Do normal single women go through longer dry spells than single guys?

[resilient]

And then even if they see you as a huge catch, the second you commit they see you as an equal that could easily be replaced but for her magnanimity (talking about the average woman, not quality women who get attached).

That's the irony and wonder at the commitment table. Dude thinks he's being loyal, excluding options to make an established LTR with her.

She simultaneously subconsciously loses tingles and hamster starts to whisper in her ear "Am I doing good enough with him? Could I do better if he's this easy to get commitment from? Does he not have better options? Am I actually the only option he has?"

 

[HankHill]

She would rather have her cats, bottle of wine, and vibrator, then to sleep with a man that she 'thinks' is beneath her.

Great points Mike. I quoted this one to say that I find myself doing the same thing lately, well except the vibrator and the cat part lol. Meaning I'm not going to sleep with crack hoes, the quality of porn is pretty decent to go to that level. Heck, forget the crack hoes, the woman I met yesterday for example - nice person, once married before, was in a 6yr LTR last, works in finance, owns her own place, drives a Mercedes...decent facial features but I'm just not feeling it physically (overweight). She even texted me last night saying thanks for the coffee and that she had a nice time. I haven't responded.

On the other hand the chick that's in Europe right now, I'm getting antsy over why the F she hasn't texted me in almost two weeks. So easily available vs. not easily available at play?

only the only way to determine if she thinks you are good enough is to try and make a date... then she has to keep the date... then you make a move and see what happens. But I have to say there are some chicks that get really offended when they get hit on by guys that think is beneath them, this is why they can be real b!tches when you make a pass. You just have to not let that sh!t bother you because it really has nothing to do with you, it's her own inflated self-worth. Don't get mad or let it knock you off center, just move onto the next one.

Gold!

 

[IKO69]

That's the irony and wonder at the commitment table. Dude thinks he's being loyal, excluding options to make an established LTR with her.

She simultaneously subconsciously loses tingles and hamster starts to whisper in her ear "Am I doing good enough with him? Could I do better if he's this easy to get commitment from? Does he not have better options? Am I actually the only option he has?"

That's only because in some cases the guy throws away his life for the woman. Commitment doesn't automatically mean the man lowers himself lol - they practically flag you down and force you to commit when they *fall for you*; you think if/when the guy agree's they suddenly seem him poorly for it? True there has to be some sort of giving in and compromise, but I can't tell you how many guys i've known who've abandoned their interests/friends just because they got a girlfriend. Of course the woman will lose respect for the man when he does that. If he were to remain the *same* guy it wouldn't be a problem.

 

[AttackFormation]

Men have a difficult time understanding how women can have sex whenever they want, which would be any man's dream, but fail to do so. The reasons are usually that women have concerns about the aftermath. Maybe the guy won't call again, and she will feel pumped and dumped. Have you ever honestly had that concern? I know I haven't. I've also never worried about people gossiping about me, and it damaging my reputation that I have sex. Men don't ostracize other men just because they get laid, but women do that to each other. When a girl doesn't have any friends, it is often a sign that she is a slvt. Compare that to men, and it is the opposite - no friends often correlates with no sex. Have you ever thought to yourself - "I don't want to hang around with that guy, because he has so much sex that it makes me look like a wh0re just by being his friend?" You haven't, because men don't think that way. Scorn from other women is probably the biggest inhibitor to womens' sex lives.

A girl I used to plate bragged to me (I think that's what she was doing, not really sure) that she had fvcked at least 16 guys and counting including a UFC fighter who pampered her, in less than a year after we finished. She basically told me that she wanted to wh0re around so that's what she did. Maybe it's a difference in what kind of environment the girl is in. I doubt this is an impediment for women who have likeminded friends and/or live near cities. I think it's more of a case of how much of a slut she is comfortable with seeing herself as.

 

[HankHill]

That's the irony and wonder at the commitment table. Dude thinks he's being loyal, excluding options to make an established LTR with her.

