alexmiculescu
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2018
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 30
Hello guys!
Warning: This is going to be long, so yeah, bear with me.
In fact, the main reason I'm writing here is just to have some attention from you guys. I want you to feel pity for me. Like heey look, I feel miserable, come and pity me. And obviously I know that nobody cares. It's like I get stuck in this over-thinking patterns. I'm saying gibberish right now because my ego craves for drama like this.
The most recent example I can give was yesterday: went to eat something with a girl only because i gave my phone to a coworker and he texted her instead of me. And guess what? I did great, I even got to her home only to stay 3 ****ing hours on the couch like a pathetic beta afc torturing the poor girl. She just couldn't gave me more signs to make a move and guess what? I just couldn't. In the last 10 min. of me staying there was spinning chaotically in her kitchen and asking her how is this possible? like hoooowww? she even put me to write it down. Eventually I left, leaving her there.
And then I get frustrated and cry in pubs bathroom why I can't get intimate with a girl. And the funny part is that girls really like me and I crave as well to be intimate with them, but when anything intimate starts to arise I RUN.
Maybe because my mother was overprotective with me, or because I haven't seen any sweet loving gestures from my father towards my mom, i just don't know.
And all this lack of intimacy with girls makes me bitter and sad. Perhaps I'm narcissistic and misogynistic at the same time. Many years I've kept dreaming about having a girlfriend, but always lying to others. I can't have a girlfriend, I don't want one. And never got one.
Since the beginning of the year I've started reading and watching videos like crazy about this topic. Like RSD, books from ekart tole, david deida, Rollo Tomasi, how to get red pilled and other many stuffs. And now my biggest fear is not getting trapped in a relationship.
Furthermore this fear of intimacy with girls makes me somehow think I might be gay. In a non sexual way I find talking and doing activities with men more interesting and exiting than with women. Even though I consider myself an open minded person and non judgmental at all, I still have troubles with my sexuality (because I've never been taught? anyway, a silly reason but yeah...).
Update: told her to never see me again cuz I'm a loser. Hurray. Yeeees.
Wish you all the best in the world guys!
Warning: This is going to be long, so yeah, bear with me.
In fact, the main reason I'm writing here is just to have some attention from you guys. I want you to feel pity for me. Like heey look, I feel miserable, come and pity me. And obviously I know that nobody cares. It's like I get stuck in this over-thinking patterns. I'm saying gibberish right now because my ego craves for drama like this.
The most recent example I can give was yesterday: went to eat something with a girl only because i gave my phone to a coworker and he texted her instead of me. And guess what? I did great, I even got to her home only to stay 3 ****ing hours on the couch like a pathetic beta afc torturing the poor girl. She just couldn't gave me more signs to make a move and guess what? I just couldn't. In the last 10 min. of me staying there was spinning chaotically in her kitchen and asking her how is this possible? like hoooowww? she even put me to write it down. Eventually I left, leaving her there.
And then I get frustrated and cry in pubs bathroom why I can't get intimate with a girl. And the funny part is that girls really like me and I crave as well to be intimate with them, but when anything intimate starts to arise I RUN.
Maybe because my mother was overprotective with me, or because I haven't seen any sweet loving gestures from my father towards my mom, i just don't know.
And all this lack of intimacy with girls makes me bitter and sad. Perhaps I'm narcissistic and misogynistic at the same time. Many years I've kept dreaming about having a girlfriend, but always lying to others. I can't have a girlfriend, I don't want one. And never got one.
Since the beginning of the year I've started reading and watching videos like crazy about this topic. Like RSD, books from ekart tole, david deida, Rollo Tomasi, how to get red pilled and other many stuffs. And now my biggest fear is not getting trapped in a relationship.
Furthermore this fear of intimacy with girls makes me somehow think I might be gay. In a non sexual way I find talking and doing activities with men more interesting and exiting than with women. Even though I consider myself an open minded person and non judgmental at all, I still have troubles with my sexuality (because I've never been taught? anyway, a silly reason but yeah...).
Update: told her to never see me again cuz I'm a loser. Hurray. Yeeees.
Wish you all the best in the world guys!
