may just be busy. Either way, I need to respond more quickly.

I was always the same way with texting. I'm not going to pretend to be busy when I am not; it's too much effort. Furthermore, for the few guys who actually have options, you can use texting the same way women do, to screen those options. I am not worried about talking myself out of a date. I'm more concerned with flushing out red flags over text, instead of wasting an evening to discover them in person.

I couldn't agree more. This girl is cool and she has a solidly body with a perky @ss. I want to get in there!

But if she faded away, I've been waking up at 5am and today I went to the gym at that time for the first time. I'm full of energy all day. I'm seeing my body change and women give me seductive looks, so I'll open a few more plates.

 

[theonlinedatingpua]

@marmel75 these tips work. I've been on so many online dates in my life, and following these steps I've only had one girl ever flake on me, and that was cause she suddenly realized that she's a foot taller than me. Talking on the phone makes you stand out from all the other guys on tinder, helps build chemistry and a connection. And at the end you just set up a date. No need for endless texting trying to be ****y funny. But sure, go ahead and work on texting 5 different girls that'll go nowhere.
@Masculinity I forgot to mention that my tips are more for online dating, and getting a first date. Doesn't apply as much in your case, since you've already met, and made out. You clearly did pretty well on the date. For your original question on texting frequency, I think it's ok to reply when you feel like it, but maybe acknowledge to her that you were busy. I like the idea of setting up a call via text, cause then you can control the frame better. for example

you: (texting): Hey I'm at work right now, let me give you call tomorrow night. Sound good?

I think singing happy birthday via voicemail is a bit try hard, no matter how good a singer you are, just my opinion. Also she probably would have invited you to her party, if you hadn't been so gamey. Instead of writing
"Cancel her plans and come hangout with me. I'm more fun ; ]"
write:
Oh cool, what are your friends like?

There's also kind of a disconnect between your ****y funny texts, and leaving a happy birthday song voicemail. Once you've made out with a girl you don't have to be as much of a funny jerk. It's fine to be a bit of a nice guy, since she want's to sleep with you. In fact being kind of "nice" will help your cause at that stage. You're chances are a bit damaged now. Could go either way.
I think she was interested in inviting you. If you had gone to that party and been fun and cool with her friends, then you probably would have slept with her, barring her being on her period.

 

[theonlinedatingpua]

by the way the starrred out word is a homonym for a rooster

 

[marmel75]

@marmel75 these tips work. I've been on so many online dates in my life, and following these steps I've only had one girl ever flake on me, and that was cause she suddenly realized that she's a foot taller than me. Talking on the phone makes you stand out from all the other guys on tinder, helps build chemistry and a connection. And at the end you just set up a date. No need for endless texting trying to be ****y funny. But sure, go ahead and work on texting 5 different girls that'll go nowhere.
@Masculinity I forgot to mention that my tips are more for online dating, and getting a first date. Doesn't apply as much in your case, since you've already met, and made out. You clearly did pretty well on the date. For your original question on texting frequency, I think it's ok to reply when you feel like it, but maybe acknowledge to her that you were busy. I like the idea of setting up a call via text, cause then you can control the frame better. for example

you: (texting): Hey I'm at work right now, let me give you call tomorrow night. Sound good?

I think singing happy birthday via voicemail is a bit try hard, no matter how good a singer you are, just my opinion. Also she probably would have invited you to her party, if you hadn't been so gamey. Instead of writing
"Cancel her plans and come hangout with me. I'm more fun ; ]"
write:
Oh cool, what are your friends like?

There's also kind of a disconnect between your ****y funny texts, and leaving a happy birthday song voicemail. Once you've made out with a girl you don't have to be as much of a funny jerk. It's fine to be a bit of a nice guy, since she want's to sleep with you. In fact being kind of "nice" will help your cause at that stage. You're chances are a bit damaged now. Could go either way.
I think she was interested in inviting you. If you had gone to that party and been fun and cool with her friends, then you probably would have slept with her, barring her being on her period.

I dont endlessly text I get their number, text them and get them out within 2 or 3 texts.

I dont have time to talk on the phone for an hour nor should anyone who actually has things going on in life.

I tried the calling verse texting method and found it made absolutely Zero difference in them meeting up or not. I didn't get flaked on very much either and if they did I didn't care because I typically either had multiple dates staggered that night or had plans with an FB after the date.

 

[Masculinity]

@marmel75 these tips work. I've been on so many online dates in my life, and following these steps I've only had one girl ever flake on me, and that was cause she suddenly realized that she's a foot taller than me. Talking on the phone makes you stand out from all the other guys on tinder, helps build chemistry and a connection. And at the end you just set up a date. No need for endless texting trying to be ****y funny. But sure, go ahead and work on texting 5 different girls that'll go nowhere.
@Masculinity I forgot to mention that my tips are more for online dating, and getting a first date. Doesn't apply as much in your case, since you've already met, and made out. You clearly did pretty well on the date. For your original question on texting frequency, I think it's ok to reply when you feel like it, but maybe acknowledge to her that you were busy. I like the idea of setting up a call via text, cause then you can control the frame better. for example

you: (texting): Hey I'm at work right now, let me give you call tomorrow night. Sound good?

I think singing happy birthday via voicemail is a bit try hard, no matter how good a singer you are, just my opinion. Also she probably would have invited you to her party, if you hadn't been so gamey. Instead of writing
"Cancel her plans and come hangout with me. I'm more fun ; ]"
write:
Oh cool, what are your friends like?

There's also kind of a disconnect between your ****y funny texts, and leaving a happy birthday song voicemail. Once you've made out with a girl you don't have to be as much of a funny jerk. It's fine to be a bit of a nice guy, since she want's to sleep with you. In fact being kind of "nice" will help your cause at that stage. You're chances are a bit damaged now. Could go either way.
I think she was interested in inviting you. If you had gone to that party and been fun and cool with her friends, then you probably would have slept with her, barring her being on her period.

I agree with the disconnect and I think your texting tips are valuable.

Hindsight is 100% accurate, though. There isn't any evidence to suggest that she would have invited me to the party, so it could've gone either way. It really isn't a big deal to me. That said, there's definitely a factor at play that led to her to change. Whether that was something I did/said or other things going on in her life, I'm not sure. We'll find out.

I have been in conversations with high IL women only to have them fade into nothing for no apparent reason. Interestingly the opposite is also true for women with whom I was just friends and then suddenly planted a seed of flirtation. Some of my best lays have been women with whom I just started flirting after having a "normal" long-term friendship.

@theonlinedatingpua Not trying to put you down. However, if your rationale of being a "nice guy" were correct, the voicemail would've worked in my favor. I think doing what works should continue, with a slight decrease in hard game though.

To be transparent, I had second thoughts over that voicemail and whether it made me look like an AFC (I think it may have), but I already left it. All I can do is learn from it. I got out of a toxic LTR a few months ago, so I'm sharpening the saw again and losing a few women in exchange for better women isn't a big deal!

 

[MrWood]

I do very good with texting....
Introverted chicks love to text
not all young chicks just text, my 20yo FB calls often, and texts

I keep texts funny, brief and sexual
Text "dates" can happen if needing rapport (rapid flurry after meeting, testing the flirt.. getting technical details and interests)
Keep it flirty, but not over the top (just friends defenses)
eject sometimes unexpected, even when the convo is good
respond late
dont ask where she is or what were you doing etc
do ask to hang out, cook dinner etc... AT YOUR PLACE
restrict compliments to achievements and style (she knows she is a beauty... born that way)
sexual vibes, chilling vibes, going for a walk vibes (meeting vibes)