She simultaneously subconsciously loses tingles and hamster starts to whisper in her ear "Am I doing good enough with him? Could I do better if he's this easy to get commitment from? Does he not have better options? Am I actually the only option he has?"

That was my 9yr marriage (plus 2yrs before marriage) and possibly my last 6+yr LTR too. The common denominator was both women came from broken homes without a father figure in their lives and both had a low self esteem. I don't have enough evidence to say if it has a big role to play in this but I've heard of daddy issues which basically can be described as when women fear (from their own father's nonexistence when they were growing up) that the man she's with will leave her (she's not good enough for him) and to avoid the abandonment, rejection etc she'd rather be the one to find a replacement for him before he does. Daddy issues.

 

[Ranger]

Spot an attractive woman who goes out it sweats. They always dress to ensure their chances with “Chad”. No woman leaves the house thinking...”God I hope I don’t run to a hot guy today. “

 

[RangerMIke]

And then even if they see you as a huge catch, the second you commit they see you as an equal that could easily be replaced but for her magnanimity (talking about the average woman, not quality women who get attached).

Yea, it's almost like no mater what you do, you will find yourself in a bind. There is no magic pill that will guarantee success. The only real path to contentment is to just, be yourself, since only you can surrender that part of yourself, find chicks that are happy to be with you... and when that ride is over... let her go and you go find another ride.

But you are right, the minute you try to make something work with a woman, it's like trying to look at a eye floater... when you start focusing on it.... it drifts away from your line of sight. The minute you start caring too much is the minute she begins to lose interest. It's just the way they are, they want you to commit to them, but as soon as that happens.... well you know the drill.

Someone once on this website, I wish I could remember who it was, used the analogy of a cat... the cat will play with a string, until the cat actually catches it.... then the beast loses all interest in the string, but I really don't think it's boredom with women, although that is part of it, it's more about the general female nature that she is always looking to improve her situation, and it's like you said... where ever you pull her up from, she will not use where she was as a basis for happiness... she looks at where she is RIGHT NOW, in the present. If she was poor, and you pulled her up into the middle class... well once she is there... she will want to be rich. If she left a guy with a SMV of 6, and now she's with an 8.... she will want a 9 or 10.

It's just how they are, until they hit the wall... then they will settle, then torture whoever they are with because they do not have options to move up anymore because that poor b@stard doesn't make them happy.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yea, it's almost like no mater what you do, you will find yourself in a bind. There is no magic pill that will guarantee success. The only real path to contentment is to just, be yourself, since only you can surrender that part of yourself, find chicks that are happy to be with you... and when that ride is over... let her go and you go find another ride.

But you are right, the minute you try to make something work with a woman, it's like trying to look at a eye floater... when you start focusing on it.... it drifts away from your line of sight. The minute you start caring too much is the minute she begins to lose interest. It's just the way they are, they want you to commit to them, but as soon as that happens.... well you know the drill.

Someone once on this website, I wish I could remember who it was, used the analogy of a cat... the cat will play with a string, until the cat actually catches it.... then the beast loses all interest in the string, but I really don't think it's boredom with women, although that is part of it, it's more about the general female nature that she is always looking to improve her situation, and it's like you said... where ever you pull her up from, she will not use where she was as a basis for happiness... she looks at where she is RIGHT NOW, in the present. If she was poor, and you pulled her up into the middle class... well once she is there... she will want to be rich. If she left a guy with a SMV of 6, and now she's with an 8.... she will want a 9 or 10.

It's just how they are, until they hit the wall... then they will settle, then torture whoever they are with because they do not have options to move up anymore because that poor b@stard doesn't make them happy.

Got any case examples?

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is no magic pill that will guarantee success.

The magic pill to being happy in a relationship is being able to be happy when one is single. That goes for both men and women.

It's the Hallmark Holiday commercialism, "Every Kiss Begins with Kay" bullsh!t that makes people think that they are incomplete as a single person. When you view your relationship as "my other half" and something required before you can be happy, that places way too much pressure on it. I think it is the biggest reason relationships fail - the people in them were not happy with themselves as single people before the relationship began.

 

[IKO69]

The magic pill to being happy in a relationship is being able to be happy when one is single. That goes for both men and women.

It's the Hallmark Holiday commercialism, "Every Kiss Begins with Kay" bullsh!t that makes people think that they are incomplete as a single person. When you view your relationship as "my other half" and something required before you can be happy, that places way too much pressure on it. I think it is the biggest reason relationships fail - the people in them were not happy with themselves as single people before the relationship began.

Well yes, because if their happiness depends on the person they are essentially a slave. They will compromise on things when they otherwise would not. We know in a relationship a compromise does have to take place - but the compromise I am speaking of is the kind in which the person completely abandons who they are to please the other person.

 

[HankHill]

I know I'm an odd duck here but I personally don't like playing games, spinning plates etc. Or at least that's not my end game. I know we all have to play the game these days but I only do it as part of the journey to my destination. That destination for me is always finding one good woman worth having in my life. I know they exist because I see them around me (friends, family etc) and my own LTRs even for that matter- while they all ended eventually but they were great when things were good. I truly enjoyed my life - life as in vacationing together, visiting family, hosting bbqs, making plans to buy/move houses, having kids...etc. So despite my battle scars I still believe there are decent women out there, finding them is hard and getting harder. I think women will say the same about men too.

 

[RangerMIke]

Got any case examples?

Oh God yes.

My first experience with this was between my Freshman and Sophomore years in college when I interned for an engineering company. On of the senior engineers I worked with used to b!tch and b!tch about his wife. His story was when he first met her, she was a single mom, whose husband abandoned her and her two kids... she was living in a trailer with pots on the floor to collect water leaking through the roof and driving a beat up Yugo (older guys will remember that pile of excrement) with plastic on the driver's side and doors that had to be held closed with parachute cord. He married her... adopted her kids gave her an upper middle class lifestyle, and he figured she would love him forever for saving her.... but in their 5th year of marriage all she ever did was complain about the fact the the house wasn't big enough, the car wasn't good enough... and when I met this guy, she was having an affair with what she considered a better man. At the time I thought this chick was nuts, or the engineer was exaggerating... later I learned that under the right set of circumstances all women are capable of this, the only difference was that she didn't have the sense enough to hold her nature in check.

I could go on and on....

But I will share just one more story, that happened today. About three years ago I posted on this forum the fact that I was going to start dating a chick in her 20s (BG), she is smoking hot... really, easily the most attractive women I've dated in years, she is half Norwegian and I used to call her my Viking Princess. Things went well for a few months, as is typical... and when she figured out I wasn't going to commit or stop seeing other women, she found another guy... This guy (WM) was awesome, 6'8" tall, blond, looked like a no sh!t cross between Superman and a Greek God. He had a great job in the insurance business making 6 figures, and one of the nicest people you will ever meet. They married about a year and a half ago, and I ran into this guy at a chamber of commerce event.... he had put weight, looked like a whipped dog. I think I might have posted something here about that as well as a warning for what marriage does to a man. Anyway, I got a call from her today, and said she wanted to have lunch tomorrow to talk about a business opportunity she wants advice on. Which isn't unusual, she still comes to me for advice from time to time, but we typically do this over the phone. This will be the 1st time I've met with her face to face, one on one, since she drifted off 2 and a half years ago. But I really didn't think much of it until I got a call from a female friend (CC) interested in buying something she heard I was selling (a motorcycle for her son). I said if she wanted to see it I would ride it in tomorrow when I'm in the office.... she said "lunch time", and I told her I had a lunch mtg with BG. CC and BG are long time friends, and she said "Oh oh.... have you heard... BG and WM are 'having problems'." "Having problems" is chick speak for losing attraction for the man. CC went on to say WM had quit his job for another one making more money (because he wasn't being enough of a plow horse I am guessing), but he found himself over his head and lost that position. Plow horses that can't plow go to the glue factory. Anyway, I really don't know for sure what this 'meeting' is all about, but I suspect BG is feeling me out to see where she stands... because she was really excited when I said I would meet her. We'll see, but it could also be she wants my help finding WM a job, if that's what happens... I will help the poor b@stard. I do know something that is open that he would be perfect for, but alas I'm afraid that no matter what he does, he will not be able to keep her happy. Man... can you imagine being this guy... having to go to another man that you know was fvcking your wife before you met her looking for help?

Anyway chicks circling back around to me when things go sideways with the dude that are with happens every so often, so this isn't out of the ordinary. They know I can be fun, and don't want any attachment.... helps them ease back into the game. But I'm not touching BG with a ten foot pole. I do not do this with married chicks, EVER, too much drama.... when they get divorced... which I'm pretty sure is going to happen sooner rather than later, I'll take any crack at BG, after all she is only acting like all women like her.

 

[IKO69]

I know I'm an odd duck here but I personally don't like playing games, spinning plates etc. Or at least that's not my end game. I know we all have to play the game these days but I only do it as part of the journey to my destination. That destination for me is always finding one good woman worth having in my life. I know they exist because I see them around me (friends, family etc) and my own LTRs even for that matter- while they all ended eventually but they were great when things were good. I truly enjoyed my life - life as in vacationing together, visiting family, hosting bbqs, making plans to buy/move houses, having kids...etc. So despite my battle scars I still believe there are decent women out there, finding them is hard and getting harder. I think women will say the same about men too.

I don't think that is odd at all and in fact I think that is how most people want it. Most people don't want to play games and want to live a pretty basic, simple life with one person...perfectly alright. You have to take what you see online with a grain of salt because....there are a bunch of people talking rubbish.

In the scenario you described, those women sought the prize. You have to became that man. You have to demonstrate why you are better than some other guy and then maintain that frame. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't entail being a "chad" with a trust fund....I know women say all sorts of things but a lot of is blah blah blah. A lot of them also say they are gonna marry and have kids with some A list actor --- most of them know they won't even ever be near a D list actor lol. So we are dealing with reality here, not fantasy. You work hard in the areas you can help to make yourself attractive as possible - then when you get the woman you still maintain all that but you have to adapt a bit. Plate spinning and game playing has to be minimized but you have to remind her you are your own man and not dependent on her for personal happiness. It is hard to explain but you have to demonstrate this through your actions. Where guys **** up, esp if they have not had much success with women before is they essentially become a little puppet for the woman.

The only thing that complicates it is marriage - you can't necessarily walk away without there being repercussions. If you get to this stage it comes down to making the right choice in mate - you have to absolutely be sure this is the person for you. I've never been married so I can't help you here, but from the married people I know who are and have done it right i've noticed you need to look at the entire picture. Marrying someone because they are just "hot" or some bull**** like that is not going to cut it.

 

[HankHill]

The only thing that complicates it is marriage - you can't necessarily walk away without there being repercussions. If you get to this stage it comes down to making the right choice in mate - you have to absolutely be sure this is the person for you. I've never been married so I can't help you here

I was married for 9yrs, together for 11yrs. Yep, it cost me a pretty penny during the divorce due to the fvcked up laws we have but I truly had an awesome relationship for the first 7 to 8yrs and best of all I'm lucky to be a dad to an awesome kid from that marriage.

But yeah, marriage is something you definitely don't want to take lightly but ultimately no one knows what will happen in the future. We all know in the future each one of us will die but that doesn't mean we have to stop living now.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Got any case examples?

I have case examples, and I agree with most of what @RangerMIke says. The only thing I'm not sure about is his point that you can never make a woman happy long-term because she is constantly wanting to monkey-branch up higher. I haven't personally experienced that myself so I can't really agree or disagree with it but I believe it could be true. The other thing I don't agree with is the claim that women will bounce around until they hit the wall. I date women who are pre and post wall and even the post-wall women will bounce once they feel they caught you (at least, the post-wall women who are still attractive and are in shape). The case study below is with a 34 year old woman.

Here is my best case study:
The last girl I had an intense relationship with was late last year. She was extremely into me and talked to her girlfriends about me. I wasn't yet that into her - I thought she was cute and had potential, but it took me another month to really start developing feelings so I treated her accordingly that first month (with interest, but not swallowing the hook). She always wanted to hold my hand and she was always available to hang out when I asked. Around 5 weeks in, she told me she loved me. It felt too early, but I was really into her at that point and foolishly I told her I loved her back. She NEVER again said "I love you" first. I said it first the next time, and then one more time after that. She said she loved me back, but it's not the same thing. I got the message and didn't initiate it again but it was too late. She also acted like she was insecure and would ask me, "I just don't understand, why do you like me?" This was a really sneaky tactic to get me to put my guard down and lay all my cards on the table. In response to her question, I foolishly told her all the reasons I respected and admired her and was turned on by her. This happened once a week on average! So now my feelings were clearly out of the bag, and she knew she had me. The next time I saw her, she would hardly make eye contact with me and then she dumped me a couple days later, over text. No good reason was given, just the classic bullsh*t excuses "thought I was ready for a relationship but am not," "feel overwhelmed," "not sure what I want," "things moved too fast" (which was rich given her telling me she loved me) etc. She probably didn't know why she lost interest, just that she did. I've already seen her repeat the same cycle.

I've had another one or two girls that I dated more casually who, after they realized I was into them, dropped off. Since then I've discovered SS and TRP etc, and I've changed my tactics. I still approach really attractive women, but I also sleep with women who are less attractive than I would previously go for. For the less-attractive ones, I make them friends with benefits and am honest with them about that. The FWB women NEVER leave and always want more. Why? Because they feel I am more attractive than they are, and they know they are never going to tie me down so it keeps them wanting me and keeps me high value. It's easy for me to do this because I truly do NOT want them as serious long-term committed relationships. The challenging part for me will be treating the really attractive women the same way I treat the FWB women who I'm not that into. I know I must do this because if I don't, I'll repeat the same failures I had in the past. It really sucks because I enjoy telling women what I respect and admire about them but I have learned the hard way to be very careful with this, to dole it out very slowly, keep them guessing a bit, and to play my cards close to my vest. It's the game you are forced to play if you want a girl to stick around for a while.

 

[AttackFormation]

Oh God yes.

My first experience with this was between my Freshman and Sophomore years in college when I interned for an engineering company. On of the senior engineers I worked with used to b!tch and b!tch about his wife. His story was when he first met her, she was a single mom, whose husband abandoned her and her two kids... she was living in a trailer with pots on the floor to collect water leaking through the roof and driving a beat up Yugo (older guys will remember that pile of excrement) with plastic on the driver's side and doors that had to be held closed with parachute cord. He married her... adopted her kids gave her an upper middle class lifestyle, and he figured she would love him forever for saving her.... but in their 5th year of marriage all she ever did was complain about the fact the the house wasn't big enough, the car wasn't good enough... and when I met this guy, she was having an affair with what she considered a better man. At the time I thought this chick was nuts, or the engineer was exaggerating... later I learned that under the right set of circumstances all women are capable of this, the only difference was that she didn't have the sense enough to hold her nature in check.

I could go on and on....

But I will share just one more story, that happened today. About three years ago I posted on this forum the fact that I was going to start dating a chick in her 20s (BG), she is smoking hot... really, easily the most attractive women I've dated in years, she is half Norwegian and I used to call her my Viking Princess. Things went well for a few months, as is typical... and when she figured out I wasn't going to commit or stop seeing other women, she found another guy... This guy (WM) was awesome, 6'8" tall, blond, looked like a no sh!t cross between Superman and a Greek God. He had a great job in the insurance business making 6 figures, and one of the nicest people you will ever meet. They married about a year and a half ago, and I ran into this guy at a chamber of commerce event.... he had put weight, looked like a whipped dog. I think I might have posted something here about that as well as a warning for what marriage does to a man. Anyway, I got a call from her today, and said she wanted to have lunch tomorrow to talk about a business opportunity she wants advice on. Which isn't unusual, she still comes to me for advice from time to time, but we typically do this over the phone. This will be the 1st time I've met with her face to face, one on one, since she drifted off 2 and a half years ago. But I really didn't think much of it until I got a call from a female friend (CC) interested in buying something she heard I was selling (a motorcycle for her son). I said if she wanted to see it I would ride it in tomorrow when I'm in the office.... she said "lunch time", and I told her I had a lunch mtg with BG. CC and BG are long time friends, and she said "Oh oh.... have you heard... BG and WM are 'having problems'." "Having problems" is chick speak for losing attraction for the man. CC went on to say WM had quit his job for another one making more money (because he wasn't being enough of a plow horse I am guessing), but he found himself over his head and lost that position. Plow horses that can't plow go to the glue factory. Anyway, I really don't know for sure what this 'meeting' is all about, but I suspect BG is feeling me out to see where she stands... because she was really excited when I said I would meet her. We'll see, but it could also be she wants my help finding WM a job, if that's what happens... I will help the poor b@stard. I do know something that is open that he would be perfect for, but alas I'm afraid that no matter what he does, he will not be able to keep her happy. Man... can you imagine being this guy... having to go to another man that you know was fvcking your wife before you met her looking for help?

Anyway chicks circling back around to me when things go sideways with the dude that are with happens every so often, so this isn't out of the ordinary. They know I can be fun, and don't want any attachment.... helps them ease back into the game. But I'm not touching BG with a ten foot pole. I do not do this with married chicks, EVER, too much drama.... when they get divorced... which I'm pretty sure is going to happen sooner rather than later, I'll take any crack at BG, after all she is only acting like all women like her.

Thanks Mike. I think it'd be good for everyone if you compiled your stories and/or conclusions in a Hall of Excellence or Tips post so they'll stay around and not disappear in different threads. In fact I think everyone should post their stories in such a thread now that I think about it. Well, I can hope.

I'm still building up my life (ie. LMS) but I feel like the idea of a relationship becomes less attractive, even more repulsive, the more I think about it. It feels like as you grow older, that feeling will only increase. You put in all the labor to both defeat your own demons and achieve a high material status just to lock yourself to the whims and power of one woman, who wouldn't have looked up twice from her iPhone at you if she met you while you were still fighting and building and she was being pursued more. And that's besides the fact that you will automatically become less attractive and less of a focus (to her that is, not to other women...) when you commit both instantly and over time because of the relationship dynamics taking away your power and mystery. You go from being a man to an appliance. Yet what's the point of being in a relationship with a woman if you don't want to put yourself at risk by falling in love? We want to give love, and that's the trap. Men think they've "made it" when they get into the relationship, but for women, that's just when the warmup is over and the real game begins. But without stories like yours (apart from my own limited experiences) it'd just be paranoia on my part.

 

[resilient]

...the man she's with will leave her (she's not good enough for him) and to avoid the abandonment, rejection etc she'd rather be the one to find a replacement for him before he does. Daddy issues.

Yeah man... I know what you mean, I've had similar experiences in my ex-marriage, post divorce STRs.

A huge part of the onus is on us men to screen better.

We have to recognize the signs and walk away sooner rather than give in to the lovebombing/honeymoon phase when options (plates) aren't strong rather than wake up to the reality once masks come off.

Wisdom and experience can help us guide through by strengthening intuition. The trick is following through with that gut instinct rather than ignore it at our own peril.

 

[MatureDJ]

His story was when he first met her, she was a single mom, whose husband abandoned her and her two kids... she was living in a trailer with pots on the floor to collect water leaking through the roof and driving a beat up Yugo (older guys will remember that pile of excrement) with plastic on the driver's side and doors that had to be held closed with parachute cord. He married her... adopted her kids gave her an upper middle class lifestyle, and he figured she would love him forever for saving her.... but in their 5th year of marriage all she ever did was complain about the fact the the house wasn't big enough, the car wasn't good enough... and when I met this guy, she was having an affair with what she considered a better man.

It's like Darwin is out to severely punish any man who adopts his wife's kids. She must have been hot as h3ll.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Someone once on this website, I wish I could remember who it was, used the analogy of a cat... the cat will play with a string, until the cat actually catches it.... then the beast loses all interest in the string, but I really don't think it's boredom with women, although that is part of it, it's more about the general female nature that she is always looking to improve her situation, and it's like you said... where ever you pull her up from, she will not use where she was as a basis for happiness... she looks at where she is RIGHT NOW, in the present. If she was poor, and you pulled her up into the middle class... well once she is there... she will want to be rich. If she left a guy with a SMV of 6, and now she's with an 8.... she will want a 9 or 10.

It's just how they are, until they hit the wall... then they will settle, then torture whoever they are with because they do not have options to move up anymore because that poor b@stard doesn't make them happy.

If this is true, then most are delusional. It's very sad really.... it's like society is laboring under a mass delusion today. But delusions can not last, at both the individual and social level. I wonder when the puritan reaction will kick in.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I have case examples, and I agree with most of what @RangerMIke says. The only thing I'm not sure about is his point that you can never make a woman happy long-term because she is constantly wanting to monkey-branch up higher. I haven't personally experienced that myself so I can't really agree or disagree with it but I believe it could be true. The other thing I don't agree with is the claim that women will bounce around until they hit the wall. I date women who are pre and post wall and even the post-wall women will bounce once they feel they caught you (at least, the post-wall women who are still attractive and are in shape). The case study below is with a 34 year old woman.

Here is my best case study:
The last girl I had an intense relationship with was late last year. She was extremely into me and talked to her girlfriends about me. I wasn't yet that into her - I thought she was cute and had potential, but it took me another month to really start developing feelings so I treated her accordingly that first month (with interest, but not swallowing the hook). She always wanted to hold my hand and she was always available to hang out when I asked. Around 5 weeks in, she told me she loved me. It felt too early, but I was really into her at that point and foolishly I told her I loved her back. She NEVER again said "I love you" first. I said it first the next time, and then one more time after that. She said she loved me back, but it's not the same thing. I got the message and didn't initiate it again but it was too late. She also acted like she was insecure and would ask me, "I just don't understand, why do you like me?" This was a really sneaky tactic to get me to put my guard down and lay all my cards on the table. In response to her question, I foolishly told her all the reasons I respected and admired her and was turned on by her. This happened once a week on average! So now my feelings were clearly out of the bag, and she knew she had me. The next time I saw her, she would hardly make eye contact with me and then she dumped me a couple days later, over text. No good reason was given, just the classic bullsh*t excuses "thought I was ready for a relationship but am not," "feel overwhelmed," "not sure what I want," "things moved too fast" (which was rich given her telling me she loved me) etc. She probably didn't know why she lost interest, just that she did. I've already seen her repeat the same cycle.

I've had another one or two girls that I dated more casually who, after they realized I was into them, dropped off. Since then I've discovered SS and TRP etc, and I've changed my tactics. I still approach really attractive women, but I also sleep with women who are less attractive than I would previously go for. For the less-attractive ones, I make them friends with benefits and am honest with them about that. The FWB women NEVER leave and always want more. Why? Because they feel I am more attractive than they are, and they know they are never going to tie me down so it keeps them wanting me and keeps me high value. It's easy for me to do this because I truly do NOT want them as serious long-term committed relationships. The challenging part for me will be treating the really attractive women the same way I treat the FWB women who I'm not that into. I know I must do this because if I don't, I'll repeat the same failures I had in the past. It really sucks because I enjoy telling women what I respect and admire about them but I have learned the hard way to be very careful with this, to dole it out very slowly, keep them guessing a bit, and to play my cards close to my vest. It's the game you are forced to play if you want a girl to stick around for a while.

Just look for decent woman... stop chasing so and sos.